Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to the last man standing. Let the battle begin.

And then suddenly, Ninjas!
Ninjas are awesome

The Third Hokage has a problem, and it's your face.

[Some Manner of Prologue]

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, had himself a problem. His successor and the current Hokage, Minato Namikaze, had died a horrible death along with his beautiful wife, leaving behind their newborn son who was now the container of the most violent and terrifying of the tailed beasts…which also just trashed half his village into dust. The dying wish of his student's student had been to treat Naruto like a hero, but Sarutobi was a bit of a realist, he knew that if Naruto was going to grow up alone and parentless he was going to suffer quite a bit before coming to his own as a Ninja–especially since he was the Fox's container. Sarutobi had nothing but respect for Minato, even more after tonight, and to see that fate befall his son didn't set well with him.

Staring down at the wailing boy lying in the basket beneath his parents' cooling corpses, Sarutobi realized that he had to make a call that would most likely doom him, Konoha, and the entirety of the Elemental Countries. He looked back to the two ninja who came with him and cleared his throat. "Well! It looks like the Nine-Tailed Fox is dead."

The two ninja stared at the former Hokage. "Sir, it's not dead, the Fourth sealed it into his son."

"No…" Sarutobi said. "…The fox is dead."

"How can it be dead? We saw it get pulled into the boy! In fact, you made quite a big deal about it." The ninja who had previously spoken argued. The second ninja immediately saw the look on Sarutobi's face and decided to offer no comment. He could see where this was going.

"No. The fox is dead. The Fourth killed it. That is all." Sarutobi's emphasis should have been enough, but the cannon fodder couldn't, and wouldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Sarutobi-sama, I understand you're getting old, but now's not the time to go senile! We have to tell the council that-." The insistent ninja became a pincushion for a dozen kunai before Sarutobi smashed Enma through his skull. That done, he set the corpse on fire.

The second ninja stared down at the burning body, and then looked over to Sarutobi. Looking back down at the body, he cleared his throat. "Well! It looks like the Nine-Tailed Fox is dead."

"Quite." Sarutobi said. "What a tragedy that we had to lose the Hokage and his wife."

"And that guy…" The second ninja said.

"Yes, they were the last victims of the Fox."

"Indeed, Sarutobi-sama."

Well, that took care of that problem. Now to somehow fool the rest of Konoha into thinking that the Fox was dead and not sealed into this boy, whom he could very well not reveal the identity of for fear of reprisal from everyone who hated and slash or feared the late Hokage. Since he and this guy were the only witnesses (though Sarutobi would soon rectify that) the fox's fate was tightly sealed up.

His only real troubles were the Uchiha and the Hyuga, who'd literally be able to see through the lie after one look at the boy. He needed to get them on his side, perhaps restoring a bit of the Uchiha's former glory would change that in exchange for their silence and assistance. The Hyuga, well…perhaps marrying the boy off to that daughter Hiashi was expecting would win them that silence. Yes…that'd work out just fine.

Picking up the basket, Sarutobi looked at the crying boy and smiled. "Naruto, you're going to be a fine man one day, I'll see to it."

No matter how many people Sarutobi had to murder or manipulate in order to see it done.

A/N: Naruto Fans...it's your turn. Ha...haha...Hahahahaha...HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Welcome to the world of evasive storytelling, kids!