Heya! This is a very long one-shot with just some looks at the life of Remus Lupin. Sorry if it jumps or whatever, but I'm quite proud of it really. If there's anything I've missed out, I'm sorry. :(
OH BY THE WAY, in case for some reason you think I own Harry Potter, I don't. I'd very much like to, but I don't have that kind of genius.
The first time he meets Lily Evans it's because one of them is crying.
It should have been her, really. After all, she's a girl, and she's a ginger. It makes perfect sense for it to be her in tears.
But it's him. He's mortified about it as well; after all, isn't it his 'nature' to be a fearless bastard? If anyone knows what he is, and sees him crying, they'll judge him. They'll call him mean names.
But that's the reason for his crying. He is finding it so difficult, being in this school, and it hasn't even been full moon yet. He wonders what kind of state he'll return in.
And now he's sitting behind a pillar on the fourth floor corridor, because he knows Dumbledore's office is along here somewhere, and he has to ask the headmaster if he'll consider letting him leave, but he can't remember where Dumbledore's office is and now he isn't sure where he is either. And so he has begun to cry, and now he can't stop it. He's only eleven.
And then there's someone there in front of him. She's about the same height as him, which impresses Remus because he's often one of the littlest in the class. There's only one boy he's found who's shorter than him, and for his lack in height the kid makes up in width.
"Hello," the girl says, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, "My name's Lily. What's yours?"
He finds it strange that she should even want to talk to him. He sniffs. "Remus."
"Remus?" she says interestedly. "Like in Romulus and Remus?"
He nods, smiling that someone should know his namesake. "My grandmother was Italian, and my grandfather majored in Classical Civilisation."
"I love the Romans," Lily informs him. "It was my favourite subject at primary school."
"It was mine too," Remus replies, wiping his eyes.
Her green eyes light up. "You went to primary school too?" she asks excitedly. "Everybody here seems to be full wizard, and I'm a muggle-born. Are you a muggle-born too?"
"Halfblood," corrected Remus. "My Mum's a muggle-born and my Dad's a pureblood."
"And you went to primary school?" Lily asks with wide eyes.
"My Mum thought it would be good for me," he tells her. "I really enjoyed it." He doesn't think it's necessary to tell her that he dropped out.
"Do you have any friends yet, Remus?" she questions. He shakes his head. She beams. "Oh, you should hang out with me and my friend, Sev! He's in Slytherin though, you don't mind, do you?"
Remus shrugs, happy that anyone should offer him friendship.
"Come on!" she says eagerly, and offers her hand to Remus to help pull him to his feet. He accepts gingerly and follows her as she leads him towards the Great Hall, telling him tales of Sev and friendship.
He might not drop out just yet.
He meets Sirius Black first. He's always been a little bit scared of the boy; he's willowy and very handsome, and Remus is certain that if arrogance looked like something, it would look like Sirius.
He almost craps himself when McGonagall assigns them to work together because she's fed up of Black messing around with another boy, Potter, throughout her lessons.
Sirius speaks to him first. "Hello."
"Hello," Remus replies in a voice he hopes doesn't sound tentative. He tries to mimic Lily's bold introduction. "I'm Remus." He offers out his hand for Sirius to shake.
Sirius surprises him and shakes it. "I'm Sirius," he says with a smile. "Badass reject of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black."
Remus isn't sure what to do. He's been warned about the Blacks by his father on many occasion. "Don't go fraternizing with any of those prejudiced bastards, especially the Blacks." He wonders if his father will allow an exception with this one. He seems quite nice.
He performs the task first; he watches as he sees Lily Evans get an inkling of praise from the stern Professor a few benches along.
"Woah," Sirius says in awe. "How the hell did you do that?"
Remus looks down at his grass. It has turned purple with yellow splotches and has engorged to the size of a lolly-stick.
"That's wicked," Sirius says, raising his eyebrows in an impressed fashion. "Can you teach me how to do that, please?"
The bell rings at the end of the lesson, and Remus speeds off to get to his next class when someone bellows his name. He turns to see Sirius sprinting towards him. He stops and waits for the boy.
"Would you like to come and hang out with us today?" he asks.
Remus is a little shocked; Sirius and his friend Potter are supposed to be cool.
Sirius mistakes his silence for hesitation. "Come on," he says in his best persuasive voice. "It's got to be better than spending time with that slimy Slytherin."
Remus silently agrees; he doesn't like Snape and Snape doesn't like him, they only put up with each other for Lily's sake.
"Alright," he says with a smile.
"Brilliant," says Sirius, slinging an arm around his neck. "This is going to be good."
Remus is the one who introduces Peter to the group.
He's sitting in the hall doing his homework; Sirius and James are somewhere doing something they shouldn't be, and Remus has a lot to catch up on after full moon. They have tried to persuade him to come with them to no avail; Remus really did have to get his DADA homework finished before Professor Hoare holds that against him too.
He's almost written two feet on the subject when he hears something that sounds like a bit of a scuffle from outside the hall. He is intrigued. He stands up, asks the girl next to him very politely to save his seat and begins to move towards the Entrance Hall.
He sees a small band of third year boys, all in Ravenclaw, crowded around the boy he had acknowledged as being shorter than him, sneering at him. He strides towards them, trying to put on as brave a face as he can. He continues walking towards them, his footsteps growing louder. One of the third years spots him and nudges his friend, who also turns to face him.
"Have you come to rescue your damsel in distress?" sneers the tallest, a boy with dark blond hair and deep brown eyes. He gets a titter from his friends.
Remus ignores them. "Hello, Peter," he says to the boy behind them. "Are you okay?"
Peter squeaks something incomprehensible, and so Remus looks up at the boys. "Haven't you got something better to do?" he asks placidly.
They look at him with smirks.
"It's quite worrying that you have to resort to bullying a first year for fun," continues Remus in the same cheerful tone. "I mean, you could be doing anything. Anything. And you choose to intimidate another kid. And it's not even a third year." He smirks. "Aren't you lot hardcore?"
The Ravenclaws stop with their sneering and start to glower at Remus. Remus can feel his heart trying to explode out of his chest, but he manages to keep his brave face on.
"So, are you going to do something worthwhile now?" he asks them, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm gonna get you, you little first year knob," snaps one of the shorter ones.
"Who pissed in your cheerios today?" asks Remus. He wonders if he is the only one who can hear his heart racing. The Ravenclaw's hand closes into a fist...
"What is going on here?"
It's Nearly Headless Nick. The Ravenclaws turn on him, and Remus wonders how they got Sorted into the intelligent house in the first place, they all seem to be such dumbasses. However, he doesn't ponder this too much, instead he grabs Peter's arm and pulls him away from the Entrance Hall.
He asks Peter if he is okay; after all, it is the chivalrous thing to do, and Peter does seem to be quite distraught.
He nods. "Th-thank you."
Remus smiles. "Why don't you come and hang out with James and Sirius and I?" he asks, and he smirks at the Déjà Vu.
Peter seems overwhelmed. "Yes please!" he says in a voice that is as thin as he is fat. Remus nods.
"The more the merrier."
His second year is when the guys find out about his condition. He is amazed he has been able to keep it from them for this long.
Sirius is the one who confronts him with it, being the boldest of the group and uncaring of any and all consequences. Remus would quite like to curl up into a ball and hide. But he feels unnecessarily threatened, and so he does the natural thing. He tries to eradicate the threat.
When Sirius is on the floor (Remus never realises his own strength), James becomes protective.
"What was that for?" he asks angrily.
"Don't you dare tell anyone," he growls at the boy.
"What are you on about?" James snaps, helping Sirius to his feet. "He wasn't being nasty, he was just trying to get the truth, you dick!" He glowers at Remus. "And why would we tell anyone? We're your best mates, aren't we?"
Remus feels ashamed. "I'm sorry," he says to Sirius.
Sirius shrugs and removes his hand from his jaw to reveal a red mark blooming across his skin. "Natural, I guess," he says casually. "I'd have done the same if I thought I was being threatened."
He spends the next week in a panic, turning every corner in fear in case somebody comes out screaming "WEREWOLF!" and he has to leave the castle. James notices he's on tenterhooks, and pulls him to the side one Charms lesson.
"I promise you that Sirius and I would never dream of telling," he tells him earnestly, and Remus nods, believing him. "In fact, you have my word, and in return I'll tell you a secret." He scratches his chin like he's searching for a good truth, and then thinks of it. "I have a third nipple," he tells him.
Remus can't see how that is anything on being a werewolf, but he sees James's cheeks flush and he realises that the boy is obviously mortified by this.
"I'm getting it removed when I'm old enough," he assures Remus, "but for now, I have to live with it. So, if I ever accidentally tell someone that you're a werewolf, you're entitled to spread that I have a third nipple to all the girls in the castle."
Remus grins. "Deal," he says, and spits on his hand, before offering it to James, who does the same.
He can't believe it. He can't help but be furious. He wants to murder him.
He knows that Sirius wasn't in his right mind after the whole Regulus incident; he knows that Sirius is ripping his hair out over the whole deal with remorse.
But he can't help it.
He hates Sirius more than he has ever hated anyone right now.
He can't look at Snape. He can't meet his sneer and his look of knowledge. Nor can he look at Dumbledore, who had bid Snape into silence.
He doesn't have to look at Sirius; he's been doing his work in McGonagall's office. A light punishment, when you considered what he was doing his time for.
The reason he hates Sirius the most is because he's always trusted Sirius the most. Sirius knows what it's like to have a shit life; he lived with the Blacks for sixteen years before he just had to run away. And now he's given away a secret that isn't his to give away.
Admittedly, Remus hasn't given him the time to tell him his side of the story; Remus refuses to give Sirius an opportunity to obtain his forgiveness. He's sick of forgiving.
James is angry with Sirius too; he refuses point-blank to speak to him, which is probably more hurtful to Sirius than he deserves, but Remus doesn't care.
Although, it has to be said, he misses Sirius. It's weird, it just being Peter and James and he. James has started talking a lot about his third nipple as if to just make the situation more comfortable for Remus. Remus smiles, but a little forcibly. There's no banter now. Not without Sirius. It's tense, and Remus longs for it to be a nightmare, so that he will wake up four days previously in a cold sweat, and be reassured by his three friends that none of them would ever dream of revealing his secret.
Longing doesn't quash his fury.
Lily seeks him out the next day, her green eyes full of anxiety.
"Is it true?" she asks. He admires her; her voice is not scared or angry, it is concerned. "About the whole... Furry little problem."
It wasn't Snape who had told her then. He frowns at her.
"Sirius Black told me," she explains. She spots his fist curl, and she says hastily, "Don't get angry with him, Remus; he only told me because he knew Severus would oversee his ban and tell me, and he wanted it to come in a better light."
He feels like he's just been told off. "It appears Sirius can't keep his mouth shut at the moment."
"When could he?" smiles Lily. She hugs Remus gently. "I don't care," she says kindly. "You're still my mate."
He smiles back at her. She's so sincere, Lily Evans. He can see why James is so taken by her. She can be vivacious, she can be kind. She is the only person who can deflate James Potter's head.
"Do you think I should forgive him?" he asks her. "Sirius, I mean."
"It depends. Do you want to?"
He shrugs. He isn't really sure. He's so angry at him, but the Marauders are falling apart. And everybody makes mistakes, don't they?
Not mistakes like that. Not mistakes as huge as that. He could punch him...
He grins. "Thanks, Lils."
Lily looks up at him with a confused expression. "That's okay," she says slowly. It's evident he's figured out an answer. She wonders what.
He punches Sirius square in the face, the force of his impact knocking the boy from his feet.
"There," he says with satisfaction. Sirius rubs his nose.
"Shit, have you broken my face?" he asks in a voice that sounds a little amused.
"Episkey," Remus says smartly, and he pulls Sirius to his feet. "Friends?"
"Remus," Sirius says, "I'm so..."
"I know," Remus says calmly. "And we'll put it behind us."
"Are you sure?" Sirius asks uncertainly.
"I'm going to sound like a girl," Remus warns him, "but I miss you."
Sirius grins. "Let's both be girls. I miss you too."
And he pulls him into a hug (albeit, a manly one).
It's sad to leave Hogwarts. So much has happened in these walls, and finally they're leaving it. Leaving it for a world where war is raging and prejudice is high.
There'll be good things though. He knows James is planning to propose, Peter found the ring in James's coat when he was borrowing it. He wonders if Lily'll say yes. They're eighteen, after all. Maybe she wants to live a little before settling down.
It turns out Lily does want to get married and James is the most elated Remus has ever seen him. He's smiling and cheerful and can't get through a sentence without mentioning the word 'ace' and it's starting to irritate Sirius.
"If he says 'ace' again and I accidentally throttle him, will you help me hide the body?" he asks Remus when he's making dinner one night.
"He's one years old!" James says happily at the dinner table. They've made Harry a lovely cake in the shape of a Quaffle ("We'll make a Chaser out of him yet," James insists) and he's almost hidden by an enormous pile of presents that include a toy broom from Sirius, an oversized jumper from Peter which has three arms ("In case he grows a tail," jokes Sirius) and a photo album from Remus that Lily has already started to put pictures in.
"He's practically an adult," agrees Sirius.
"He's more mature than his father," Remus says, and Lily nods vigorously.
They have a game of musical chairs in which Sirius cheats profusely by wrenching the chair from underneath James and standing on it in triumph. Remus pushes him off and sits on it before James throws himself on top of Remus and claims he has in fact won.
"Alas, my friend," Lily says with a sigh to her husband, "I think the wise one has beaten you."
Remus does a victory dance that is ended when Sirius tackles him to the ground.
He knows they suspect him.
Well, not 'they' as such. More Sirius. He suspects him, and Remus knows why. Lord Voldemort offers werewolves all the things that the Ministry do not, and it is a very tempting prospect for most of his kind.
But Remus is certain that he despises the Dark Lord and his followers. They had, after all, killed his mother because of her allegiance with a muggle-born association that campaigned against wizard prejudice. It seemed hardly inviting to join the Death Eaters when they had taken Vera Lupin's life so mercilessly.
If anything, Sirius is a more likely spy. Yes, he might be cosy with James and Lily, yes, he might be good with Harry, but what's to say that he doesn't agree with his upbringing? So what if as a child he claimed to disagree with the prejudice? What's to say that he hasn't reunited with his family secretly?
Remus shakes his head. Sirius is his flatmate. If he's meeting family, he'll know.
Although Sirius does spend a lot of his time away from the flat nowadays, doesn't he? What's to say he's not over having char with cousin Bellatrix?
No, it's this war, he thinks. It's making everybody suspicious of each other. It's driving everyone slowly mad, all this anger and hatred and panic. It'll do nobody any good to suspect each other.
Remus enters the empty flat, unable to believe it. In one night, four Marauders had diminished to one true friend.
He can't believe that it is Sirius who betrays them in the end. Of course, he has wondered before, but he thinks now that it couldn't have been... not really. He feels a little in shock. Sirius may have been reckless before, but he had never been a coward. And now, he's behind bars for betraying James and Lily... and it seems wrong.
He's got a job. Dumbledore is fantastically kind and says he requires a Defence teacher, which was always Remus's favourite subject. He knows the job is probably cursed, but he doesn't care. After all, how much cursed can he get?
He thinks his curse has come early when he turns on the wireless that evening to discover that Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban. He's not sure what to think; after twelve years he's finally accepted that it is Sirius who betrayed them, but he still can't quite believe it. He knows he'll be questioned again, if there's anything that they should know that could merit his escape... He wonders if he should tell them that Sirius is an animagus.
But he can't quite bring himself to say it. He doesn't want to betray Black like he betrayed Lily and James, like he betrayed Remus. He doesn't want to be the same as Black.
He pities him more than anything. He pities Sirius like he's never pitied anyone.
He meets Harry again on the Hogwarts Express, and can't quite get over how much he has grown into the spit of James. He knows that even though his eyes are closed and his face is pale, there are eyes as green as jewels underneath his lids. He fears the moment when Harry will wake; the spooking similarity between his and Lily's eyes were sure to throw him.
The scar on his forehead snakes a twist of pain as he thinks about the tragedy that has struck this boy throughout his life. It's unfeasibly unfair.
When Harry wakes up, he reacts impulsively, thrusting chocolate in his face. He feels stupid, but if Harry Potter is anything like his father, he knows it'll solve any problem.
It turns out Harry is a bit like James in that, at first, he is reluctant to take the chocolate from him.
He's had a tough year, and he's pretty glad that he's leaving Hogwarts now. He knows that Sirius will be round; it's the kind of thing he'll find a fun challenge to try and face. He knows Harry has got the best mix from his parents; he is neither arrogant nor overly self-righteous, but is considerate and still humorous. He knows for a fact that Lily and James will be proud of their son.
He's also unspeakably pleased that Sirius is back in his life. He knows it sounds girly but he's missed him and he hates to think of Sirius as the traitor, and as nasty as it sounds, it's much easier to see Pettigrew in those shoes than Black.
Pettigrew makes him feel physically sick, he's decided. There's a reason his animagus is a rat.
Living with Sirius again is more fun than he would have imagined. He can be quite depressive at times, but when he's in a good mood he's hilarious to be around.
His cousin spends a lot of time with them too. She's okay, he supposes. In fact, she's more than okay. He knows Sirius can tell that they like each other; he has that knowing smirk about him that several times Remus has slapped off his face. Sirius pulls Remus over one day.
"I know she doesn't have a big protective brother to do this for her," he tells Remus with a smile, "but as her badass escapee cousin, I feel I have just as much a right. If you hurt her, I'll break your face." He smirks and hugs Remus in a manly fashion. "Now, hurry up and kiss the girl already."
The first time Remus kisses Tonks is just after they have an argument.
She's been getting frustrated, it seems, by Remus's charming manner. She insists that if he is to draw her in so much, he should at least have the decency to kiss her.
"It's not fair for you to keep flirting with me if you're not even going to carry out!" she snaps angrily, and he can tell she's angry because her hair is starting to streak red. Or is that just for show?
"I'm not flirting with you at all!" he says, rolling his eyes. "You're flirting with me!"
She opens her mouth to protest, but he doesn't let her, because he wants to shock her, because he wants to make her fall desperately in love with him...
They kiss for a lengthy amount of time as well before they hear a little cheer from behind them and turn to see Sirius smirking at the door.
"About bloody time," he says cheerfully, and he leaves the room.
It's funny how it only takes a single night to change someone's life. It's happened to Remus and Harry twice now.
He has to stay strong, at least until he gets home. He's seen death before; he's lost friends before.
He has to stay strong for Dora, who is lying on the floor in an unsettlingly still manner.
He has to stay strong for the children who have got themselves into this tangle.
He has to stay strong else it'll give him no excuse to tell Harry not to fall apart.
He can't help but feel angry at Harry; had he not acted on impulse, Sirius might still be alive. But no, Harry acted so much like James. Too much like James. And now Sirius had suffered because of it.
It's painful, thinking that he is once again on his own. He feels a little abandoned, but he knows it's no right of his to complain. After all, he is still alive.
And yet, for a moment, he wished he wasn't.
It isn't that he's suddenly realised he likes Peter, he hates him with all his heart. But the fact that the man is dead makes him wonder, wonder what went wrong. He wasn't always a traitor; in fact he used to be loyal.
He thinks about television. It sounds weird, he knows, but he can't help it. Last of the Time Lords. Last of the Summer Wine. There was a last of everything.
Remus is the last of the Marauders now.
It's something he'd never have imagined when he was Harry's age.
Their child, beautiful in every way. He'd never quite understood what James had been on about when he'd explained how he felt about Harry. He always imagined Dora would forever remain the most important thing in his life. But now Teddy is in his life, and all of his thoughts begin to revolve around him. He loves Dora in a very different way.
"I'm guessing it's tradition for him to have a godfather?" Dora says, a smile playing at her lips.
"Who though?" he asks thoughtfully. Peter is dead, Sirius is dead, James is dead. Who would be godfather to him?
"Hmm," Dora says with mock thought. "Who do we know who's a relative of the Marauders? I'll give you a clue. Thunderbolts and lightning very very frightening..."
Remus grins. Harry knows what it's like to have a good godfather. He'll be excellent.
He's never fought so hard. Curses are flying in every direction; Dolohov is closing in on them. He thinks to himself that it's mightily unfair; six Death Eaters on just himself and his wife.
He sees Dolohov whip his wand in a violent movement and he moves to disarm him, but it's too late. He sees Dora fall and he knows, knows as if it's in his bones that she's not going to wake up.
He only cast three unforgiveable curses; one rebounded and took out two more masked men. Three was all he needed to only have Dolohov left.
His wand lies forgotten on the ground as he pins Dolohov to the ground. He knows it's reckless, and he's pretty sure he's going to die now.
And then he thinks about it, and he doesn't care anymore if he wins against Dolohov or not. Avenging Dora's death isn't going to bring her back. It won't give him lifelong satisfaction.
It's time for him to go.
He wasn't giving up on them, not really. He had nothing to give up on anymore.
It's time for him to go, and if he can, he'll take Dolohov with him.
He smiles, and plunges back into the fight.
He's almost knocked off his feet by Sirius.
"Give him time to adjust, Pads," an amused voice says from somewhere behind Sirius, but he won't listen.
"I missed you!" he tells Remus cheerfully. He pulls away, and Remus blinks. "Nineteen-seventy-what?" he questions Sirius.
"Nineteen-seventy... um... I'm not sure," Sirius replies, running a hand through his hair. He looks a lot younger; his face is fuller and handsomer, and his hair has 'got its mojo back'. "Ask James or Lily. They've been here for ages."
Remus blinks again, and realises that there are three more people behind Sirius. James and Lily look just as he remembers them; James looks as if he has just got off of the sofa where he had fallen and stepped into the scene, Lily has her hair in a long ponytail that makes her look industrious. She has her arm around Dora, who grins at Remus. He smiles; her hair is mimicking Lily's.
"Teddy'll be okay," she assures him. "If Harry's anything like Lils here, he'll look after him."
"As for now," Sirius says, "We've got forever to relive the good times without that little shit with us."
Remus smirks. "I take it 'that little shit' didn't get into here?"
Sirius shrugs. "Well, he never quite managed to get into the Slug Club, did he?"
"Oh, shut up, both of you," says Dora, and she pushes Sirius out of the way and launches herself at Remus, who falls back into the grass.
He's heard stories of heaven before, from his childhood, from his parents. He's never really been able to imagine what it would be like.
Now he's glad.
It's saved the surprise.
I fail at endings! This took me all day and two rugby matches to watch (I'm still watching the England France game). I hope you liked it. :D