Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. It is entirely for fun. I hope you enjoy!
Summary: This story takes place just after Sam is blown up in the car bomb meant for Brenda.
Sam woke up and found herself freezing. It was so dark she was only guessing if her eyes were really even open. She couldn't think straight, her head was pounding. Where was she, where was Jason?
"What the hell happened to me?" she thought to herself, struggling to focus and remember how she got here, wherever "here" was. It was quiet around her save for a faint muffled thumping noise.
"Hey Jones" a man said coming through a set of steel double doors.
"Hey Larry what's up?" the young man said looking up from his paperwork.
"We got the family of the woman from the car explosion coming to ID the body, can you make sure she is ready when they get here." Larry said.
"Yeah, sure thing." He said jumping off the stool and heading toward the wall of small alcoves. Reading the labels on the doors he unclasped the hinge and pulled it open. "Give me a hand to get her on the table."
Sam could feel herself moving but it wasn't under her own power she felt like she was floating or being carried. She was still freezing but it wasn't as dark now. She could see light through her closed eyes, and there were other noises now. Talking maybe, she thought but it sounded as if she were 10 feet under water. She could feel something move across her face and then her hair being brushed aside.
"It really is a shame, Larry she was so beautiful, and way too young for this." The young man said looking down at her.
"Yeah, it's tragic but you get used to it working down here. You are new here so give it a few months some people get used to it some don't" Larry said barely looking up from his paper work, before walking back through the double doors.
Jason arrived five minutes later, soon followed by Alexis and Mac. He had managed to drive himself here against the pleas of Robin and Sonny. He felt like his world had come to a screeching halt, all he could think of was the last time he saw her. He knew she was upset, but he just wanted to protect her, if he had only listened to her she wouldn't be lying in the morgue right now. I couldn't even kiss her goodbye, he kept thinking over and over. When was the last time he had kissed her? He was trying to remember. At the church, driving home… no it was when she was putting on her earrings, in the bedroom. She was laughing at him because he was seriously considering wearing his black t-shirt to the wedding and not the suit she had laid out for him. It seemed like an eternity had passed since then, and not just a few short tragic hours.
"Jason? Jason are you ready?" He heard Alexis say bringing him out of his memories. He looked down at her he could tell she was trying to be strong but it was obvious she had been crying. He noticed her hand in Mac's and it made him even sadder. Sam had been trying to get them together for over a year and now she wasn't going to be around to see her mother happy. He remembered her running around the penthouse ranting how her mom was going to ruin everything by being so stubborn. He was always amused by how she could talk so fast when she was rambling.
"Jason?" Alexis said again, her heart was breaking for him as well. It was no secret that she never felt he was good enough for her daughter but she had learned long ago that Jason was the love of Sam's life and come hell or high water they were going to be together forever. His normally bright blue eyes were pale and lost. With a brief glance back towards Mac, she reached out and took Jason's hand. She was surprised a little when he didn't pull it away but squeezed it tighter. "Let's go" she whispered and with a slight nod he pushed the door open.
They walked slowly to the table with the only visible body. They were both quiet, both waging an internal battle. Alexis wanted to run from this room screaming, she didn't want to see her baby on that table, the thought was becoming unbearable. She could tell from the grip Jason had on her hand his instincts at the moment were a little more primal. Someone else would die this night, she found herself hoping it wouldn't be him doing something reckless. Sam wouldn't want that for him.
"Are you here to see Samantha McCall?" the young attendant said walking up to them.
"Sam." Jason said quietly.
"She likes to be called Sam. She always thought Samantha was too formal." Jason's voice was barely above a whisper.
"She is right here. Take as much time as you need with her but I will need a signature from one of you as confirmation and authority to perform an autopsy." His words stung Jason's soul and he felt Alexis hand begin to falter in his own so he held it tighter. The young man removed the sheet down to her bare shoulders and retreated back toward his desk.
That sensation was back again, she could feel something being pulled from her face but now there was something new. "Jason" she thought she could feel him near her she could smell him. She couldn't see him or hear him only the faint muffles from before. She was trying to move to open her eyes but the harder she fought the more frantic she became. Why couldn't she move why couldn't she open her eyes to look into his. To let him know that she was okay, that they would be together and she loved him. But there was nothing her body was perfectly still, frozen in time.
When the sheet was pulled down, it was too much for Alexis to bear. He had seen her briefly at the church but even now he was finding it hard to remain upright. He glanced down to see that Alexis was only managing to do so by Mac's arm that was now placed around her waist. She was crying freely now, no strength to keep up the façade of being in control of her emotions.
"I think I am going to be sick" Alexis said her legs waivering.
"Ok why don't we go back out into the hallway so you can sit down for a few moments wile Jason says goodbye?" Mac said as he continued to hold her up against him. She nodded faintly and her lead her back out to the chairs in the hallway, leaving Jason alone with Sam.
Not trusting his own legs fully, Jason looked around and pulled a stool up to sit beside Sam. He had never felt so helpless and alone. She was so pale none of the fire that coursed through her was left to be seen. His eyes and mind were telling him she was gone forever, but his heart and soul were screaming something totally different. He had never been one to think about what he couldn't or didn't have, but at this moment all he could think of were the what ifs and what he'd never have again. How he would never hear her laugh, or see her smile. He would never be able to kiss her, hold her, and make love to her. In an instant his world had ended. He reached beneath the sheet and pulled her hand into his own, it was cold now, she was cold. It wasn't how he could remember her she was always warm and full of life even sleeping she was animated, always stealing the covers while managing to somehow entangle them both in the sheets. Brushing away a tear that had managed to escape he leaned closer to her and began to speak.
"Sam I am so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen you know. I just wanted… I just wanted you to be safe and I thought sending you back to the wedding was the best idea. I should have listened to you. You didn't want to go and I should have listened. Then we wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be here in this place. We would be home together like it is supposed to be. Just you and me." He laughed a little at that thought, that's when Sam had always said she was the happiest. "It hasn't been just you and me for a while now, and I know that it is my fault, I just hoped that now since all this Brenda stuff was coming to an end that we could get back to a place that was good. She would be gone and you could come back home to me and we would be together always like we used to be." More tears were coming but he didn't bother to wipe them away as they fell on their entwined fingers that he held to his lips.
He was holding her hand and speaking to her but she just couldn't make out the words. She could feel something falling onto her hand and run down her arm. Was he crying, what had happened, was he crying for her? She wanted to open her eyes to see what was hurting him, to make it better. She had to remember what was going on. "Think, Sam think" she said in her mind. "Whats the last thing you remember? Shawn was at the penthouse with you and Jason, they were leaving. They were leaving and you weren't. Jason, I wanted to tell Jason that I loved him, but I didn't. Why didn't I tell him? Who cares what Shawn thinks, I didn't, I don't. But Jason shows no weakness. I am his weakness, and now he is crying, what the hell happened to me? Theo! Theo that son on a bitch was in my car waiting for me. What did he do to me? Think Sam what happened? He was talking to me he had a gun, and he was behind me I couldn't get to my gun I wanted to shoot him. Dying for Brenda, that's what he said. Looking like her would cost me my life. I… He had a syringe of something, what was it? I can't remember what it was, sleep he said I would sleep until it was too late. No life signs? No life signs if by some miracle someone found me." Sam was beginning to panic in her own silent motionless hell. "Jason, thinks you are dead, that's why he is crying Sam, you have to wake up, open your eyes, move something, you have to show him. It's too cold, too cold I am naked, naked and in the fucking morgue. This can't be happening. This is not supposed to be happening. Scream, no start slow make a noise any noise, it's not working. Think he is holding your hand concentrate, focus on him, move your hand Sam, you have to do this now before he leaves, before he leaves you down here and they… Autopsy, they would do an autopsy, you can't let that happen. Give him a sign you are still here and he wouldn't let them near you. Focus."
Jason was silent now. The tears were still coming maybe a little slower now. He kissed her fingers and moved his hand to brush back her hair, the way he had done since before he even fell in love with her. Her hair was always so soft, he would often play with a strand of her hair while she was asleep. She had caught him once but she didn't seem to mind and didn't make a big deal out of it so he still did it, when he couldn't sleep. It would relax him, the feel, the smell, the thought of having her so close to him.
"I love you so much Sam. You could never know how much, because I wasn't always the best at showing you. You are everything I ever wanted and I don't know how to live this life without you anymore. I don't know where to start. I don't want to start. I need you here with me. We were supposed to be together, you promised that I wouldn't lose you again. And I promised that I would make you my first priority, I failed you first. I am so sorry. Please come back to me Sam I need you. Please." Jason sat silent for a few moments, he knew in his head she was gone and never coming back to him and then he remembered Alexis waiting in the hall. "Your mom is here, she is outside with Mac. I think he is helping her cope with this and she is letting him. I think they will be ok, like you always wanted." He sighed. "I am going to go and bring her back to you so she can say goodbye." He lifted up to place a kiss on her forehead and touching her face he leaned down to kiss her lips.
It was as if an electric shock went through her body. She couldn't see him but she felt him move to kiss her forehead and then his hands on her face they were so warm, and then his lips. His lips on hers the sensation was indescribable and she felt herself respond, she kissed him back. She couldn't be sure her mind wasn't playing some cruel joke on her yet again. She thinks she felt it, but did he? Could he feel her move beneath his own lips?
Jason stood up, his mind was racing. She had kissed him, he felt her lips move, just barely more than enough for it not to have been his imagination. Hell Sam had taught him to use his imagination and it wouldn't, couldn't betray them now. He leaned back down to her. "Sam, Sam can you hear me?" his words caused the attendee to look over toward him.
"Excuse me sir are you okay"
"No I am not ok, she just moved, she is not dead"
"I'm sorry Sir, but that's impossible she was pronounced dead on the scene. The EMT's…"
"I don't give a fuck what the EMT's said I know what I felt and she just moved." He was becoming irate this guy was not listening to him.
The commotion caused Alexis and Mac to come flying back through the doors.
"Jason what's going on? We can hear you down the hall." Alexis said looking back and forth between Jason and a young man that now looked as if he feared for his life.
"I'm sorry Ma'am I was trying to explain that…" Jason cut him off before he could finish.
"She's not dead I felt her move, she, she kissed me." Jason sounded hysterical something no one had ever heard from him.
"Jason…" Alexis' heart was breaking for him.
"No. I'm not crazy, I went to kiss her and she kissed me back I felt it."
"I'm sorry sir but if you could just sign the consent for autopsy, the results may give you some closure." Unbeknown to the young man that was last thing that should have come out of his mouth. It was like a natural reflex for Jason the thought of this guy touching Sam let alone cutting into her made him see red, and before anyone could blink he had pulled his gun out and the safety off, pointing it directly at the young man's head.
"If you so much as touch her I will blow your head off, you won't need an autopsy." His voice was cold and devoid of emotion leaving no doubt to his threat.
"Jason, my God. Put that thing down." Alexis screamed, she could feel Mac let go of her hand and begin to go for his own weapon. Even in Jason's grief there was no way Mac was going to let him commit murder right here in front of him. She put her hand over Mac's stopping him as his fingers undid the holster. "Mac please he is not thinking clearly." She turned back to Jason. "Jason please Sam wouldn't have wanted this."
"What Sam wants is for us to believe she is not gone. She reached out to me and I won't fail her again." He looked back at the attendee. "Check her for a pulse." He nodded the gun toward Sam and the young man complied. After a few seconds he pulled his hand back shaking his head.
"I am sorry sir there is no pulse."
Jason's mind was spinning, he knew what he felt and the only explanation was that Sam was alive somewhere in there. "Check her, check her heart beat then."
"We don't keep stethoscopes down here sir. There is no need."
Jason cocked his gun. "Well I suggest you go and find someone who has one."
The young man backed away thankful for a chance to run for his life, he would send someone but he sure as hell was not coming back. When he was gone Jason lowered his gun and sat back down beside Sam taking her hand.
"Sam, if you can hear me please just squeeze my hand. I won't let them hurt you I promise, just squeeze my hand." She didn't move, the look of defeat on his face was too much for Alexis to take and she took Mac's hand and walked back out into the hallway.
"Jason is barely hanging on in there Mac. I don't know how to help him if he would even let me." She hugged him close before she thought of an idea. "Come with me." She said pulling his hand down the hall.
"Where are you going Alexis? We can't leave him armed in there alone." Mac said trying to keep up.
"I am going to find someone that can help him."
Sam could tell from all the commotion that Jason had indeed felt her kiss. She couldn't tell what was said but the voices had gotten louder and the tension in the room had tripled. If she knew Jason at all he was threatening people with bodily harm if they came near her, and she had felt someone try and take her pulse. But then it was quite again, the voices she was hearing moments ago were now gone and she knew it was only Jason left, and he was squeezing her fingers. All she wanted to do was squeeze his hand in return but her body wouldn't respond to her brain.
Jason sat defeated, maybe he had imagined it. He was begging and she didn't move. He kissed her again and there was nothing faint or otherwise. His eyes burned with unshed tears maybe she really was gone forever. He heard the doors open and he looked up. She didn't say anything as she made her way into the room. There were no words, what do you say to someone who had lost his world.
Nothing there was nothing you could say so she didn't she only walked over to him placing a hand on his shoulder. She wouldn't push him only be there for him. He looked back down at Sam's face, the tears breaking free as he turned back toward his mother surprising them both as he grabbed her around the waist and cried into her lab coat. Monica only held him stroking his back as she laid her head on the top of his.
Jason cried until he was certain he didn't have any tears left. Releasing Monica he ran his hands over his face trying to hide any evidence of his momentary lapse in character.
"I don't know what to do, how to live without her Mom." He had called her mom a few times over the years but hearing it now took her breath away, and she wiped her own tears.
"You have to be strong for her Jason, she wouldn't want you doing something crazy and getting yourself hurt or worse." She motioned to the gun that now lay beside Sam's body.
Jason picked up the gun engaging the safety before placing it behind his back. "What are you doing here anyway?" he asked his mother.
"Alexis came and found me, she was worried about you, she said that you needed me and I wanted to be here for you."
"Thank you" he whispered. "Did she also tell you I am losing my mind?" he almost laughed.
"No, but she did say I could give you peace of mind. She said you're not ready to let go."
Jason sighed. "I could have sworn I felt her kiss me. But now I don't know if it was real, if I just wanted to feel it one last time."
"Maybe I can help you." Monica said removing the stethoscope from around her neck.
"It's no use they checked her for a pulse and found nothing." Jason said standing up walking across the room.
"Nothing ventured…"Monica stated placing the stethoscope in her ears and testing the volume with a tap of her finger. Satisfied she moved the sheet a little further down Sam's chest. Jason looked on in baited anticipation as his mother moved the instrument around. Surely if there were a heartbeat she would have heard it by now.
Monica sighed and just as she was about to pull her hand back she heard it. The faintest thump filled her ears. Not wanting to cause her son more pain she remained silent. Seconds passed five, ten, fifteen, twenty, thump.
She couldn't believe it. She only wanted to come down here and help her son grieve his loss, but she could have never imagined what she would discover. Jason watched in disbelief as his mother ran to the phone on the desk. Punching a few numbers he heard her begin to speak and his entire world starting spinning.
"This is Dr. Quartermaine, I am in the morgue and I have a patient that was pronounced dead over an hour ago but she is very much alive and I need an emergency team down here STAT." She hung up.
"Monica what's going on? Did you find a heartbeat." His voice betrayed him but he didn't care.
"It's faint and it's slow, but it's there." She said as they both moved back over to Sam. Jason grabbed her hand just as Patrick and Robin made their way into the room followed closely by Mac and Alexis.
"Jason what's going on?" Alexis said in a panic.
"What's going on is I wasn't imagining things, she is alive."
"What how can that be?" Her mind was afraid to hope but her heart was pumping out of her chest.
"I am not sure." Monica said. "But I intend to find out. Move her on three." On the count of three they moved her from the steel table onto a gurney and strapped her down.
"Where are you taking her?" Jason asked
"To the ER." Patrick responded "She needs a shot of epinephrine, and possibly to be put on a ventilator to make sure she is getting enough oxygen to her brain, hopefully we are not too late." He said pushing the gurney fast out of the doors.
Three days. It had been three days since Jason's world had ended and began again literally with a heartbeat.
He hadn't left her side day and night he was there. Patrick had diagnosed her with a concussion, busted ear drums and few abrasions and burns, nothing major that wouldn't heal with time. But she was still unconscious. The toxicology report had come back showing large traces of a drug that mimics death. The doctors were surprised that she hadn't died from an overdose alone and it may take up to a week for the drug to completely wear off and for her to regain consciousness.
Three days he sat by her bed, Spinelli had come to bring him more clothes, Carly and Monica would stop by with food and encouragement. Alexis would come in the mornings and then bring the girls by after school. Michael, Abby, Maxie and the list went on. It amazed him how many people loved her and were there for him. Sonny had only been once but he wasn't surprised because Brenda was still missing and he was desperately trying to find her before it was too late. Even though he knew Sam was recovering he couldn't leave to protect Brenda that is what started this entire mess to begin with. On nights like this after visiting hours were over and the room was once again quiet he would just sit and watch her breathe. The sight and sound of watching her chest rise and fall was like music. Watching her he quietly fell asleep with his head resting on the bed beside her, like he had done the previous nights before.
Sam could tell she wasn't in the morgue anymore, she wasn't cold and alone. The voices and words of those around her were beginning to become distinct and familiar. Sometimes there were lots of voices and then there was only one. She never knew he could talk so much when he thought no one was listening. Well that wasn't entirely true he knew someone was listening because he was talking to her. He would tell her how much he loved her, how sorry he was, how stupid he had been. Memories he had of their life together and the memories he wanted to make with her. The one thing that he told her that made her love him even more was his confession that he wanted them to try and have a family no matter what he had to give up or give into. He had also confessed that he really liked taking bubble baths with her or at least the end result where they would make love, but he had to pretend to hate them because he had an image to protect. His exact words if she could remember were "I mean I can't exactly show up to a gun fight smelling like flowers" Vanilla, she wanted to correct him but she was silent. She loved him so much and she had spent their quite nights listening to him and she knew he loved her just as much.
Sam blinked her eyes, the lights in the room were dimmed, the television cast colored shadows on the wall but it was silent. She looked around before her eyes came to rest on his face. Even though he looked tired he was beautiful to her and she wanted to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was real. She went to move her arm but it felt like lead. She sighed. "Baby steps" she thought to herself. Finding her fingers less of a challenge she brought them up to run through his hair. It had the intended effect as his eyes opened and his head lifted.
Jason sat up straight to look at Sam. He thought at first he was dreaming, he had this dream several times over the last few days, but this time it was different. She was quiet but she was alert she was following his eyes with her own. Beautiful hazel eyes that days ago he was certain he would never see again. He took her hand in his own, sliding closer to the bed.
"Sam, baby can you hear me?" She had never heard him call her that but over the last few days she had heard it quite often, she liked it, though she was certain she would never hear it again she squeezed his fingers as best she could. The small gesture brought life back to his eyes followed by tears, as he instantly leaned up to kiss her lips. This time there was no denying the feel of her returning his kiss.
"I have missed you so much." He said. She blinked slowly and squeezed his hand in response to show her agreement. "I love you." He could see the smile play on her lips as she closed her eyes once more.
"It's ok you can sleep now." He said moving to lay beside placing several kisses in her hair. "Tomorrow is a new day and a new life for us."