Bruce rolled over from his side to his belly. He gave a sleepy sigh and his arms unconsciously tightened around Dick. Dick just relaxed. Bruce was having a truly excellent dream about Gotham and people he got to beat to a pulp there and was just about to beat someone else and make Gotham completely crime free, when he felt someone push on him.
He gave a growl and scooted over slightly on the bed. The push had woken him up, but he was not going to give the pusher the satisfaction of rousing him fully. However, he felt a sharp prod in the side and rolled over, eyes raging. "You better have a good reason for waking me up archer or I swear…" Ollie had a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Does this bed feel wet to you?" he asked.
"Hmm", Bruce said. He touched the bed beside him. Yup, it was definitely wet.
"What is that?" he asked, "I know for a fact that this is not a waterbed."
"I don't know" Ollie said, "it might be…" Suddenly, it seemed as if a realization dawned on him. "Aww Roy", he moaned.
"What?" Roy squeaked (he'd been awake the whole time, listening to the conversation).
"Roy, did you do this?" Ollie asked.
"Yea", Roy mumbled, eyes downcast. "I was gonna tell you."
"Roy", Ollie moaned, "this is like the what, fifth time. I told you, no water before bed."
"But I was really thirsty Ollie, and I only drank a little."
"This empty water bottle wouldn't happen to be yours?" Ollie asked. Roy looked pointedly away. Ollie sighed. "Come on", he said, scooping up Roy and pulling him out of the bed. Dick was still snoring quietly, completely asleep, so Bruce put him on a chair with one of the spare blankets. He knew if Dick woke up, he might never get him back to sleep. "Alright Roy, lets get you changed, I want to go back to bed."
"I'm sorry", Roy wailed softly.
"It's alright", Ollie said gently, helping the boy get changed.
"I'll change the sheets", Bruce said. "It's a honeymoon suite so there are bound to be clean sheets around here somewhere."
"Why's that?" Roy asked.
"Because new married couples wet the bed too", Ollie said.
"They do?" Roy asked incredulously.
"Sure", said Ollie, "lets go with that." Bruce changed the sheets and Ollie swung Roy back onto the bed. "Well", he said, "at least your bladder is empty now."
"But I'm thirsty Ollie", Roy said.
"You're not having a sip of anything until morning", Ollie replied. Roy gave a grumble, but curled up in the center of the bed. "Sorry Bruce", Ollie said, "I should have checked that he hadn't had anything before you got in bed with him." Bruce shrugged and picked up Dick, who was flopping in his arms like a rag doll.
"Honestly, between sleeping with Superman and sleeping with your kid, I'd take the latter." Ollie smiled and lay down next to Roy, who crawled up on his chest to sleep.
"If you wet while you're up here, you're never doing this again." Roy gazed at him indignantly.
"Ollie", he said, "that's mean. I don't wet that often."
"Don't embarrass him Ollie. If you do, you might wake Dick", Bruce grumbled, pulling Dick closer.
Ollie kissed Roy's forehead and said, "sorry kiddo." But, Roy was already asleep.
When Bruce woke up in the morning, he felt arms circling his waist. He gave a sigh. Dick could be so clingy sometimes. Wait, Dick's arms weren't big enough to circle his waist and they weren't this strong either. Bruce put a hand down to touch one of the offending arms. Yup, Dick's arms were definitely not that hairy.
He opened one eye and looked down to see the emerald archer with his head on the dark knight's belly, quietly talking in his sleep. Bruce glared at Ollie for a few minutes, but he didn't wake up. "Ollie", he hissed. Ollie gave a grunt and tightened his grip. "Ollie, get off me right now", Bruce snapped.
"Why is my pillow talking?" Ollie muttered quietly to himself, "Did I have too much to drink again last night?" He looked up blearily and saw Bruce glaring at him. "Eww", he said with a shudder and rolled away. "That's gross Bruce", he said.
"Hey", said Bruce, "I wasn't the one getting cozy ok." He sat up slowly with a groan. "I'm going back to bed", he said, "I'm not waking up until noon."
"Aww, but Bruce", he heard a voice say. He looked down and saw Dick and Roy playing on the ground. "I wanted you to play with us."
"Later", Bruce said, rolling over. Suddenly, their door slammed open.
"Rise and shine everyone", a cheery voice called. The two billionaires groaned and pulled sheets over their heads.
"Hi Clark", Roy and Dick chorused, rushing up to greet the man of steel. Clark lifted them both up easily and put them on his shoulders.
"Get up you two", Clark called to the men still in the bed.
"Go back to bed farm boy", Ollie groaned, "some of us civilized folk are trying to sleep."
"But the cock has already crowed", Clark called, "and we have to be on the road."
"I'm gona make your cock crow if you don't get out of here right this second", Bruce growled.
"Bruce", Clark said looking horribly offended, "there are children present."
"Aww, Dick doesn't care", Bruce grumbled.
"I don't usually understand", Dick said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Yea, Roy neither", Ollie called, "go away Smallville."
"I'm going to pull off the covers", Clark called. Bruce and Ollie burrowed deeper into their blankets.
"Alright", said Clark, "here I go.' He grabbed then ends of the sheets and yanked them away. Ollie and Bruce made sounds similar to the ones a vampire might make when exposed to sunlight. "Get up", said Clark, "we need an early start." Then, they heard a woman screaming and high yappy barking. Clark swiftly turned tail, putting Roy and Dick down.
"I'll be back for you two", he said to Bruce and Ollie and then strode out of the room yelling "Superboy, I told you, no terrorizing people's dogs." Bruce and Ollie got up slowly, grumbling quietly about Clark and other things they probably shouldn't have said in front of impressionable nine year olds.
Soon, everyone was loaded into the van. The kids were bouncing up and down in barely contained exuberance while the adults (all but Superman of course) were grumbling about early mornings. "I need coffee", Flash moaned, "please let's stop at Starbucks."
"No", said Superman, who happened to be driving that morning, "we have to go further before we stop, we just started."
"I'm hungry", whined Bruce, "that free continental breakfast was terrible."
"The water at that place sucked", Aquaman complained, "can we go by an ocean some time."
"Would you all quit whining", Superman said, "gee, you guys are worse then the kids."
"Batman", Robin said, "I'm bored, entertain me."
"Look out the window", Batman said, "I'm asleep."
"No your not", Robin chortled, "you're talking to me."
"I'm talking in my sleep", Batman grunted, leaning against the seat back with his eyes closed.
"Can he really do that?" Kid Flash asked.
"No", said Robin, poking Batman's nose, "wake up silly." Batman opened one eye.
"Go look out the window", he groaned.
"Fine", said Robin, sounding offended. After about two minutes however, he said, "There's nothing out there but sticks and trees." Batman said nothing. Robin put his hand on his cheek and gazed out the window. "Sticks and trees, sticks and trees, all I see is sticks and trees", he sang quietly. Gradually though, his singing got louder and louder until everyone in the car was on edge and annoyed.
But, they knew if they got angry with Robin, they would have Batman to answer for and nobody wanted that. Batman, however, snapped before any of them really did. "Robin", he roared, "stop singing."
"Yeesh", said Robin, "somebody's in a bad mood."
"Ok", said Superman, "how about we play the quiet game."
"Seriously", Aqualad asked, "how old do you think we are, five? We are too smart to fall for that old ploy."
"Lets play eye spy", said Wonder Woman.
"Ohh, ok", said Robin. "I spy with my little eye…"
"It's a car", Batman said.
"Yea", said Robin, "how'd ya know?" Batman shrugged and shifted his weight to sleep better.
"How did you know?" Arrow asked.
"You'll see", said Batman, "keep playing."
Twenty minutes later
"Ok", said Robin, "I spy with my little eye…"
"It's a car", the adults said dryly in unison.
"Wow", said Robin, "you guys are good."
"Batman, how long do we have to play this game?" Flash asked.
"Until he gets bored", Batman replied, "you're entertaining him and that means he's not bothering me."
"I'm tired of this game", Robin said, "Can we play something else?"
"Alright Batman", Aquaman said, "You've slept for long enough. It's your turn to entertain the kids."
"Yea!" six small voices from the back seat chorused. Batman grumbled angrily for a moment before turning around to face the kids.
"Alright", said Batman, "lets sing that song about the bus."
"No", said Robin, "I hate the bus song."
"Come on", said Batman. Robin gave him an angry looking frown.
"One round", he said.
"Alright", Batman replied. So, Robin and all the kids in the back started to sing.
"The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round, the wheels on the bus go round and round, all through the town."
"Ok", said Batman, "the radius of the wheels is ten point five inches, what is the circumference?" All the other kids in the back looked somewhat perplexed, but Robin continued to sing in a bored voice that suggested he had done this way to many times.
"The circumference of the wheels is 65.94 inches."
"What about the area of the wheel?"
"The area of the wheel is 346.185 inches squared."
"Very good Robin, now, if the bus is traveling at fifty miles an hour and it's going towards a bus stop that is seventy miles away, how long will it take to get there?"
"This game is lame Batman", Aqualad said, "lets play something else."
"Okay Batman", Flash said, "you are officially the worst child entertainer ever. I truly believe now that you can make anything boring. Now kids, who wants to play a real game?"
"Yea!" the kids all screamed.
"Ok", said Flash, "I brought that car ride bingo."
"Does that have math in it?" Batman asked.
"No", said Flash.
"Then Robin can't play", Batman said, "he has to play the bus game with me."
"No", Robin moaned, "I'm playing bingo with Flash."
"He can add up numbers of license plates or something", Flash said, "now leave us be." Batman did some more grumbling and turned around to read his book.
About twenty minutes later, Wonder Girl screamed, "Bingo."
"You don't have a bingo", Super boy said, "you only have four."
"Oops", said Wonder Girl. Suddenly though, Superman slammed on the brakes and Bingo pieces went flying, covering Batman.
"Who did that?" Batman roared. The kids were giggling in the back.
"What's wrong Clark?" Wonder Woman asked.
"Look", said Superman, quivering with excitement. He was pointing at a small sign by the side of the road. Green Arrow squinted at it.
"World's largest ball of string?"
"Wait", said Aquaman, 'you are not serious about this are you, it's like fifty miles out of our way."
"I don't care", said Superman, "we're going to see it."
"No", said Batman, "I don't want to go and see that."
"We're going to see it", Superman said, "and that's final." He stamped back on the gas and the van roared towards the world's biggest ball of string.
"No", Arrow screamed, "You cannot make me see that stupid ball of string. We need to get back to civilization, I need a coffee and a cheese burger."
"No", said Superman.
"We'll fight you for the wheel", said Batman, and both heroes dove for Superman.
"Water Robin", Batman moaned.
"Ok", Robin said gleefully, and squirted water into Batman's mouth from the inside of the van. Batman pushed as hard as he could up against the bumper of the car, Green Arrow by his side pushing too. Both heroes were sweating.
"Come on", Arrow yelled, "you guys have like super strength. We're the only two guys who would even have a problem pushing this stupid van so why do we have to do it."
"Because", Superman said from the air-conditioned interior of the vehicle, "you broke it so now you have to push it."
"It's your fault stupid", Arrow said, "if you hadn't tried to make us go see that stupid ball of string. You know, it's probably not even that big." Batman nodded, panting furiously.
"I hate road trips", he muttered.
"Me too", Arrow said.
"Hey", whispered Kid Flash, "I'll be you two three bucks your dad's won't make it another four miles."
"Naw", said Robin, "they won't make it another two."
"Robin", Batman moaned, "you're betting against me, your own mentor!" Robin shrugged.
"No use parting with good money for family's sake."
"Yea", said Speedy, "I say Arrow collapses within the next half mile."
"You're on", said Wonder Girl.
Arrow gave Speedy an appalled look and said through tortured gasps, "Guess who's not getting a Christmas present this year you little whelp." He was going to say more, but he had to stop then because the car gave a shudder and slid backwards, slamming into him.
"Sorry", Batman grunted. Arrow gave him a dark look and they kept pushing.
Well, the two heroes exceeded everyone's expectations and managed to push the car all the way to the world's largest ball of string, which luckily, also had a car repair shop. "This is so cool", Superman said, walking circles around it. Green Arrow and Batman lounged in the café nearby, drinking ice water and muttering darkly to each other. Robin bounced up to Superman. He tugged on his cape. "What is it Robin?" Superman asked.
"Umm", said Superman, "maybe you should go ask Batman that question."
"Well", said Robin, "I just heard Batman and Green Arrow talking and Batman said all the sex you'd ever had was with farm animals." Superman's face turned a shade of red Robin had never seen before and stomped away.
"Batman", he roared. Superman stalked into the café. "Stop saying vulgar things about me in front of your child Batman", Superman snapped, "it hurts my feelings that you would say things like that about me."
"Ohh, give it a rest", Batman said, "I just pushed that damn van ten miles up the damn road. I can say whatever I damn like."
"Especially if it's true", Arrow added. Superman glared at the two of them.
"Can we leave now", Flash moaned, "this is boring, the coffee sucks. I want my Starbucks."
"Yea", said Arrow, "I want a cheese burger."
"You ruined my day Batman", Superman sniffed.
"Yippee", Batman said darkly, waving a napkin.
"At least we got the car fixed", said Aquaman, who was pouring multiple glasses of water over himself and Aqualad, sitting on his lap.
"Well", said Superman, "the only way you can make me forgive you is if we all take a picture in front of the string."
"Why again do I care about your forgiveness?" Batman asked dryly.
"Come on", Superman said, grabbing Batman's arm, "You too archer."
"Stop it", Batman snapped, "you're invading my personal space."
"Come on", said Superman, dragging Batman and Green Arrow over to the ball of string. "There, now stay there while I get the others."
Batman tried to sneak off, but Superman used his super breath to freeze his feet in place. After that, Batman stood grumbling. "Alright", the owner of the string said, "everybody say cheese."
Later in life, when Superman looked at that picture, he was a little disappointed. The picture showed Batman and Green Arrow laughing (which was extremely out of character for Batman) while the giant ball of string rolled away, due to the fact that Superboy had accidentally given it a shove.
One of the only memories that picture conjured up was him, the Flash and Wonder Woman chasing down the giant ball of string as it bounced across the countryside. Batman and Green Arrow wouldn't even help pay for the damages.
"But you're rich", Superman had moaned after they got the string back in place, "I'm on a reporter's salary so it would mean living off canned beans for me for a year. For you two, it would be like paying for dinner."
Batman shrugged wickedly and said, "Well, it was your fault so I think you should have to take care of it. I seem to recall someone saying the same thing to Arrow and me while we were pushing the van." Superman had stalked off grumbling, leaving Arrow to help Batman thaw his feet. That helped ease the blow to his pride a little, but not the blow to his wallet.
That night, after driving in the hot sun for another several hours, they finally made it to a small town with an even smaller motel. Again, they would have to share rooms. "Alright", said Batman, noticing a cockroach crawling around the floor of the hotel, "I think I'll share a room with Arrow again." Just then though, Arrow gave a yelp.
"Speedy", he moaned, "no." Everyone looked over to see Speedy chugging a rather large water bottle.
"Sorry", said Speedy sheepishly after Arrow had snatched the bottle away, "I was thirsty."
"Aww Speedy", Arrow moaned.
"Ok", said Batman, "I'm not sharing a bed with him tonight."
"Ohh Batman", Superman said, "you can share a room with me."
"I'd rather die", Batman snarled.
"Just do it Batman", Wonder Woman said, "Arrow has to have his own room since it looks like Speedy's going to be putting on water works tonight."
"That's mean", Speedy moaned.
"I don't wanna share a bed with Superman", Batman moaned, "he's creepy."
"That's mean Batman", Superman said.
"Well", said Flash, "share a bed with him or the roaches."
"Why can't I share with someone else", Batman asked.
"Because", said Wonder Woman, "Flash is staying with Aquaman, I'm staying alone…"
"Can't I stay with you", Batman said, cutting her off.
"No", said Wonder Woman, "I'm a woman, I need my own room."
Batman gave a snarl, counted to twenty and said, "Fine, I'll share a room with Superman."
"Yea", said Superman, "we'll have so much fun." He put his arm around Batman's shoulders and started to lead him towards their room.
"Get off me", Batman snapped.
"Ok, ok", said Superman, backing off.
The room had again only one bed, although it wasn't a honeymoon suite, which was good because that probably would have pushed Batman over the edge. "Alright Robin", Batman said, "we're going to bed in a minute. Let me change and shower and then you can."
"Ok", said Robin, "we can play." He bounced over to Superboy. Not for too long, Batman said. Robin nodded and dumped out his backpack, which was full of cars. Batman gave a sigh and headed for the bathroom.
Batman was just about to put on his clothes after his shower with he heard Robin give a scream of terror. As soon as Batman rushed in, a towel tied around his waist, Robin and Superboy were scrambling up him, crying their eyes out.
"What's wrong?" Batman asked urgently, collecting to two frightened boys up in his arms so they wouldn't pull down his towel.
"That", Robin said with a terrified wail. There, on the ground, where Robin was pointing, was the largest centipede Batman had ever seen. Batman backed up, feeling intimidated, with Superboy and Robin clinging to him like baby monkeys.
"I'll kill it", said Superman coming in. He stomped down as hard as he could on the bug a ripped a hole in the floor. There were some screams from below them and Batman looked through the hole to see a small family surrounding a pile of wrecked floor. "Sorry", Superman called down sheepishly, "I'll fix it."
"Batman", Robin cried, "I don't like this place, I wanna go somewhere else. It's scary."
'I know Robin", Batman said soothingly, "but it'll be ok."
"I wanna go back home", Superboy wailed.
"Me too", Robin said.
"Me three", Batman mumbled foul naturedly.
Batman gave a groan and rubbed his back. "Superman", he moaned, "move your child, he's going to break my back."
"Hey", said Superman, "it's not my fault he kicks in his sleep. Just let me sleep next to you and we can turn him towards the wall or something."
"No", said Batman.
"Quit being a baby Batman", Superman said, "just let me sleep next to you. I promise, I won't speak, I won't touch you, I won't even look at you." Batman gave him a withering look.
"Fine", he said.
"Thank you", Superman said, "Gee, you complain way too much."
"At that precise moment", Robin started crying again.
"Robin", Batman said, trying his best to keep his temper, "it's ok, the bugs can't get up on the bed."
"But I'm scared", Robin wailed.
"You're safe here with me", Batman said, "I promise I'll protect you."
"Can I sleep on your chest?" Robin asked, "I'll be higher off the ground."
"Alright", said Batman, "but please go to sleep, I'm exhausted." Robin peered down over the side of the bed, gave a loud squeal and clambered onto Batman's chest, stepping hard on his stomach and in between his legs. Batman gave a grunts of pain.
"Robin", he moaned.
"I just saw a really big one", Robin wailed, "I don't think you're high enough off the ground. The bugs could crawl over here and get me."
"Alright", Superman soothingly, "Would you like to sleep between us then? That way, you'll be protected from both sides."
Robin seemed to ponder this for a moment before saying, "Ok." He crawled over Batman, stepping on him roughly again before settling down between the two older men.
"Move closer together", Robin said, pulling on Batman to draw him closer. He was only satisfied when he was sandwiched firmly between Batman and Superman so that Batman's forehead was a few centimeter's away from the man of steel's. Superman gave him a amused look and shrugged.
"Only for Robin", he said through gritted teeth, "only for Robin." Then, he put an arm around Robin's waist and tried his best to fall asleep.