Fifty Secrets Remus Knows about Sirius

Sirius is the most angry person Remus has ever met. He keeps it wrapped up, under layers and layers of brashness, callousness, and indomitable energy.

Remus knows Sirius sometimes wishes that he was no different than the rest of his family, in a peculiar, bittersweet sort of way. This life is so hard and to just fall in line would have been so easy.

That said, Sirius picked this life and wouldn't give it up.

He hates his family, but not only because they're horrible people. He hates them for rejecting him.

After he was kicked out, Sirius cried. He once loved his mother very much and the finality of being thrown out, the ultimate sign that she hated him, was unbearable.

Loosing Regulus was agonizing.

Sirius is very aware of his mental instability and it terrifies him. He knows that someday, it'll destroy him.

He fears a loss of control more than anything else.

Despite his reputation, Sirius was always a gentleman and didn't actually sleep with half the girls in their year. Remus thinks the reputation was almost completely fabricated.

He loves kissing just as much as sex and sometimes that's all he and Remus did.

He's also the most discreet person Remus knows. If you tell him your secrets, he'll never tell another soul.

Sirius loves to smile and Remus thinks it might be the purpose of his existence to make him smile as much as possible.

He collects oddities - weird little things he finds in shops and sometimes on the street. He once found a twisted metal flamingo with a cigar hanging out of its mouth, which he kept in their sitting room.

Taking care of other people is one of his favorite things in the world.

It's almost impossible to get him to let other people take care of him in turn. This manifests itself the worst after Azkanban, and it's all Remus can do not to scream or shake him for his insistence that he doesn't need Remus's help.

At first, he hated Lily. She rejected his best friend and, at the same time, threatened to take James away from him. It took him months after James and Lily got together to accept her and it almost destroyed his friendship with James.

Sirius would rather be outside than do anything else. It kills Remus to see what Grimmauld Place does to him because he cannot go outside.

He makes holding a grudge into an art form.

Sirius hates flying and it's not because heights scare him.

Sirius taught himself Russian to see if he could.

He had thrown himself into the war effort the moment they graduated because he didn't know what else to do with himself.

He hates pity.

Despite himself, Sirius is superstitious. Opening an umbrella inside is a good way to make him angry and there was always a scattering of salt behind his seat at any table. He knows it's silly but can't help himself.

He writes letters to his future self and stashes them in a cigar box. After he had gone to Azkaban, Remus had thrown out almost a decade's worth of them and he had never seen Sirius look so wounded as he did when he found out. He takes it up again and after he dies, Remus cherishes each letter but never opens them.

When they were in school, when Sirius got angry, he was cold and silent and still. Remus thinks this is because responding as he wanted to would have lead to his mother slapping him.

Sirius does things entirely to see if he can. It's not that he's daring himself, but to see his limits.

He is, hands down, an all or nothing sort of person. He doesn't see shades of grey and does everything with an almost violent passion.

Competition bores him. He just wants to be prefect at what he does.

Trying to win his approval when he's clearly expressed his scorn will only win the seeker his mocking contempt.

When he got old, Sirius full intended to be a dirty old man.

Sirius isn't actually into Muggle things and doesn't quite understand them. He just used them to rebel against his parents.

He only sleeps with people who matter to him, meaning his list is quite short.

He's not much for sweets and when girls used to give him boxes of chocolate, he smiled politely, thanked them, and promptly passed them off to his friends.

Sirius falls in love easily. Remus suspects it's because he enjoys the novelty.

Each time he was broken up with (and he was always the one who was broken up with), the other person ended up with a chunk of his heart. It's a wonder he has anything left, Remus sometimes thinks.

He knits.

Sirius doesn't know how to relax or let go. Once he's latched on to an emotion or gotten involved with a project, it's impossible to get him to stop. That can be exhilarating (Remus loves being the center of his intense attention) but mostly it's exhausting for both of them.

He loves planning more than the actual execution of a plan. It gives his mind a place to play.

Making passes at anything in a skirt is expected of him, so he does it.

He would have had an arranged marriage, had things gone differently, and was ok with that. She was good looking and calm and steady. She would have been something to come home to.

He doesn't think about himself most of the time and lives for a select group of other people.

Sirius likes nonfiction the best and thoroughly enjoys history. During Binns's lectures, he used to kick back in his chair with a history book and openly ignore their professor. Remus half-thinks Binns knew what he was doing and allowed it anyway.

There's a long list of people Sirius hates. Currently, it includes Dumbledore, all Death Eaters, and Molly Weasely.

He can't forgive himself. For anything. Ever.

His philosophy is "better out than in" and that includes his anger. He never says anything in front of the kids, but everyone else gets the sharp edge of his tongue when he feels the need. He especially enjoys needling Shacklebolt and Moody.

Once, Remus came home to find Sirius having a screaming match with his mother's portrait.

Remus remembers the moment that Sirius almost told him he loved him again. The words had been on the tip of his tongue and his eyes had said it all.

As much as he hates Dumbledore these days, he's secretly proud that the Headmaster turns to him for tactical planning.

On more than one occasion, Remus found him in Buckbeak's room, staring at the creature with a look of longing in his eyes.

Sirius is a cuddlewhore. He made Remus promise that there would be cuddling after sex nightly for the first few months of their relationship