Don't Piss Me Off
Don't Piss Me Off

Chapter One

Despite the fact that the whole-house a/c is on and the windows are firmly closed; loud, boisterous laughter breaks up the relative stillness of the night.

I growl to myself as I flip over to lay on my stomach and clamp a pillow over my head. To no avail, as I can still hear the whiney bitch laughing it up.

The sounds of 80's music hits my ears and I wish I had cut the wires of their newly installed Bose outdoor speakers.

I'd rather listen to *Nsync, I guiltily think and cast a glance at the calander hanging on my wall. Howie Dorough looks at me quizically from his August pose.

Shrieks of laughter erupt from the direction of the month old jacuzzi in my new neighbours yard. Why did I have to position my bed under the window?

I feel the weight of my two year old Pikachu, FreeLance, as she jumps onto my bed, making her way over the two comforters I have piled on top of me.

"Chuuu?" she asks, tugging on the short sleeve of my Ares (X:WP) nightshirt. I take the pillow off my head, drop it onto the floor. It had been getting stuffy anyway, and I look over at my clock.

3:45 a.m.

I glare at the green, digital numbers.


I nodded at FreeLance, thinking back for a second. I had nicely gone over at 2 a.m. just to ask for some peace and quiet and asked Whiné to keep her and her friends voices down. She told me to go fudge myself, that she'd "talk however loud" she "damn well pleased".

But now, I can hear slight murmerings from Whiné's friend Sarah.

"What!" Whiné screeches, "I didn't hear you!"

"Gee, y'think so?" I ask FreeLance sarcastically.

"Piii...", she rolls her brown eyes and sits down next to me. I kneel on my pillows and peer out the window.

Although I'm majorly pissed, I am curious. Know thy enemy, know thy stratedgy for whooping ass..

I see the blue lit jacuzzi water sparkle through the dense pine tree boughs, catch sight of several lit candles on the decks railings flickering in the slight breeze. FreeLance hopps up, half on the windowsill, half on my shoulder. Sparks of electricity flicker on her cheeks and I grin. "I love your train of thought!"

FreeLance smiles back, with a look in her eyes so devilish.

Suddenly Whiné shrieks with laughter and I shudder. My mood instantly shifts from good-natured and almost calm, to totally pissed off. But I wait, maybe she'll shut up.

"Ohmigod, like you know Sheeeeeilah! She's got like, this flat butt and these wide ass hips!" Whiné's voice is shrill. I grimace at the sound of it. "It's like, such a wierd combination, don't you think?!" More laughter.

I can hear her friend Sarah laugh weakly. There's a stir of movement from the built-in bench on the right side of the deck. Sarah's vulpix looks up in her master's direction, and settles back down.

"She's so catty, FreeLance." I try to think of a practical solution and fail.

"So like, the man that installed the jacuzzi, he said something so wierd! The jacuzzi man said that if you drink in a jacuzzi, that like, you can get drunk faster! Isn't that so strange!" A sound of glasses clinking together, "Bottom's up, Sarah!"

"Maybe I won't have to do anything at all," I look at FreeLance, "Maybe they'll get drunk and drown. She's so two-faced though. I wonder what she'll say about Sarah when Sheilah is over here."

I glance at the clock again, drown out the sound of Whiné talking. It's 4:15 a.m. I stifle a yawn as I got out of bed. I'm going Ponyta riding tomorrow with my friend Myrna and her friend Dolcie. We all get along nicely.

I walk over to my closet and open the door. I don't want to use this so soon, but I have no choice. I grab the totally red PmS ball and head downstairs and outside, FreeLance hot on my heels.

I leave the door unlocked and close it quietly behind me. I start down the cement walkway and the shrieks of Whiné get louder.

"Excuse me," I call out when I'm under the pine trees and in view of the jacuzzi.

Whineé glares at me. "Whaaat?" she whines, a champaign glass in one hand, half filled. FreeLance jumps up to sit/hang from my shoulders.

"Eeew," Sarah cries out, "A Pikachu!" Sarah has verbally boasted of her Vulpixs' beauty before, I'm used to her putting FreeLance down. The Vulpix's as spoiled as Sarah is.

"Piiika!" FreeLance warns her.

Sarah pulls down the corner of her right eye and sticks her tounge out at us. I scratch FreeLance between the shoulder blades to calm her down. My fingers tingle from her pent up electricity. I will try being nice first, but I have the PmS ball for backup. "Listen, will you guys please keep it down! It's already 4:15 in the morning!"

"Fuck you! I know, like, what time it is. It's my jacuzzi so go away before I call the police on your ass!"

"WTF! I'll call them on your ass first for disturbing the peace!"

"Well, you're like, trespassing, harassing us, and being a peeping tom-girl!" She stands up, competely nude, to grab her cordless phone from its place next to the candles.

"Oh, that's gross! Screw you guys, I don't have to take any of your bullshit, lady!" I smirk at FreeLance who has jumped to the ground.


She nods, FreeLance knows who is in the ball.

"Pokéball, go!" I cry out, tossing the PmS ball. As the red beam of light reforms into a creature twenty feet high, I feel FreeLance hide behind my legs. The PmS ball flys back to my hands and I hold it while the creature comes to me, lowering its massive, four foot long head down towards me.

"Hi there, Baby," I say as I rub the sensitive spot between his eyes. Baby is a type of Pokeémon I found who looks a lot like a Tyrannosaurus Rex; he's a psychic type. I hear Sarah gasp from the still bubbling jacuzzi and I hear the crack of breaking plastic.

Oh dear, it seems that Whiné has dropped her phone.

Baby snorts and from the corner of my eye I see FreeLance faint. I pick her up and say to Whiné, "Will you keep your voices down now?"

Whiné snarls at me and says, "Fuck off. Sarah, send your Vulpix to fight that thing!"

"Vuli, come here!" Sarah commands. I see Vuli stand up on the bench, but it looks reluctant to obey. I'll make up its mind for it.

"Baby, Hyper Fear attack, now!"

Baby roars, a deafening sound so close up. FreeLance regains and looses consciousness, and accidentally sends a small jolt of electricity into me at the sound. The jolt doesn't affect me too much, FreeLance has shocked me enough in the past two years. But I can see Vuli dart off the deck and around Whineé's house.

"Vuli! Get back here now!" Sarah screams, but the only answer is a faint, "PIX, vulpi!"

Baby's eyes glow red as he glares at the two in the tub and he projects a fearsome image of himself, a hologram of sorts, charging them. The two think it's actually Baby, as is the nature of Hyper Fear, it makes you imagine the worst thing, in this case a charging T-Rex, coming true. His powerful attack makes it look as if the pine trees and fence are being torn down by his bulk, fake Pidgeys dart out of the "shattered" trees.

They've had enough. Whiné and Sarah jump butt naked out of the jacuzzi. Whiné stumbles and Sarah pulls her up and they run up their walkway and into her house. I hear the front door slam shut.

I sigh at the peace and quiet, crickets chirp in the background and the stars twinkle above. I give Baby a final pat and a hug, "Good job, Baby." I say as I recall him. For a moment, I had fantasized about Baby totalling the deck and jacuzzi, but I simply walk up my walk and into the house with FreeLance in my arms.

I close the door softly, locking it and go up to my room. I replace the PmS ball and close the closet door. I walk back to my bed, lay FreeLance down on the pillow next to mine and take a final look out the window.

The full moon casts a golden glow over the darkness that is Pittsburgh at night.

As I slip into bed, FreeLance is steadily snoring and I quickly fall asleep.

The time is 4:30 a.m.

The End...For Now

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