12 February 2011
A Study of Three Points
When Fredward "Freddie" Benson—the technical producer of the hit web show iCarly and a regular customer at the Pear Store where I worked—approached me at the Brilliance Bar with a frown, I knew I was in for another bout of ranting about the two co-stars of the show, Carlotta "Carly" Shay and Samantha "Sam" Puckett. And I was right. The two girls, who were also his best friends, had hired a very incompetent (Freddie actually used the word "idiot") male to be their intern just because they found him attractive. Wanting to help the poor guy out—and also seeing how this would be ample opportunity to research for my sociology paper—I proffered a plan: Freddie would hire me as an intern, and I would act just as idiotic as he claimed the girls' intern, Cort, was. And as I played the part of a stupid yet "hot" (according to Freddie, though I doubt he meant to say that out loud to me) second intern, I was to prove three points: First, in our society, bad qualifications can be overlooked when a person has good looks; second, a male or female will feel threatened by someone who he or she perceived as better (or "hotter," in this case) than himself or herself; and third, just to irk you Prof. Schneider, that Creddie will happen and Seddie is impossible. This report illustrates my observations and findings.
My first point—good looks trumping good qualifications—was proven on several occasions. One such occasion occurred before I was hired as the second intern. According to Freddie, Cort had spilled lemonade on the technical equipment during a live airing of the show, causing iCarly to end prematurely. Both girls refused to fire Cort when Freddie urged them to; even going as far as Carly stating that "everybody deserves a second chance" and Sam following with "Cort deserves unlimited chances." I also observed that Cort has a reading comprehension that was, well, elementary at best. And that was insulting to most grade-schoolers. The guy was useless. But with a pretty face (though I did not find him attractive myself) and a great body (I have to concur on this one), he was not replace by someone more competent. Eventually, the girls had finally decided to let Cort go when he ate their prop of raw meat.
My second point—"[…] hate me 'cause I'm beautiful […]"—was also observed during my time as an intern, and even before that. After all, this whole research opportunity would not have happened if a jealous Freddie had not stepped into the Pear Store that faithful day. When I was first introduced to Carly and Sam, the change in their expressions was immediate. They'd gone from happy and smiling at Cort's latest antics, to guarded and frowning at my being in their presence. The girls ordered Freddie to fire me. However, his compromise of "you fire Cort, then I'll fire Ashley" was refused by both girls, and the subject of firing me was dropped. (My first point being proven again.) When the time came for the iCarly trio to finally fire their idiot interns, the girls gave Cort an apologetic send off (though Sam did, technically, steal his shirt), while I received quite a rude dismissal from both Sam and Carly.
My third point—Seddie improbable—was proven (and I hate to admit this to you of all people, Prof. Schneider) to be incorrect; so much so, that I have officially become a Seddie-shipper. As I observed Freddie, Sam, and Carly together, I found evidence that Sam and Freddie in a romantic relationship could indeed happen. When I first met the girls, it was Sam who first questioned Freddie about me, giving him a "Who's your lady-friend?" while sizing me up. And it was also Sam who first urged Freddie to get rid of me. I've even caught a few looks that passed between the two; one in which Sam looked at Freddie annoyed, while he gave her a smirk. Furthermore, over the years, I've come to learn from Freddie that Sam did not care about him and would often mock him mercilessly. With that knowledge, I expected Sam to completely be indifferent to my presence. I also expected her to tease Freddie about him possibly having a crush on me, and even repeating the phrase she usually told him when it came to his crush on Carly: "[She] will never love you." But during my time as an intern with iCarly, I observed neither. Sam very much did care about my being there. And she never teased him about liking me. That said, I also must admit that there were evidence of a jealous Carly. But Sam's behavior was much more unexpected and, therefore, much more profound.
During my research as I interned for the iCarly trio, I have concluded the following in regards to my three aforementioned points: (1) My first point was proven correct, but only up to a certain point. Competence is required since there is a limit to how much stupidity and ineptitude a person can withstand before patience will run thin, no matter how good looking that incompetent person is. (2) My second point was proven to be correct. The insecurities within a person would arise when another person—one who he or she perceived as better than himself or herself—is near. (3) And my third point was proven completely incorrect. Seddie could most definitely happen.
Disclaimer: iCarly belongs to Dan Schneider and Nickelodeon. "Pretty Girl Rock" belong to Keri Hilson.
A/N: This was a plot bunny that I couldn't resist writing. It was double spaced (like a real report would be) when I wrote it in Word, but that didn't translate when I uploaded it on this site.