The things I hate about you

Pairing: Edward/Jacob

Summary: Edward can´t stand Jacob, he even has a list over all the things he hates about him. But what is Bella implying and why is Edwards's body acting so strange whenever Jake is around? Humor denial, feel good slash and some hot locker room action too…. AH AU

Anniegirl writing another Jacob/Edward story? Yes because locker rooms and hot boys so does it for me… S Meyer owns them but I sneaked in and borrowed them when she was sleeping and dreaming about teenage boys in meadows….Meyer a tip from the coach locker rooms are hotter…

I pulled into the parking lot of Forks High and turned the gas off. I glanced out the window and immediately turned my gaze away. A frown appeared on my face and I turned to Bella sitting in the passenger's seat.

"If I asked you to stay in the car would you?" I said and gave her a suffering look.

Bella stretched to look out the window on my left and a smile appeared on her lips and she shook her head.

"Seriously ,Edward," she said and rolled her eyes.

"Of course not," I said and started to get out of the car.

I would have happily stayed in the car all day, but then again I loved my car. I loved the leather interior, I loved the silver metallic, I loved the feeling of the stick when I put it into the highest gear and hit the gas watching the speed indicator hit the roof. Okay strike that thing about the stick it sounded a bit…gay. Something I didn't love though was standing a few feet away from me and was unfortunately starting to move in my direction. To say I didn´t love what was coming at me and Bella was an understatement, I fucking hated what was coming at us. I even had list over all the things I hated about him, him being Jacob fucking Black. Not that I would admit to having that list to anyone, but if you look in the bottom drawer of my desk you will find it. It is written in black angry ink and I add to it every time I feel extra pissed with him. As I was standing watching him coming at us I made a note to myself to add to the list.

I hate that Jacob wears tight black T-shirts.

Yes that would definitely make the list. What was he thinking wearing that anyway? He was just doing it to show off his hot muscular body. No not hot… I mean over muscular, yes that was what I meant. Jake had reached us now and Bella was poking him in the chest.

"Hey, why haven't you called me back?" She was trying to make her voice stern, but whenever Bella was around Jake she turned into this giggly five yearold.

"Been busy." I heard Jake reply.

I was myself very busy not looking at him, very busy trying to get control over my crazy body, who all of sudden decided to make my cheeks starting to heat and my heart beat faster in my chest. My body and I are not friends. Because my body don´t get that we hate Jake. Maybe I should make a list over all the things I hate about my body when it is close to Jake.

Cheeks turning red

Heart beating fast

Palms getting sweaty

Yes I am so writing that list. Maybe there are a few more things to add to that list, but I do not want to start thinking about them now. Some things are just too horrible to write down or recognize.

"Busy? Not avoiding the question I asked you? You know about…" Bella stopped herself and giggled.

"Cut it off ,Bella," Jake said but laughed a bit too.

"Edward and I have to get to class you want to walk with us?" My ex-girlfriend said and tilted her head to the side.

Yes, Bella is my ex, but we are still friends and we ride together to school every day. It was the least heartbreaking breakup in the history of breakups. Bella just looked at me one day and said:

"What the hell are we doing Edward? Let's stop pretending and just be friends from now on okay?"

I had just nodded my head and Bella had sighed and looked at bit down for about two minutes and then asked if she could still ride with me to school and I had said yes and her face had broken up in a big smile. Maybe I should have hated her for that but Bella was Bella and I could never hate her.

"No I promised I wait for Mike, I want to show him my new bike," Jacob answered.

I eyed the bike Jake was referring to. It was black and he had probably used it to drive off road because it was heavily stained with mud, how reckless. I made damn sure that my precious Volvo was stain free and it couldn't be safe to drive off road like that, what if he got hurt? Not that I cared of course… but still. Must add to list,

I hate Jacob´s new motorcycle and that he drives off road.

A small note to self, must not imagine Jacob straddling that bike, makes jeans feel too tight.


The last class of the day was approaching way too fast. Maybe I was starting to come down with something? Maybe I needed to go home? I put my hand on my forehead; it was a bit warm wasn't it?

The bell rang and everybody started to gather their things and head out of the classroom. I stayed in my bench gathering my things as slowly as possible as if doing so might stop time.

"Are you coming ,Cullen? It´s PE the best fucking class of the week." Mike was standing by the door looking at me with his baby blue eyes.

To him maybe, Mr. team spirit. I hated PE with my whole being, and it was not just because it was one of the few classes I had with Jake, even if it might have something to do with it. No I sucked at sports, not that I was unfit I just had some really bad coordination, running went just fine but running and trying to catch a ball, there was no way to do them both at the same time. The only one worse than me was Bella, she was a complete disaster falling on her ass every five minutes, but then again she was a girl and everyone thought that it was kind of cute. And then it was the whole team thing, the fist bumping, the back patting and worst of all the group hugs if somebody did score a goal or whatever one was supposed to do in that class, it made me feel….uncomfortable.

"Yes, I´m coming, I so love PE," I said sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"I know what you mean man," Mike said and held his hand up.

O my God irony was so lost on Mike, he simply didn´t get it. I had to bite my lip not to laugh out loud as I made my way over to him and raised my hand and gave Mike the high five he wanted. I simply couldn't make him disappointed; Mike was like a puppy dog he made all sad eyes if you didn't indulge him. I followed him out in the hallway.

Bella waved at me her backpack flung over her shoulder. Mike stopped at his locker and I made my way over to Bella.

"What's with the high five with Mike?" Bella said as I opened my locker.

"We just love PE," I said now letting out the laugh I was holding.

"Mike actually does you know, you ass," Bella said and slapped me on the shoulder.

"What? Go Spartans!" I said and made a serious face.

"I heard that we are playing volleyball today, if we have to practice hits two and two will you be my partner? I was paired off with Mike the last time and he kept doing these pep talks and hugging me every time I actually hit the ball. It was so embarrassing; please say you will be my partner this time?" Bella had twirled a lock of hair around her finger as she had been talking.

"What's wrong with pep talks? Lord knows you need them, and you and I together must make the worst pair ever," I said as I pulled my backpack out of the locker, "And besides I´m feeling a bit warm I might be coming down with a fever I might skip PE," I said and made a suffering face.

Bella narrowed her eyes and studied me closely.

"You are so faking ,Cullen, don´t you dare leave me alone out there," she said.

"What are you afraid Mike might hug you? I kind of think he´s sweet…I mean that's sweet," I said making a cough.

"So you think Mike is sweet..awww..Swoon," Bella said and laughed and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively in my direction.

I ignored her as I always did when she did something similar, which was quite often lately. Well she usually did it when I went on about how annoying I thought Jake was and complained about her being friends with him. She usually said something like.

"Don´t worry Edward, me and Jake are just friends nothing to worry about and yes I do agree he wears way too tight jeans, makes it so hard not to look at his ass when he walks down the corridor, I so agree."

Followed by Bella´s eyebrow wiggle. Like I said I ignored it.

"You can´t actually blame the guy he has been into you for like forever," I said as Bella and I started to walk in the direction of the locker rooms.

"No he hasn't," Bella said and a blush arose in her face.

"Yeah right," I said and tried to ignore the nervous feeling that was getting worse the closer we came to the locker rooms.

"Well see you soon," Bella said and headed into the door with girls written on it.

My hand trebled slightly as I pressed the handle down and walked into the room my eyes studying the dusty floor.


"Okay that's enough warm-up pair up two and two and practice hits." Coach Clapp´s order was followed by a loud blow of his whistle.

"You and me remember?" Bella said and laid a hand possessively on my arm.

I nodded and rolled my eyes at her. I saw Mike throwing a disappointed glace in our direction before running over to the other side of the room calling for Jake to team up with him.

"This will be fun," Bella said and started to walk over to coach Clapp to get us a ball.

Bella being Bella manage to trip on the way over there and fell on her nose right in front of coach Capp.

"Isabella, who are you teamed up with?" Coach Clapp asked with a loud voice as Bella was getting up on her feet her face flaming red.

She waved in my direction and coach Clapp made a frown.

"You're on team Edward? That just won't due Bella, there will be flying balls all over the place with you two teamed up I can´t risk other students getting hurt."

My face turned the same color as Bella´s. Yes I did suck at sports but coach didn´t have to shout it out in front of the whole class.

"No you ,Bella, will team up with Mike and you ,Edward, will team up with Jacob." Coach Clapp blew his whistle and both Bella and I jumped and gave each other a horrified look.

Mike was already at Bella's side looking like he just won the lottery. I on the other hand dragged my feet in Jacob´s direction, I hoped he was happy joining team Edward. Well he didn´t exactly look miserable at least, actually he had a bright smile on his face. Must add to list,

I hate Jacob´s smile it reveals his perfect shiny white teeth.


The ball hit me with full force. I felt a sharp pain in my nose and I lost my balance tumbling backwards and landing on my back. Warm fluid was running down my face. My hand went up to my nose in an attempt to stop the blood that was pumping out of it.

"O God I´m sorry man." Jacob was hovering above me a worried expression on his face.

He reached out as if to touch me but changed his mind his hand stopping at the side of my head, thank God for that!

"O God, call an ambulance, Edward is bleeding to death." Jessica's shrill voice cut through the gym and within a second the entire class was gathered around me.

"No it is just a nose bleed." Coach Clapp was at my side looking at me with stern eyes.

I looked up at the crowd looking down at me and thought I might ask Jessica to call that ambulance after all because I might die from shame.

"Jacob, help Edward up and into the locker room so he can clean up and the rest of class get to work we can't spend the entire lesson staring at Edward." Coach Clapp blew his whistle and the crowd scattered.

I saw Bella covering her mouth in an attempt not to laugh; I was so getting her back. Jacob was helping me up like I was some sort of invalid. I tried to say that I didn't need help but talking when blood is pumping out your nose is damn hard. Jacob´s hand felt warm against my back as he was leading me into the locker room. I was glad that my hand was covering half my face because it was flaming red. Must add to list,

I hate that Jacob has warm hands that feels nice pressed against your lower back.

When we had entered the locker room I ran to the toilet pressing a paper towel against my nose. The bleeding had decreased already.

"I'm sorry I didn´t mean to hit the ball that hard, are you okay?" Jacob had from some annoying reason followed me into the restroom.

I eyed my refection, I looked ridiculous. My hands were bloody and small stains of red was scattered over my T-shirt and I had a bloody paper towel presses against my nose.

"Yeah I'm okay, I know you didn't mean to," I said and threw the paper towel away and started to wash up.

I watched Jacob´s reflection in the mirror. He moved uneasy from one foot to the other. All of a sudden there was a tension in the room, the sound of the running water being the only thing breaking the uncomfortable silence. I grabbed another paper towel and started to dry my hands. Jacob cleared his throat a couple of times before he started talking his voice slightly uneven.

"Hum I´m having a party on Saturday maybe you would like to come." I turned around facing him, he must have noticed my surprise because he quickly added," Bella is coming and allot of other people too of course," he was speaking fast his gaze turned down.

For some crazy reason my heart was picking up speed and my brain felt fuzzy, hum probably from blood loss. The answer came before I had a chance to think, must have been some involuntary response.

"Yeah, I would love to come..I mean it sounds okay."

O God that sounded so lame. Jacob looked up and smiled the cutest smile at me. No not cute, God this blood loss was doing crazy things to my mind, making me think that Jacob had a cute smile, making me agree to go to a party at his house.

"Great, we should probably head back out there, if you are feeling okay of course," Jake said still smiling with his whole face.

"Yes I´m fine," I said making my way out of the restroom.

Jake followed me and we entered the gym.

"What took you so long? This is a serious class there is no time for playing hooky and sitting around resting in the locker room, you will help me put back the equipment, the rest of class is dismissed," coach Clap gave us an angry look.

I simply sighed there was no point in arguing with coach Clapp, he was crazy. Bella walked by me on her way to the locker room and whispered in my ear.

"Playing hooky huh?" Her tone was teasing

My face was burning up at Bella´s comment. Coach Clapp was already directing Jake to take down the volleyball nets and I made my way over there to help him.


When coach Clapp finally declared that we could go change the locker-room was deserted. The room was silent apart from the sound of me and Jake removing our clothes. I didn´t look in Jacob´s direction, I kept my gaze turned away and my back at him as I pulled my sweaty T-shirt over my head and took off my grey gym shorts. Clad only in my boxers I searched through my bag for a towel and some shower gel. I was for some reason fumbly and the entire content of my backpack ended up on the floor with a bang. Books and peens scattered over the area. My heart was beating like a sledgehammer in my chest and my palms were slick with sweat as I begun to collect my things. I heard steps coming over to me and I saw a pair of naked feet in front of me where I was crawling around on the floor.

"You need any help?" Jake asked and bent down to collect a book.

He was only wearing a towel around his waist and I had all of a sudden lost the ability to speak. All I could do was stare at his naked chest, his tanned muscular chest. Must add to list,

I hate Jake´s naked chest it makes me lose the ability to speak.

Must add this to list too,

I hate that Jake´s naked chest makes all the blood in my body rush to a certain place.

No strike that, o fuck I can´t keep censoring the list. But in my defense having all the blood in your body pumping in to your…hum…let's keep it clinical…penis…makes it hard to think, o fuck no pun intended there.

Jake was looking at me the book stretched out in my direction. I grabbed the book and started putting it back in the backpack, managing to keep the backpack strategically placed in my lap. Jake swallowed loudly and then quickly turned around and walked in the direction of the showers. I tried hard not to watch him, but you know that whole thing about the road to hell and good intentions. I so watched him. Must add to list,

I hate that Jacob have small towels that barley covers anything.

I put my backpack on the bench and quickly took off my boxers and wrapped my towel around my waist. Managing to will my erection down with thoughts of the nasty lady who worked in the school cafeteria. I heard water running and the sound of it unevenly hitting the tiles. The floor felt cold against my bare feet. I shivered as I made my way to the showers. It took all my strength and determination to walk in that direction. I didn´t inhale sharply when I saw Jacob´s naked body in the shower ahead I was merely in need of allot of oxygen. It was a pure incidence that my need for extra oxygen corresponded with seeing naked Jacob in the shower. Yes that's right. Must add to list,

I hate the way that Jacob steals oxygen making me have to breath in harder when he is around.

For a couple of seconds I just stood there not knowing what to do. What is one supposed to do after having walked into the showers? My mind felt blank. Jake turned his head and gave me a quick glance. That snapped me back. Yes you are supposed to hang up your towel and head into the shower to wash off. That is what you are supposed to do. Not standing and eyeing the dude taking a shower, not admiring the way that the water runs creating patterns over his gorgeous body. Not that that was what I was doing. No not at all. I turned around and started to take off my towel. I faced the wall took my time hanging the towel on the hook. I tugged a bit on it making sure that it was securely hung up; I did not want to find that it had slipped down on the damp floor underneath. I took my time doing this, maybe a bit much time because I was starting to feel ridiculous. I slowly turned around to make my way to the shower. I choose the shower the furthest away from Jake but he had for some fucked up reason chosen the shower in the middle so considering that there were five showers I ended up only one shower away from him. Must add to list,

I hate that Jacob don´t know common courtesy to choose the shower on the far end making people have to shower close to his sexy body.

No strike the last part, fuck! I turned on the shower and turned the temperature down. Cold water hit my body like stinging needles. But cold showers are good for the character, yes that is why I was taking a cold shower and maybe because I had a small problem with controlling my blood flow. Let's just keep that problem small shall we? The cold water sure helps with that. I glanced in Jacob´s direction as I poured some shower gel in my hand. Haden´t he finished showering soon? Was he planning to stand there all day?

"Can I borrow some shower gel? I forgot to bring any." Jake´s voice was muffled by the pouring water.

My hands were slippery as I took the bottle and handed it in his direction. He reached out his hand and our finger touched. I jerked my hand back as if burned. His fingers felt hot against my cold ones. The bottle slammed into the tiles. No I did not, how fucking cliché. We both glanced down on the dropped soap. My heart was beating fast; my breath came out in small puffs. I looked at Jake and a smile played on his lips.

"Oh fuck the soap," he said and reached out and grabbed my hand.

He dragged me in his direction and the floor was slippery wet and I had to reach out to grab his upper arm not to lose balance. The hot water in Jake´s shower washed over my cold skin. Jake was standing still looking steady in to my eyes.

"Tell me I´m not making a total ass of myself, you want this too right?" Jake raised his eyebrows questioningly.

All I could do was nod, he stepped closer our lips mere inches apart. My breathing was shallow and I noticed so was Jake´s. I leaned forward and our mouths slammed together. The kiss was wet and sloppy and turned more urgent. Jake´s tongue was in my mouth. My hands grabbed him closer and his arms went around my back making our bodies flush together. O fuck this felt so…so good. Jake´s erection pressed against mine and it was the strangest of feelings but I had no time to ponder on that because Jake´s hand slipped in between us taking our both lengths in unison and then it was the greatest of feelings instead. He started to move his hand stroking us both, I was panting into his mouth. Jacob moved his mouth starting to kiss my neck as he moved his hand faster. O fuck I was in the showers at school getting my dick rubbed my Jacob fucking Black. I felt the familiar pressure building and just when I was about to explode Jake released his grip and I couldn't help myself I said,

"No don't fucking stop."

Jacob looked at me winked and said,

" Stop? I´m just getting started."

Then he dropped to his knees and started kissing my hip and then moved on to tracing his tongue over the head of my erection. He opened his mouth and sucked me into his warm and wet mouth. I moved my hands to his hair; it was wet and felt soft and slippery under my caress. Jake sucked harder taking me deeper. The pressure returned. I felt so aroused that I saw white dots in front of my eyes. For a moment I was afraid I would pass out, but then the pressure eased and I felt a tidal wave pass through me and sweep me with it. I tried to say something but all that came out was pants and maybe the word fuck before I spilled all I had into Jake´s mouth.


I pulled into the parking lot and turned the engine off.

"If I asked you to stay in the car would you?"

Dark brown eyes meet mine and a smile played on perfect lips.

"It depends what did you have in mind?" Jake said and traced his hand suggestively up my thigh.

"O I don´t know, any suggestions?" I said and placed my hand over his crotch and felt him grow against my palm.

"O I have some," Jake said and moved his hand higher and started to pull at the zipper of my jeans.

I leaned forward and placed my lips on Jake´s and pulled his zipper down as well.

Must add to list,

Replace the word hate with love in all the sentences above…. are so cute..