A/N: Okay, so here is part 2. Any insults towards characters are made in good humor. Enjoy. =) And…I own neither LotR nor Merlin. Although I wish I owned birth.


Any villain: Stupid, fat warlock!


Merlin: Oh come on, we can take 'em.

Arthur: It's a long way down.

(pause)

Merlin: Toss me.

Arthur: What?

Merlin: I cannot jump the distance; you'll have to toss me!

(pause)

Merlin: Don't tell Morgana.

Arthur: Not a word.


Merlin: I think I made a mistake in leaving Ealdor, Gaius.


Merlin: What we need is a few good taters.

Arthur: What's 'taters,' precious, what's taters, eh?

Merlin: PO-TA-TOES! Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!.. (wistfully) Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish…


Any villain: But the fat warlock…he knows! Eyes always watching!


Merlin: It's true you don't see many witches. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for warlocks.

Gaius (sotto voce): It's the neckerchiefs.

Merlin: And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no witches, and that magical children just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is, of course, ridiculous.


Arthur: Bring your pretty face to my sword!


Arthur: Morgana! Two already!

Morgana: I'm on seventeen!

Arthur: Huh? I'll have no woman outscoring me! *kills person*

Morgana: *kills another person* Nineteen!


Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: What, Merlin?

Merlin: I'm hungry.


Morgana: Final count, forty-two.
Arthur: Forty-two? Oh, that's not bad for a girl. Hmph! I myself am sitting pretty on forty-THREE.
Morgana: *sticks sword in knight lying by Arthur's feet* Forty-three.
Arthur: He was already dead!
Morgana: He was twitching.
Arthur: He was twitching because he's got my axe EMBEDDED IN HIS NERVOUS SYSTEM! *moves his sword and body twitches*


Arthur (to Morgana): That one counts as mine!


Merlin: Keep breathing. That's the key. Breathe.


(Gwen enters with nasty-looking stew)

Gwen: Merlin?

Merlin: N-no, I couldn't. I really couldn't.

(Gwen walks away from Merlin and towards Arthur)

Gwen: I made some stew. It isn't much, but it's hot.

(fills bowl and gives it to Arthur)

Arthur: Thank you.

(Arthur eats stew, looks at eagerly awaiting Gwen, and nods)

Arthur:…It's good.

Gwen (too excited; relieved): Really?

A/N: Yeah, I had to throw the last one in there...I laugh SOOOO hard every time I watch that part... :)