A/N: Post Aidou Aizen's murder. The hodge-podge bunch held an alcohol laced cheer-up party for Aidou in Zero's apartment. Warning... Crack, OOC, bad sense of humour, random senselessness, alcohol abuse by minors...And Ichiru's back from the dead, looks exactly like Zero (refer to chapter 12 of The Midori Incident to find out how). Hey Kim... Happy Belated Birthday! I tried my best! I've no experience with alcohol too... Sorry I'm slow. I've been rendered into a mono-typer blessed with a raging concussion for the time being...Kekeke. ^^ Read away people...
The Twincestic Twins Follies: Moonshine
Fuck, I'm tired...
He groused, fishing out his keys.
I hate school...
He thought, recalling the group of fifty to sixty rabid fan girls who had been trailing after him all over the academy; yelling "Kyaaaa!" or whispering "Oooohs!" or "Awwww..." and "He looked at ME...!" In short, he was going nuts just from avoiding and pretending that they were invisible.
I hate the rabid fan-girls...
The piles of goodies, plushies, dried wilted flowers and other cringe worthy junk were piled beside his door, overflowing the narrow hallway. They had discovered the location of his apartment. They had diverted their bloodthirsty fanatical obsessions towards the Kiriyu Twins.
He cursed the cause of his misery; his bipolar twin brother. He kicked a jigsaw puzzle of a close up the two of them standing side by side during prefect patrols. The image of two very identical twins, the smiling one fingering the tattooed left side of the neck belonging to the other mirror-image who was scowling at the world rather suggestively would catapult any perverted brains into 'Twincest Land'. He had the feeling that Ichiru was doing those kinds of things on purpose.
The meaning of the new terminology shocked him. Sure, they were close being brothers and all but not that close. He growled at the message at the bottom of the puzzle which read "Zero x Ichiru Forever!" and stomped on the jigsaw, stamping Ichiru's face with his shoeprint. Sure, they were close; so close that they'll end up killing each other in their love-hate brotherly relationship.
Before he could insert the key, he heard a very faint heartbeat coming from the apartment. His gut was telling him it was a vampire but logic concluded that it was definitely not Ichiru. It could not be Ichiru because his damned clone was away with Kaito to a hunter-vampire meeting. Well, technically it was Ichiru pretending to be Kiriyu Zero attending a hunter-vampire crisis meeting with Kaito. Perhaps the only one who could tell which Kiriyu was attending was Kuran Kaname himself. Well, he did send Ichiru out because he knew Kuran would be there and it will piss the pure-blooded demon off. Serves him right because he had messed up with the Aidous and he had explanations to do.
He heard a faint sigh, he knew that sigh. Nevertheless, he whipped out his gun, twisted the key, and flung the door open. He immediately saw the intruder. It was his dishevelled blond haired, turquoise eyed Level-B acquaintance slumped against a wall.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he aimed his gun right between those pretty blues.
Stop running to me every time you get upset, stupid blond princess...
Aidou did not say anything but stared blankly at him.
"Aren't you supposed to be at the friggin' meeting?"
The blond head of hair shook from side to side, "Ne... Got any moonshine?"
Moonshine...? Alcohol...? What the hell...?
"No...What's the deal with moonshines? The next thing you'll ask is if I've seen a cow jumping over the moon. Sorry, I'm underage. Go home senpai..." he snorted.
Cue a melodious ringtone. It was hurting his ears.
"Answer it blondie...!"
Aidou did not move so Zero tucked his gun away and stalked towards Aidou, rummaged through the crumpled overcoat and found the annoying device.
He saw the name flashing on the screen. Instantly, he dropped the gadget onto the floor like it was laced with anthrax and kicked it away towards the door.
Cue the door opening and the impious twin stepped in.
Ichiru saw Aidou and grinned mischievously, "No wonder the Aidou murder hearing got cancelled. Why he's here holing up with you, Zero?"
"I have no fucking clue why he's here damnit!" he barked at Ichiru. "Now help me throw him out!"
"Tch... right," the lopsided grin took on some wickedness. "Ara.. What's this?" before Zero could react, Ichiru had picked it up Aidou's metallic blue phone, studied the screen and pressed the dial button.
Zero dragged Aidou by the arm and tried to snatch the device away from Ichiru. However, Ichiru had weaved around them and elbowed him painfully in the ribs.
Caught-off guard, he heard Ichiru speak, "Yuuki-sama...?"
He had CALLED Yuuki...? That, that, that... Ichiru, you imbecile!
"No, no... This is Kiriyu Ichiru..." Ichiru stuck a tongue out at him when he lunged and missed again.
"Hai... He's okay..." Ichiru grinned when Zero accidentally tripped over Aidou's uselessly limp legs on the floor while attempting to wrap his arms around the silver haired, tattooed monkey; his fucked-up biological clone.
"Need.. to... get... wasted... and forget... everything..." Aidou had chosen that moment to spew out more nonsense.
Zero could hear the little gears in Ichiru's diabolical mind cog into action when he said the next sentence, "Aidou-san wanted to get drunk with Zero and I. Bring some booze if you care and want to make up to him... You know what I mean..." And he hung up.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?" Zero yelled at Ichiru who immediately plugged his ears with his fingers.
"What the hell did... uhhh Ichiru? Do...?" Kaito's head popped into the room. The timing could not have been better.
I'm doomed... Zero thought as Ichiru ordered a scowling Kaito to buy liquor. Afterall, Kaito was the only one who can legally buy them. The smirk on Kaito's face told him that Ichiru's ridiculous wish was going to be granted after all.
Twenty minutes later, the small twelve by ten foot, two-bed apartment were crammed with four Level-Bs who had called Aidou's phone out of concern and had been ordered by Ichiru to bring liquor, a bored looking hunter who had previously gone out to buy alcohol for a bunch of under aged errr... vampires, a set of vampire hunter twins who had been squabbling non-stop by the door and a flustered pureblood princess who had been failing miserably to convince Aidou that the alcohol he was chugging down was going to kill him.
"I saw Kuran chop my father's head off! I don't care if the damn booze'll turn my liver into a rock! It's called cirrhosis... Why can't you even remember your damn lessons...?" Aidou bellowed out of the sudden.
Yuuki bit her lip and anguished tears quickly escaped her eyes.
"It's Kuran-SAMA...! How dare you raise your voice at Yuuki-sama...?" Ruka finally exploded and launched up from the desk she was leaning against but Kain held her back.
Shiki and Rima huddled closer together on Zero's neatly made bed and watched the scene in silence.
Yuuki cried even harder.
Zero glared at Ichiru and Ichiru glared back.
Kaito snickered in amusement.
"Why are you all here...? I just wanted to see Kiriyu and drink till my brain melts!" Aidou rose up to his feet and stomped towards the door but Ichiru blocked him.
"Why?" asked Ichiru.
"Coz I need to talk to someone who had seen his OWN parents murdered by a pureblood to tell me that I'm suffering more than him! YOU, the evil twin from sheol should know your place before you decide to ask me WHY!" Aidou's fury choked the room.
Yuuki cried even harder and Rima had moved to console her.
Zero glared daggers at Ichiru who immediately looked away.
It was Kaito who had broken the awkwardness, "Hey, hey... Chill peo... err.. Vampires." He stood up and ran his fingers in his hair. "Let's all help Aidou get over this, ne...?"
Instantly, eight pairs of angry eyes were trained on him. Kaito felt like a lone gazelle about to be gored by a pack of lions. He summoned his courage, gulped and continued, "Let's do a cheer up party for Aidou-kun here. If he wants to chug it away then let's help him get it all out..." Kaito gulped again when Zero whipped out his gun and aimed at him.
"Except for you, we're all under-aged here Kaito..." Zero warned.
"Let's do it..." Shiki's response surprised everyone and the rest was history.
"God Ru-hic.. Ka! You're a slut...! Hee... Heee!" Yuuki slurred, waving her bottle of expensive champagne as Ruka gyrated suggestively in front of Kain.
"Strip, strip, strip on my bed... You vamp bitches, strip!" Ichiru yelled while clamping his hands over Zero's eyes. The liquid form his sixth bottle of beer spilled onto the floor in the process.
Shiki was nudging Rima to join Ruka dirty dancing on Ichiru's destroyed bed.
Aidou was holding a very livid Kain back, giggling like a girl.
Rima smacked Kaito's hands off her butt and grinded her hips against Ruka's.
"Lemme go fool, I'm 2.5 minutes older than you... urgh! Take this!" Zero pried Ichiru's fingers off and tipped his gin filled mug into Ichiru's mouth.
"Wooot...! I wanna... I wanna ~hic..." Yuuki got up to her wobbly feet, whacked the intoxicated but very much panicked Kain with her bottle and clambered onto the bed.
"NoOOoo Yuuki ~hic sama! Ka-Kaname'll ~hic fuck kill me! Git dooooown...!" Aidou screamed while pulling her back by her skirt.
Ichiru giggled and pulled one of Aidou's cheeks, "Oh, stop it...! I wanna see panties... Her damn brother ugh.. Killed your daddy so whadda ya hafta care!"
"Z... do sumthin..!" Aidou pleaded to Zero and kicked Ichiru off him.
Zero pretended not to hear and watched Ruka's and Rima's sloppy swaying bodies in disgust. Kaito's lewd remarks were scorching his ears.
"Everybody stop!" Shiki's voice boomed. He sounded drunk. They had never heard his voice that loud before. He's not slurring, meaning he's not that wasted, but drunk.
Zero arched an eyebrow because he smelt trouble.
"Wha Shiki...? I wanna peel ~hic ooops.. Feel Ruka's bwebs... Thy'ere ohsome~hic licous!" protested Rima making Ruka laugh out loud.
In response, Ruka tugged one of Rima's pigtails with her teeth.
It was getting out of control.
"I say we play a game... Spin the bottle!" the maroon haired vampire spun one of Ichiru's forgotten beer bottle on the floor.
The others groaned.
"Lame, lame, ~lame...!" Ichiru jeered.
Kain nodded too enthusiastically while gulping half a bottle of soju.
"No... Give it a go. The person who spin it gets to ask the randomly chosen person a yes, no question. If the answer is yes, the person spinning gets to punish the randomly chosen person..." Shiki explained. "If it's a no, the chosen person can punish anyone in here."
"Wait a minute, let say I spin and Ruka was chosen. I ask Ruka if she reads porn and she said no... She gets to punish anyone she wants like... make the Kiriyu twins kiss each other. Right?" Kaito smiled like a maniac.
Yuuki's and Aidou's eyes lit up and both of them licked their lips.
Zero caught every action and cringed, "What the fuck...? I'm outta here! Get other game props or just use this one..." Zero grabbed the snickering Ichiru and shoved him to the centre of the room.
Ichiru made a sad face and pouted at Zero, "Come ooOOoon... This could be fuuuun, Zero-rin. It has been too long since you ~kiiiiiiissed meeee!"
"Don't call me that and no way..! Kiss yourself in the mirror... You won't notice the difference," Zero growled, shoving the very persistent Ichiru who had continued to grope him. He was feeling tipsy himself but Ichiru's state of delirium meant that his younger brother had a bit too much.
"Awwww... come oooon..."
"No!" Zero growled and bashed Ichiru on the head.
Ichiru rubbed his aching head and glared at Zero, "Cooperate Zero or else..."
"Or what?" he challenged the doppelganger.
OrI'lltelleveryonethatthere'soneof-ourbodypartthat's ~hic !"Ichiru ranted.
"Surprisingly... Not-so-identical-at-all..." Ichiru grinned meaningfully at Zero.
"Despite-of-us-being.. ~hic Identical-twins-and-shit!" Ichiru continued and punctuated with a manic laugh.
The other vampires were gaping at the two silver haired vampire hunters. Matching tattoos;check. Matching earings;check. Matching haircut;check. Equal build,check. Matching personality;fail. But personality is not a bodypart.
"Oh riiight.. I've see it in the showers. It's your ...mmppph!" Kaito could not finish because Zero had slapped his palms against Kaito's mouth and hissed out a low warning.
"Reaaaally? I ~hic wanna knoooow..." demanded Yuuki.
"Tell, tell, ~tell...!" Aidou leaped onto Ichiru's bed and urged Ruka and Rima to chant along but the two females shoved him away.
"Reaaaaally...? You reaaaaaly wanna know? ~Okie dokieeee..." Ichiru leered while grinning at Zero.
Zero paled, "You wouldn't dare..."
"Oh yes I ~would... I even have the ~picture kept in the... mmmpphhh!" Zero tackled Ichiru onto the floor and the two wrestled. They were both stripped down to their Day Class uniform white button-up shirt and dark pants so at the moment they were impossible to be told apart.
"Shit! Get Ichiru ~hic off Zero. No... Zero off Ichiru. Huh? Stop it...!" Kaito grabbed a trashing pair of legs while Kain grabbed the other Kiriyu twin.
The two vampire hunters glowered murder at each other.
"Hell, ~hic wich twin is whiiiich...?" Aidou griped, fisting his hair like a drama-queen.
"Hiou Shizuka is a horny bitch..."Shiki drawled out of the sudden.
"Fuck you!" the silver haired vampire in Kain's possession screeched angrily.
"...That's Kiriyu Ichiru," Shiki smirked and opened another bottle of rum.
"Hold it right there... The game, the game... I'll recap. First spin the bottle. Second ask question. A yes, the spinner would be punished but if it is a no, anybody could be penalised. Right...?" Kaito smirked.
"Right..." said Shiki.
"I recommend that all of the punishment should be directed to the cursed twincestic twins!" Kaito hollered and immediately everybody else but Zero cheered.
Ichiru snickered and quickly attached himself to the horrified Zero.
"That's it. This is crazy! Get the fuck out, all of you!" Zero lost it, picked himself off the floor and wrung his hands in the air. He searched the trashed space for his gun and to his consternation; it was nowhere to be found.
"Shaddap Z... This iiiizzzz MY party. Minna... focuz on punnishin the twins. That'z an ohder ~hic!" Aidou had jumped atop of the desk.
The rest of them had their eyes trained on the glowering Zero and the snickering Ichiru rolling on the floor.
"Yes sir!" all of them chorused. And the rest was history.
"My ~hic question is..." Ruka tried her best to hold up her head, "Shiki... You eat nothing but pocky for breakfact, lunch, dinner and supper..."
"Yes..." Shiki answered without batting his eyes. He took a swig from his bottle and prepared to lay out his request.
"Whaaa... That'z so weak ~hic. Ya could do betta than dat...!" Aidou complained.
"Shut it, girly boy!" Ruka took Aidou by the collar and shook him.
"You lost Ruka.. Give Ichiru a peck on the cheek in front of Kain..." said Shiki.
"What...?" Ichiru screamed and hugged a squirming Zero.
Zero growled and punched Ichiru squarely in the gut. He had enough of the horrid requests. Both he and Ichiru had touched the tips of their noses with their tongue, sang the Humpty-Dumpty song, impersonated the Ouran Host Club's Hitachiin twins 'forbidden brotherly love' scenes, wore bunny ears, and danced to an Abba song.
"Peck Ichiru on the cheek in front of Kain, Ruka..." Shiki demanded.
"My body's solely for Zero! Kill me, brother... I rather DIE!" Ichiru hugged Zero's legs and to begged mockingly.
The room erupted in outrage, Ruka pretended to pass out.
"~Damn twiiiiincestic twins!" Aidou laughed, clutching his stomach.
"Kyaaaaa wha ~ever... I'm spinniiiiiiiing...~" Yuuki grabbed Rima's half full beer and spun the bottle on the floor, sending sprays of beer flying around.
"Eeeeeewwww!" Ruka snapped up from her pretend-faint, while the rest of them scrambled away from the bottle.
The thing stopped right in front of Zero making Yuuki squeal in delight.
Zero paled and gulped.
"Jaaaaaackpot!" Aidou jumped up and popped a bottle of Yuuki's expensive champagnes.
"Ask a nuclear-bomb ~hic, one Yuuki-sama..." encouraged Rima in her monotone.
Yuuki studied Zero for a few seconds, summed up her mind and spoke quite clearly despite of her obvious state of intoxication.
"Are you still a virgin, Zero?"
"~Baaaaaaanzaaaaaaaiiiii...!" to their surprise, it was Ichiru who yelled. "Don't lie ~ Zero!"
Zero grabbed Ichiru by the neck, and silenced him in a vicious headlock. He stared unbelievingly at Yuuki. If it was not for Yuuki, he would have exterminated the vampire asking that particular question with his bloody gun; once he could find it. Now, the seven pairs of drunken eyes were waiting for his answer.
Ichiru broke away and though he was going to enjoy himself watching Zero sweat, he knew about it anyways.
The air was getting tenser and tenser.
Fisting his damp, sweat soaked silver hair; Zero sighed and gave a curt, "No."
"Jaaaaaackpot!" Aidou jumped up and down, and popped another bottle of Yuuki's expensive champagne.
The atmosphere collapsed like a swelled up typhoon.
Yuuki sank to her knees and punched a hole into the floor with her pureblood vampire strength.
Kain closed his eyes and nodded knowingly.
Shiki raised an amused maroon eyebrow and hid his smile behind his palm.
Kaito scratched his head in dismay.
Ruka could not care less.
Ichiru hugged the defeated Zero and planted sloppy wet kisses on both of Zero's cheeks before muttering something like 'secret', 'safe', and 'us'.
"...And we have a nuclear-scaled ~hic, answer minna-san..." quipped Rima in her monotone.
"Pick someone to punish, Zero... You gave a no," said Shiki.
Zero rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
Ichiru grinned, swaggered towards Yuuki, hoisted her up to her feet and dragged her towards Zero like a ragdoll.
He shoved the bewildered Yuuki into Zero's arms. "Here, kiss her. You like her ~don't cha?"
"Ooooooooohhhhh... Kiss, kiss, ~kiss...!" Aidou chanted and surprisingly Kain and Kaito joined the chorus.
Rima and Ruka's eyes grew as wide as saucers.
There was a moment of hesitation on Zero's part but he caved in eventually. The alcohol had clouded his judgement.
Yuuki trembled as Zero's alcohol stained fingers snaked into her hair, supporting her head. She saw Zero's fathomless amethyst eyes glaze, his breath mingling with hers when he closed the last few inches separating their faces. The loud vulgar hoots and remarks in the background faded the moment she savoured the warmth of Zero's lips ghosting against hers. She felt Zero's strong arm wrapping around her waist, pulling her flush against him, her heart thumped faster and faster.
Unable to withstand the anticipation, Yuuki closed her eyes.
Suddenly, Zero's deliciously warm body was wrenched away from her.
Yuuki's world tilted and she found herself falling towards the floor. A pair of hands caught her by the shoulders before she could hit the hard wood. Another pair of hands clamped over her eyes and she could see nothing.
The room was in an uproar.
"OMG...! Kaname-sama just came out of the closet!" a female voice shrieked. That's Ruka!
"What the fuck! There's five bottles of cognac in there... He's pissed drunk. How long has he been in there? Get him off Zero...!" she recognized Kaito's frantic tone.
"Ain't you gonna do sumthin bout it? Dat's your ~friggin twin!" that was Aidou ranting at Ichiru thought Yuuki.
"...and waste great foreplay...? Tongue him, Zero! Be proactive...! Defrost already...! Wait for ~me!"
"~Whoooaaaaa... ~Damn twiiiiincestic twins! Dis iz the ~hic best party eveeeeeer...! Where's my ~hic phone? Pizture thyme...!" it was Aidou ranting again.
"Git Yuuki-sama ~outta ere!" she identified the slurry mellow voice as Kain's.
"Rima... Time to go!" Shiki's hands never left her eyes.
"What the hell's going on...!" she wailed as a delicate pair of female hands tugged hers and she found herself being dragged away.
A/N- Review... review... Don't run away... Don't break my damn twisted heart...^^ Leave a suggestion if you want another one of this senselessness. I didn't come out with this on my own... Hope you love it Kim! Happy Belated ~Biiiiiirtday...! Again.