Dear Stupid Prat,

You're a right git, you know that? You've broken apart our family. Just snipped it up into little pieces, you did. After all we've done for you, this is how you repay us? Bloody nice of you (note the obvious sarcasm). We've been your family since you were born – twenty bloody years it's been – and you've shattered all of our ties.

My female cousins have been fighting for days. Not an hour has gone by without someone bursting into tears and/or running away in fury. The male cousins are befuddled as to the cause, but they're in a rage. They're ready to pound whoever's caused all of this madness. They're pretty sure it's a bloke that's done this to the female cousins. They're not stupid; they know that all of the girls can't be having their monthlies at the same time.

My parents – along with my aunts, uncles, and grandparents – haven't figured out that anything's wrong. But they keep mentioning you – my parents especially – and all your great achievements. If they ask any of us one more time if we've heard from you – not bloody likely – then I'm pretty sure that there's going to be some bloodshed, and they'll definitely know that something's going on. But I'm done with prying parents, and I'm not planning on telling them what you've done…yet. Better hope that I don't get pissed off enough to tell them, or you'll probably be disowned.

Where do you get off, though, going around breaking hearts like that? I've been asking myself that for days, and I'm no closer to an answer than when you were here two weeks ago, and this whole problem started. As much as my female cousins irritate me sometimes, I'd never wish this pain on them. I'd not even wish it on my worst enemy!

I know what they're feeling, trust me. Because, no one knew this, but I – stupidly, irrationally – fell for you, too. It was a mistake, and it's one I'll never make again. I knew how they felt about you, and I knew that nothing would ever come of it. But that didn't stop my heart from hoping.

You had to have known that at least a few of us had feelings for you. You're not bloody blind! Some were more obvious than others, but you could tell. Almost everyone could see it – except for the male cousins, but they're not the brightest Lumoses in the night, are they?

My point is that you should've known how at least some of us would feel when you brought your girlfriend home – the first one you've ever been serious enough about to bring home, apparently. What kind of arse does that? Oh, wait, you do.

So now I've poured my heart out to you. And I've told you about the scars you've left on our (not really yours any longer) family – ones that'll probably be there for a long time to come, if not forever. But why am I telling you this? It's not like you care! And I'm not trying to guilt you into breaking up with what's-her-name.

There's only one reason I'm writing you this letter – even though I'd rather not ever have to speak about, think about, or look at you again. That reason is that I have to tell you that we – the female cousins – would like you to never set foot in any of our houses – or our grandparents' house – ever again. I don't think any of us will be able to stand the heartbreak again. So basically, I'm asking you to stay out of our lives forever. And I hope that you understand that you're a cocky, no-good bastard.

Sincerely,

The Girl That's Over You