Pen name: sconnolly318
Pairing: n/a - cannon
Title: Take a Sad Song, and Make it Better
January 1, 2010
Aunt Alice is sad. I am not sure exactly what is going on, but while Uncle Jasper, Uncle Emmett, Jake, Seth, Daddy and I were popping fireworks Aunt Alice started crying- well, as much as she can cry. Daddy stopped lighting fireworks and ran to the porch where she was sitting with the rest of the family- asking a lot of questions like "Where? When? How bad?" and "Can we do anything?" I hate it when Aunt Alice is sad.
Jake and Seth finished my fireworks with me, and when we were done Momma hugged me really tight and told me it was time to get some sleep. Momma says they will explain everything to me soon, and not to worry. Yeah, like that's easy.
January 3, 2010
Aunt Alice smiled today. She was curled up in her bed when I went in there to check on her this morning. Uncle Jasper was sitting up against the headboard stroking her hair and humming softly to her when I came in. I didn't say good morning, I just crawled in with her and hugged her tight. I put my hand on her cheek and showed her the last time I heard her laugh. After a little while she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I missed her smile.
January 4, 2010
No one will tell me what's going on. I even tried getting the answer out of Jake, and he wouldn't budge. I told him I was tired of being treated like a baby.
"Well, technically, you are only four Ness." he replied with a smirk. Never mind I look like a big 10 year old, and that I can understand more than most give me credit for, I decided to act my age. I stuck my tongue out at him and stomped off to my room.
January 5, 2010
I woke up this morning to find everyone in the living room, including Uncle Sam, Leah, Jake and Seth. Knowing something bad was happening, I walked slowly to sit between Momma and Daddy. Before I could get too scared I felt Uncle Jasper sending some calm my way.
Momma looked at Daddy, and asked him a silent question. He nodded and turned more toward me and started talking. "Renesme, I know you aren't happy with all of us because you know we have been keeping something from you. I want you to know that we are sorry for being so secretive, but we didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."
"Yes, because keeping me in the dark is soooooo much better" I mumbled under my breath. Jacob and Uncle Emmett tried to keep from laughing loudly, while Aunt Rosalie and Leah smacked them each on their arms.
"I'll let that remark slide, young lady" Momma interrupted "but only because I know you are frustrated." Momma then turned to Jake "And you, Jacob, shouldn't encourage her." Jake nodded sheepishly, and turned his attention back to Daddy.
I touched Daddy's cheek, letting him know I was sorry. He smiled, kissed me on the forehead, and began again.
"As I was saying Ness, On New Years, when we were outside celebrating, your Aunt Alice had a vision. Apparently around the 12th of this month there is going to be a really bad earthquake in Haiti. Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do in regards to saving people without bringing attention to ourselves. We can't go down there physically to help because of the sun, so essentially our hands are tied."
I looked from my Dad, to my Mom, and then the rest of the room- finally settling on Aunt Alice. "How bad is "really bad" Aunt Alice? Are lots if people going to die?"
Aunt Alice nodded softly. "Yes honey, it'll be pretty bad. I have been wracking my brain for days trying to come up with something we can do beforehand, and there isn't much. There are too many people. But, we have been talking, and we are all going to work together to help with afterward."
"Well," she continued, "we all want to send a bit of ourselves down, since we can't physically be there. Grandpa Carlisle is gathering medical supplies. Aunt Rose and your Mom are getting children's supplies together- things like blankets, diapers, formula, stuff like that. They are going to need tools to rebuild and rescue, so your Dad, Uncle Jasper, and Uncle Emmett are getting a shipment of tools together- everything from sledgehammers to bolt cutters, along with drills and all kinds of other stuff. Grandma Esme and your Aunt Emily are getting together massive quantities of food."
"What about you, Aunt Alice"
"Well, Nessie, I am in charge of clothes" she answered with a wink. "I have already started ordering a ton of stuff online, and you would be proud- it's mostly stuff from places like American Apparel that are durable and available in mass quantities."
"How are we getting it all there?"
"That's where we come in" Jake answered. "Your uncle Em is going to fly Sam, Leah, Seth and I out to the Dominican Republic on the 11th, all loaded up, and we'll stay there for a couple of weeks to help with whatever we can. We'll get there at night, so Emmett can then leave without looking like a beefed up disco ball."
"That's right baby girl, and those nice coastal breezes can help with the dog smell, too" Uncle Emmett said with a smirk.
"Regardless-" Daddy interjected, "Now that you know what is going on, we want to know if you would like to be involved too. We would like you to be, because as you know we try to do what we can as a family."
"I know Daddy- and I would really like to help. What should I do?"
"You have a day or two to figure out how you'd like to contribute- and then we'll help you in any way we can." he answered with a smile.
"Thanks guys- I'm gonna go upstairs and think for a bit- and then I'll let you know." I passed out hugs and then headed to my room- mulling over all of this. As I thought of all of those people- how they were all someone's child, parent, or sibling- and it broke my heart. I could feel the lump in the back of my throat as tears filled my eyes. I now know why Aunt Alice had been so sad- and I took the opportunity to shed enough tears for all of us.
I spent the day that way. At some point I became aware of my mother coming in and crawling in to bed with me, curling herself around me. She whispered words of love and reassurance. She kissed my head and ran her hands through my hair. I could hear my father come in later, and he joined us. I know my pain hurt them as much as it did Uncle Jasper. Finally I could hear my parents whispering amongst themselves.
"Bella, we have to remind ourselves that she's just a child. In her short life she's had to deal with so much supernatural suffering- but there are so many disasters in the world that she's never been privy to of the, well, regular variety."
"I know Edward. I feel like such a human parent right now- how do I help her grieve? And what is she grieving exactly? It's the loss of human life as much as it is her innocence."
"I know love, I know. We are supernaturally strong and fast- beautiful and immortal, but at the end of the day none of that matters. I called Charlie."
"Why? Not that I mind.."
"Because he's a parent himself. I figured he could give as good if not better insight than either Carlisle or Esme. This is uncharted territory for us, but not for him. He told me about when he called you at Renee's on September 11th. Do you remember that?"
"Not really. I remember the date, and where I was when it happened, but after that everything is fuzzy."
"He said you were a blubbering mess when he talked to you. He could barely understand anything that you were saying, but that by the end of the conversation he realized that he didn't need to. You just needed to let it all out. That was the first time you had been subjected to mass loss of life and sadness, and he knew that he had to let you process it in your own way. He knew that you, like all children, were resilient, and would be ready to talk after you had gotten everything out of your system."
"He's a wise man."
I could practically hear the smile on my Daddy's face when he replied "That's why I called him".
I knew that they were aware that I could hear them. Maybe they wanted me to. My tears had slowly subsided and I was frantically trying to maintain the numbness that always follows a good cry. Unfortunately, that was fleeting. I turned on my back, and gazed back and forth between my parents who were laying on both sides of me. I didn't know really what to say, so I put a palm on each of their faces and let them know that I was okay, and I loved them.
"We know Renesmee, and we love you too baby girl, so much." my mother replied, tucking herself closer to me.
Now, I had to figure out exactly how I was going to help.
January 6, 2010
I had thought long and hard about what my parents were talking about in the bed with me yesterday. I had never given much thought to what my innocence was- and what all was involved in it. Deep down though, I knew that this had changed me. I didn't feel as much like a kid anymore. Maybe that's what they meant.
I realized then that all the kids in Haiti would feel much worse than me. They are going to see it all in person. A lot of them would lose their Mommy's and Daddy's. I knew I was lucky. Not only was I lucky that I wasn't going to be there, but it would take a whole lot for something to take my family from me- all but my human family. I would never have to wonder about my Daddy getting sick, or hurt from something like a car wreck.
I knew what I wanted to do then. Of course, as soon as I made up my mind Aunt Alice yelled from downstairs that it was a great idea. Now I just needed to set about getting it done.
January 9, 2010
My room was full of toys and yarn. Within 10 minutes of me deciding how I was going to help I had been shuttled downstairs by Aunt Alice, and she, Uncle Emmett and I were in his Jeep and on the way to Seattle.
I want to put together some "comfort" packages. Stuff to help make the kids feel better. This tied in closely to what Aunt Rose and Grandma Esme were doing- so they are helping me get it all together.
In each package there is a toy, book, and other items that might make them feel better- everything from cookies to bubble gum. I wanted to make a couple hundred of these before the guys left to take them down, and then I would get more done then.
This is why Uncle Em came with us. Any mention of toy shopping and nothing could pull him away. It took some convincing from Aunt Alice and I that even though he wanted to help, a four foot tall ride-able robotic dinosaur was kind of impractical. Aunt Alice told him that while price may not be an issue, size and weight would be. He had to promise nothing over one foot high, and it couldn't weigh over five pounds. He was in charge of the boy toys.
I had to reign in Aunt Alice when she helped me with the girl stuff. Toy make up was out- although I did give a little and let her add a magic eight ball key chain to each package.
I wanted the little kids to each have something handmade. Grandma Esme and Aunt Rose have been teaching me how to knit and crochet. I was getting pretty good, and probably a little faster than your average human- but nothing compared to Vampire Knitting. It was insane! After we finished up at the toy store and paid them handsomely to deliver, we were off to all the craft stores we could find. I needed a ton of yarn.
Finally, seven stores later, we had completely filled the Jeep with yarn, and had more being delivered. I went home and got to work.
That brings us to today. I had spent the last couple of days assembling boxes, doing inventory, knitting, purling, and crocheting. I knew I didn't need as much sleep as most humans, but I was refusing to lay down when asked. I wanted the initial boxes done before I rested, and nothing was going to stop me. Uncle Jasper had come in on more than one occasion to try to "force" me to sleep with his gift, but after much pleading and him being able to sense my sheer determination, he decided that it wouldn't be much use.
Jacob had brought me a sports bottle this morning, full of elk blood. It meant a lot- coming from him, as that was the biggest part of our nature he wasn't fully comfortable with. I smiled and hugged him, and he tried to play it off as being no big deal. He said he knew I hadn't taken a break to really eat any human food other than the occasional snack- much less to hunt, and he wanted to make sure I was holding out okay. He really was the best big brother a girl could ask for.
He offered to help, but all I had to do now was finish crocheting the blankets for the baby boxes. I offered him a skein of yarn and a crochet hook with a smirk on my face, and then let him off the hook (no pun intended) when I saw that he would even do this for me if I had asked.
January 10, 2010
I was nearly finished. I managed to get over 500 packages done, and was in the middle of getting more done for after when Daddy and Momma made me stop. I knew then that to argue would be worthless. This morning Uncle Jasper came in with them and told me that he knew how much this meant to me, but I had left them no choice. I tried to fight it off, but finally Grandpa Carlisle came in with some medicine. Momma convinced me to take it, and told me that everyone would finish getting everything loaded up downstairs and ready to go.
Daddy laid down with me and hummed first my lullaby and then Momma's. Finally he sung an old Beatles song as I finally drifted off. Maybe that's what we were doing- taking a sad song, and making it better.
I dreamed of a world where all the children could play without fear of disaster or violence. A place where laughter and happiness permeated the air. I knew, as I slept, that this didn't exist, but if people helped out any way they could- through volunteering, donations, and any other way they could think of that we could help make it better- one day at a time.