I cannot live without my love, I cannot live without my life.
8:30, I look at the clock and I feel my face contorting into a frown. She should be here by now. I am about to dial her cell phone when my own rings. It's her. "Lover where are you?" I say trying to keep the impatience out of my voice.
"Honey, I'm sorry Holy is running a little late. She just called and said that she would be here in about ten minutes. The bar is just packed tonight I can't leave until she comes." I take an unnesasary deep breath to calm myself. I know she can feel my frustration and I can hear her smiling indulgently at me on the other end. " I know honey, I miss you too, and I promise the second Holly gets here I'll hand things over to her and get my butt outta here. Okay?" Against my own will I feel myself smiling. I can feel that she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.
"Alright lover, I'll be here waiting with baited breath." I hear her laugh at that.
"Sure you will. Honestly honey, you made it a whole 1000 years without me, you'll be able to wait another half hour." That's what she thinks.
"While it's true that I did infact make it a 1000 years without you lover, the fact of the matter is that since having you in my life I find I have developed an intolerance for tardy waiteresses. I want you here with me." Where you belong, I add silently but don't say.
"Oh Honey she just walked through the door, I'm gonna go trade off, I'll be there soon okay. I love you. "
"And I you, hurry lover." At that we disconnect and I sit back in my chair in my office and wait to feel her coming closer to me. A few minutes later I start to feel the distance between Sookie and I lessening and I know that she is in her car now on her way to Fangtasia. Again I smile. I have been doing that uncommonly much lately, but the fact of the matter is that Sookie makes me...happy? Yes that is the word- happy. Everything about her makes me happy.
Perhaps it is because she is the one thing that I wanted badly that I actually thought I might not get. We Vampires are in general a very patient people, and I have always been blessed with the virtue in spades when I knew it was necessary to achieve a goal or gain something I desired. Yet Sookie cannot possibly realise how much patience I exercised during the time between meeting her and finally having her. First I had to wait through her relationship with Compton. Then through the were-tiger incident, as I call her misguided but thankfully brief association with that walking throw rug. Waiting for her to realize that the man she fell in love with when I was cursed is the same person that has been in front of her the whole time. Truly it was almost Zen like on my part.
Loosing my memories of our time together was another roadblock in our path, and then there was Rhodes where we all nearly died, the take over by Nevada, her abduction by the faires, the visit of my maker and his unbalanced progeny. It feels as though the deck has been unfairly stacked against us since my time at her home ended. And there were times when I truly despaired that I would never have her.
But after my maker met his final death things seemed to calm down considerably and they have remained calm for a year now. In that time things have changed for us and for the better. There are still bumps in the road of course. Sookie still insists on working for a living and she has not yet accepted my offer to live together full time. But she has started working mostly day shifts and has at least half of her belongings here in Shreveport with me. She even consented six months ago to let me make rennovations to her farmhouse so that we could have a light tight bedroom.
Though we never formally sat down and had our conversation about my time at her home during the curse, our "understanding" seemed to happen organically. Once Sookie allowed me in our relationship seemed to grow from there. Instead we have had many many wonderful nights lying in bed or in front of the fire at both our homes recounting and enjoying our memories of my time at her house. And I believe that Sookie has finally come to realize that while I am not completely the man she knew when I was cursed no more am I completely the hardened vampire that I show to the rest of the world. The real me lies somewhere inbetween, and though in the beginning I know she longed to have the cursed me back; I believe now she loves me for what I am and still sees the qualities in me that first drew her to me.
For me the contentment that I feel has been almost overwhelming. Sookie has been unknowingly hammering at the thick armor around my heart since we met. I desired her the moment I saw her. I was intrigued by her at our first conversation. After the maenad attack I came to respect her. By Dallas I genuinely liked her. By the night of the orgy I was beginning to fall in love with her, and by Jackson I was so far gone that I gave her my blood in quantity without a second thought. All of that before Hallows curse, before she even liked me. It has been a long road of waiting for me. Waiting for her to realize that we belong together. In the span of my life two years is like the blink of an eye. And yet while I lived those two years, patiently waiting for my love to love me back, I sometimes thought I would lose my mind. It has all been worth it though in the end. The wonderful moments we've shared in the last year are the stuff that will make another millenium of life on this earth livable to me.
The most wonderful moment yet happened not two weeks ago. Sookie told me in no uncertain terms that she wishes to spend the rest of her life with me. I know that she has always maintained that she does not wish to be turned. And I have given my word to respect her wishes. Yet I cannot but be hopeful that this is the first step in her changing her mind. To promise me the rest of this life it is a huge thing, and even if she never allows me to turn her, I will be content with having her for all of this lifetime. That night I held her to me tightly, told her that I wished for the same, and then I showed her till the first rays of dawn lit the sky how much I wanted to spend her life with her.
I know that unless she changes her mind I will evenutally lose her, but not for many, many years. And I will treasure those years. I will love her and keep her until time takes her from me. I will hold her to me and give her joy and pleasure and take joy and pleasure in return. And perhaps, perhaps if I am truly lucky she will understand that one lifetime does not have to be enough. There can be so much more, and that we can have it together. Nothing about our lives are normal and while that means that we have had to build our own happiness together without a map to start from, it also means that unlike others the possiblities are limitless.
As I have been letting my mind wonder Sookie has been getting closer and closer and she is now quite near. I pull myself from my reminising and decide to think about the here and now and plan out the rest of our evening. Sookie has the next two days off and will be staying in Shreveport with me so I want to make the most of it. It's just after 9pm right now which is still early enough to have a nice dinner out. I think also we might go to a late showing at the movies. Despite the fact that Sookie and I seperately, and most certainly together, will never hope to approach "normal" I know she derives great enjoyment from doing what she calls "normal couple things". Nothing could be more normal than dinner and a movie.
I pick up the phone and am just about to dial the number to Sookie's favorite restauarnt in town when I am literally overtaken by an excrutiating pain in my lower back. The shock of the pain is so sudden that I double over and loose my balance falling to the floor. The pain is so intense that for a few moments I can do nothing else but lie there stunned. As soon as it begins to recede just a bit I'm overcome by the first icy tentacles of fear. Fear because the pain is not mine. The pain is Sookie's. Another moment and I am able to get up. I begin to reach out across our bond trying to find her. She is very, very close.
"What happened?" Pam comes bursting into my office a look of worry marring her usually emotionless face. I have no time to waste talking and run past her down the hall and out the employee entrance. Without another word Pam follows. Just as I get out into the parking lot I am hit by another wave of pain. This one is not the sharp pain from before and it is not Sookie's pain. Instead it is as if something is being ripped away from me. And then I realize that I cannot feel her anymore. I Look over and see Sookie in the parking lot across the street lying motionless next to her car, but I feel nothing. Nothing but the unbearable tearing sensation in my chest.
I hear someone screaming and realize that it is me, screaming her name. But she doesn't move. She just lies there. Without another thought I start to run to her as fast as I can.