Rules for Being

Captain Jack Sparrow

1) Your vocabulary must contain two critical words. You must call all women "luv;" you must call all men "mate." Savvy? Darn! Okay, your vocabulary must contain three critical words.

2) Drink rum.

3) Any six-year-old knows the difference between a ship and a boat. You don't.

4) When faced with overwhelming odds, run away. When faced with underwhelming odds, run away. Practice your lizard running: wave your arms crazily in front of you when you're running away.

5) When in a tight situation, figure out what any sane man would do to get out of it and then do the opposite.

6) Beautiful women must be trifled with.

7) Cheat at cards. Cheat at dice. Cheat at love. Cheat in duels to the death.

8) When in doubt, panic. When you're sure of yourself, panic anyway.

9) Anything of value is worth stealing. If something has no value, steal it just to keep in practice.

10) The name is CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.