Thank you itsange and Idealistic4ever from PTB for making this pretty enough for me to present :)
Please know that I don't own Twilight (blah blah) and this story is rated M for lemons, strong language and some drug use.
Songs recommended and mentioned in this chapter are Superstar covered by Sonic Youth and Hallelujah by either Jeff Buckley or Brandi Carlile.
Chapter 1-Her Sad Guitar
The smell of different colognes and perfumes mixed with liquor, serenaded by the chatter of the crowded bar, made the perfect escape for Edward.
As he traced the rim of his empty glass, he ignored the laughter and the bad music playing out of an old jukebox, drowning in the overwhelming feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It felt amazing.
There wasn't anybody to tell him what to do or think. There weren't overpriced clothes or food to annoy the hell out of him. There weren't any obligations or people who were professing their fake love for him or his money.
He smiled to himself.
"How bout' another?" The bartender asked. Edward just nodded and pushed the empty glass towards the friendly man.
After finishing his third drink, he loosened his tie, undid the first three buttons of his expensive shirt, and shoved the sleeves up to his elbows. Someone turned the music off and he internally thanked whoever did it. He ordered a fourth drink, wiped away the sweat from his forehead and sighed as the drink was delivered.
A slap on the back made him jump.
"Hey man, do you like the place?" Emmett shouted with a beer in his hand and a smile on his stupid face.
Edward had met Emmett when he hired him to help him out in the law firm. His father argued that Emmett didn't seem to fit the standards of what they needed in a lawyer, but Edward knew he really meant that Emmett didn't have enough fucking money or that he didn't go to the best prep school like he did. The guy was from the shitty, white trash side of town, which was why Edward liked him.
"Yeah," Edward simply answered and went back to the fascinating world inside his glass.
"I know it's not one of those fancy, preppy joints you usually go to, but its fucking cool and the drinks are cheaper."
Edward nodded and held his glass up, showing proof of what he was saying.
Emmett chuckled and ordered another beer. "You have to get up and walk around man. There is a lot of fresh and sexy flesh out here."
Edward sighed loudly and Emmett playfully shoved his friend. "It's not official yet, so why not enjoy the night?" Emmett suggested.
Edward didn't respond and barely heard when Emmett said he would see him around, before walking away.
Not official yet.
Edward groaned and shoved his hands into his messy hair.
What his life become in the past four years was something he never saw coming. It was ridiculous. Every time he thought about it, he laughed bitterly and cursed at the imaginary slideshow of his life that played in his eyes. He was an idiot. It wasn't like his life hadn't been planned out since the day he was born, but still.
Since he was a rebellious teen, he had promised himself; he wasn't going to be like those people; like his family…
Yet, now at the age of 26, he was an exact replica of their perfect world. He was suffocating and would die soon.
He didn't want to die.
He wanted to live for once.
Edward ignored the owner of the bar as he presented the first musical act. He rubbed his face and turned to look towards the stage as the crowd began to cheer.
A young woman walked from behind the stage and into the spotlight with a beautiful caramel acoustic guitar hanging from her shoulder. She wore tight jeans and a light brown leather jacket over her tattered black Johnny Cash T-shirt. She placed her beautiful brown curls behind her ears and positioned the guitar, ready to play before leaning into the microphone.
"Hey guys, I'm Marie." Her raspy and sultry voice stayed in Edward's mind even as the crowd let out a loud cheer in her honor. He didn't know if the chills on his skin were a product of too much to drink or her voice. The stage lights seemed to set her pale skin aglow and make her curly chestnut hair shine like an angel from heaven itself. He turned his body to face her completely.
She started to strum her guitar, and by the first notes, Edward smiled as he recognized the song right away.
The crowd went completely silent.
Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
He couldn't have known that she would sing like an angel as well.
A pained angel.
Her voice broke on the perfect parts and sent chills through the crowd, including Edward who was trying hard not to fall off the bar stool that barely held him. His eyes were glued to the woman with the amazing voice and beautiful face.
Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
She closed her eyes and strummed a little harder. Edward lost himself in her voice and expressions as she cried her heart out into the microphone, and before he realized what he was doing, he had squeezed his way through the crowd trying to get closer to her. He fought through the sea of people, ignoring the annoyed comments and grunts from the people he shoved passed—he didn't care for them. As he found her beautiful face, he forgot about everything else—there was only her, there was only him.
He forgot about his name and what it meant.
As the song came to its end, Edward groaned in disappointment, but the sound of his heartbreak was drowned out by the loud cheers for the beautiful chestnut brunette on stage. She smiled and bowed, welcoming in the well deserved praise. Edward eagerly waited for her to announce that she had another song- it would be devastating if this was the end.
It just couldn't be…
"Thank you guys," she said breathlessly into the microphone. She moved a sweaty strand of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.
Edward paid attention to every detail of every move she made, engraving her images into his brain to remember them later, he stood there.
"Before I move on, I just wanted to present the guys that will help me with the rest of the songs. You know em' but they still deserve an intro considering how fucking awesome they are!"
The crowd cheered again, but Edward yet again didn't seem to hear the words she was saying, only able to stare at way her plump lips moved.
He started intensely at a single bead of sweat that rolled down the side of her face. He couldn't take his eyes away from the pink of her flushed cheeks caused by her passionate singing. He didn't know if it was amount of alcohol in his system or if was just how completely lost he was in her. He had been "in place" and did what he was supposed to do for the past few years of his life.
He hated it.
Now, he was lost in her and he didn't mind one bit.
A young girl with a black boyish hair cut came on stage and strapped on a red guitar and shyly waved at the crowd, while a tall and slender guy strapped on a bass. The drummer looked like a complete jackass and frowned his way to the drum set. He ran a hand through his short spiked hair and smirked as the pretty brunette nodded at him. Marie's band mates all looked dark and the complete opposite of her. Edward guessed they were Latino or maybe Native American.
"This song here is 'Superstar' by the Carpenters but with our very own touch. It's a cheesy ass 70's song that I love," she said and smiled to herself.
Edward smiled back at the girl as if she had meant the endearment for him—she hadn't even looked his way. It didn't matter, all he wanted was for her to know that it was okay for her to love that song because he loved it too, and she didn't have to be embarrassed.
Long ago and oh so far away
I fell in love with you.
Before the second show…
Edward decided it. It wasn't like he actually had a choice. It just happened and he knew it.
The other girl joined at the chorus as backup vocals and created a beautiful mixture that did in fact make that cheesy song the saddest fucking thing he had ever heard.
Marie then continued solo.
Loneliness, is such a sad affair
And I can hardly wait
To be with you again
What to say, to make you come again
Come back to me again
And play your sad guitar
Marie strummed her guitar harder as the chorus came again, her voice broke at the word "love" making it so real, making it the truest thing in his pathetic life. He stared at her peaceful face as the song continued to its end.
Her closed eyes flew open in his direction.
Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby?
She sung the last parts to him. He knew it. It wasn't some stupid trick played by his desperate mind. She was looking right at him. Her brown eyes stayed on him as the song came to an end and didn't move as the crowd clapped. Edward hoped maybe she would see it too.
What he saw and felt…
After a few more seconds, she finally smiled at him and turned her attention back to the audience as if nothing had happened. She acted as if it wasn't important. As if he wasn't there, wishing to have her.
He swallowed. His throat was dry.
Marie and the band played two more songs before the second show, bowing and thanking the crowd appreciatively before exiting the stage.
Edward didn't move from his spot as she and the others moved off the stage to make room for the next band. Maybe she would come back. She couldn't be this cruel.
But she didn't come back.
Edward moved away from the crowd, scanning for the girl. Surely after singing like that, she would get thirsty.
He was sure he was having a panic attack as no face became hers. He nervously ran his hand through his hair that surely looked like a fucking mess.
"Hey dude," Emmett shouted over the noise of the crowd.
Edward ignored him, still looking for his singing bird.
"Dude, you okay? You look paranoid as fuck!"
"Did you see her, Em?" Edward asked still not looking at his friend.
"Her!" Edward was frustrated and the thumping of his heart against his chest and the obliviousness of his friend didn't help.
"Okay there is like fifty hers in here."
"The singer!" Edward shouted as if it was obvious.
"Oh, Marie! Yeah, man, she went back stage to get freshened up. She'll come out and have a few tequila shots in a little while."
Edward wasn't sure how his friend knew this and envied the shit out of him, but felt a ping of relief that he at least knew he still had a chance to catch her. "How do you know this?"
"She sings here every Friday with her band and does the same thing every time. Sings and then drinks a few shots of tequila and leaves. Very coolchick. She's a local favorite. Everybody here loves her. But she only stays here during the summer."
"I need to meet her," Edward said seriously and Emmett laughed at him.
"Right!" Emmett patted Edward's shoulder. He failed to see how serious and desperate Edward was.
It didn't matter.
"I found this cute chick and she has a sister. You wanna come?"
Edward shook his head and Emmett shrugged.
"Alright man, well if you leave let me know." Emmett walked away and disappeared into the crowd.
Edward's wandering eyes searched for her again. He was becoming ill with disappointed when he finally spotted her at the bar. Her chestnut hair beautifully cascaded down her back. The guitar player was standing next to her telling her something, clearly not that interesting, as she just nodded at the poor girl.
The girl sighed in annoyance and patted Marie's back and walked away.
This was his chance.
He took a deep breath. He slowly approached her and sat on the bar stool next to her as she lit a cigarette. The way her lips wrapped around the lucky nicotine stick made Edward groan silently.
She took a long drag from her cigarette and quickly took the shot of tequila. She finally caught him staring and looked at him. She didn't say anything as she studied him and only took a few hits from her cigarette.
Edward was shocked he didn't feel like a fucking creep or psycho staring at her like he was. But she didn't seem to be put off anyway. She crookedly smiled at him and exhaled the smoke from her lungs.
Edward didn't even like smokers and yet she was the sexiest thing fucking ever.
Hey you," she said in that raspy and sultry voice that had bewitched him from the beginning. He just stared at her silently. "Are you mute?"
He shook his head which only caused her to chuckle.
"Well, goddamn you poor fool. Aren't you gonna buy me a drink or what? Everyone else does."
Edward quickly nodded and she laughed again.
"Hey Jerry!" She shouted and the bartender quickly came to her. "Get me and my mute friend a couple of really cold beers. Is beer okay buddy?"
Edward again only nodded and she smiled widely at him.
"Alright, Marie, coming right up. You rocked it by the way." Jerry said and Marie waved him away. She went back to her cigarette and Edward cleared his throat. "You're amazing," he said lowly and she looked at him again.
"And you're a little weird. It looks like we'll get along just right." She laughed, making him smile. The beers came and they sat silently drinking them away. He noticed the small tattoo on her right wrist and he suddenly wanted to know every story behind it. He also wanted to know the story behind the small scar on the side of her forehead.
But he didn't get a chance to ask as she suddenly stood up.
"I gotta go…what's your name?"
"Edward," he said almost in question. He was panicking because she was leaving.
"I like it. It reminds me of them old books I read in school. Very classy name," she said as she put her jacket on. "Well Edward I gotta go. See ya' around." She started walking away and he couldn't find the words to stop her, but his feet carried him towards her. He was about to get to the bar's door which she exited through when a large hand stopped him, grabbing his arm.
"Every Friday I have to stop these fucking drunken fools from following Marie. She ain't interested!" A large bald man shouted in his face.
"It's alright Pete, let my friend go." Emmett appeared to his friend's rescue. He wrapped an arm around Edward's shoulders. "Dude, what's the matter with you?" He asked as he pulled him outside the bar. The cold wind hit Edward's face slapping him awake.
"I don't know," Edward muttered.
Edward pulled away from Emmett and quickly made it to his car.
"Edward! Edward, come back! You had too much too much to drink, man!" Emmett shouted. Edward didn't know where he was going; all he knew was that he needed to get away from that bar. It no longer had what he needed.
He drove his Volvo until he spotted an old pickup truck on the side of the road. The driver was under the hood with a flashlight in her hand.
It was her!
Edward made a horrible U turn and parked behind her. He quickly made it to her and she jumped as she caught sight of him.
"What the hell?" she yelled and picked her cigarette off from the ground that had fallen in her fright and placed it between her lips again.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," he apologized, but her rolled eyes and sigh let him know that she didn't care.
"It's alright Ed, just get my truck fixed," she said as if they had been friends for the longest time. He stumbled to the front of the truck and jumped when she shoved the flashlight at him. He scanned the old truck's parts looking for something that was out of place, but the truth was that all of those years of law school never taught him anything about vehicles. He had no damn idea what to look for.
He turned to look at her. Her cheeks reddened from the cold and her pouty lips distracted him for a moment.
"Um, I don't know," he simply mumbled.
She laughed, "Then what the hell are you doing here?"
He felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment.
"I was passing by and I saw you in trouble and that's pretty much it. Thought I would make a fool of myself." She smiled at his absurd confession. "I can give you a ride home," he offered and she chewed on her lower lip in contemplation.
She didn't know the man. Hell, she didn't know his last name. But someone with a face like his couldn't possibly hold any evil in his heart.
"Alright, but if you kill me, just know I'll hate you for it."
He chuckled and helped her close her truck's hood and pointed the flashlight in the direction of his car. He opened the passenger's door for her and she jumped in. He ran to his side and threw the flashlight to the backseat.
"Well, Edward, if you are a serial killer let me just say, it's some funny shit that you drive a mom's car," she joked as she grabbed for her seat belt. He smiled into the car's darkness.
"I'm not a killer," he said.
She laughed, "Oh, well, fucking thank the lord for that!" She sat back and placed a boot on his dashboard. Being anybody else, he would have shouted and demand her boot off his dashboard, but he couldn't be happier that she did it. It meant she felt comfortable around him to take such liberties.
He started the car and entered the road. She flicked her cigarette out the window and gave him directions to her house. Edward didn't really know this side of town. He felt out of place.
Again, he didn't mind.
The ride was silent.
"Yeah?" He hated when people called him by that name, but coming out of her mouth, he enjoyed it more than he could comprehend.
"I'm glad you found me," she said and looked out her window. Edward didn't want to see more into her comment, but he was more than happy that he had found her.
He finally found her.
At a red light, Edward took the opportunity to admire her face under the red glare of the light. She caught him and smiled.
"You have a staring problem, buddy. But I like it," she said shaking her head.
He knew she wasn't upset by the wide grin on her face.
"The way you look at me, makes me feel pretty goddamn special."
"You are," he whispered to himself, but he was pretty sure she had heard him.
They finally got to her apartment complex. It wasn't the best of neighborhoods. Edward looked around in worry something would jump out. He was so concentrated on finding something dangerous, that he glared at her when he heard her giggle.
"Nothin' is gonna happen, Superman." She rolled her eyes.
"Okay," was all he could say. What else was he to say? They sat in silence for a long moment. He was still tightly gripping the steering wheel hoping something would happen to make her ask him to stay. He turned and looked for it in her face. She bit on her lower lip and looked at him with heavy eyes.
"You wanna check if the coast is clear, Superman?" She asked, and her tone of voice made him groan. He just nodded hoping she hadn't heard him. She smirked and opened her door. Edward fumbled with his seat belt and gulped as he closed his door. He followed her to the complex with his hands shoved into his pockets.
There was nothing he wanted more, yet he could feel his heart in his throat and the sweat on his forehead.
It wasn't like he was a saint.
He had been with a fair share of women in his life.
But none of them were her.
The inside of the complex wasn't any better than the outside. The walls were stained and everything looked worn out and old. But she acted like she wasn't fazed by any of it. She didn't say anything as he followed close behind. The quiet of the complex made their footsteps the only music in their way to her place.
With every step he took, he knew there was no going back. Once she became his and he became all hers, he would never take it back and she would never return his sanity and heart to him, but he didn't care. She could have it.
All of it.
They finally reached her apartment. She unlocked it but had to shove it with her shoulder to make it budge open. She didn't say anything again and he assumed he was invited in as she left the door open behind her.
He slipped inside and closed the door shut. He turned back into the dark apartment and noticed there was a room with light. He slowly approached it and took a peek inside. It was her bedroom. For a woman, she was pretty messy but it caused him to smile. It seemed to fit her.
There were a few guitars against the wall and a lot of worn out notebooks scattered on the floor. He glanced around the rest of the place since she wasn't in her room. He walked across what seemed to be her living room and found her in her small kitchen. There was only space for a refrigerator, a stove and a sink. She was head into her refrigerator. She had slipped out of her leather jacket and t-shirt and was now only in a white wife beater and those tight jeans he had come to love.
She pulled away with two water bottles and smirked at him as he stood against the corner of the tiny kitchen.
"Thought you'd be thirsty for some good ole' water." She handed him a bottle and he graciously took it. She jumped onto the counter by the sink and chugged down her water. He stared at her throat and even found it fascinating. He wanted to lick the bead of water running down her neck and maybe up to her pretty mouth. Suddenly his pants were becoming too tight.
"You're beautiful," he said without hesitation and she began choking on her water while some of it got on her chest.
"Shit, Edward, if you wanted to see my boobs, all you had to do was ask." He knew she was joking, but he didn't mind taking the offer. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and smirked at him again. It was as if she knew she had him. Her mouth smiled in victory. It pissed him off a little.
In a good way.
He slowly made his way in front of her, placing himself between her legs and tested her comfort by slowly getting as close as he could to her beautiful skin. He was finally inches away from her face. She stared at him and was completely still as he studied every freckle on her cheeks, every line, and every imperfection she owned.
With his finger tips, he traced her jaw up to her cheek bones and then her nose. She closed her eyes and exhaled a shaky breath.
"You…you really think I'm beautiful?" She whispered and he slowly neared his lips to hers.
"Yes," he whispered back against her mouth. She pressed her forehead against his and took a deep breath. She wanted him to do it, to get this agonizing wait out of the way. But he was taking his time.
He slowly ran his large hands up her soft, bare arms clasping them together loosely at the back of her neck. He ran his nose across her jaw and behind her ear. He softly pressed his lips at the skin there and smiled when he heard her moan. He traced her jaw once more, but with his lips until he reached her neck. He sucked on the water there.
"Shit," she gasped and wrapped her legs around his waist and pressing herself against him. She took his face and pulled him up to hers. He beat her to it and pressed his lips to hers. It started out as slow and gentle, but the fire they both felt took over.
He traced her lips with his tongue making her moan. He plunged his tongue into her now opened mouth to finally meet hers. He wrapped his arms around her small waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He was pretty sure she could feel what she was doing to him in his pants and to prove it, grinding himself against her. She loudly moaned into his mouth, but pushed him away.
That wasn't what he was expecting.
"Wait Edward," she gasped for air. "Just give me a damn sec." She held onto the counter top and his shirt for dear life.
"What is it?" he asked, still with the issue in his pants.
"You just to have to promise me one thing."
"Whatever you want," he said breathlessly. At this point he would promise her the fucking moon.
"You don't take this seriously. This is just a carnal deal and that's all you'll ever know of me. You can have it, but don't you dare leave this place with me. I stay here."
He knew exactly what she meant and though something in his chest didn't agree, he would take what he could.
"Okay," he simply answered.
"Alright then, but fucking hell, don't call me Marie. That's just my stage and middle name, but I hate the fucker."
"Then what should I call you?"
"Bella. That's my real name. My friends and…." She sighed and smiled sadly. "And my family call me Bella."
"It suits you." She didn't respond and instead grabbed him by his tie and pulled him to her. She wrapped her legs around his waist once again and smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Edward took one last look into her brown eyes and knew there was no going back. He was about to give her his soul and didn't care. Their lips hungrily met again. Their tongues danced and their hands wandered over each other's unknown bodies.
His hands found their way under her think wife beater and to her bra's clasp. He undid it and she suddenly pushed him back to remove her wife beater completely. He moaned as her loose bra threatened to reveal what he desired to touch as she threw the useless tank top somewhere in the tiny kitchen.
He didn't wait and with a desperate need grasped her bra and shoved it down her arms. He cupped her breast, before shoving his face into her neck. He licked and sucked while rubbing her nipples with his thumb, making her buck her hips.
"Goddamn, Edward," she moaned and gasped into his ear which only drove him further into his desperation to consume her. She started to grind herself on his obvious erection making him groan into her neck.
"Jesus…" He pulled her off the counter and with her still wrapped around his waist and glued to his mouth, he made it to the bedroom. He gently placed her on the bed, but not daring to separate from her skin. There would be no room for her to change her mind.
He went back to her neck while she snapped his shirt open. The sound of the poor buttons hitting the floor, made him drive into her harder.
"Shit!" She gasped feeling him through her jeans. "Take these off." She pulled at his pants. He stood up and hurriedly shoved his pants down his legs, desperate to be so close to her once again. She shifted and wiggled out of her tight jeans, but he had the honor of helping her finish leaving her just in small black panties.
The moonlight through her bedroom window made her naked pale skin glow for him and he hovered over to admire up close.
"You're so fucking beautiful," he said breathlessly and she smirked.
"You keep saying that. But I have to say the same about you," she whispered in a seductive raspy voice that made him groan as she wrapped a hand around his dick.
"Shit," he gasped and attacked her mouth. He slipped his hand down her chest, belly slowly making his way into her panties. He moaned into her mouth as he felt how wet she already was. He caressed her folds with his finger tips oh so softly and lovingly.
She snapped her eyes open her eyes and snatched his hand out of her panties.
"Quit fucking around, Ed. I need you inside me, now!" She shoved her panties down her legs revealing her bare self to him. She stretched over to her night stand and pulled out a small foil packet and ripped it open with her mouth. He stared in utter aw and shock as she rolled the damn thing on him.
She was amazing.
She wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him to her mouth to show him how desperate she was. He took in the invitation and guided his erection into her entrance. As he entered the tip, he felt her body tense and he pulled his face back to admire her face as he slowly slid into her the rest of the way. She arched her head back into the pillow and dug her nails into his arms as she held onto for dear life.
She exhaled her held breath and squeezed her eyes shut and moaned his name. Edward stared in awe, no longer paying attention to his own pleasure.
She was without a doubt, the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.
He started thrusting in a slow pace and kissed her every bit of her mouth, taking in her breaths and moans into his own. He lightly kissed her chin and cheeks, loving her in every way, hoping she could feel it too. She slid her hands down his back and grabbed his ass cheeks and pulled him deeper into her.
He smiled and sped up his pace as she made appreciative noises. He pulled himself up with his hands that held onto the bed as he drove into her. He stared down at her face. A bead of sweat ran down his nose and dropped onto her chest. She snapped her eyes open and looked straight into his green emeralds.
He didn't avoid her eyes and for a moment she didn't avoid him. He wished she could see in his eyes as he slid in and out of her tightness. He wished she could see what he felt and was sure she felt too. She swallowed and for a quick moment stilled her movements and he did his. She studied his face and with a soft look on her face, gently caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers.
He trembled by the simple act and sighed. She quickly removed her hand and wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck as to hide from him. She kissed his neck and urged him to move again which he did.
They finished in a hard and desperate pace.
Edward laid on his back with a sleeping Bella on his belly. Her curls draped on his chest and her arms wrapped him. He stared at the ceiling and ran a hand through her hair, trying his best not to become aroused by how her warm breath gently hit his belly button and how he could feel her wet warmth on his leg.
He was trying to come up with an excuse or story to have her again.
No matter what he thought of, his reality always came back to remind him of what and who was waiting for him on the other side of town.
They expected him so much of him and she expected her last name to change at the end of the summer, but as Bella stirred and placed open mouth kisses from his belly to his chest, Edward knew he had to do something.
He had to do something to have her again and not just for another night.
He no longer belonged to them.
He belonged to her.
So…if you read ATTY, you know I like the tasteful angst and I'm good at it, but I promise you the angst in this story, though present, won't be as bad…maybe. Bella and Edward will make some decisions that will make you question their morality but that's real life. Please give them a chance.
If anybody wants to know, I imagine Bella's singing voice to be like Brandi Carlile. Her music inspired this version of Bella. I just love her raspy womanly voice and she does sing a version of Hallelujah.
The story was partly inspired by the song Superstar, Sonic Youth's version since it's a male singing it and it fits Edward.
Please let me know what you think of the first chapter. The next chapter is almost done, but I have to get it through a beta which might take a week, so save BTSS on alerts if you want to and stick around. :)
**ATTY fans, I am also almost finished with the next chapter, so look out for that.