Hi! So, I realise some of you may not like this – I know there are a few people who get very het up about fanfiction being mentioned in a fanfiction, but I had this idea and just had to write it. It's purely for entertainment, to make you laugh – it's probably the least serious thing I've ever written. So, if you want a laugh, I hope you enjoy it – if you're a bit more serious about your fanfiction, this might not be for you. :P Anyway, I hope you like it and please review! Because let's face it, this is what we all wanted to happen...:D
P.S – Some of the ideas in here are inspired by and come from Magicful Creepy Kids' story 'How To Annoy A'... which is hilarious, and you should definitely check it out!
Disclaimer – I don't own Ashes to Ashes...and I certainly won't ever own it either, especially as Matthew and Ashley would probably kill me if they ever read this. :P
What We All Wanted To Happen
Tears were streaming slowly down Alex's face now, her expression pained as she gazed helplessly at Gene. The quiet lull of music came from the Railway Arms behind them, but she tried to block it out. She couldn't go in there, not without him. "Please, Gene," she pleaded, taking a step towards him. "You can't send me in there...you need me...I could stay here and help you, please don't make me; I can't go in there..."
Gene smiled slightly at her, trying to ignore her tears, but it was hard. She was Alex, his Bolly...he never wanted to make her cry. "Of course yer can, Bolls, they've got a saloon bar. If you stay I'll stop thinking I'm righ' all the time, and we can't 'ave that, can we Bolly?" He smiled a little more as she stepped towards him again. "Weren't bad though were we?"
She sniffed as she stopped in front of him; they were so close now, they were almost touching. Her gaze met his, eyes wide and pleading, begging him to let her stay. Slowly, she bent her head towards him, eyes closing as she said a silent prayer before pressing her lips to his. The kiss was nothing like she had imagined their first kiss would be like – there was no fiery passion, no insistent moans or roaming hands. Instead it was sweet and tender, a teary, desperate goodbye. Neither of them wanted it to end.
Behind them, Keats pulled a face and howled before he began to stumble back up the street, away from them. "Shit," he muttered bitterly to himself, wondering what it was that Gene Hunt had that he didn't. Apart from a halo and wings. What so great about Gene Hunt? 'Hello!' he wanted to shout, 'I have an awesome lift that goes down to this fiery pit of doom! How could you not want to go there instead?'
Meanwhile, Alex and Gene had pulled apart, a plea still hidden deep within Alex's eyes. Gene sighed. "Bugger it, Bolly," he said, shaking his head at her before shrugging. "Yer can stay."
Her face lit up as Keats let out another miserable roar down at the other end of the street. "I can?"
"Not got much choice 'ave I, Bolls?" Gene asked as she threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Usually, Gene despised hugs, but with her pressing her body up against his, he found himself not minding so much. "Kissin' me like that, you mare."
Grinning, Alex stepped back from him and turned to wave at Shaz, Chris and Ray as they closed the door behind them and the pub slowly disappeared from view. Once they were alone in the street, she smiled again and let out a relieved sigh. Keats had buggered off somewhere – back to hell, she hoped. "Well, now everyone's happy," she said.
Gene frowned. "Eh?"
"Well," Alex said, as though it was obvious, "They're happy with an afterlife in a boozer, you're happy because I'm here when you thought no-one would ever love you again, I'm happy because I can still nag you about everything and act like I know it all, and all our fans in the twenty-first century are happy because they've wanted us to get together for ages."
Gene still looked completely baffled as his eyebrows rocketed. "Come again, Bolls."
Letting out an exasperated sigh, Alex shook her head at him in disbelief. "I can't believe you don't know! Look, back in the twenty first century, Gene, there are all these people on the internet who write all these lovely stories about us getting together, going on dates, getting married, having children... They're quite entertaining actually."
Just then, a loud, mad cheer sounded from nowhere, as though the noise was just coming from midair. Most of the cheers and screams were female, very girly and very high pitched.
"What the 'ells that?" Gene exclaimed, looking around, wondering if he'd gone mad. He looked back at Alex; maybe letting her stay had been a bad idea after all, she was already driving him round the bend.
"Oh, that's all our fangirls and the fanfiction writers screaming with joy at the fact we're together now," Alex said, matter-of-factly. "They're being so loud; the sound is travelling all the way back through time to us. In fact, it can probably be heard in the dark ages." She grinned at him.
Gene took some time to reply. "So...there are stories...about us?"
Alex nodded. "Yep."
"Uh-huh." She continued to grin at him.
"Having..." he struggled over the concept, "Having kids?"
"Even..." Gene paused, swallowing deeply for a second before looking at her again, "Are there stories about us...you know...shagging?"
Laughing, Alex nodded at him. "Oh there are plenty of those... You know, Gene, there is this rather interesting one involving the two of us and a game of monopoly... And another where a toilet cubicle comes into play... I'm telling you, considering the fact that most of them have no life and do nothing but dream, watch these things called DVDs of us and write fanfiction all day, they can be very imaginative..." she trailed off suggestively and stepped closer to him again, looking up at him through hooded, lustful eyes.
There was silence for a few long moments, in which the Galex shippers and writers of the world held their breath, watching on eagerly... And then, Gene grinned. "Sounds brilliant, Bolly! In fact..." He leant closer to her, bringing his hands up to rest on her waist to pull her towards him, "I think we should go try a few of those things out now..."
"Well, Mr Hunt," Alex murmured, tilting her head slightly so their lips were almost brushing. "I think that's the best idea you've had in ages." She smiled. "Well, better than sending me in there, anyway." She tilted her head back to where the pub had disappeared.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked gruffly, tightening his hold on her waist as they kissed again, this time with battling tongues, hungry moans and roaming hands.
The almost deafening sound of screaming, squealing fangirls and fanfiction writers sounded again, mixed in with Keats' cries of anger. He always seemed to lose when it came to these things.
"Well actually, Gene, how are we going to get back to Fenchurch, considering the Gene-mobile is now kind of dead?" Alex grinned a little sheepishly at him.
As Gene's face darkened at the memory of his beloved Quattro being murdered, he leant in closer and said threateningly, "We'll take the tube, Bolly, but promise me this."
"Never call my Quattro 'the Gene-mobile' again," he told her, completely serious.
Alex giggled a little. "Oops, sorry...you see, there's this wonderful 'How To Annoy A' story on fanfiction, and well...one of things to annoy you is to constantly call the Quattro 'the Gene-mobile." She grinned mischievously, wrapping her arms around his neck. "That, and calling you my 'work bitch'."
Raising an eyebrow, Gene asked, "Is there now? And what am I supposed t' do to annoy you then?"
Alex looked a little moody, her bottom lip coming out slightly. "Call me the 'Almighty Fun-Killer' she mumbled, so low he couldn't hear.
"Eh? Sorry, Bolls," Gene said, leaning closer to her, clearly enjoying her discomfort, "What was that?"
"Call me the 'Almighty Fun-Killer," she said, louder this time, and sounding very annoyed.
Now it was Gene's turn to grin. "Well then, Lady B, I might just be engraving that into your desk, or maybe I can make you wear a badge..."
"Don't you dare."
"Yes, Ma'am," he quipped, taking her hand as they started to walk towards the nearest tube station, Keats having disappeared out of sight. Little did they know that all the Galex shippers had captured him and were holding him prisoner, forcing a hair-band with devil horns on onto his head and repeatedly asking him why he was so dull and evil. Whilst surgically attaching a red, spiked tail to his non-existent arse. And telling him constantly that he has no friends. At all.
As the scene of Alex and Gene walking away together faded into darkness, Matthew Graham and Ashley Pharoah walked onscreen and announced, "Well, everybody, we're pretty happy with that to be honest, but if you want more, I'm sure we'll be happy to do a fourth series of them together with new arrivals. And a fifth series...Hell, we'll even do a sixth series if you like!"
The End! Well, I hope you all enjoyed that, I definitely enjoyed writing it! :P This was my first attempt at writing anything particularly funny, so I hope it came off okay. I'd love to know what you think, so please review! All reviews are rewarded with cookies, mini Quattros and love. :D