Disclaimer: I don't own Primeval or its characters…

Author's Note: A pointless, pervy diversion for me. Maybe someone else might enjoy?

Warning: References to mature subject matter. Intoxication of legal adults. Possibly incoherent drunkspeak.


The pub was a popular hole, despite its 'classic' ambience no doubt resultant from the decor being set sometime in the beginning of the previous century and not updated since. It was busy, crowded, and noisy. And yet it was the better atmosphere for privacy. No one would be eavesdropping on conversations. It was bloody difficult enough to hear the other side of conversations that included you and someone sat not more than two feet away.

A safe enough environment for the three men to get pissed without worrying about censoring shop talk. 'Shop talk' in the case of Connor Temple, Captain Becker and Matt Anderson being great rips in time and battling dinosaurs. Censorship was only required when the waitress came round to check on the status of their drinks, or more likely whether their state of inebriation required their being tossed out on their arses.

Their waitress this particular night was one of those considerate ones, always scurrying about the place, probably desperate for tips. And not bad looking, either. Average height, average shape but with a lovely smile. She probably got those tips, too. All of her attentiveness in the case of this particular outing simply meant that Matt had no idea how much they'd drunk in the past couple hours. There was the round they were currently tackling, and a couple already-demised pints sat upon the small, circular oaken table.

Oh, here was Lovely Waitress to clear up yet again. And ask them if they'd like another round. Matt swallowed the last dregs of guinness and handed her the empty glass with a smile. A glance round at his cohorts confirmed his suspicions that they were all, himself included, well on their way to being thoroughly pissed. Yet they also appeared amenable to another pint. He informed the waitress, who scurried off to fetch their drinks.

"Mindy's got a nice bottom," Becker commented after watching the young woman's departure before polishing off his drink.

"Wait," Matt protested. "When-how'd you get her name?"

"I have my sources," he replied, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms with a smirk on his face.

"Like herrrname tag?" Connor slurred. The young man who was a little further along the road to intoxication turned to Matt. "Very obssservant, fearlesss l-leader."

"My bad," Matt said. "I was too busy looking at her face when I was talking to her."

"Touché." Becker shook his head, chuckling. Connor laughed in a merry way that Matt couldn't help but join himself.

"Know who el-se has nice bottom?" Connor interjected randomly. "Abby. Her body'ss jusssso.." He made a vaguely female outline in the air with his hands."...perfect."

"True," Becker said. Connor's head snapped in the soldier's direction. The young man's eyes narrowed.

"How would you know?" he asked defensively.

"Abby's a fine looking girl. We can admire even if we're not interested," Matt played interference. "We're blokes. Of course we're going to look."

"Maybe..." Connor said uncertainly.

"I've seen her naked," Becker admitted. He looked as if he felt rather guilty over the fact. He must have been sitting on it for awhile, for it to have bothered him enough to confess to Connor, knowing it would hurt the young man who was absolutely mad about said girl.

"What?" Connor looked as if he were seriously considering attacking the soldier who was very much his physical superior...not to mention, far less inebriated.

"She thought she was alone. She had just gotten out of the showers. I turned my back as soon as I realized she was there," Becker explained, pleading apology edging his voice in a way Matt had never heard before. "They really should reconsider the unisex locker room."

Connor seemed to relax. Apparently, awkward and embarrassing moments were something of a familiarity to him.

"Are we okay?" Becker asked after a moment. Wow, another first. The captain was admitting his regard and affection for a friend, to their face. He seemed almost...desperate for Connor's forgiveness.

"I don't know..." Connor drawled. "Can't help feelin' you owe me sssomethin'-in-in return."

"Are you saying that you want to see me naked, Temple?" Becker retorted sarcastically.

"Oh, g-god, no!" Connor said. "N-never lemme sssee you in the buff and we'll call it-call it even."

"Cheers, mate," Becker said and they laughed off the awkward moment in the way only the rather intoxicated could.

They fell silent as Mindy placed their refreshed beverages on the table with a radiant smile and a "Here you go, loves' meaning 'You had better be big tippers because I caught the terse, good-looking one checking out my arse.' Or maybe Matt was mistaken in his interpretation of the subtle female body language, for there was a bit more sway in her hips as she left them.

"Abby'sss very v-vocal when we...you-you know...," Connor put forth another random interjection, apparently following some sort of train of thought in his head. The poor lad was obviously plastered to spill such intimate details about Abigail Maitland.

Becker snorted. "No doubting that."

Matt couldn't help but smile. They all knew who was in charge of that relationship. One could definitely believe Abby's command carried through to the boudoir.

A look of sudden alarm overtook Connor's face as he realized what'd he'd just said and considered how much trouble he'd be in if it got back to Abby. She may be rather petite, but that was one formidable woman, and Matt reasonably felt sympathetic. But how could he reassure Connor that they wouldn't tattle on him without it becoming all 'group hug moment'. Well, there was one way. Hell, the whole point of participating in this outing had been bonding anyway...

"Emily's a screamer," Matt revealed matter-of-factly.

Sputtering and coughing, Becker had to put down the drink he had been in the middle of gulping down. True, Matt rarely discussed his personal life, but was the statement really worthy of a choking fit?

"Wow. R-really?" Connor asked, obviously relieved by their shared guilt over spilling intimate details about their partners.

"Emily doesn't seem the type..." Becker commented having recovered from inhaling his ale.

"Oh, she is," Matt confirmed. "Any louder and I'd need a hearing aide several decades before I'd anticipated."

"Worssst wayss to go d-deaf, though, eh, mate?" Connor grinned stupidly, holding up his pint. Matt smiled and tapped his glass to Connor's.

They fell into a genial sort of silence as they drank. With much effort, Matt forced his thoughts away from the woman whose orgasmic vocalizations were bouncing around his head. Because if he recalled the pleasurable experience of their entwined bodies in greater detail, he'd start asking himself why precisely he was getting severely intoxicated with coworkers when he could be making Emily scream his name.

"Jess squeaks."

It was Matt's turn to choke on his drink. He studied the soldier whose pronouncement had shocked him. His stunned response had to be more legitimate. There was no hiding his affection for Emily no matter how he tried. The fact that the Victorian lady was a noisy lover might have been surprising. But Becker and Jess? Her schoolgirl infatuation with the captain was more than apparent. But the notion that he not only reciprocated...

"You an-an' Jess?" Connor exclaimed, stuttering as he muddled through processing the information. "Lit-little, innocccent Jesss...Big eyes. Brown 'air. R-runs the hub?"

"Yes. I believe that's the one Becker's referring to," Matt interrupted the shocked rambling. The soldier nodded, an enigmatically naughty look on his face.

"...With-with Action Man?" Connor finished his train of thought nonetheless.

"How long has this been going on?" Matt inquired, his suspicious side taking hold. Somehow, everything was twisted into a conspiracy by his apparently intractable mindset. He thought he knew everything about these people, thought he could trust them. But apparently, there were still secrets kept from him.

"Not long," Becker replied. His brow furrowed and the rare look of uncertainty distorted his face. "Just a few...incidents."

"Incidents?" Matt asked. Apparently, Becker didn't even know what was going on between the computer-savvy girl and himself.

"They should really reconsider the unisex locker room," he stated flatly.

Matt smiled then laughed. Becker joined him. Connor snored from where he had passed out, head laid on the table.


A/N: *grins and waves* Wow. You actually made it through this pointlessness. Pat yourself on the back. And maybe leave me a review.