I know enough of pain to say that I don't care anymore. About anything. About my family, about the fact that I have no friends, or about my own life. I could die and I wouldn't care, I'm not afraid, actually I welcome it. It would be Easier.
I hate my school, it's full of rich ass snobby people who think they're all that. Don't get me wrong not all the people are that bad. Some have tried talking to me, some have even tried to be my friend. I'm not interested though, so I usually just pretend i'm mute. I don't think one person in that school has ever heard me speak.
The only ones that have ever heard me, are my Mother, father, and little sister. The last time they heard me talk was three years ago. It's too painful. I've tried talking once, when I was alone in my bedroom. The second I opened my mouth it was like pulling a plug out of a bathtub, I kept talking about him, and the next thing I know i'm screaming at the top of my lungs.
I've been scared to talk ever since.
My family has tried to help me, they've tried talking to me. They even sent me to a shrink once, I didn't talk. Since there were no marks on my arms to indicate Self harm, they couldn't send me away.
I wouldn't of cared if they did. They could do whatever they want with me. I could hardly give a shit.
Things were so much better before he came around. But i wont think about that. Ever.
That girl, the one I used to be, is dead.
Everyone here at DARK ANGELS is the same. "Please Mistress, let me go, I have a family" they say. "You can't do this" they shout, "How can you sleep at night?" they ask. My reply: "Well depending on how good in bed you are, I sleep great" then i smirk and walk off.
Who cares if they have a family , I do too, but you don't see me crying. Big babies.
Though I must admit it excites me when they cry and scream. Total turn on.
Some of the women in here belong to other DARK ANGELS but sometimes I break the rules and have some fun. Who's going to stop me? I'm the head mistress, I built this place.
Not to worry though, I am in search of my own play toy very soon.
My own little slut. I'm so fucking excited.
My own little slave to fuck and beat when ever I want.
My male workers are supposed to bring her in tomorrow.
She's going to be sexy as hell. Or at least she better be or I don't want her.
I think my whole family hates me. They dont like the person i've become. The only one that actually comes around anymore is Alice. EVen she gets sad and gloomy whenever she comes around though. SHe hates what I do to the women here. but she wont give up on me because she loves me... I think thats why she's the only one i've ever loved.
I don't care about the rest of my family, other then ALice I don't care about anyone else.
Sometimes Rosalie sickens me. The rest of my family have given up on her. I don't blame them , sometimes I feel like giving up on her myself. But it's not in my nature. I'm the only one that associates with her now.
I hate the way she treats the women there, she treats them like shit, like objects, she doesn't care about any of them.
SHe doesn't care about anyone. Sometimes I don't even think she cares about me, that the only reason she's even civil with me is because I'm the only one that will talk to her. Me And Jasper were talking about this last night.
He said that of course everyone still loves her but that she's a lost cause... that she's too far gone. That theres no helping her, He said I should give up on her. But I told him I can't.
He wasn't mad, he never is.
I sometimes wonder how she got like this. SHe use to be so kind, But now she's a total Bitch.
I'm a little anxious and worried. I'm going to see Rose tomorrow. I hope the women she has caged in there are ok. last time I was there she started to put a beat down on this young black hair girl, Almost killed her. When she knocked her out, She laughed her ass off , like it was an everyday thing for her.
Maybe it is.
All I know is this act has got to stop, she's hurting people, soon enough she's going to end up hurting herself.