Disclaimer: I don't own a thing except the story line.
Contents: This will contain inferences of rape, choice language, violence, and angst/drama. This story has a boyxboy/Manxman relationship that is subtle but there. This story will not contain any lemons or limes. Sorry to disappoint.
Summary: When he left I became nothing. I became like the winter snow-scape so silent, so dead. "There is no use wanting someone… who no longer wants you…" A retelling of events after Sasuke left through the eyes/perspective of both Naruto and Kakashi. The story focuses on Naruto's burden, his inner turmoil, and his journey from breaking completely, to becoming whole once more.
"Relations in the Snow"
Thursday, Zero 7, Bitter-Sweet, Caleb Schaffer
"Sometimes I feel like a baby bird, my heart soaring high in the sky. But as my body falls to Earth reality sets in, and my broken wings can no longer supply flight. I beg for mercy as I acknowledge my problem."
"Can anyone, hear me now? No one hears him now. So he stumbles through syllables, cut from their sentences, lost letters call to him, deep in the alphabet."
It is only as I sit here with my scars to bear,
that you proceed to notice.
But really, are you noticing my pain?
The reflection of emotions long since dead,
layers of lies to create a mask,
burning streams of salt held at bay.
It is only as I sit here with my scars to bear,
that you proceed to notice;
to which you cannot see.
December 2, 2003
Naruto's form stirred from its restlessness, the pain of betrayal thick, the taste of it so very bitter. His dreams were no longer dreams, but that of nightmares filled with horrible scenarios. Each more worst than the next with each featuring him dying with Sasuke's hands dealing the final blow.f
However, this one was the worst of them all.
Azure hues were filled with much fear. Naruto's body and his mind had become so vulnerable beneath Sasukes heavier form. A heavy anger and deep lusting with intent to kill filled the world he was in. The one that seemed to float aimlessly within infinite darkness.
"Please Sasuke… Don't do this… Please…"
Sasuke's words were hateful, spiteful as they were spit out like venom bites. Each word full of malice and mild amusement as his prey squirmed beneath. "Begging now? How pathetic. You deserve everything you receive you monster."
A passing glint, the blurr of metal. The hard face of the metal sliding against flesh and bone, scraping out its own home. A numbing pain began to seep into his heart. His hand lifting to his naked form while the tips of his fingers felt out the offender. His fingers had begun to run along the metal's smooth surface, the blade imbedded deep into his aching heart. Cold and unmoving.
Horror stricken was he, the boys name being the only thing he had managed to choke out as the boy continued to steal his sense of security and strip him fully of his virtue. Disregarding the feelings of the boy, of being whole, of being noticed, and of having purpose. Sasuke had managed to take it all.
Including the feeling of existing.
A scream of pure agony pierced the silent air, Naruto's body sitting up in the hospital's bed as he revealed in the horror of his minds cruel tricks. A hand instinctively reached to his chest, to his heart pressing there; feeling. He was not wounded not physically anyway but that did nothing to cure his fear or mental scare he had received. Frightened oceans of tainted emotion lifted to the open window by his bed side, a light sheen of cold sweat subduing his brow.
Sasuke was gone…
The cold realization hit him along with the chilled winter air, he couldn't remember the events of that day, and everything was a fuzzy blur. Dull cerulean stared out into the cold dark night.
It was winter…
Fluffy flakes of white fell, each one falling in a specific pattern, a specific way. Each life of the flake planned from the moment it fell from the frigid clouds to when it joined its comrades upon the earth below.
How long had he been out of it? It seemed that even now everything was nothing but a distant memory.
He couldn't stay here; he couldn't be here anymore… He was losing time, loosing Sasuke. His body began to move of its own accord regardless of its soreness; bare feet slapped the cold surface of the windows' sill before he jumped into the white abyss beyond.
It was so cold.
The world was claimed by a white rapture that seemed to weep as the sky only to bled black in ignorance. His vision had become claimed by the fluffiness of the falling snow that only seemed to shift in paranoia. While his body was taken in the action of running, he reflected on not knowing where he was going but he did know it was to find Sasuke. He had to bring the boy back, he just had to.
His mind began to play tricks on him after some time; Sasuke's lithe form appearing before him as bare feet came to a slowing and then finally a halt with oceans staring ahead into the starkness of the wintery landscape.
"Yeah Naruto?" Sasuke's smiling face seemed so far away as Naruto inched closer, his bare feet dragging in the piled snow. His lips parted, parched as he began to feel the sting of hot tears once more.
His hand reached out, he was so close, so very close… Desperately he needed to touch the other, to make sure he was real; prove it. The boy's smiling face scrunched into an excited one and he turned on heel, his body running away.
"Sasuke… Sasuke wait!"
Naruto just needed to touch him once, to feel that he was real, his bare feet moving as he began to run after the boy. Chasing but never able to catch.
"Wait Sasuke… Please…" His voice was so desperate in its plea, harsh against the softness of the snow but so very lost in the chilled winter air. The sound of fading laughter died as he was again left alone, his body slowing to a halt as he stared into the dark wilderness where Sasuke's body had disappeared to.
"Please…" His voice was barely a desperate whisper as he stood there. The other boy's name had died upon his lips and became nothing more than unspoken thoughts.
He stood there. Minutes he stood there with a desperate look on his face, eyes frantically searching for the other before he fell to his knees. Frozen and cold, exhausted and devastated…
He was haunted.
Haunted by those eyes; the red of them and how they pierced his very soul as they slowly took over his vision. His body was already latent with exhaustion but it was hidden so well beneath the surface. Hot tears flooded his cheeks with moisture making him aware of just how cold he really was, of how he stupid he was for running away without even putting on proper clothes.
His head bowed and blond lazy spikes fell into his face, his vision watery as dull azure coloured orbs stared down at his hands.
"Why Sasuke… Why did you leave me all alone?" As his voice died into the lonely winter night he laid down to rest, his tired oceans lifting to the dark sky as he began to watch the snow fall silently.
A deep sense of dread filled Kakashi's stomach as he finished his patrol and made way back to Naruto's side. Something was amiss… The night was oddly silent and the world seemed colder than it ever had been before. His feet sped up in their pace before breaking out into a full out run.
He'd enter the same way he always had since Naruto took residence there, through the window that was always kept unlock by Naruto's bedside… but this time it was wide open. Upon closer inspection he could spot a footstep upon the sill's surface but any other trace of Naruto had long since disappeared with the continued falling of the gentle snow.
Kakashi's voice rang into the silence cutting through like a knife; he almost lost the boy once and he had promised he would never let that happen again.
It was barely an hour later that he had found the boy lying in the snow. A very small layer of fresh flakes clinging to his clothes, Naruto seemed so broken lying there…
His voice was stern but gentle as he stared at the boy cautiously, each second bringing him closer to the others lithe form. Kakashi kneeled by his side, a replay of the waterfall's events coming to his mind as he stared at the broken boy. A hand moved hesitant towards the paling red in Naruto's face, the deep oceans of Cerulean sapphire he had come to love, dull.
He laid a warm, gentle hand against the boy's cold flesh, his thumb caressing gently at the frozen cheek. Naruto's face unconsciously nuzzled into the warmth as he unconsciously begged for.
A sharp twinge of pain pierced Kakashi's heart, Naruto was truly broken…
"No Naruto…" Naruto's face pulled away from the warmth of Kakashi's hand, his eyes trained on the silver hairs form. "Why…?" Was his only question and even Kakashi was at a loss on how to answer.
"Naruto…" His hand placed its self-back upon the boy's cheek, fingers brushing away new fallen flakes. His free hand lifting to the top of his mask just above the bridge of his nose. "There is no use wanting someone… who no longer wants you." Though the words were harsh, his tone was anything but.
Kakashi leaned forward as he pulled down the mask just in time to place a gentle kiss to the others cold brow.
"I'm sorry… I didn't make it in time." His mask was pulled back in place as he moved back into a kneeling position, his arms slipping around his neck to undo his wool caplet. Tender fingers brushing the piling snow from the boy's body he'd lay the warm fabric upon Naruto's cold and fading form. His arms slipping beneath the others body soon after lifting him in that same bridal position as by the waterfall.
Kakashi turned from the spot and headed back to the hospital without another word. Naruto's face turned within his hold, dull eyes staring at the fading scenery where he once lay. The training grounds…
A small boy of six waved at him, the boy's eyes were dark, like charcoal… If only to match his hair. His flesh pale like porcelain, a sad smile upon his lips as if he was sad to see his playmate go.
Naruto turned his eyes away for a moment to look up at Kakashi as if maybe the man had seen this, but then once more back to the spot. A sad smile pulled at violet lips as his eyes closed slowly. Blond lashes of fair length rested against his cheek, his dull hues closed off from the rest of the word as he fell back into a peaceful slumber.
Kakashi hurried in his strides as he felt the boy's life fading, he knew he couldn't let him die but at the same time… He was becoming hesitant in his mind. As much as Kakashi wanted the boy to live, to breathe, he couldn't help but feel that dying was Naruto's only escape from the torture's he had been dealt.
However, his own selfish desires were the thing that fueled his movements as he barged through the front doors of the hospital.
"I NEED HELP, I NEED HELP NOW!"
How could the hospital be so neglectful? Despite what Naruto housed within him he was still a life. One that was held at precious value to a select few.
Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you think.