Disclaimer: I don't own a thing except the story line.
Contents: This will contain inferences of rape, choice language, violence, and angst/drama. This story has a boy x boy/Man x man relationship that is subtle but there. This story will not contain any lemons or limes. Sorry to disappoint.
Summary: When he left I became nothing. I became like the winter snow-scape so silent, so dead. "There is no use wanting someone… who no longer wants you…" A retelling of events after Sasuke left through the eyes/perspective of both Naruto and Kakashi. The story focuses on Naruto's burden, his inner turmoil, and his journey from breaking completely, to becoming whole once more.
"Relations in the Snow"
Classical, Orchestra, Piano.
No matter how small the give or the gave; change is knowing that with that one smile, you made a difference.
"Let the rain fall down and wake my dreams. Let it wash away my sanity, 'cause I wanna hear the thunder I wanna scream. Let the rain fall down I'm coming clean."
They say those who dream dreams are willing to pay the price to make them come true.
They say love can be magical. That it is real and can be felt.
Yet, in ever pore I feel pain, the price I have to pay for dreams that aren't realistic.
There is no magic, this is not real, in my desperate efforts I came to realize.
For every life I touched, for every hand I shook, for every word I told...
I was living in an illusion.
It felt as if months had passed as he sat there with refusal to move unless nature called, or when he was forced to do so by the nurses. His eyes were heavy and dark with sleep depravity because of his refusal to sleep as well. The Hokage had come by a few times to check on Naruto;s condition, but she also came to check in on him as well.
Sakura visited a lot more, even if it was only to change Naruto's flowers or to urge Kakashi to return home; at the very least to eat and bathe. He could not, he refused to leave Naruto's side even if it was to eat for a moment. Mere hours after Sakura had left, after Iruka came and gone did a soft moan float, cutting into the silence of the room. Naruto's body twitched as he begun to wake from his seemingly peaceful slumber.
Cerulean orbs fluttered open and for a moment they tried to focus, in this time Kakashi's tired eyes lifted to Naruto's face. Those oceans of emotion chruning violently, like a storm attacking a ship. Fighting a yawn he lifted his hands to rub at his tired eyes. Naruto's head turned and they focused on Kakashi's tired face.
"Hey… Kakashi-sensei… what are you doing in my home?"
Kakashi's hand fell to his thigh, his eyes focusing on the boys face only to allow a deep frown to marr his hidden features. The storm was gone and in its wake it left nothing, but desolation. Naruto's eyes were blank, devoid. Twinge's of pain pulled at Kakashi's heart, his hand moving to the boy's bedside as he leaned in closer.
"Naruto, I'm glad you're awake now."
After the words escaped his lips he began to feel a bit silly but continued speaking. "Sakura and Iruka have been worried about you." He made a faint gesture towards the flowers she kept neat by his bedside. The same ones each time, irises.
Somehow the idea that Sakura cared even at all surprised Naruto, but not openly. His eyes lingering on the flowers a moment before turning to Kakashi's tired form. How long have you been here? he thought to himself, a question that would never verbally leave him.
Blank eyes turned from Kakashi's form and moved instead to look back at the window. It seemed as if the snow had stopped now, or, had he been out longer than he had speculated? A faint smile graced his lips, if one didn't know any better they would swear he was happy, but indeed this smile was full of sorrow. Pain masked in his eyes by blankness.
"Tell her I'll bring him back… Even if it kills me."
Kakashi's eyes widen slightly at this statement, this confession. A hand lifted to reach out and place its self against Naruto's cheek, but the boy had already turned over onto his side to rest.
"Alright…" His voice was rather distant as he agreed, his form taking to standing as he grabbed one last look at Naruto's still form. With Kakashi's leaving Naruto let his tense muscles relax. Fingers tightening around the covers that kept his body warm. In some way he was relieved to be alone, but in the same breath he was afraid and sadden.
December 15, 2003
It has been a couple of days since I woke up from a coma. I don't remember everything that happened… Most of what I know was from what I was told. I somehow feel like something was left out or missing from the story, but that isn't my priority at the moment.
The more I start to think on it, about it, the more I realize, I... I failed; I failed to bring Sasuke back.
How long did it take me to catch up? Even I can't recall the specifics and I was the one to travel the distance. Everything feels like such a blur to me, I barely remember anything.
What happened out there? This sting of rejection, of betrayal, fear, of pain, sorrow, and loneliness…
I feel it all, it feels so… fresh, so new, but I don't remember why.
My wounds may have healed over, but the pain… The pain I feel, the mental wounds I now possess, I can feel them. They are so vivid, and yet they aren't.
No.Wishing is for little kids. I will bring him back.
He will be mine one day; I promise I will never forget and that I will find him. I will find Sasuke… I promise; I will bring you back to me. I will save you from him.
I will save you from the dark.
Naruto stared out into the snowy landscape; he could not remember a time where he actually was able to enjoy the natural beauty the world around him had to offer. The different buildings, the trees, the monuments... He had been sworn off of his duties as a Ninja for the moment by orders of Tsunade. While he hated this, waiting around; he felt only a fraction at ease through her promise to keep him updated.
Pale fingers moved along the bar of the railing he was leaning on, the thin appendages tracing lines through the remnants of snow left behind. He was beginning to feel rather cooped up and caged, he had been told he wasn't allowed to go anywhere or even leave the grounds. It was like being put in a cage on display for people to sneer at.
They could fool themselves into believing he could not see, but he very much could. The sneer's they held as he wandered the stark white halls. The whispers behind the desks as he tried to give them a friendly smile. He knew they blamed him for the prodigy kid leaving. Why shouldn't they? After all, he blamed himself just as much.
Sakura was the worst, her fake smiles and laughs. He made an effort to play along, but the more he did the more he felt pained. The more he wanted to never wake up. He knew she blamed him, she blamed his inability to keep Sasuke here in the village, but he also knew she blamed herself. The pity parties she always threw were endless. If Naruto had to chose one thing he hated the most about being in that dreadful place, it would have been her incessant crying. Her shrill wails were both ugly and nerve wracking.
Though, in the wake of it all he noted his visitors. So very few indeed, and he noted the lack of one. Since the day he awoken he had not seen again neither hide nor hair of Kakashi.
Naruto was curious as to why this was the case; his dull cerulean eyes lifting to the great stone faces. Detailing each of them out he lost himself and his thoughts, not in musings, but instead in blankness.. At first Naruto thought that Kakashi had simply abandoned him, after all he was only a student, since Kakashi had no obligation to Naruto other than that it was something Naruto did not blame him for. Upon further inspection, however, Naruto had begun to detail out the chain of events between the times of his fight with Sasuke, his near death randevouz in the snow, and both times of him waking.
Kakashi had always been there for him.
A complacent smile reached Naruto's lips as he his eyes had grown fully unfocused and distant. Lost within his train of thought he had not noticed the shadow that darkened the stark white of the wall behind him. Nor had he noticed the presence of the very man of whom he thought of silently.
A gentle hand lifting and placing its self upon the boy's slender shoulder followed by a face only a hairs breath away from a red ear. His voice was deep, due to age, and like spun silk; due to the gentleness in which he spoke.
Without warning the boy jolted from his absent dwellings, his body startled as he turned sharply to the voice that spoke to him his name. Dull blues lifting, looking almost frightened. With realization, however, they quickly soften and under that pretense of realization he gave an idle smile.
"Do you always have to sneak up on me?"
"You leave yourself open."
Turning back to the cold railing blue hues dropped once more into their mindless dwellings and a look of depression seemed to seep in. If one had not been paying close attention they could easily mistake him as falling into simple musings. However, Kakashi's keen eye was vigil as he watch Naruto fall into this state he would allow himself to place a calloused palm upon the others head.
"Naruto…" His voice was gentle, like the light flutter of a fallen petal. "There is no use wanting someone… who no longer wants you."
Naruto openly winced, something that did not go unnoticed; his hand slipped from the boys head and instead to his shoulders as he pulled Naruto closer to his side. Silence claimed the two of them as they both stood facing the great stone faces of the past.
Both became lost, deep into their own solemn musings that they refused to register the world around them a moment longer. The only thing prominent to the other was merely in the warmth of each other's touch and the sound of each other's breathing.
The Winter's silence was deafening.