Author's Notes: This is not edited. That fact is especially important when you take into account it usually takes me a month to write one chapter of a fic. I wrote this is like fifteen minutes.

Also of note, this takes place in the "Clean" universe.

WARNING: Mature Themes and Innuendo.

Cockblocked

A Word of the Day Ficlet

By Kysra

"This is a waste of time."

The rustle of fabric, a pleasured sigh from beyond a nondescript plank of laminated white. "You're only saying that because I won't let you weigh in on the selection."

"I reiterate, this is a waste of my time for several reasons. All of which I outlined in detail on the way here."

An unladylike grunt, punctuated by the slap of elastic on skin. Narrowed blue eyes zone in on the dancing shadow of the woman behind the dressing room door, watching her feet for the teasing removal of pastel silk panties.

"I remember, dearest. But this is your honeymoon too; and if I'm going to go through all this trouble, I think it's only fair that you have some say in my . . . attire."

The tap, tap, tap of manicured fingernails against stained wood, a lecherous grin safely unseen. "I liked the one that resembled a school girl outfit."

"Oof. What? You don't think I'd be a vision in pink?"

"I'm partial to the natural look."

A girlish giggle erupts in stops and starts as one visible foot disappears and the other begins to hop clumsily. "You're partial to the au naturale look."

"And yet you insist upon new lingerie."

"Honeymoon lingerie, Seto."

"Either way, having me along is ridiculous." They both know he'll just steal it anyway.

Her non-committal mew tells him she has decided to ignore that. "Anyway, what about something classic and white or . . . hhmm, maybe that blue floral set? Or, ooh, do you like that one in the window? You were staring at it pretty hard -"

"The sheer one?"

"Yuh-huh."

A silent hum and the clucking of a masculine tongue. "It's a waste of money."

"Darling, they're ALL a waste of money considering that you're just going to add it to your collection."

"And again, I say -"

"I KNOW, Seto. Can't you just humor me?" She's still behind the door, a lacy red chemise top with black ribbon trim just covering her toes.

He uncrosses his legs and stands to relieve the stiffness in his pants. "We're here, aren't we?"

The sweetness of an exasperated sigh before, "Just tell me what you want me to wear on our honeymoon, Seto."

"Barring straight nudity?"

"Barring that."

He suddenly thinks it bears questioning . . . "You never explained why you want new lingerie."

"By the time we get to the honeymoon, I think you'll be more than ready to tear my clothes off. I'd like to give you something to look forward to."

That. Didn't make sense. And raised warning bells besides. "I'm not sure I follow your convoluted reasoning."

"Didn't I tell you? We're not having sex until the wedding night." He can hear her evil grin. The one that usually provokes him to pouncing and ravishing. It was that audible grin that made up his mind. This wasn't going to happen. It wasn't his idea; therefore, he shouldn't have to abide by it.

"Ridiculous."

There was the slide of denim on skin and the hollow sound of her feet slipping into her flats before the click of the lock and the swish of the door opening. "What do you think you're really doing here? I had to get you away from the mansion so that Mokuba could move my things temporarily into the guest room . . . and change the lock on the door."

Teeth grit together to prevent his jaw from dropping to the floor. "He's what?"

Téa's smile was just this side of demonic despite the usual sweet look in her too-blue eyes. She reached up on tip-toe to pat his cheek condescendingly, the pink tip of her tongue sweeping over her upper lip in a barely veiled attempt at torturing him. "Don't worry, dear. It's only 3 months."

Grit teeth began to grind.

But she isn't finished. He follows her around the store as she replaces all of the perspective pieces of lingerie. It isn't until her arms are empty that he realizes, "You aren't buying anything?"

That wicked, wicked smile - if possible - curls to a frightening degree. "Oh, I'm sorry, darling. I also forgot to mention that I chose a set last week. It's now in a very safe place and will remain there until our wedding day."

Dark blue eyes widen then narrow, but he says nothing. After all, he is the Seto Kaiba, and he never backs down from a challenge.

"And by the way, Seto-dear." She's smiling her loving smile, but he doesn't miss the flint in her eyes. "If I find out you've been trying to hunt the lingerie down, I'm calling off the wedding and we will never have sex again. EVER."

A defeated sigh, "Fine. But the wedding is being pushed up . . . "

A joyful squee and glomp. "Two months?"

"One week."

She gasps. He grins.

A week later, in a hotel room somewhere in Tahiti, she opens her robe and . . . "I swear I did not steal your lingerie this time."

A throaty chuckle and the slick and rustle of silk falling to the floor. "There was never any lingerie, husband."

"You look better without it, anyway."

"I do aim to please."

Word: embargo