A/N: I've got some ideas from other authors. If you see something that was in your story, it may very well be. Thanks in advance.

Secret Admirer / Ch. 17 - Moving

Author: TerribleSpy

Rating: T+

Characters: Kurt, Jeff

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. I just want to play in that universe.


Jeff let Kurt into his semi-vacant house. Boxes where scattered in the living room. But there was a wonderful meaty, garlicky scent that permeated the entrance hall. Jeff put down his backpack and went into the kitchen. Kurt followed him to find Uncle Ted sitting at the table going over a pile of papers, probably lists for the move. Jeff peered into a partially open oven door making the garlic scent even stronger.

"That's Nana's Roast Beef. With baked potatoes." he said in hushed tones.

"Beef, it's what's for dinner." said Lucy as she sat down at the table with a notebook, a deck of index cards, and French textbook. Jeff smiled and closed the oven door.

"Charming as always." said Kurt, but in French. Lucy's eyes widened.

"I figured you could use some comfort food after we go through things." Uncle Ted said smiling weakly. "Think of it as a food bribe."

"Uhm...OK." said Jeff uncertainly.

It had taken Uncle Ted months to even go near Jason's clothing and things after the funeral, so he wanted to make this as easy for Jeff and Lucy as possible.

"It's just that, you might find it…difficult…to go through stuff. Especially when you're saying goodbye. To this place. It's been your home all your life."

"Kurt, how do you like your roast beef?" asked Uncle Ted. "And don't worry, I have the fixings for a salad Niçoise if you don't eat beef."

"Oh, it's more than fine. Medium rare, please. I just don't get the chance to eat beef much because I want my dad to eat healthy." said Kurt. Uncle Ted nodded.

"Sorry to leave you alone with Cousin Itt here, but I think if Uncle Ted and I sort through my stuff, it will go faster." said Jeff, giving Kurt a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't worry. I think I'll find something to do." said Kurt eyeing Lucy with amusement. Jeff and Uncle Ted went down the hall to Jeff's room.

Kurt sat down and eyed Lucy speculatively. He made a decision, pulled out the latest edition of Vogue Paris, and started flipping through the pages. Lucy sighed and looked up, noticing what Kurt was reading.

Kurt paused and said-again in French-"Cramming usually doesn't work. You either know it or you don't. How's your vocabulary?"

It took Lucy a moment to mentally translate what he said. Then she made a face with the "so-so" hand gesture. They're probably focusing on reading and writing rather than conversation. thought Kurt.

Kurt flipped through his magazine to an article on the current Fall trends. "Why not read that and let's talk? I'm make coffee." said Kurt as he stood. Lucy smiled and pulled the magazine over to her side of the table.

It didn't take long to discover there wasn't any coffee. Just tea. In bags. Kurt sighed and put on the kettle to boil. When it was ready, he poured it over a tea bag in his mug and added a packet of Splenda from the cupboard.

"Tea?" he asked. Lucy looked up and shook her head but it took her a moment. Good. Her brain is trying to switch back and forth. thought Kurt. That will make it easier. He sliced and toasted a bagel.

After 5 minutes, Kurt removed the tea bag and added milk from the fridge. He spread some butter on the bagel and put it on a plate between them.

Lucy shook her head and said, also in tentative French "Dinner is worth the wait." and finally looked up from the article frowning.

"Are they stupid?" she asked.

She's probably doesn't know anything ruder. thought Kurt.

"Why?" asked Kurt innocently. He'd already vented his own outrage to Blaine. Jeff didn't really care about such things.

"They want to use the british royal family, specifically the wedding and jubilee stuff, as a basis for next year's fall Line." she replied. "The queen's hats are so ugly."

"Positively hideous. A crime against fashion." said Kurt. After a pause, Lucy laughed. Kurt continued. "Forget the Royals, except maybe for Harry. He forgot that what happens in Las Vegas won't always stay there. Especially for him."

"I'm not complaining. He has a nice ass." she said. Kurt grinned. Obviously, she would figure out how to say that. he thought.

"Yes, a royally nice ass." replied Kurt. Again, a pause and laughter.

"What level of French are you in?" asked Lucy.

"French IV, but I'm studying independently with the teacher. She caught me reading Vogue Paris on the first day of class." Kurt pointed to the magazine. "And asked me to stay after."


"Yes, but not really. She gave me a copy Les Misérables. We met twice a week during my free period. We had tea and talked about it extensively. I wrote a paper on how the book and Broadway show were different and why. Then I read Candide, we discussed it along with Voltaire's other work, and I wrote a paper on how delusional he was." Kurt spoke slowly, making sure she followed what he was saying.

"You're lucky. That sounded like fun. I always thought Voltaire's head was in a very dark place." said Lucy as Kurt giggled.

"It was fun to be challenged. And it was hard work." admitted Kurt. "Frankly, I have no idea what my final will be on tomorrow."

They started discussing clothes, specifically her wardrobe and the colors that would look best on her, again in French. He decided to change the subject.

"How are you doing, you know, with all this?" he asked.

"It's hard saying goodbye. Leaving home. And friends. I don't know where I'm going or what I'll do." she admitted with both a tinge of sadness and fear.

Jeff walked into the kitchen scowling and carrying an adorable stuffed dragon.

"Uncle Ted said you were going to throw Puff away. Along with some of my books. The autographed Sandman volumes and the Heinleins." said Jeff angrily.

"I figured it was easier than putting a Lego in your shoe." she said.

"There are better ways." said Kurt in French.

"Oh? Continue." she asked.

"We're doing it now. See how annoyed he is? Think of this all summer."

"Ah. Have I told you how much I like how evil you are?"

"A little." replied Kurt with a grin.

"You guys are talking about me, aren't you?" asked Jeff.

"Whatever gave you that idea? We were talking about this horrific article in Vogue Paris. I mentioned it to you last week." said Kurt innocently.

Jeff frowned and muttered something that Kurt couldn't quite make out. He went back down the hall to his room.

"In case you're wondering, that was 'Prepare to die. Slowly.' in Klingon." said Lucy, rolling her eyes.

The kitchen timer dinged but neither Uncle Ted nor Jeff came to investigate.

"Excuse me a moment." said Kurt, again in French.

He went back to Jeff's room and found them going through the contents of an old vinyl-covered toy chest.

"Uhm…the timer went off." said Kurt. Uncle Ted nodded and went back into the kitchen.

"Why are you making friends with her?" asked Jeff. He sounded a little angry. And hurt.

"Well, you and I have each other and Cats when we get to Palo Alto. Who will she have? What will she do all summer?" asked Kurt.

Jeff's angry look softened. "Plus she's going through the same stuff you are. Doesn't she deserve some support?" Jeff looked a little guilty.

"Just be sure you aren't seduced by the Dark Side of the Force, OK?" he said finally.

"If anyone's going to be seduced," Kurt said grinning slyly. "It's going to be her."

"Now you're scaring me." said Jeff as he stood. Every evil queen needs minions. he thought but wouldn't ever dare say aloud.

Uncle Ted calling them from the kitchen.

Lucy had cleared and set the table. Uncle Ted removed the aluminum foil from the roast, which had been resting, and sliced it.

"How do you like your baked potato?" he asked Kurt.

"Just half, please. A dollop of sour cream and some chives." said Kurt. His mouth watered.

Uncle Ted assembled each plate, taking time to carefully arrange the food so that it looked good. Two slices of roast beef, perfectly blanched french green beans, and baked potato. Now I know where Jeff gets his cooking skills. thought Kurt.

He took a bite of the roast. A garlic-mustard coating seasoned the meat perfectly. And without salt, he noted. A quiet moan grew in the back of his throat. Both Kurt and Jeff turned pink and Lucy laughed.

"Now you know another way to make him moan." said Lucy cackling. Jeff bit down on a response.

"Behave, if you want to know how to make your little brown warbler sound like that." said Kurt sharply in French. It took a moment, but Lucy turned a dark shade of red.

And there it is. Jeff thought. Kurt can fight his own battles. This will work out just fine.

"Uncle Ted, really. That roast is…wonderful." said Kurt almost reverently. "But Jeff, you can never ever make that for my father and brother."

"Why not?" asked Jeff, a little disappointed. He kinda wanted to make some serious points with Burt.

"Because he'll want it every week. And Finn will eat a whole roast all by himself. Even if we buy it at CostCo, it will ruin the food budget and dad's health. I have enough trouble convincing him to only have steak once a month. And I season it with oriental spices that he's not all that excited about it. If he tastes this, he'll have a mouth-gasm. That's how good it is." Lucy and Jeff giggle.

"It's been so long since a man complemented my cooking." Uncle Ted sighed. "So I guess my white chocolate mousse is also off limits."

"Well…I'll have to check and get back to you on that…" said Kurt smiling. He wasn't stupid. It was white chocolate.


Four days later, Kurt awoke to the smell of coffee in their room in Palo Alto. Jeff was singing quietly in Uncle Ted's kitchen. He pulled on a pair of Jazz pants, a t-shirt that said Don't Get Me Started, and padded into the kitchen.

"Good morning, handsome." Kurt said to a very manic Jeff, who smiled back as he flitted around the kitchen.

As he was singing along to the boombox on the counter, Jeff was acting out the song's crazy lyrics. Kurt listened more closely to the lyrics while watching Jeff pretend to dress in the most god-awful assortment of stuff.

Who wears lavender spats with an organdy snood? In actuality, Jeff was wearing cargo shorts, his B&W All-Stars, and a t-shirt that said There's no place like 127 . 0 . 0 . 1. He had tried to explain it to Kurt, but had given up. "How could Glenda ever have been a Google system administrator before the Internet was even existed?" Kurt had argued. Jeff's only comeback was "Time is really made of wibbly wobbley timey whimmy stuff." Once Jeff started quoting the Doctor, Kurt knew to just let it go.

The song ended and Jeff paused the playback. Kurt looked at the jewel case on top of the boombox.

"This is Michael Feinstein. Where is this song from?" Kurt asked. They'd listened to a podcast about Michael's book The Gershwins and Me on the plane courtesy of the last secret admirer email.

"The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T" said Jeff waiting to see if Kurt recognized it. Nothing. Jeff grinned. "I guess we have our next movie preselected. I know Uncle Ted has it in his collection. He's also has a lot of Michael Feinstein CDs."

There was an envelop on the table with Kurt's name on it.

"What's this?" Kurt asked, sitting down and picking it up.

"Open it." said Jeff as he smiled and laid the poached egg and toasted bagel on the plate in front of Kurt.

There was a card inside, made on an inkjet printer but obviously done via Photoshop. It was a picture of two Sneeches, one with a star on it's navel and one without from the Doctor Seuss book. They were holding hands and looking at each other. Inside, Jeff had written by hand

We're all a little weird, and

Life's a little weird. And

When we find someone

Who's weirdness is

Compatible with our ours,

We join up with them

And fall in mutual weirdness

And call it LOVE.

I'm so lucky I found you

- Love Jeff xoxo

"I really liked the card you made me, so I made one for you. It's not hand drawn or anything but…" said Jeff but Kurt cut him off with a long lingering kiss.

"I love getting cards from you. Don't stop." said Kurt quietly. Jeff nodded smiling.

They took their time eating the light breakfast of a yoghurt fruit cup, poached egg, bagel and coffee, chatting about the last few very busy days before flying out here. Thank god we didn't drive. We'd both be dead right now. thought Jeff.

"Are you sure this is going to be enough?" asked Kurt. "I was hungry at the break after that dance class."

"That's the idea. Don't load up with heavy stuff otherwise you'll get cramps. Or be 'indisposed'." said Jeff adding the air quotes with his fingers.

"OK, if you say so." said Kurt as he turned from rinsing the dishes in the sink. He pulling his messenger bag on his shoulder and offered Jeff his arm. "I'm ready if you are."

Jeff pulled Kurt into another lingering kiss, only minimally hampered by the messenger bag. Jeff took Kurt's arm as they started their walk to the community center.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your phone on the plane. Again." said Kurt as they walked.

"Sure, no problem. I was thinking after rehearsals that we might go see about getting your phone fixed, maybe have some frozen yogurt and then visit mom." said Jeff.

"Sounds like a plan." replied Kurt smiling.

Signs at the community center directed them to one of the dance studios. 'James', according to his name tag, was outside giving out folders with cast information. They collected theirs and made name tags for themselves.

"Jeff, you're in Group A and Kurt, you're in group B. I'll see you inside shortly." said James as he handed them their folders.

It was crowded inside the studio. A sign requesting everyone remove their street shoes was posted just inside the entrance. Many pairs of shoes overflowed the cubbyholes by the door and floor space to the right. Dance bags were piled nearby. Jeff put his folder in his dance bag and changed to a pair of black ultraJazz shoes before stowing the bag in a corner.

"How can I not have the right shoes for this?" asked Kurt somewhat indignantly, putting his folder away and removing his shoes.

"We'll order you a pair on-line or maybe go into Mountain View and get you some gear later." said Jeff. "You may not even need them. But I have some ballet slippers if you do." Kurt smiled and nodded.

The space wasn't originally meant for dance. It was probably used for shop classes back when the center was a high school but they had installed a 'floating floor' with a rubberized coating to change the space into a dance studio. The high, two-story ceiling and all glass windows along one wall gave the room lovely light in the early morning. One wall had 6-foot high mirrors with a dance barre.

Alex was sitting on the floor in a far corner next to the girl that had sung Blackbird at the audition. He waved to the boys and they moved through other clusters of seated kids to their corner.

"I was so glad when I saw your name on the cast list." Kurt said to Alex, giving him a hug. "And, hi. I'm Kurt. And this is Jeff." he said to the girl.

"Marley. Loved your Jazz Hot. And your Moves Like Jagger was smokin'." she said smiling with a little pink in her cheeks. She started fanning herself. It seems Jeff had that effect on more than just him.

"Thanks. Your Blackbird moved me in ways I can't begin to tell you." said Kurt.

William, the director from the auditions, stood in the center of the room.

"Hello, everyone. Sorry, we may start a few minutes late. That won't happen after today. I think we have a few people that are unaccounted for and we'll give them a few minutes to get here. In the meantime, everyone stand. Let's do a little 'getting to know you' exercise." he said.

Jeff and Kurt stood with curious looks on their faces. Marley and Alex grinned as they too stood and Alex leaned over and said "Newbies." in a stage whisper to Marley.

"OK, everyone, I want you to introduce yourself to as many different people in 3 minutes as you can. Just say your name and why you're here in one sentence or less. Try not to repeat yourself and see what new reasons you discover. Hello, I'm William and I'll be helping you all produce this musical." he said.

"Hello, I'm James and I'll be helping William help you." said James who had just come in from outside.

"Got it? Begin now." said William.

"Hi, My name is Kurt and I'm here to sing my heart out."

"Hi, I'm Jeff and I'm here to dance my ass off."

After the first couple intros, Kurt noticed he strayed further and further from his initial reason and talked more about what he wanted to learn or things he was curious about, and Jeff. Jeff talked about learning new dances. And new things to cook with Kurt. And spending every waking moment with Kurt. It was interesting that once one reason got uncovered, another would appear.


"Interesting exercise, isn't it? So, a little about me." William continued.

"I've been directing and in some way involved in theater my whole life. I teach theater arts at a local community college. This is the fourth production of Cats that I've done, the second for the Youth Theater group. It's the director's job to hold the vision of a production. Many times that vision can change based on what talent you have to work with. And I can say from seeing all of you audition, that we're going to have our best production yet. You're all so amazingly talented and we're going to be working with you to find and stretch your boundaries. Get ready to work very hard this summer.

"Between now and the break, I want you to consider four things you want out of being in this production. I'm not talking about something tangible like a new BMW or a trip to Europe."

"Rats." said someone in the back of the room. There was smattering of laughter.

"I'm talking about something you want to accomplish or have happen. Like learning how to ask for help when you need it. For example, it took me a while to learn to ask James here to help me with certain things around the house. Sometimes I don't always have time to dust." Jeff and Kurt exchanged looks. Alex had a little smile on his face.

"Or learning to set boundaries. I learned I didn't have to allow my family to tell me how to live my life when I directed my first production of Cabaret in college. Get the idea? Now don't write these down just yet. But think about it during your dance class."

"For the next week, Group A will be meeting in this room and Group B will meet next door at 8am for Dance camp." There were groans from some of the cast members.

"How many of you have dance backgrounds?" asked William. Jeff and about 10 others raised their hands.

"I'll be looking to you people to help everyone else. And people, don't eat a big breakfast before class. I don't want you 'becoming unwell'. Eat light and then you can have something more substantial at the break. There's a discussion on a sheet in your cast packets. We'll be going easy on you today.

"Now if you need a bio-break, the boys and girls restrooms are just down the walkway. Be back here in 10 minutes." William smiled as he turned to James who had a pile of folders, obviously of those that were late or had not shown up.

Jeff stood and walked to the barre, raised his right leg onto it, and pointed his toe. He slowly bent his left knee in a demi-plié, then went on tip-toe in relevé, and finally pressed his head to his knee. Then he switched legs.

Kurt stood by and huffed. He put his hand on Jeff's arm and whispered "You're making me both jealous and turned on at the same time."

Jeff laughed. "Well, we can't have that. And yes, I can do the splits." Jeff lunged deeper into the stretch so that if he was on the floor, his legs would be 180° apart.

Kurt flashed on the image of Jeff, first in dance shorts sitting on the floor, legs splayed wide in a martial-arts style splits, his torso leaning forward with hands on the floor. Then the shorts were gone and Jeff was naked, feet splayed 180°, toes pointed up, torso forward on the floor, and his head resting on his elbows as if he's watching TV. The pale melon halves of his butt muscles look like little mountains at the end of the long plain of his back.

Kurt flushed. "I'm going next door. I'll see you at the break."


"I can't believe that William hasn't made up his mind on the featured parts yet. And one guy from my group was switched with yours." said Kurt somewhat miffed. They were riding the bus to downtown.

"It makes sense. Your new guy is a better dancer. He'll help balance out the groups. I see what they're doing. I don't see how they can do that with something more complex like Guys and Dolls, where we actually have to act and sing and dance." mused Jeff. Already his brain was thinking about the how does it work? aspect of the production.

They got off the bus near the Post Office. From there it was only a block to University Avenue passed a curious mix of upscale boutiques, restaurants, and retail businesses to the Apple Store.

Kurt brightened as they passed a Cheesecake Factory. Damn. Time for damage control. Jeff thought. Otherwise, I'll be eating here every week, being the good boyfriend.

"Have you ever eaten there? The food is terrible." said Jeff. Kurt looked disappointed.

"And the portions are so small." Kurt's eyes narrowed.

"Yes, that's a Woody Allen joke. But the food is pretty bad. I'll make you a deal. I'll have dessert here with you, but I'll eat dinner elsewhere." said Jeff.

Kurt nodded begrudgingly. "OK, but I want to try it. At least once." said Kurt. "The one in Columbus is nice." Jeff mentally went through what local bakeries had better cheesecake, so that he could keep Kurt bribed into not stepping foot into the place.

Inside the Apple Store, someone greeted them immediately. Jeff said he had an appointment to get an iPhone battery replacement. They were escorted back through the busy store to the Genius Bar in back. Jeff could almost imagine an Apple employee asking them if they wanted an espresso while they waited.

All the stools by the Genius Bar were full and the kid's table was occupied with a bunch of 5 year olds playing games. They sat on the impeccably clean blonde-wood floor by the back wall and waited for Jeff's name to be called.

Someone called Jeff's name. They both stood and went over to the desk. It didn't take long to check in Kurt's phone to have the battery replaced and the firmware updated. Jeff insisted they leave the phone at iOS 5 but the Apple Genius assured him that iOS 6 wouldn't run on the older model phone. They'd email Jeff when it was done in about an hour. He checked his phone for the address and direction to Rose's rehab facility.

The receptionist at Palo Alto Subacute Care directed Jeff and Kurt to the exercise room at the end of the hallway. They found Rose on the treadmill doing a brisk walk without using the handrails for support.

"Mom?" said Jeff surprised.

Rose turned and saw Jeff and Kurt. She smiled, closed the book on the treadmill's reading rack, and poked buttons on the console to halt it. She stepped off the machine and put a towel around her neck. Jeff was in her arms giving her a bear hug almost immediately.


If his therapist had asked 14-year old Jeff what he felt about his Dad's funeral, he would have said "Nothing." He was drawing a complete blank.

When Jeff started therapy a year ago, it was to help him cope with the changes in his life. Coming out, the bullying at his middle school, his enrolling in Dalton, and his feelings about best friend Nick. They talked about all of these things.

Jeff tended to bottle up his feelings until he exploded. His dad had handled an unfortunate incident the last week of middle school allowing Jeff to start Dalton with a unblemished record. His two main tormentors, however, weren't so lucky. One had a broken nose and the other, a dislocated elbow. Al Shapiro had had words with the principle about the bullying going on in her school and with his son about using violence to solve problems. Jeff's smashed foot and broken toes, which had started the whole thing, kept him from dance class for half of the summer.

Jeff had recited Kaddish with the Rabbi and his mom the night before and at the funeral. But they were just words. The casket was closed, so the last memories Jeff had of his dad was when Al gave him a hug and reassured him that everything was going to be all right. The surgery was just routine.

Jeff chose to go back to Dalton the day after the funeral, even though his family was 'sitting shiva', the traditional Jewish eight days of mourning. His schoolwork and Warbler practice helped to distract him from his numbness.

"It's weird. I miss Dad." said Jeff. "It's like there's this hole in my chest. But I don't feel like crying or anything, really. You're supposed to cry when someone you love dies, right?" Nick shrugged.

They were sitting on one of the couches in the Warbler's practice room after everyone else had left. His mom was picking him up to spend the night at home rather than have him sleep in his dorm room which shared with Nick. She texted that she was running a little late.

"Maybe it hasn't hit you yet. When my grandma died, it took grandpa a day to finally realize it. He was like this zombie during the service and the wake, smiling, and talking to people. But he wasn't really there, you know?" offered Nick.

"I was watching Cocoon the day after with him. One of the characters was named Rose, which was grandma's name. He got up and went outside when they got to that scene where she died. We found him on the porch silently crying his eyes out."

Jeff just nodded. Rose was his mom's name, too. He couldn't imagine how he'd feel watching Cocoon if she was dead.

"Maybe you just need a jumpstart. You know…like a car with a low battery." said Nick. He thought for a minute, then went to the wall with the Warbler's extensive DVD collection, selected a movie, and put the disk into the player. Once it loaded, he selected the chapter with the song he wanted and pressed PLAY.

God, our heavenly father,

Oh God, and my father,

Who is also in heaven

May the light of this flickering candle

Illuminate the light

The way your spirit

Illuminates my soul

Papa, can you hear me?

Jeff's eyes started to fill, his vision blurring. He knew this song and the movie.

His phone rang. It was his mom, come to pick him up. When Jeff got in the car, he was a mess.

"Why did dad have to die?" he asked, tears streaming down his face. Rose just held him, rocking him as best she could over the car's center console.


"Mom?" Jeff's vision continued to blur as he started blinking back tears. His mom was…OK.

Rose could see the tears starting. She guided him to a bench near the door.

"How?…When?" continued Jeff but the dam broke and all the helplessness he'd felt that night three months ago just came bubbling up. She held him as he broke down and cried softly into her shoulder.

"Shh. My sheine velt. Shhh." She soothed, holding him, much as she had done long ago in her car, rocking him as his grief crested and then started to ebb. Kurt appeared with a box of tissues from the bathroom.

Finally, Jeff drew back from his mom. "I thought I'd lost you, too." he said with a watery voice.

"Jeffie. Tatala, you should know you'll never 'loose' me." she said quietly. "I'll always be with you. Even when I'm not here any more. Just ask Kurt."

Kurt's heart ached as Jeff cried in his mother's arms. He nodded, weakly. Then he smiled because, for the life of him, Kurt just could not ever imagine himself calling Jeffry Alan Shapiro "Jeffie" anytime soon.

"I haven't seen you in three weeks." she said. Jeff bowed his head embarrassed.

"It's OK. You had school and this audition thing." she said. "I've been able to really talk for a couple weeks. Since I came here, my balance has been getting so much better. I walk every day, although that treadmill is really boring. So, I read. And I'm studying for the Psych exam."

"Here?" asked Jeff excited. She nodded. Jeff hugged her again. She really was back.

"Can you go outside?" he asked pulling away from her.

"Yes, but the staff don't have time for that. Visitors sometimes take residents for a 'walk' in their wheel chairs." Ruth replied somewhat puzzled. "I'm lucky that I'm here really getting better."

Jeff grinned even more. "Care for some frozen yogurt? It's Uncle Ted's favorite place."

"Sure, if you don't mind the company." she said.

"Are you kidding? We have so much to tell you." said Kurt, cutting in.


"Have you heard from Ted?" Rose asked as she ate a spoonful of the 'natural organic' non-fat yogurt with some apricot purée and fresh diced mango. All I taste yogurt and the fruit. And there's almost no sugar. Wonderful stuff. she thought.

Jeff looked at the photos he'd asked a counter person to take of the three of them. Some had Jeff and Kurt making faces. One had Rose kissing Jeff's cheek. And another had Jeff and Rose kissing Kurt's blushing cheeks with the yogurt cups partially consumed in the foreground. He set that one up to be his wallpaper.

"Not since we left Ohio. He's 'in transit', driving cross country with Lucy." said Jeff finally looking up from his phone.

"Oh, that poor man. We'll have to make it up to him." said Rose.

Jeff looked shocked, which Rose noticed. "You don't think that I didn't notice that Lucy is the bane of your existence sometimes. She can be quite a pill." she said.

"That doesn't mean I have to raise to the bait." replied Jeff guiltily.

Rose smiled and looked at Kurt. "Is this some of your doing?"

Kurt raised hands palms facing Rose in surrender. "Oh no. I think it's the Grinch Effect. You know, when his heart grows from two sizes to small to two sizes to big. Almost loosing your last parent can do that to you."

She laughed. Jeff's phone went off. It was a text from Uncle Ted.

Trapped in a stationwagon with a whiney teenager from hell. :( /ted

Jeff showed his phone to Kurt and Rose.

"That sounds about right. Wasn't she texting you, like, hourly for a while?" asked Kurt.

"Yeah. After a while I got tired of the I'm bored and Soooo bored and Are we there yet? status updates." said Jeff. "When she started repeating herself and sent S*O F*U*C*K*I*N*G B*O*R*E*D, I replied Can I watch? Video? and it stopped. She's probably annoying one of her friends. Or Nick. I should call him and tell him not to encourage her."

Jeff's phone buzzed with another text.

Kill me now or help me bury her body when I get there. :( /ted

Jeff grinned and scrolled through his photos. He sent one of himself, Rose, and Kurt with huge smiles looking at their yogurt cups along with a text.

Guess where we are? :D /J

Just seconds later, he got a reply.


Jeff burst out laughing, then showed his phone to Kurt who read the text thread and also burst out laughing. Kurt passed the phone to Rose, who read it and frowned with confusion.

"It means F* My Life." said Jeff.

He hadn't heard his mom laugh that loud in a very long time.


A/N: I decided not to bother translating the French conversations with Lucy because Google Translator isn't as good as a native speaker and I wanted all the snark intact.

Nana's Roast Beef is very simple. Coat a Tri-tip or even a Filet roast with a mixture of 1/4 c. French's Yellow Mustard (Gulden's also works but NOT a Dijon), a clove of garlic run through a garlic press or crushed and minced with a pinch of salt, and a dash of Worcestershire Sauce. If you want the coating to form a crust, add a tablespoon of flour to make it into a thin paste. Coat the meat with the mustard mixture, even the bottom. Roast at 350°F to desired degree of doneness with a meat thermometer. Remove when the thermometer says 150°F internal temperature and let it rest at least 20 minutes before slicing. And if you like it any other way than rare or medium rare, I don't want to know. I can't eat Roast Beef any other way.

On a side note, the trajectory of canon Klaine seems to follow so many Taylor Swift songs. I wonder if Ryan Murphy is whispering things to Taylor's ear while she sleeps like his creepy ghosts from American Horror Story. I can so imagine Blaine or Sebastian singing Red as a karaoke cover in a NYC bar only to have Kurt walk in mid-performance. We all can write that story in our sleep.

AND, another side note. I've just started reading Struck By Lightening. Geeze, Chris is snarky. I think I'm in love. With his writing.