Disclaimer: If I owned Sanctuary would I be writing fanfiction?

Series: Fifth in the My Big Brother... Series

Series Explanation: My Big Brother... is similar to my Fathers and Sons Series in that it is a series of oneshots that span across many fandoms and detail various relationships, some typical, some not. The difference is that it is about older brother/younger brother relationships. The only rule is the same, the brothers cannot be in anyway biologically related. (i.e. no Dean/Sam, Supernatural fics)

Summary: John Druitt's thoughts on first kills, lost loves, homes, hiding places and Nikola Tesla.

Pairings: Druitt/Tesla Friendship

Hides

I remember my first kill.

I remember walking through an alley after a play and seeing her. That woman. That whore. I remember something deep inside me coiling with disgust, reaching out, and killing her.

Next thing I know I'm holding her. Covered with her blood, and I don't even know what to think. My heart is racing. What have I done? Oh god, what have I done?

Blindly, I teleport. Expecting that I'll end up with James… with Helen maybe… someone who can help me make sense of this. But I don't. I find myself outside a familiar house, yes, but this isn't James place, or Helen's manor. No, this is, this is the studio of a student, a scientist.

Still I knock on the door, trying to fight back the pain inside. Slowly it cracks open, "John?" His voice cracks with surprise. "John what are you doing here?"

"Nikola," I whisper. "Help me… Something's happening."

His eyes sweep over me, "John, come inside. Quickly." He pulls me in, "Let's get this blood washed off you. Then we can talk."

So we do. He helps me clean, makes sure that I am not injured, and then I tell him. Tell him everything. And he doesn't say anything. He just sits there as I allow myself to fully break down. He pulls me close as I whimper, "I don't know what's happening to me, Nikola. I don't know what's happening."

"I know John. I know."

It is a week later when I commit the second murder. Once again the monster comes over me, and once again, when it is over I find myself outside Nikola's door, trying in vain to explain what's happening to me.

This happens again, and again. Before I even know it, this has become a pattern for us. The monster comes. I kill. I go to Nikola.

Eventually Helen figures me out. She says she'll help me. That she wants to save me. I know she does. Because I know Helen, I know my Helen. But, it doesn't matter. She can't save me. Not from this. No one can. I can't stay here. What if the monster sees her as a suitable victim? So, in an act of desperation, I do what I've always done. I port. Right into Nikola's place this time.

He sees the look on my face, and he sighs and he whispers, "Oh, John."

That's all it takes for me to let everything out, "Helen found me. Helen knows. Knows about what I've done."

"But John, it's not you. It's whatever this thing is. We'll figure it out." We both know that's a lie. We've been working on it for the last 6 months. He really is trying to be comforting though. It's not exactly his strong suit.

So I stay with him that night. We both go over Helen's the next day and she tries to cure me with her blood. It does absolutely nothing, except make me live a long, long time. At least that's what we theorize. We don't tell Helen that. She can see it doesn't work. We don't need to make her feel worse by letting her know that she's accidently granted longevity to a serial-killer.

As James, Nigel and Helen discuss what to do with me. I look at Nikola, he looks at me, and he says, "Come on. Let's find you a place to stay." He knows that the ripper won't stop. I want him to. Nikola knows that too. I want him to, but I can't…

He also knows that James and Helen will argue about my fate until the day they die, so he takes matters into his own hands, and we teleport to a safe-house that he built. It becomes my home base. I stay there, on and off as time passes.

Soon that time grows into decades. We kill Adam Worth along the way. And he provides me with new stashes of identities, and money, and safe havens. Strangely enough, Nikola always knows where I am.

When I come to him after having gone to Helen to get a new vial of her blood, he sighs just like he always has, and whispers, "Oh John." Because that's what he does now. He sighs, and he whispers "Oh John," and he helps me heal, and he helps me hide.

As we are trying to stop Helen's blood from poisoning me, he figures out a cure for the ripper. We cast it out and I'm free again. Neither of us will ever admit that we hugged on that day. We're above that. We're men after all. Not that it mattered after the many sleepless following the ripper's kills.

Then suddenly Nikola's getting mixed up with Helen, and I'm hearing reports of peaceful abnormals acting violently. Before we even know it the remaining members of the five are reuniting. We fight The Cabal, find the blood, and lose James. I regain Helen and Ashley in the process. Then I lose them all over again. I go off on a revenge spree. Nikola at my side, as always. Hiding me when I need it. Holding me back when the blood lust gets too much. Because that's who he is now.

When at last I am forced to take the ripper on once again, it is his side I teleport to. Even though I think of nothing, I know he is where I will end up. My hiding place. For you see, Helen may be my heart, but Nikola is my home. And he is where I'll always go back to.

AN: Welcome to the fifth installment of My Big Brother... I know I said that Trusts (Peter/Neal, White Collar) would be next, nut my hard drive crashed causing me to lose my last draft, and I don't presently have my DVDs with me in order to rewrite. Until I get home in a few days you're out of luck as far as that story goes.

As for this story, well a friend and I were noticing how Tesla is really becoming the big brother of the Sanctuary team this season. Mostly we noticed how every time Druitt is hurt and blind teleports he invariably ends up with Tesla. I figured that there might be a story in that, and well, here you go. I hope you enjoyed it. Drop me a line and let me know.

If you enjoyed this story check out the other stories in this series:

My Big Brother: Guides (Daniel/Cameron, Stargate SG-1)

My Big Brother: Sees (Baltar/Gaeta, Battlestar Galactica)

My Big Brother: Forgives (Peter/Sylar, Heroes)

My Big Brother: Teases (Tony/McGee, NCIS)

These stories can be read in any order as they are only united by theme.

'Til Next Time,

Regal

Up Next:

Protects (Eliot/Hardison, Leverage)