Hi! Guess what? CAMILLA SANDMAN APPROVED ME TO DO THIS! I'm also requesting that if you know of any really, really bad fanfictions of this 'verse out there, you'll tell me so I can familiarize myself with them more. Telling me any stereotypes would also help a lot. ^_^ Danke!
A large group was gathered around a table in the Jasmine Dragon, Ba Sing Se's finest tea shop. Everybody was finding there was someone there they didn't like, although the sentiments were mostly directed at Ozai, Zhao, Azula, and Zuko. The rest of Team Avatar was defending Zuko as best they could, but Zuko's father, sister, and much-hated acquaintance (technically enemy, but they were on the same side, before Zhao tried to have Zuko killed) were getting a lot of anger directed their way.
Finally, one person stood up, and tried to call for silence. She waited a minute, then rolled her eyes and pulled out a fan. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Suki roared. Most people fell relatively quiet, though Sokka insisted on poking Azula in the head with the tip of his (thankfully sheathed) sword. A glare from Suki, as well as the deliberate unfurling of her fan, made him stop. Amazing, what a dangerous metal sound can persuade people to do.
"Thank you, my dear." Pakku nodded to her, and she closed the fan. "Now, returning to business: I may assume we all know why we are here?"
"Bad fanfiction!" Sokka yelled disgustedly. Various noises of nausea, anger, and hatred could be heard from everyone else around the table.
"Very good, Sokka. You do have a gift for stating the blindingly obvious." Pakku rolled his eyes. "Now, we have been given several suggestions on how to deal with this influx of horrid writing. Suki, would you please read the list?"
"Of course, sir." Suki stood, picking up a piece of paper from the table before her. If you hadn't guessed by now, Pakku was officially in charge of the meeting, with Suki as his assistant. "Our contacts at the PPC have provided us with this list. '1. Help the overworked staff of the PPC recruit more members so they can deal with this rise in bad fanfiction.'"
"Where are we supposed to find new recruits for them anyways? And I'm not giving them Bosco!"
"Okay, I'm assuming we can forget about that option." Suki sighed. "Then, 2, we can 'Kill all the fanfiction writers.'"
"I like this one." Azula grinned.
"That goes against everything I believe in!" Aang protested. "We can't do that!" Azula gave him a dirty look, which the Avatar summarily ignored.
"The majority of non-canon pairing fics are Katara and Zuko." Suki informed him sweetly. Aang began to literally steam with rage (seriously, he's a Firebender, they can do that! It comes from their mouth, of course, not their ears, but it's still steam!). Zuko blanched, and leaned as far away from Katara as he could, wondering why he'd decided to sit next to her at all. On his other side, Mai began to play with a throwing knife, while on Katara's other side, Aang was gripping his staff so tightly it was threatening to splinter.
"Sadly, is anonymous." Pakku sighed. "And we can't pose as fanfiction writers to gain their trust so they will reveal their identities to us. That would take too long, and I don't know about some people, but I'd rather not spend the rest of my days thinking up silly stories about us so I can deceive young, impressionable girls into thinking I'm a teenager like them so they'll agree to meet me, all just so we can shove a knife through their hearts. If they even have hearts."
"Plus you'd be arrested for being a creeper, if not for the murder part!" Toph added, lazily picking her nose.
"Thank you for that lovely mental image of my step-grandfather, Toph." Sokka muttered, ever sarcastic. Toph merely grinned and flicked her boogie at his face (or at least, where she thought his face was. Turned out she missed, and hit Combustion Man, who merely growled. His restraining order against the children had been temporarily toned down so he could actually attend this most important of meetings, but he was having a hard time of it, what with being forbidden from attacking any of them and all.
"There's one other option!" Suki's hand strayed to her fan, which she had set down on the table in order to pick up the papers. Everyone looked to her expectantly. "And, 3: 'Start an Official Fanfiction University to educate your fangirls. The PPC will allow you temporary access to its databases to find offenders, and you will then educate them in a learning establishment of your choice on the ins and outs of canon. Be warned; while there will be plenty of opportunities to torment fangirls, there will also be plenty of opportunities for said fangirls to attempt to attack you. Thus, the PPC recommends you find some canonical version of small, dangerous animals to protect yourselves with and punish the students should they act out of line/attempt to glomp/tackle/rape any of the characters."
For five full minutes, there was dead silence. Miracle of miracles, it wasn't broken by a stupid question or obnoxiously loud outburst from someone.
"…I think we should do it."
Okay. Maybe it was a stupid comment. But there's a difference, I swear. Author's honor.
At the sound of Aang's suggestion, everyone started talking at once. Mostly shooting him down with all the stupid ways it could go wrong. There would be fangirls glomping at every chance they got, endless hours of work finding a suitable site, more hours of thinking up, outlining, planning, and finally actually creating a curriculum…and nobody wanted to think about how they would manage the teaching process itself!
"But I don't want people to die." Aang looked at the table sadly. Azula and Ozai snorted. Zuko gave the two of them a dirty look, but sighed.
"Sometimes people just deserve to die, Aang." He pointed out. "Even if you don't want them to."
"Too bad." Aang stood up, fully resolved. "We're starting an Official Fanfiction University."
In the PPC, one agent looked at her iPhone's screen, and broke out in a disturbingly gleeful smile. She sent a quick response, then stowed it in the pocket of her black leather coat (which, by the way, was stolen from a Matrix Mary Sue that was luckily just her size).
Agent Karen Elaine DuLay had just been assigned to the newly-created Official Fanfiction University of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
Lupe Hernandez was putting the finishing touches on her latest oneshot, a romance songfic about how Zuko and Katara realized they were madly in love. That canon clearly showed Aang and Katara getting into a romantic relationship at the end of the series obviously didn't concern her any. Nor did the fact that Mai and Zuko had been more-or-less together throughout the entire third season. And the fact that she had chosen Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" for the song only served to give any reader with half a brain a horrible, horrible migraine.
Before you ask, yes, she had indeed seen the series. A few episodes from each season. Her favorites are "The Waterbending Scroll," "Crossroads of Destiny," and "The Southern Raiders." Each contained Zuko and Katara, and each could be read as romantic tension between the two.
Lupe saved the document, then opened up on her Windows browser. She logged in under her penname—Twinkle Goldfire—and uploaded the document to her user profile. New Story Accept Guidelines (after just ignoring everything on the guidelines themselves) Type: Normal Category, Avatar: The Last Airbender Title: Bad Romance Summary: Katara and Zuko romance songfic, R/R, lotsa fluff Rated M (she giggled deviously at that one) Language, English (despite being Hispanic, she couldn't speak a lick of Spanish) Genre, Romance World, Cartoon Characters, Zuko and Katara pick document Submit—
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" A voice rang out. Lupe started, then jumped up from her seat at her desk to whirl around and see…
Jet, Smellerbee, Longshot, Pipsqueak, and The Duke.
At least, she recognized Jet, and knew the others on sight from the episode she'd seen of him. It wasn't one of her favorites—no "Zuzu" (as she called him, despite the fact that he hated that name and clearly said so in the season two episode "The Train"), and Katara was all focused on Jet, not Zuko.
Jet. Who was staring at her. With swords drawn and a look of disgust on his face. That Jet.
"If you proceed to click, we will be forced to take severe actions to prevent it." Jet warned her. "And it will probably involve pain." Lupe slowly brought her hands up in the universal sign of "Hey, I'm unarmed, please don't kill me!" while trying to wrap her mind around the shock of having five strange boys randomly infest her room.
Smellerbee strode over to her desk, shoved her and her rolling office chair out of the way, then pulled up the story. "It's a Zutara one, Jet!" He called over his shoulder, then shuddered. "And a bad one at that."
"Right. That gives us all we need." Jet lowered his swords, then reached into his shirt to pull out a roll of paper. He unfurled it, and began to read. " 'Lupe Gabriella Hernandez, you are officially charged with malicious destruction of canon, writing bad songfics about an anti-canon pairing, and actually thinking Katara and Zuko could be attracted to each other in any way. Your punishment, as decided by the Head of Student Affairs and Punishment Agent Karen Elaine DuLay of the Official Fanfiction University of Avatar: The Last Airbender, is to attend OFUATLA for one year. You have no choice about this matter, as refusal will result in the Freedom Fighters cutting off your head to be stuffed and added to Miss DuLay's collection. Please fill out the attached form, and have a nice day.' "
Lupe finally found her voice. "But…it's not a bad songfic…"
"I think I'll need therapy from Iroh again when we get back, Jet." Smellerbee said grimly, eyeing the final words of the story. "I don't need to know certain things about Zuko OR Katara. Much less about both of them."
"Hey, she has candy hidden in her sock drawer!" The Duke exclaimed, rifling through Lupe's things. "Oh…okay, didn't need to see that picture…" If Lupe could have moved, she would have winced. Seemed that small kid with the oversized helmet had found her secret stash of Sexy Zuko pictures, not all of which had him in clothing.
"Err…anyways, you are required to fill out this form." Jet took a scroll out of his jacket (which must have some sort of hidden pocket on the inside) and held it out to Lupe. "Smellerbee's the only one of us who bothered learning to read English, so ask her for help if you have any questions."
Ignoring the clear indicator of Smellerbee's true gender, Lupe took the scroll and unrolled it slowly. She took in the questions, printed in black ink—or, more accurately, written in black ink, most likely with a calligraphy brush and by someone who had just learned to write in English.
"Are…are you people for real?" She gasped, turning to Jet. He nodded, and motioned for her to fill out the form. Lupe wasted no time in grabbing a random writing device (which turned out to be a mechanical pencil) and scribbling down her answers.
[[WARNING—IF YOU DEVIATE FROM THE CANON IN ANY WAY REGARDING BENDING, REINVENTING THE CANON FOR YOUR OWN PURPOSES, OR ADDING TO CANON IN WAYS THAT DO NOT FIT WITH THE 'VERSE, I WILL DISREGARD YOUR CHOICES AND CONSIDER YOU A PRIME SUBJECT FOR MESSING WITH]]
Name: Lupe Gabriella Hernandez
Physical Description: Black hair to shoulders, blue eyes, Hispanic
Bending Abilities: Fire Fire Fire! Pleeeease!
Primary Weaponry (if you're a Bender, this is a weapon you use to augment your Bending—but please, feel free to leave this spot blank. Non-Benders, however, are required to have at least a puny dagger to defend themselves with, if only because most of the faculty wants you people dead): Ooh! Can I have broadswords like Zuko uses? He's so sexy with them ;P
Secondary Weaponry (only fill out if you're not a Bender): Uhh can I have fans like the Kyoshi warriors use? I didn't see their first appearance but I caught Azula and Mai and Ty Lee pretending to be them and the "Previously on—Avatar" thing that showed them looked really really epic!
Nation (if you chose a Bending ability, you are by default from that Nation): Ooh can I be a Firebender from the Earth Kingdom? :D
If you would like to bring a pet from home (note the use of the singular), please give name and details (especially species name) here: Nah, I don't really have a pet
How much of the series have you watched? A couple episodes from each season
How much independent knowledge do you have Asian, Pacific, and Meso-American cultures, past and present? Uhh…what's Meso-American?
How much knowledge do you have of the Avatar world (meaning, do you make pretty much everything up, or can you describe the architectural styles of each Nation with ease)? Dunno. They have chocolate and cell phones, right? Nobody can live without those.
Please list the character names of those who were in the Jasmine Dragon Tea Shop at the very end of the series, in order of age (if two people are the same age, order their names alphabetically. And no cheating and looking it up online, either. You're doing it from memory):
What's the Jasmine Dragon? And I didn't watch the last episode.
What are the pairings, according to the canon? ZUTARA!
What pairings do you support? ZUTARA ZUTARA ZUTARA
Have you written any slash fiction (as in male/male or female/female)? Well, I did write that Aang/Sokka thing…
Why do you write Avatar: TLA fanfiction? Because it has Zuko and he's hot :P
Who is your favorite character? OMG ZUZU!
Least favorite character? Mai. Ugh, she's such a depressed emo
What genre of stories do you usually write for Avatar: TLA? Zutara Romance!
Have you ever, or do you currently, write a Mary Sue/Gary Stu/godmoding character? What're those? I have an OC named Twinkle Goldfire I write sometimes to pair with Zuko
What pairings do you usually write? ZUTARA! And sometimes Zuko and Twinkle
What is the typical rating for your stories (K, K+, T, M, etc.)? M
What are your least favorite pairings? ZuMai and KatAang, ugh, they're stupid
Have you ever written an AU version of the canon storyline? Nope
Have you written a future fic where the characters have children? Yus! Zuko and Katara's daughter is adooooorable! :D
If so, have you named their children with combinations of their parents' names (ex: Sokka&Toph have Soph and Tokka)? Yup! She's Zutara!
What is your opinion of the War? Ugh it was stupid I'm glad Zuko didn't do anything for it
What is your opinion of the Fire Nation in general? They're a bunch of idiots who wanna take over the world, except for Zuko
Are you a fangirl of one of the characters? ZUKO!
If so, who and why? ZUKO CUZ HE'S HOT!
How do you feel about how Zuko's appearance reflected his personality throughout the series? He got hotter when he ditched the ponytail I mean seriously he was hot with it but then he got even hotter when he ditched it I don't get why he'd do it in the first place
Tell me what you understand about the art of Bending. You move your body and earth, or water, or air, or fire moves with it
What kind of clothing do you like wearing? Cute tees and baggy pants!
What kind of personality would you say you have? Ooh I'm totally funny and smart and cute and all I'm exactly the kind of girl Zuko would fall in love with!
This is a standard questionnaire to determine just how much you actually know about the canon. Please answer to the best of your ability, and do not cheat. Or we will find you. Please realize, we do not expect you to answer everything correctly, but if you can, the author will respect your knowledge (and thus your character) enough not to subject them to torture and verbal abuse on a daily basis in the story. Maybe. She will certainly respect your knowledge of canon enough not to rag on you for whatever you've written, unless said writing contains blatant disregard of the canon you have proven you know, in which case she will merely ensure your character gets chewed out by one or more of the faculty.
What is the Avatar cycle? Uhh…dunno
What happened to the Air Nomads at the start of the War? They got killed off by those jerks in the Fire Nation
Who was the Fire Lord that began the War? Ozai
Who was that Fire Lord's best friend when they were both young? Iroh
Where are the Water Tribes located? Someplace wet
Where on the Earth Kingdom map is Ba Sing Se located? South
In Season Two, Episode Twelve, The Serpent's Pass, what mistake did the creators accidentally put on Sokka's map? Uhh I didn't see that episode
After his defection to Team Avatar, did Zuko's outfit close in the back, front, or to one side? If to one side, which side? Was there a belt? If so, what color was it? What style was it? Closed in the front, gold sash for a belt (I know my Zuzu ;D )
How many appearances does the Cabbage Merchant have? How many in only Season One? Season Two? What is his trademark line? Uhh who?
What other name does Iroh consider naming his tea shop, only to remark, "No, that's stupid!" and discard it, in Season Two, Episode Seventeen? I didn't watch that episode
What are Professor Zei's last words to Sokka, Aang, and Katara as they flee the Library of Wan Shi Tong, then sinking into the sand forever (only the very last sentence is needed)? Who's "Professor Zheng"?
What does the group discover upon escaping the library? dunno
What does Sokka proceed to consume that makes him high? Cactus juice?
What crazy things does he say/do under the influence of said substance? Only three examples needed. I dunno
At the beginning of Season One, Episode Twelve, what are Sokka's first lines? What is the implied humor present in these lines? Uhh dunno I only paid attention to the Zuko parts
How many times has Aang gone into the Avatar State on-screen? Disregard dreams. dunno
In Season Three, Episode Seventeen, why are the characters mad at their portrayals in the play by the Ember Island Players? Who is the only one to voice enthusiasm at their character's portrayal? Zuko was all mad cuz it made him look bad, but it's the episode that PROVED him and Katara are meant to be, so I lurv that episode even though Aang kissed Katara!
Why are the masters Ran and Shaw different from other dragons physically? Who are Ran and Shaw?
What is the implied symbolism of the Red and Blue Dragons in Zuko's dream in Season Two, Episode Eighteen? Totally didn't watch that episode
What is the name of Toph's hometown? Uhh dunno
When Toph and Katara crash the Earth King's party, what do they wear? How is their hair done? Do they wear makeup? They crashed a party? Woot! Go Katara! Be a rebel!
How does the Kyoshi Warriors' first appearance differ from all later appearances? Dunno I only saw them once really but OMG they were soooo epic!
This is Karen Elaine DuLay, Head of Student Affairs and Punishment. By signing this waiver, you will be agreeing to allow us full control of your diet, everyday clothing, activities, and pretty much life for the next year and a half. Know that by disregarding the requests above, you may well be condemning your character to a painful, flaming death, and we reserve the right to laugh maniacally while doing so. Sign the line below.
X_Lupe Gabriella Hernandez_
Thanks for your soul. We'll take great care of it. Maybe.
Lupe's eyes glazed over at some point during the questions, but she kept writing until she saw a spot to sign her name. With a nervous gulp, she handed the paper to Jet.
"Thank you." He nodded to her. "You will be transported to the University tonight. Please get some sleep—you'll need it." The other Freedom Fighters followed him as he walked out the door.
Lupe stared after them, then turned off her computer, brushed her teeth, changed into her pajamas, turned off the lights, and went to bed.
Enrollment is now open! For the next few chapters, at least: I'll tell you when it's time to stop. Remember, all characters will probably be portrayed as drooling fangirls/fanboys, so if you're offended at my portrayal at you...well, you were warned. Plus, ideas for stuff your character might try to do are also more than welcome ^_^ Let's get this chaos started! Wooooot! Submit applications via PM, please, because if you review it could technically be called a breach of the rules, and let's not get me in trouble, mkay?