Beck watched as Jade tossed and turned in her sleep. She did that often. He didn't think much about it. She started kicking and screaming in her sleep. He gently woke her.
"Jade," he said gently, "It's alright. You were just having a bad dream"
Jade clung to him.
"Oh my GOD it was so scary." she said telling him all about it.
They'd had an argument a few days before that. He knew it would upset her but he didn't think it would affect her this badly. He held her shaking form to his. Tears were spilling down his own eyes. He had been so sure that he was right.
He didn't realize he was being so insensitive. Yes, Jade appeared to be tough but she only did that to put up a wall to protect herself. The fight left the wall crumpling down leaving her vulnerable. In that minute Beck was struck with a sudden reality. He thought in being harsh and hurtful he was being caring, but that's no way to act when you care about a person. When you care about a person you're supposed to talk with them, not get mad just because you're not happy about a choice that they made. He had a lot of atoning to do.
"Do you still love me," she asked him.
He almost laughed.
"Do I still love you," he repeated, "Jade me not loving you would be like the ocean without the water. It's impossible. I don't really love myself very much right now though"
"Why," she asked
"Because," he replied, "I have been thoughtless, illogical, insensitive and hurtful and I convinced myself I was doing the right thing when the fact of the matter is that it was the wrong thing to do."
Jade shook her head.
"You weren't yourself," she told him weakly.
The argument between them took a lot of energy out of her. She was dealing with a lot. What if this cause her too much damage and it can't be fixed? Jade was not always nice to Tori and it drove Beck crazy when she was cruel to Tori because he knew that she was better then that. But Beck knew he didn't know the whole story.
"Do you know why I got mad"
"Didn't we go over this already," she asked
"Yeah... I don't mean the technical reason I got mad. Jade ever since you were attacked last year you haven't been yourself. I wanted my Jade back"
"I was still your Jade," Jade said.
"No," Beck said, "You were a shell of the girl you used to be. You would hardly talk. You became bitter-"
"I was attacked," Jade pointed out, "and I was scared. I have to live with the memory of that night Beck. Do you have any idea how hard that is for me?"
"Of course I do," Beck said, "Because it was just as hard for me watching you suffer. I was watching you fade away"
"I wasn't fading away," Jade said, "I was traumatized"
"And I was desperate," Beck said, "And when you were so mean to Tori-"
"Vega and I never got along," Jade said, "She tried to steal you away from me"
"Steal me," Beck asked raising an eyebrow?"
"She kissed you," Jade reminded him.
"Jade," Beck told her, "You know that I have no feelings for her apart from that of a friend. I care about her but I love you."