And here we have the bonus endings and blooper reel. Take note, the bonus ending is NOT canon. It's more of a joke ending. You'll see what I mean after it shows up at the end of this silly little chapter. XD\
The bloopers are NOT canon. It's just a "what-if". Like…what if Unova Mansion was a movie? Of course, it's not. This is just a little fun for the depressing story. I need some jokes in here, that's all. The bloopers will be done in all bold, because it's easier. The bonus ending will not be.
By the way, I own none of the songs featured in the bloopers. Not even the ones I slightly changed the lyrics to. And yes, SOME bloopers DO feature songs.
"Are we there yet?" asked Mienshao.
"No," said Gothitelle.
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we theeeeeeeere yet?" asked Mienshao in a silly voice.
Gothitelle shook her head and started laughing.
"Excadrill!" yelled Haxorus.
"I'm…too sexy for my shirt," sang Excadrill quietly, his eyes closed. "Too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it HURTS…"
He opened his eyes to see everyone laughing at him. "What?"
"I'm Bisharp," said Bisharp grimly. "This is the Human Scolipede."
Scolipede snorted and started cracking up. Bisharp grinned nervously.
"Oops…wrong horror movie," he said, shaking his head.
"You idiot!" said Mienshao, cracking up.
"I'm Bisharp," said Bisharp grimly. "This is Scolipede."
"The Pokémon, as opposed to the human," said Scolipede snidely.
Bisharp went red before laughter escaped him.
"Weird- do you think you're at the wrong place?" asked Excadrill.
"Of course not, this is the only killer island in the middle of the ocean for miles!" said Scolipede dramatically.
Excadrill burst out laughing, with Scolipede smirking. Someone yelled "CUT!"
"Weird- do you think you're at the wrong place?" asked Excadrill.
"Yes- can I leave?" asked Scolipede.
Excadrill snorted and started laughing again. Scolipede chuckled as well.
"Scolipede, stop that!"
"Whew!" said Conkeldurr, stretching. "I've got your stuff, Stoutland. Come here, boy!"
He started whistling, and Stoutland was heard laughing outside.
"Where's Liepard?" asked Conkeldurr.
"Dead," said Stoutland.
"Wrong one, Stoutland," said Haxorus, chuckling. Stoutland looked confused, before he realized his mistake and started laughing.
"Well…if it isn't Criminal Krookodile!" said Stoutland.
"Wrong line, genius," said Krookodile, smacking a hand on his forehead.
Scrafty walked in and tripped on his pants. Beheeyem started laughing hysterically, and leaned against the door frame for support.
Krookodile was playing the piano.
I remember when rock was young…
Me and Krokorok had so much fun…
Holdin' hands and skimmin' stones…
Had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own
But the biggest kick I ever got…
Was doin' a thing called the Krookodile Rock…
While the other Pokes were rockin' round the clock…
We were hoppin' and boppin' to the Krookodile Rock…
Well, Krookodile Rockin' is somethin' shockin', when your feet just can't keep still…
I never knew me a better time, and I guess I never will!
Gothitelle and Scrafty's laughter was heard from behind the camera. Krookodile looked up and went pale. "Hey…put that down! Are you filming? Get back here!"
"Hah!" said Gigalith, laughing. "You all are a bunch of babies! There's nothing wrong with this place!"
"I call bullshit," said Scolipede. Everyone burst out laughing.
"Scolipede, stop that!" yelled the director.
"Cofagrigus, did you do this?" asked Haxorus.
"Yes," said Cofagrigus gravely. Haxorus smirked before he started laughing.
There was a loud explosion. Everyone tensed up.
Gigalith appeared at the top of the stairs. "Sorry, I was in the bathroom."
"Is he really dead?"
"PSYCHE!" yelled Gigalith, sitting up.
"Oh my god, he's a holy figure," said Scolipede, chuckling.
Everyone else started laughing.
"Because without a nurse, we'd have no medical expert," said Chandelure.
"Or murderer," said Scrafty. Everyone started laughing. "Sorry about that, director."
"He wasn't the suicidal type," growled Emboar. "That would be Simipour."
Gigalith started laughing from his spot on the floor, while Zoroark and Simipour were laughing next to him.
"Well, who is the host?" asked Jellicent.
"Mew," said Scolipede.
"STOP TALKING ABOUT TOTAL POKÉMON ISLAND!" said the director angrily.
"I'm not a Lapras," said Simipour.
"That's our only water type," said Reuniclus.
"What am I, chopped liver?" asked Jellicent. Reuniclus giggled. Jellicent smirked.
Audino was seen jumping on the bed. "Whee! He's not in Gigalith's room, Conkeldurr!"
Conkeldurr started laughing hysterically. "What are you doing?"
"Is it possible for you to stop smoking for a MINUTE?" asked Mienshao.
"No, because I'm smoking hot," said Scrafty.
"True," said Mienshao, laughing. "I mean…shit, what's my line?"
Mandibuzz stretched her winds. "Thank you for flying Mandibuzz airlines. We have a great reputation of getting all of our passengers to safety…unless you're on an island in the middle of nowhere."
"What did you find?"
"Well, you're not going to like it," said Beheeyem. "We found two things…and…uh…shit, why do I have the longest lines?"
Laughter erupted from all of the Pokémon.
"The murderer is one of US," said Beheeyem.
"DUN DUN DUN!" yelled Scrafty and Scolipede.
"I'm a scientist," said Beheeyem. "I work in a lab."
He clapped his hands and music started.
I was working in the lab, late one night…
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight…
My monster from his slab, began to rise…
And suddenly…to my surprise…
Everyone started laughing, while the director tried to get control again.
"I'm an exotic dancer," said Gothitelle.
"Like a stripper?" asked Emboar rudely.
"Yes," said Gothitelle. "I mean, no! Oh…which one is my line?"
"It's me, seventeen other innocent Pokémon, two victims, and one murderous crook," said Stoutland.
"OBJECTION!" shouted Krookodile.
"HOLD IT!" shouted Bisharp.
"OVERRULED!" said Scrafty.
All three burst out laughing.
"Oh, wait, that wasn't my line," said Krookodile sheepishly.
"My name is Cofagrigus, and I was invited to Galvantula's…no wait, I was invited by Golurk," said Cofagrigus. "Well, fuck."
"Emboar?" asked Cofagrigus, floating over to the body on the couch.
"SURPRISE!" yelled Gigalith. Cofagrigus screamed. Everyone else started laughing, as Cofagrigus started chuckling too.
Krookodile was closing the door to the refrigerator, when it got caught on his tail. "OW! SHIT!"
Krookodile opened the door to get his food. Scrafty was inside there, and the lizard let out a scream. Krookodile staggered backwards, before he started cracking up.
"And you…you just injected me…with drugs?" asked Conkeldurr weakly.
"Dude, that's my thing!" yelled Scrafty off camera. Conkeldurr and the killer both started laughing.
"Scrafty!" yelled Audino from under her cloak.
Emboar was stomping down the stairs, before he tripped and fell. "Shit! Whoa!"
Mienshao, who was setting plates, saw and started laughing.
"Oh my god!" yelled Bisharp. "He killed Conkeldurr!"
"YOU BASTARD!" roared Emboar, charging at Scrafty.
"Uh, wrong line," said the director.
"Now you listen to me," said Bisharp threateningly. "I don't know what my line is, and if I don't find out anytime soon, I'm going to go crazy."
Scrafty snorted, and Bisharp started laughing.
Excadrill was in the shower, washing quietly. Suddenly, the curtain opened, revealing Audino with a knife. She started mimicking the Psycho music, causing the other guests to laugh, and Excadrill pulled the curtain shut, embarrassed.
"Listen old man, I didn't do it!" growled Krookodile.
"That's not your line, Elton John," said Stoutland, smirking.
Krookodile started laughing. "Dude, I sang once! ONCE!"
"So you've finally come for me, eh?" asked Stoutland.
"…what's my line again?" asked Audino. Stoutland laughed.
"Everyone!" barked Stoutland. "The killer is…"
He waited. Audino was still fiddling with gun.
"Wait, wait, I'm not ready!"
"I have a theory," said Beheeyem.
"I have doubts," said Scolipede. Beheeyem chuckled.
"Scolipede, cut it out!" yelled the director.
"Sorry," said Scolipede.
"Any ideas on what to do for the night?" asked Gothitelle. "There are five dead- oh shit, wait…it's four…damnit."
Beheeyem started chuckling next to her.
"Beheeyem?" came a faint voice. Gothitelle.
"What is it?" asked the alien.
"Do you remember my line?"
Beheeyem snorted and laughed.
"Beheeyem?" came a faint voice. Gothitelle.
"What is it?" asked the alien.
"Do you want to get laid this evening?" asked Gothitelle seductively.
Beheeyem's eyes widened as he started coughing loudly.
"Beheeyem?" came a faint voice. Gothitelle.
"What is it?" asked the alien.
"Do you want to get laid this evening?" asked Scolipede's voice.
Beheeyem glanced at the wall in alarm. "WHAT?"
"Scolipede, I told you to cut it out!" yelled the director.
"Shit!" growled Emboar, glaring at the murderer. "I forgot my line!"
Audino stopped advancing on him, and began laughing hard.
"Idiot! You didn't have a line…I spoke next!"
"What is this?" asked Reuniclus. "Metal Gear Solid?"
Emboar snorted from his spot on the floor and started laughing.
"I could point out suspicious facts about everyone here!" said Bisharp.
"Like…what?" asked Excadrill.
"I have no idea," said Bisharp, hanging his head.
"Cofagrigus, you fool."
"Shut up, Candle Jack-"
"Wait…what?" asked Chandelure, eyes wide,
"Well I want some coffee," said Cofagrigus.
"I want to live," said Scolipede. "Oh, wait…I wasn't supposed to be sarcastic there…"
"No, Scolipede," said the director, sighing.
"You know…a lot of this situation is…complicated," she breathed. Beheeyem gave her an odd look.
"What do you mean-"
He broke off as Gothitelle kissed him. He wrapped an arm around her, and they fell off of the chairs they were sitting in.
"Beheeyem's getting laid tonight!" shouted Scrafty.
Mienshao arched a brow. "I'm stripes."
"I'm Scrafty," responded Scrafty. "Oh, wait…damnit, what's my line?"
"You can't really kill us in a typical stab…and…damnit," muttered Chandelure. Cofagrigus grinned and laughed.
"I'm afraid discussing our current dilemma is more important than…than…oh, bugger," growled Bisharp.
"A trivial game of pool," said the director.
"What he said!" shouted Bisharp.
"Ladies and gentleman," said Cofagrigus, looking down at Zoroark. "The beach is closed."
"What were you doing in your room, Scolipede?" asked Haxorus.
"Simipour," said Scolipede. A soggy Zoroark leaped on him, while Simipour was laughing from upstairs.
Cofagrigus grabbed the blanket with his hands. He glanced at it, before he swore. "Oh wait, I'm supposed to get burnt!"
"That's what you call Spirit Solution," said Chandelure in a deep breath. "A rare, illegal liquid substance only found in the black market- especially deadly to Ghost-type Pokémon."
"What does it do?" asked Audino, looking at the blanket warily.
"I have no fucking idea," responded Chandelure. Everyone burst out laughing.
"We lied about coming here!" shouted Simipour.
"LIAR!" screamed Scolipede dramatically.
Simipour stopped crying and started laughing. "Damnit, Scolipede, I'm supposed to be upset right now!"
Haxorus fell over. "AH! You…missed? Wait…where's my makeup for this arm?"
"Oops," said the director. "CUT!"
Haxorus opened the door.
Gigalith was there. "What's up?"
Haxorus stopped and started laughing.
"Well, she put the gun down," commented Bisharp.
"Bisharp that…isn't…funny," said Reuniclus, cracking up.
"Reuniclus, get serious!"
"Two more dead in one day," said Beheeyem. "That's it. Someone has to be done here."
"Can that someone be me?" asked Scolipede.
"Wait…wait…I meant SOMETHING!" shouted Beheeyem, as Scrafty and Krookodile roared with laughter.
"I couldn't buy a store- I scared the people trying to sell it," said Cofagrigus sheepishly. "I managed to get a job in a dingy bar because I have no idea what the rest of my freaking line is."
"You have TECHNOLOGY here and you didn't TELL US!" shouted Krookodile.
Reuniclus started laughing. "S-sorry…"
"Well my favorite drugs are-," began Scrafty. He glanced at Bisharp.
Bisharp jumped. "Oh…right…we're moving on!"
"Are you going to kill me if I tell you all?" blurted out Scolipede.
"No," said Beheeyem, but he wasn't making any promises.
"Yes, it's true- I really did sleep with Simipour," said Scolipede, hanging his head.
Everyone burst out laughing, with Zoroark yelling in the background. "HEY!"
"MONEY!" exclaimed Krookodile. "IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THE MONEY!"
"But in this case, it's for science," said Audino, before she giggled.
"Will you guys just stick to the script?" yelled the director.
Bisharp was writing down a name, before he tore a hole in his paper. "Oops."
"Someone get him a new paper," sighed the director.
Bisharp looked at a paper. "Who voted for Elton John?"
Scrafty raised his hand and pointed to Krookodile, who was cracking up.
"With four votes, Scolipede wins," said Beheeyem.
"I always knew I'd be a great president," said the bug.
"With four votes, Scolipede wins," said Beheeyem.
"I refuse to accept this as democracy!" yelled Scolipede.
Everyone burst out laughing.
"To be honest, I didn't vote for you," said Mienshao.
"What are you, a liberal?" snarled Scolipede.
Mienshao snorted and started laughing. Scolipede smirked.
Scolipede fell down the staircase, but then stood up.
"Uh…I didn't tear any ropes up…sorry…"
"Do it again."
Scolipede sighed, letting out a final breath.
"Well, director, he won't interrupt you after this," said Scrafty. "Oh shit, we're rolling?"
Scrafty is coughing on a cigarette. "Crap…ack! Sorry…can we do this again?"
The tree fell down, landing next to Excadrill. He glanced at it. "Uh…you missed…try again."
As the tree fell down, Scolipede yelled out. "TIIIIIIMBER!"
Excadrill started laughing, and the director started to tell Scolipede he was dead and couldn't interrupt.
"He's over four hundred pounds," said Haxorus. "Too fat to move in a single night."
"That's not your line, Haxorus!" said the director.
"I am offended," said Scolipede.
"Sorry!" said Haxorus, laughing.
Reuniclus was sipping his water when he hiccupped and it fell all over his lap. Everyone started laughing, as Reuniclus hiccupped again.
"Well, I guess I'll be the first to voice an opinion here," said Reuniclus. "I think that…ugh…um…line?"
"Well, Cofagrigus is made of gold!" said Jellicent, but before she could continue Reuniclus hiccupped again. She started laughing. "Stop it!"
"I call Cofagrigus!" shouted Reuniclus, spilling his water on his lap. "Damnit!"
"It's not your day, is it Reuniclus?" asked the director.
"Where's your partner?" asked Cofagrigus.
"Oh, I just killed him," said Chandelure sarcastically. "He's in the bathroom, and he's probably constipated- wait, that's not on my script…"
"I heard that!" shouted Bisharp.
"I just…I just feel so pathetic!" shouted Audino, putting her head in her hands. "I can't remember my freaking lines, and we'll never get past this scene."
Haxorus started laughing…with Audino joining in.
"Hold it right there!" hissed Mienshao. The figure on the stairs stopped moving. A light shined to reveal Gigalith.
"Oh…hey there," said Gigalith nonchalantly.
"Hold it right there!" hissed Mienshao. The figure on the stairs stopped moving. A light shined to reveal Scolipede.
"I want more screentime," whined the centipede.
Reuniclus was floating down the stairs when he dropped his laptop. After it fell down the stairs, laughter was heard from the rooms.
"Smooth move, sneaky!" shouted Krookodile. Reuniclus leaned on the railing for support as he laughed.
Reuniclus opened his laptop. There was a rather mature photo of a female Reuniclus as the background. Mienshao gaped. Reuniclus stared in horror.
"Cofagrigus, did you do this?"
"Do you need help?" asked Mienshao. "Do you even know how to do it?"
"I haven't a fucking clue," said Reuniclus, still typing. "I'm just improvising."
Mienshao burst out laughing.
Reuniclus reached for his glass and knocked it over. "Whoops. Again?"
Scrafty poked the body again and again. "He's squishy."
"St-stop it!" squealed Reuniclus, cracking up. "It t-tickles!"
Audino was still examining the glass. "This is very strange…how did the glass not dissolve?"
"What do you mean?" asked Haxorus.
"It's rather…hard to remember at the moment," said Audino, shaking her head.
Cofagrigus floated up to Bisharp's door and tried to push it open, only to float into it.
"Oh…it's a pull door, right?" asked Cofagrigus.
"No, Cofagrigus, it's locked- you're supposed to get burned, remember?" said the director tiredly.
"Conkeldurr was injected by a needle into his arm-"
"Kids, don't overdose," said Scrafty, grinning. Beheeyem started laughing.
"I'll go lie down after breakfast," muttered Beheeyem, slamming his head on the table. "OW! That actually hurt!"
Haxorus and Gothitelle exchanged a glance and started laughing.
"Gee, you could cut the tension with a knife," said Cofagrigus.
Audino raised Krookodile's knife, before she giggled.
Krookodile shot the cue ball, but it bounced off the side and landed on the floor off the pool table. It rolled across the floor, and Krookodile hastily chased after it.
"Tonight," whispered Beheeyem.
"What?" asked Gothitelle.
"I want you. TONIGHT," said Beheeyem, before he started laughing.
"Damn, I had my hopes up," said Gothitelle, wiping a tear from her eye.
"Ahahaha- wait, is the camera still rolling?"
Gothitelle dropped to the floor, letting out a cry. "Ow! I hit my head!"
"You okay?" asked a laughing Audino.
"Yeah," muttered Gothitelle, rubbing her skull. Beheeyem was laughing off of the screen.
"Well, someone ought to tell him!" said Jellicent. "Particularly someone who could tell me the rest of my line!"
"I want two people awake for the entire night," said Haxorus. "Audino, you and I will do it."
Scrafty snorted. Audino giggled. Haxorus started chuckling.
"Uh, what I meant was…ah, damnit!"
Scrafty kicked his feet up onto the table, before falling out of his chair as he leaned back. Beheeyem glanced at him, before laughing his ass off. Scrafty got up, embarrassed.
Beheeyem tried slipping two pills into the drinks, but dropped one on the floor. "Crap."
Beheeyem tried again, before dropping a glass. "Crap!"
Beheeyem tried a third time, spilling the water all down his coat. "Oh, to hell with this!"
"He's not in his room!" gasped Bisharp. He dashed back down the hall, and slipped on the carpet.
Chandelure was floating down the hallway, when his flames set the curtains on fire. "Oh…crap!"
"I have a secret ally," whispered Beheeyem. "Scrafty is working hard to…wait, you're not supposed to know that, damnit."
"We found evidence," said Bisharp, holding up a note.
"It says Scolipede was here," said Chandelure. "Uh…wrong evidence."
"SCOLIPEDE, GIVE BACK THE CIGARETTE!"
Scrafty sighed. "I'm not into bondage…will you please untie me?"
Bisharp tried to say his line, before he started snickering and laughing his ass off.
"I'm the only KNOWN smoker on this island!" said Scrafty. All of a sudden, his cigarette fell out of his mouth. "Ah, shit. Can someone get that?"
"Build up that boat! Free Scrafty and he'll help!"
"And one of us will be killed," said Chandelure, rolling his eyes. "And for the record, that someone is going to be me."
"Chandelure, stick to the script!"
"Sorry…my bad," said Chandelure, smirking.
Krookodile was dousing the curtains with a fire extinguisher. Chandelure floated there, looking ashamed.
Audino peered over Chandelure's shoulder as he scribbled down something. "Wait, is that a fanfiction?"
Chandelure's eyes widened as he crumpled the paper up.
Scrafty sighed. "Dude, I really don't care about escaping right now. But for the love of all that is holy…nope, I can't remember the rest of it. Crud."
"But tying a bunch of logs together isn't a very efficient way to travel," warned Bisharp.
"Sorry, we're out of efficient ways to travel," said Krookodile. "Come back tomorrow, and we'll see if we have any in stock."
Bisharp arched a brow. "That's not your line."
"I know, I just felt the urge to be witty."
"Chandelure is dead," said Bisharp quietly.
"Way to drop a bomb," said Mienshao, frowning. Bisharp smirked and bit his tongue to avoid laughing.
"Well, we've figured out what killed him," said Bisharp. "Solution of Spirits."
"It's Spirit Solution," said Mienshao, stifling a giggle.
Bisharp frowned. "I knew that."
Krookodile opened a door, and a blanket fell on him. "Hey! I'm not Chandelure!"
Mienshao tried opening the stove, but her hand was glued to the handle. "Is it prank day in the studio already?"
Cofagrigus walked in, holding some glue, looking very smug. "Yes. Yes it is."
Scrafty descended the staircase, before staggering into the railing. "Ow."
Laughter was heard, as Krookodile and Mienshao were beside themselves as Scrafty rubbed his stomach gingerly. Mienshao wiped a tear from her eye.
"And you seem to have freed yourself…how am I supposed to take this?" asked Bisharp.
"That this lizard was afraid of a semi-psychotic knight, concocted an escape plan, and…and…and can't remember the rest of the damn line," said Scrafty, hanging his head.
"Are you going to tie me up again?" asked Scrafty, frowning.
"Yes," said Mienshao, smirking. Scrafty blushed, before grinning.
"Keep to the script!" roared the director.
"Jerk," muttered Scrafty.
"Was the window open?" asked Bisharp.
"What does that matter?" asked Jellicent.
"Because I want a gentle fucking breeze to come into this house!" snarled Bisharp.
Jellicent started giggling madly, as Bisharp cracked up.
"Eight," said Scrafty. Then he frowned. "Wait, it's supposed to be a seven ball- someone put the right ball on the table!"
Krookodile snickered, before running in with the correct pool ball.
"Weed doesn't give you the power to clarify!" said Mienshao.
"Clarify what…wait, you're supposed to say clairvoyant."
"Clair-what?" asked Mienshao, confused.
"I dunno, it's in the script."
Haxorus carried the raft up before it slid out of his hands. It slid down the path, with Haxorus running after it, shouting.
Audino tried to smack Scrafty, but missed and spun around. Scrafty snickered.
"Audino…you don't have to do that," purred Haxorus, relaxed.
"I'm not Audino," said Conkeldurr, arching a brow.
Haxorus whirled around and screamed in alarm.
Krookodile was asleep, muttering to himself. "Mmm…Krokorok…"
Scrafty and Scolipede were heard snickering behind the camera.
"Wait, wait!" whispered Cofagrigus, floating forward. He put whip cream on Krookodile's hand, and tickled his nose with a finger. Krookodile reached up to smack the hand away.
SPLAT! Krookodile's face was covered in whip cream. "COFAGRIGUS!"
Jellicent emerged from her room, clown makeup on her face.
"Oh damn, they got her too!" shouted Krookodile.
Jellicent gave him a quirky look. "What?"
"I heard noises last night," said Jellicent uneasily.
Scrafty and Mienshao exchanged a look of alarm, before realizing it was the script.
"Oh…," said Scrafty, grinning. "Er…what noises?"
"I saw that," said Krookodile snidely.
Bisharp slipped on the blood in the dining room. Haxorus started laughing.
"Shut up!" said a giggling Mienshao. "You're supposed to be dead!"
"No!" screamed Audino, running forward to hug Haxorus. "He said we'd escape-"
"Too early, I'm supposed to talk first," said Mienshao, smiling.
"Ah, damn," said Audino.
The door slammed behind him.
"Someone's angry," commented Krookodile.
Everyone rushed outside. Bisharp was on the ground.
"I twisted my ankle," he spat.
"I like that scream, though," said the director. "I think we'll keep that."
Bisharp rolled his eyes as Scrafty helped him up.
Everyone rushed outside. Bisharp was standing next to the raft.
"Uh…isn't this supposed to be one fire?" asked Bisharp.
"Beheeyem would've never-"
"Beheeyem DIED trying to get off of this island!" snarled Bisharp. "And I will too- damnit, AGAIN?"
They looked in Cofagrigus's suitcase to find…half eaten chocolates in gold foil?
"Cofagrigus, did you eat your luggage?"
"Sorry," said Simipour off screen. "I got really hungry on set…"
Mienshao stared at a book on Bisharp's desk. "Moonlight? You read the Moonlight series? Isn't that just for teenage girls who are obsessed with vampire Zubats?"
Bisharp blushed before pushing the book off of his desk. "I read it for plot! For plot!"
Scrafty noticed two balls on the pool table. "The boys are back in town!" he shouted to Krookodile.
Krookodile snorted, and started laughing hysterically. Mienshao looked confused.
"What does he mean-?"
"It's a guy thing," said Krookodile and Scrafty at the same time.
The chandelier had shattered on the floor. There was a note next to it saying "Chandelure was here." Jellicent picked it up and laughed.
"Oh, our killer really has a sense of black humor," said Bisharp, rolling his eyes. He turned on his heel and stepped on a piece of glass. He let out a loud curse as he did so.
"You're making us tell more about ourselves AGAIN?" asked Krookodile, slamming his hands on the table. His hands slipped and his jaw hit the table. "OW!"
"SIT DOWN," snarled Bisharp.
Jellicent stared in shock before giggling.
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?" yelled Bisharp, before succumbing to his own laughter.
"Another vote?" asked Krookodile. "Scolipede would like a word with you."
Scolipede walked into the room. Bisharp stared, started laughing, and Scolipede walked out.
"Scolipede, no cameos!" shouted the director.
"So we must move onto Conkeldurr," said Bisharp. "He was shot through the head- damnit, that's Stoutland. Is this what Beheeyem's lines were like?"
Beheeyem laughed from the sidelines.
"You're going to…make me swim?" asked Jellicent, horrified.
"Did you forget your floaties at home?" asked Scrafty. Jellicent slammed her head against the table, laughing.
"I voted Scolipede," said Bisharp.
"I voted Audino," said Scrafty.
"Freaking liberals!" yelled Scolipede off of the screen.
"No conspiracy theory?" asked Scrafty, grinning.
"No, because since Excadrill's death proves nothing, we therefore can conclude that the evidence was hidden, therefore…," began Bisharp, smirking. Scrafty slapped his forehead and laughed.
"I somehow doubt that," said Bisharp.
"I somehow expected that," said Scrafty. Bisharp laughed.
"Oh come on, I said the right line!"
"I know," said Bisharp. "Sorry…just found that line amusing."
"Yes, Bisharp," said Scrafty. "I streak when I have the urge to- you know what, I can't say this line seriously…"
"CUT!" yelled the furious director.
"I may be a bit cruel and aggressive, but I'm no killer," hissed Bisharp. "This really isn't helping my case, is it?"
"Nope," said Krookodile, chuckling.
"As well as explaining…this picture!" yelled Bisharp, whipping out the photo.
Everyone stared at a photo of Krookodile playing the piano in a top hat. Krookodile ran over to try and steal it.
"As well as explaining…this picture!" yelled Bisharp.
Everyone stared at a photo of Scrafty and Mienshao sleeping in the same bed. Scrafty ran over to try and steal it.
"As well as explaining…this picture!" yelled Bisharp. Then he stared. "Wait…"
"Was that you in a dress?" asked Krookodile, snickering.
Scolipede walked in. "I take credit. I used Reuniclus's laptop. I am awesome with photoshop."
"GET THE REAL PICTURE!"
"The murderer could just wait one night and-"
"LALALA! My plans work, not listening!" said Bisharp, clapping his hands to his head. Everyone burst out laughing.
Bisharp read off all of the votes. "Who's the wise ass who voted for Scolipede?"
Scrafty raised his hand, snickering.
"HEY!" shouted the centipede from off screen.
Scrafty pushed open Mienshao's door, but it hit the wall and made a loud noise. Muffled laughter came from Mienshao's pillow.
Scrafty pushed open Mienshao's door.
"Hello," said Mienshao seductively.
Scrafty stepped in, glanced back and forth, before shutting the door and locking it.
"SCRAFTY, GET BACK OUT HERE!"
"DAMNIT!" yelled Scrafty.
Scrafty started searching Mienshao's drawers. "Panty raid…panty raid!"
Mienshao started cracking up into her pillow.
Scrafty tried opening a drawer, before it fell out on his foot.
"Well, it wasn't supposed to fall out, but I like that!" said the director. "Now do it again! Cut!"
Scrafty opened a drawer, and pulled out a magazine. His eyes widened. "Hell-o."
Mienshao sat up. "W-wait! That's private! Get out of there!"
Scrafty started cracking up.
"Alright, I was looking through your things for a certain…object…"
"That's what she said," responded Mienshao snidely.
"Simple…we arrived on the island together and…well, uh…that makes us…allies?" asked Scrafty. "Ugh. LINE!"
"Why can't I be the killer?" asked Mienshao.
"Well…uh…too sexy?" asked Scrafty, grinning sheepishly.
"Someone didn't study their script last night," said the director, annoyed.
"I was busy!" shouted Scrafty.
"Honey, if it's Bisharp, I'll let him kill me for being wrong," said Scrafty.
"YES!" shouted Bisharp from outside. Scrafty and Mienshao exchanged glances before they burst out laughing.
Scrafty attempted to push Mienshao on the bed, but slipped and fell on her. They both hit the floor with a THUMP!
"Smooth move, pants boy."
"Shut it, sleeves girl."
Krookodile knocked on a door. Scolipede walked out.
Krookodile growled under his breath and stomped down the hall.
"Well, I didn't want to go and find him on my own," explained Krookodile. "He's a psycho-"
Bisharp burst in, mimicking the Psycho theme music.
"Bisharp, that was MY joke!" said Audino huffily.
"I felt like trying it out…"
The door was still shut as they came downstairs.
"We really have a difficulty in setting up our props correctly, don't we?" asked Mienshao.
Scrafty and Krookodile both jumped out, colliding midair and crashing onto the ground.
"Ow…damnit!" snapped Krookodile.
Mienshao was roaring with laughter.
"Oh…Bisharp wasn't killed by a hanging…I'm just a dipshit who can't remember his lines," said Scrafty.
The piano fell. Scrafty held up a sign that said "Help!" before it crushed him.
"To think it would end like this!" yelled Scrafty. "I thought Elton Krookodile would've been crushed by the piano! That would've been much more ironic."
Krookodile stomped out of the mansion and smacked Scrafty, while the rest of the cast laughed hysterically.
Krookodile rammed the door, before he crashed to the floor, dazed. Mienshao gently opened the door and pushed it in.
"Shut up," said Krookodile, laughing.
Krookodile charged the door, but it wouldn't open.
"Hee hee," giggled Audino from within.
"Okay, really, unlock the doors!" said the director.
"YOW! Why is there broken glass on this set?" asked Krookodile, a shard in his foot.
"I don't know…but we're adding this into the movie!" said the director, grinning.
Mienshao flung the knife. It missed Krookodile completely.
"Niiiice," said the crocodile, chuckling.
((Author's Note: All of the next scenes will be "What-ifs" where every character is the murderer.))
The cloaked figure took off their hood to reveal Gigalith.
"Oh god…you killed us all because you didn't get enough screentime, didn't you?" shouted Mienshao.
Gigalith grinned evilly.
Mandibuzz pulled the hood off.
Mienshao frowned. "That doesn't make sense."
Mandibuzz frowned and pulled the hood back on.
Conkeldurr pulled a much too small hood off of his head.
Mienshao rolled her eyes. "Gee, didn't see that coming…how many Pokémon are rippling with muscles on this island?"
Stoutland pulled the hood off.
Mienshao stared in horror. "WHY?"
Stoutland sighed. "I didn't take retirement well…"
The hulking cloaked figure's hood started burning.
"Hi Emboar," said Mienshao.
Emboar hung his head and walked back inside.
The figure pulled off of their cloak to reveal…Mienshao?
"You ARE the murderer!" said the other Mienshao, grinning.
Mienshao was horrified, and fainted.
The other Mienshao shifted into Zoroark. "And soon…even the murderer shall be the victim."
Simipour pulled the hood off. "Hi there!"
Mienshao started laughing. "No way- just no."
Scolipede slithered out of his hood, blood dripping down his face.
"And now…I feed," he hissed.
"Oh god, not another creepy centipede movie reference!" shouted Mienshao, flailing.
"Bisharp isn't here to make a Human Scolipede joke," said Scolipede, sighing unhappily. He then lunged at Mienshao.
The cloaked figure stood there, before it started wiggling.
"Uh…what?" asked Mienshao.
"Hang on, a headphone fell out!" yelled Excadrill, searching through the cloak.
Reuniclus pulled off the hood.
Mienshao stepped backwards, horrified.
Reuniclus then struggled to remove the cloak, but it was stuck to his gooey body. Everyone started laughing.
Gothitelle let the cloak fall off of her body. She smiled while she applied some makeup to her lips.
"Is now the time to be primping?" asked Mienshao, backing away.
Gothitelle's smile grew more sinisterly sweet. "Sorry…Bisharp's blood is such good lip gloss."
"Okay, she's scaring ME," said the director. "Sorry, Gothitelle, you can't be the murderer- you'll make us wet our pants. So…now you'll die before Beheeyem."
"BUT!" shouted Gothitelle. "But-"
Beheeyem pulled off the cloak, smirking.
"You?" asked Mienshao.
"Me," said Beheeyem. "I had hoped that someone would've survived this ordeal…I want to have SOMEONE know that they failed."
"It was you this whole time?" asked Mienshao.
"Indeed," said Beheeyem, starting to circle her like he was stalking prey.
"But…but how?" asked Mienshao.
Beheeyem opened his mouth, and shook his head. "You know what? I've gotten too many long lines for this…I'm not being the killer and reciting this entire speech."
"Sore sport," muttered the director.
Chandelure sighed as Simipour doused the burning blanket desperately. "I am killer, hear me roar."
Four arms popped out of the cloak, and Cofagrigus's grinning face appeared.
"Time to die," he whispered in a creepy, echoing voice.
Mienshao stared. "Uh…whoa…why isn't he being the murderer? Why do we have it as Audino?"
"Because if he's TOO creepy, it's TOO obvious!" yelled the director.
Haxorus walked out, the cloak hanging from his axes. Mienshao turned, and covered her mouth to hide her smirk.
Bisharp grinned psychotically as he tore the cloak to shreds.
"You're next!" he said excitedly, stepping towards Mienshao.
"A little too psycho, Bisharp," said the director. "NEXT!"
Bisharp sighed and walked off of the set.
Scrafty pulled off the cloak, smirking. "Hey there doll."
"Oh no…no," said Mienshao, eyes wide and scared. "It can't be."
Scrafty stepped forward, before he tripped on his pants.
Mienshao stared down at the ground, when she let out a choked gasp. Jellicent stood behind her, gun in hand. Mienshao's body slumped to ground, and Jellicent started laughing maniacally.
Mienshao turned away, only to be stabbed in the back. She fell to the ground. Krookodile stood up and smirked.
"BACKFIRED!" he shouted triumphantly.
"Come inside," said Audino, gesturing for Mienshao to enter the building.
"How about no, killer lady?" asked Mienshao. Audino giggled.
"What's my line again?" asked Mienshao.
A series of clips are played, with Audino screwing up in every one of her speeches about the murders. The laughter of Emboar and Scolipede was heard in the background.
"Hey guys, what are you watching?" asked Audino's voice.
"Turn it off!" hissed Emboar.
"Shit!" said Scolipede.
"I'm doing this…FOR SCIENCE!" shouted Audino.
Lightning flashed in the background.
"I didn't call for lightning!" shouted the director.
"Sorry," said Conkeldurr, fiddling with the lights.
Scrafty appeared in the doorway, a smoking gun in his hand. A red splatter was on Mienshao's chest.
"You missed, sharpshooter," said Mienshao, arching a brow. Audino started cracking up.
"You THOUGHT you killed me…but pianos never kill, not even in cartoons!" said Scrafty, grinning.
"I can't even take that line seriously," said the director, snorting. "We have to change that."
"I'm a detective," said Scrafty. "Scrafty Holmes-"
"No," said the director.
Scrafty sighed glumly. "Please?"
"Cofagrigus is still alive?" asked Mienshao, shocked.
"DUN DUN DUN!" shouted Scolipede, before getting hit with a rock.
"Want to hear how I figured this out?" asked Scrafty.
"Sure," said Mienshao.
"Ask the director- I don't remember."
Krookodile pointed the gun, but his lip trembled.
"I can't do it!"
"Pussy," said Audino, smirking.
The four surviving Pokémon all tumbled down the staircase. They all started laughing.
Scrafty and Krookodile were decked out in sunglasses as the boat sailed along.
"I'm on a boat!
I'm on a boat!
Everybody look at me!
'Cause I'm sailin' on a boat!
I'm on a boat!
I'm on a boat!
Take a good hard look
At the MOTHERF***IN' BOAT!"
Mienshao and Cofagrigus were roaring with laughter.
The director sighed. "This is the last scene…just PLEASE get through it so we're done?"
((Author's Note: And now, for the bonus ending!))
The boat continued towards the mainland.
Mew sat in the director's chair, Mr. Loud the megaphone in his hand. "You did great, Total Pokémon cast! Just perfect! With this money, we can fund ten more seasons of Total Pokémon!"
"Great!" said Scrafty. The body wriggled around as Banette emerged from his costume. "We can help in the torment of Pokémon for years to come."
"Oh cheer up!" said Gardevoir, taking off her Gothitelle outfit. "At least we get paid."
"The only reason why I agreed to be a part of this thing," muttered Cacturne, taking off his Beheeyem trench coat.
"You should be grateful!" snarled Mewtwo as he shook off his Bisharp outfit. "I have to work with him for years to come, put up with his egotistical bullshit, and-"
"You're just being obnoxious because I'm the one that complain," drawled Banette.
"Shut up, gold tooth," snapped Mewtwo.
"That egotistical comment just got your pay lowered," growled Mew.
Dragonite took off his Haxorus mask. "You guys, don't argue."
"At least you got starring roles," said Lapras glumly. "I was just a side Lapras in the beginning…what the heck kind of role is that?"
"A perfect one for you," said Bronzong, slipping out of his Cofagrigus outfit. "Seriously- how many Water-types do we have? Two. And Wooper can't carry us all. Get over it."
"You don't need to be a jerk about it," said Lapras, offended. "We already had Lopunny being a jerk-"
"I heard that!" snapped Jellicent, struggling to remove her costume. But the bunny was stuck. "And for the record, I got a starring role because I'm wonderfully talented-"
"And an obnoxious bitch," said Alakazam, standing next to Mew. He had already gotten rid of his Zoroark outfit. "But continue."
"You can stop levitating Electrode now," said Mew, nodding to Chandelure, who was actually a painted Electrode.
"Finally," muttered Alakazam, dropping Electrode.
"HEY! THAT HURT!"
"Shut up, candle boy," said Audino, taking off her outfit to reveal Clefable.
"It ain't impressin' anyone, dat's for sure," said Honchkrow, shaking her head disdainfully, a discarded Mandibuzz outfit by her side.
Charmeleon, still halfway dressed in a Krookodile costume, was helping a struggling Arcanine remove his Stoutland outfit.
"Jeez!" spat Arcanine. "Pull harder, dude!"
"This isn't exactly easy!" panted Charmeleon. "Krokorok, Mienshao, give me a hand?"
Gabite and Weavile stomped over, still struggling out of their outfits.
"We're done…call me by name or die," rasped Gabite, pulling on Arcanine's head.
"Yow! Watch the hair, it's gelled!"
"Calm down, croc," said Charmeleon, smirking.
"He's an asshole…get used to it," muttered Weavile.
Scolipede wobbled for a moment, when Piloswine, Diglett, and Bellsprout tumbled out.
"Ow…," muttered Bellsprout. "Thank god…I can be a plant, not a giant bug."
"Finally…I couldn't…breathe…in that thing," gasped Diglett.
"Hey, man…you were the torso…I was the BUTT," said Piloswine, frowning. "You had it good."
Gengar pulled off his Excadrill clothes. "It could've been worse, guys…I mean…I still can't believe I had to play the dope that gets killed by a freaking TREE."
"You could've played a ditz," said Froslass, pulling off a blue Simipour wig. "And be in a couple with the Psychic over there."
"I resent that nickname," said Alakazam, sneering.
"Good…I'll keep using it!" said Weavile, smirking.
"To be perfectly honest, my character was the male version of a ditz," said Gengar, taking off the headphones.
"He has a point," said Cacturne, still struggling with the trench coat.
Gliscor emerged from a Conkeldurr suit. "I don't even know HOW I managed to fit in that thing…sheesh! That has to be the weirdest costume ever, and I've trick or treated as some pretty weird shit for Halloween."
"Like what?" rumbled Rhydon, crawling out of an Emboar outfit.
"You don't WANT to know," said Gliscor, shaking his head. "Trust me."
"O…kay," said Rhydon, looking a bit weirded out.
"Can I drop Reuniclus now as well?" asked Alakazam. "It gets tiring, making Pokémon float."
"Sure," said Mew. Alakazam dropped Reuniclus (who was really Wooper) onto the ground.
"That was pretty awesome!" said Wooper. "I like the part where I solved the crime!"
"That was me," said Banette, arching a brow.
"Yeah, but I did cool shit with my laptop," said Wooper, grinning.
Hitmonlee popped out of a Gigalith outfit. "Guys! That was awesome! We should do like…ANOTHER MOVIE!"
Everyone paused in horror.
Mew started smiling. "You know…that's a pretty good idea, Hitmonlee…in fact…one of our challenges should be-"
Everyone ran at Hitmonlee and started to beat him up mercilessly.
Luxio popped up in front of the cameras, grinning. "Well uh…that's all, folks!"
She gave a huge electric shock, and the screen went black.
And NOW we can be done.
So…there are a lot of inside jokes and cultural references in the bloopers, like songs and stuff. Try and find them all.
Songs were fun. My favorite would be Krookodile playing the piano.
The ending is NOT canon. That was more of a joke for my Total Pokémon World Tour fanbase (many of which read both TPWT and UM). There is also a spoiler in there, for those of you who don't just read through the story like crazy.
I think now, none of us shall take this story seriously…so…ah, whatever. Take it away, Krookodile.
Krookodile: Review, guys, because it's all over! See you next time!