SEXY RE-WRITE! So I can keep the wonderful Brittana/Santittany bit (I have big plans for them) and involve a bit of Potterness. It's pretty much my two favourite things in one.

So, basically, it's like a mash-up of Sexy and Silly Love Songs... I guess?

Anyway, on with the show.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Harry Potter. If I did, I would be filthy rich and have my own fragrance... Its tagline would be "You just got Zized!"

Moving on.

BTW, I don't think Lauren is going to be in this story. It's not that I don't like her, but the only reason she was in the show was because Kurt left and Puck fancies her. And, as neither of these happen in the fic, it seems difficult to meld her in any other way. I'll try to fit her in as a minor character.

NB: I can't fit songs for everyone in, so bear with me.

...

MR SCHUE POV

Every time I walk into the choir room, it's a new experience. New emotions. New discussions. Today was no different. Quinn and Sam were sitting on opposite sides of the room, occasionally sending each other looks that simultaneously could be read as angry, sad, resentful, guilty and longing. I quickly sussed out that they were most likely having some form of relationship trouble, and I decided to divert my duet plans for another time. Kurt was sitting up the back, deep in thought. Mercedes was next to him, looking concerned and overwhelmed with the Oh-so-subtle tension in the room. Ron and Luna were sitting in their usual haze of loved up bliss, a feeling that had swamped the room from their first day, regardless of what the two of them said. Puck sat next to Santana, who was linking pinkies with Brittany, who in turn was listening to Artie talking about something that was evidently of no interest to her. Puck seemed to be looking at Hermione far too much for it to be considered strictly neutral, and Hermione didn't seem to care – there was a fair amount of staring on her behalf too. Harry was, like Kurt, in some sort of reverie, while Rachel tried to explain her plans for Regionals while an exasperated Finn seemed simultaneously annoyed and relieved that she wasn't talking to him. Mike and Tina were sitting on the side, smiling lovingly and having a proper, two-sided conversation.

"Alright, alright, listen up guys. It has come to my attention that you all know, er, very little about, the, er, intricacies of... adult relationships." There were a few sniggers in the crowd. "And as you will all soon be thrown head first into that world, I think it is best that we, uh, educate you. So I've invited a friend of ours to come and help. Please welcome Miss Holly Holiday!" There was raucous applause for Holly as she strode in, and cued the band. As she sang and danced to "Don't You Want To Touch Me", I started to notice how beautiful she was. I wasn't really sure how this song taught about sex, though. I raised an eyebrow at her. She just smiled.

She flicked her hair back as the song ended. "And remember, every time you have sex with someone, you're having sex with EVERYONE they've EVER had sex with." She smiled as everyone in the room's faces fell simultaneously. She nodded at me, acknowledging the completion of her mission. I clapped for her.

"Thanks, Holly, that was great. Now you see the importance of taking these things seriously – it's not something to joke about. I'm going to let you think about that. Now as you know, Valentine 's Day is coming up, and it's an important time for hopeless romantics all around your world. Your assignment for the week is to think of a song that completely expresses your feelings for another person. It doesn't matter who it is – they can be in Glee club or not. Here's the catch – you can't sing it. You have to find some way of communicating with another member of Glee, who will then serenade the person of your choice." There were a few mutinous whispers. "Also, at the end of the week, we will be performing at the Valentine's day assembly, so brainstorm ideas for that."

Rachel almost instantaneously whipped out her notebook and started writing down ideas.

"Alright, well done today. See you next practice."

...

RACHEL POV

I need the perfect song for Finn. I desperately needed him back, and I needed to prove myself. While I would prefer to perform it myself, I was going to have to defer it, probably to Hermione, the only other person who can sing nearly as well as me. I don't know why everyone loves her so much. Can't they just accept that I'm the most talented person in Glee?

It wouldn't be long until I get out of this place. Then I can show the world that I am truly the most talented performer around. It wouldn't be long until Finn saw all I could be. Oh how he would pine for me then. I would laugh and tease him, but ultimately end up with him. Then I would die an untimely death, and Finn would be distraught, singing a moving ballad at my funeral before throwing himself into the ground with my coffin, where his body would be buried slowly along with me. How fitting.

Then I knew which song I would use. On my way to Spanish I scrawled it on a piece of paper with "to Finn" written in capitals next to it. I dropped it as I walked past Hermione. She picked it up and called to me that I dropped it, before reading it and stopping short.

...

SANTANA POV

"...I like it when we make out and stuff." I sighed at Brit.

"And that's not cheating because?"

She looked up. "The plumbing's different." I nodded. She looked tentative as she spoke again.

"Santana? What are we?" I stopped in my tracks. I wasn't sure how to deal with this.

"We are Brittany and Santana, super hot cheerleaders, singers extraordinaire, and the most sought after girls in Lima." She didn't buy it.

"No. I mean, what are WE?" I took a deep breath.

"I don't want to talk about this Brit. I've told you before. It's better without feelings. Heck, I think it's better without eye-contact. So I'm gonna shut off this conversation right now." I knew if I didn't it would ultimately lead to the realisation of some not entirely welcome feelings.

"But, San, I want to talk about it. It confuses me." I try my best for a sympathetic smile, but I'm fairly sure it comes out as a grimace.

"Breakfast confuses you."

"Sometimes it's sweet, and sometimes it's salty. What if I have eggs for dinner? What is it then?" I sigh.

"Fine. We'll talk about it."

"Not just with us. With an adult." Damn her persistence.

"Alright, then. We'll talk to an adult." I could tell that this was a bad idea. She smiles. I don't. this isn't going to end well.

...

FINN POV

I really want to sing for Quinn, but that would be really awkward, given the circumstance of our break-up last year. Mr Schue never really specified what our song had to be about. Sure he said "completely express your feelings for another person", but he never really implied that they had to be romantic. I was going to get someone to sing for Kurt. And I knew which song.

...

PUCK POV

Don't get me wrong, I AM a badass who sleeps around a lot more than his mother is completely comfortable, and SURE I got put in juve, but I have feelings too. I really did fancy Rachel when we dated well back, I'm really just not man enough to accept that I have feelings, which is just a bit ironic. So when Mr Schue asked us to "completely express our feelings" I was a little hesitant at first. But then I decided it was time to man up and ask her out. Her. Hermione.

I just needed a song. A song that was obscure enough that it seems I put some thought into it, yet one that was well known enough so that she'd know it. My cousin had compiled me a mix for my birthday and there was a song which I thought could express my feelings in a sort of bad-ass way.

...

SANTANA POV

After our extremely awkward meeting with Miss Holliday, nothing has changed. I guess that shot that horse in the face. At least, nothing has changed between me and Brittany. I was changing. It took that meeting for me to realise why I was a bitch. I was running away from my feelings. My feelings for Brit. I knew I couldn't hide them, but Brit just didn't reciprocate, or not in the ideal way. I would've felt better if she had just rejected me flat out. But no. Feeling second best, like a compromise was not what I wanted to feel. I told her how I felt, I even sang how I felt, in front of the Glee club; luckily only Rachel seemed to guess what was going on, and even then she had no idea.

But I was Santana Fucking Lopez. I wasn't going down without a fight. Wheels was going down, and I was going to get Brittany and show her that I was right for her. And I had the perfect song. I dropped a note into Harry's locker.

Now that I thought about it, the lyrics would probably give me away to the whole of Glee club. I needed a diversion. I saw Sam walk towards me. Perfect. I walked over to him. "Hey Sam."

"Hey Santana." He looked me up and down appreciatively. I pretended I didn't notice. I smiled at him sexily.

"I was thinking, we should, you know, "catch up" after school sometime. If you get my gist." He seemed to see where this was going, and grinned. He reminded me of an overgrown toddler at Christmas. It briefly occurred to me that he was getting over Quinn very fast. "Anyway, call me."

I turned and walked off, almost feeling his gaze burn into my ass. I felt a little guilty at what I was doing. I didn't care. It was all for the greater good.

...

MR SHUE

My favourite time of the week had come around again. Glee. It was time for us to hear declarations of undying love.

"Hey guys! You as excited as I am?" Apparently not. "Anyway... Who's up first? Remember, you can't say who is dedicating the song, only who it is for. Artie? You want to go first? Come on over."

Artie rolled over, guitar in his lap. "This song is for Kurt." Kurt perked up a little. "It doesn't seem to be a love song, as such, but it's a good song."

"The road is long

With many a winding turn

That leads us to who knows where

Who knows where

But I'm strong

Strong enough to carry him

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go

His welfare is of my concern

No burden is he to bear

We'll get there

For I know

He would not encumber me

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden, at all

I'm laden, with sadness

That everyone's heart

Isn't filled with the gladness

Of love for one another

It's a long, long road

From which there is no return

While we're on the way to there

Why not share

And the load

Doesn't weigh me down at all

He ain't heavy he's my brother

He's my brother

He ain't heavy, he's my brother"

Kurt looked satisfied with this song, if a little miffed that it wasn't a love song. Everyone clapped and Artie returned to his place. It didn't take a genius to figure out who's tribute that was, and Kurt nodded over at Finn, who smiled back.

I stood again. "Who's next?" Harry raised a hand. "Alright."

Harry moved up front, getting the guitar from Artie as he passed.

"This song is for Brittany." He smiled at her.

"Truth be told, it's hard not to notice you
I've tried to hold it in
And just this once, I let you surround me
Now my walls are caving in
I am the one who loves you
And I've been here all along, all along

So how do I get by?
How do I deal?
I put it all aside
To tell you how I feel
Now I'm hurt and I'm lost inside
And I'd give anything for you to be mine
How do I get by?
And how do I deal?

Yesterday things were so much easier
I'd never let you see
And now you know why things could never be that simple
This love is breaking me
It took so long to see what
You've shown me all along, all along

I've opened up and I'm coming clean
That my love for you has got a hold on me
But my pride keeps getting in the way
Now it's said and done but I need you to know
That I love you too much just to let you go
And if I'm not the one then there's nothing left to say

I've opened up and I'm coming clean
That my love for you has got a hold on me
But my pride keeps getting in the way
Now it's said and done but I need you to know
That I love you too much just to let you go
And if I'm not the one then there's nothing left to say."

Everyone seemed a little confused at the end and wondered whose song it was. Artie looked at Brittany expectantly, along with many of the Glee club. Brittany merely shrugged, though her face told a different story. Slicing the tension in the room as though with a knife, I invited the next person up. It was Hermione.

She seemed nervous. I smiled encouragingly at her. She smiled weakly back.

"First, I have a song dedication for Finn. Here we go." She cued the band.

"It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah
'Til I belong to you.

Every night when everybody has fun,
Here am I sitting all on my own,

It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah
'Til I belong to you.

Since you left me I'm so alone,
Now you're coming, you're coming on home,
I'll be good like I know I should,
You're coming home, you're coming home.

Every night the tears come down from my eyes,
Every day I've done nothing but cry.

It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah
Til I belong to you.

Since you left me I'm so alone,
Now you're coming, you're coming on home,
I'll be good like I know I should,
You're coming home, you're coming home.

So, every day we'll be happy, I know,
now I know that you won't leave me no more.

It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah, yeah, yeah
It won't be long yeah
'Til I belong to you."

Rachel was grinning even more manically than usual, so I assumed that this was her dedication. No-one else really seemed to care who it was from.

"I have another song. This one is dedicate to Harry." The band started up again.

"Tall dark and super manly
Puts papers in his briefcase and drives away
To save the world or go to work
It's the same thing to me
He's got his mother's eyes, his father's ambition
I wonder if he knows how much that I miss him
Hang on every word you say
And you smile and say how are you?
And I'll say just fine.
I always forget to tell you I love you.
I'll love you forever

I watched Superman fly away
You got a busy day today
Go save the world
I'll be around
I watched superman fly away
Come back I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down

Tall, dark and beautiful, he's complicated, he's irrational
But I hope someday he'll take me away and save the day, yeah
Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying,
He's not all bad like his reputation
And I can't hear one single word they say.
And you'll leave, got places to be and I'll be OK
I always forget to tell you I love you
I loved you from the very first day

I watched Superman fly away
You got a busy day today
Go save the world, I'll be around
I watched Superman fly away
Come back, I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down

And I watch you fly around the world
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me
I'm far away but I never let you go
I'm love struck and looking out the window
Don't forget, don't forget where I'll be
Right here wishing the flowers were from you
Wishing the card was from you
Wishing the call was from you
'Cause I've loved you from the very first day

I watched Superman fly away
You got a busy day today
Go save the world, I'll be around
For ever and ever
I watched Superman fly away
I swear I'll be with you someday
I'll be right here on the ground
When you come back down

Come back down."

Everyone cheered at the end, except Harry, who merely looked very confused. I saw him engage Hermione in conversation as she sat down next to him. She seemed to mirror his confusion too. I didn't really understand what the big deal was, and got on with the show. Sam got up before I even asked.

"Sorry if I'm breaking the pattern of relatively mellow songs, but I have a song dedication for Hermione."

"My girl is ready to take control
She just blows my mind
She only listens to the radio to see who's alive
Yeah!

She wakes up scared of getting old
She don't feel no shame
She knows so many pretty boys
but they are all the same

They said "Oh, hey there girl, tell me what do you do"
She says "um, nothing but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
I think she's serious
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa

If what you know is who you are
Then she's everything
You don't need an education to know the class that you're in

They said "Hey there, girl, tell me what do you do?"
She says "nothing, but I'm damn sure it's more than you"

That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
I think she's serious
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
I think she's serious
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa

Hey there boy come over and sit
Love is when you wanna kiss and you get bit

That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
I think she's serious
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa

That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa
I think she's serious
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa

That girl is a genius
That girl is a genius
That girl is a genius
Who-o-o-o-o-o-o-oa!"

Hermione blushed throughout, not helped by Harry, who was poking her in the ribs and teasing her. It crossed my mind that it might've been him who dedicated that song to her. The rest of the afternoon passed quickly, with only one bout of tears, when Puck dedicated a song to Tina. Luckily, everyone had had a song dedicated to them, which meant everyone was a lot happier than they might've otherwise been.

"You guys all did great today. Glad to see you all took this assignment seriously-" I shot a look at Puck, who looked around innocently. "Has anyone got an idea for the Valentine's day assembly?"

Rachel's hand shot up immediately. I looked for anyone else. "Ah, Harry. What do you have in mind?"

Rachel looked a bit pissed off that Harry had been chosen over her, but listened to him with some patience.

"Mr Schuester, I have what I have been told is an excellent idea." He told us all his idea, with everyone (par Rachel) agreeing that this was a great plan. I could see it working out very well.

"How's that for an idea, huh? Great thinking, Harry. I think I speak on behalf of the team when I offer you and Hermione the solos?" Everyone (par Rachel, again) murmured in agreement. "Brittany and Mike can choreograph for us, is that cool?" There was a resounding chorus of "yes" from the club.

"I think that's it for the day, then. Off you all go." Their chairs all scraped back in unison and a light chatter built at once as they all left for the day.

"Oh, and Finn, you still need to finish that Spanish homework for me." I could tell he hadn't heard/ignored it. Nothing ever changes, does it?

Part 2 later. I'm tired. R&R, please?

It Won't Be Long – The Beatles

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Superman – Taylor Swift

.com/watch?v=ZM5thzMaEl8

She's a Genius - JET

.com/watch?v=IVA799gKNzo

How Do I Get By – James Butterworth

.com/watch?v=T8lvRUeeyoY

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother – The Hollies

.com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc

Night, night. Off to bed now.