Shepard was certain she had thought of a witty response to his latest remark, but somehow it had just vanished right out of her head. All it took were his lips pressing softly against the flushed skin of her neck and her mind went blank. She closed her eyes as he followed one after the other up towards her ear. His breath was hot and moist against her as she tilted her head to allow him access to her throat. Her hands went lax and became lost for where to go so she gently kneaded at the taut muscle of his shoulders. It came so brief she wasn't sure it had actually happened, but she could have sworn she felt his tongue touch her skin once or twice. It made a shiver run through her spine.

Joker didn't really know where to begin. Correction, he did know where to begin in general but not in this specific situation. He wanted everything to be perfect for her, doubly so since it was her first time experiencing it. On the other hand, though, he couldn't help but feel like a ravenous, starving man in front of a fully stocked buffet table where he wanted to shamelessly devour everything. It didn't help that every time she shifted in his lap he felt like chancing the broken bones just to properly jump her. Hell, he could have ended up in the med bay in casts from neck to toe and it would have been completely worth it.

As he worked his way back to her mouth again he noticed her fingertips were tugging at the shirt of his uniform, slowly pulling it from where it tucked into his pants. She had already stolen his hat but it seemed like she wasn't stopping there. More than happy to oblige, he reached down and tugged the garment over his head and tossed it on the floor.

"Mr. Moreau...," Shepard hummed as she leaned back to glance him over. Joker couldn't help beaming a little. All those years of therapeutic strength training had blessed him with a physique to be proud of. At a glance no one would even guess he suffered from Vrolik syndrome thanks to the Alliance's fitness requirements. Shepard thoroughly appreciated it, too. Her fingers graced his chest and tickled over the curves of his biceps. As Joker begin to pull at her shirt in turn she restrained the ingrained urge to stop him and shivered a bit as the cool air hit her skin.

"Not so bad yourself," the pilot grinned crookedly, and this time he didn't just mean her breasts. He had always figured the Commander had to be pretty fit to endure the fights she did and he wasn't wrong. "I think you have better abs than I do!"

"Yeah, yeah, enough," she insisted, obviously embarrassed though he knew she would never admit it. Joker smiled lovingly and brushed his hands over her bare back, fingering the hook of her bra just below her shoulder blades. She wriggled a little, pressing her hands to his chest in mild protest.

"Relax," he soothed as the bra came unhooked without a struggle. In the back of his mind he commended himself for being so slick at the maneuver. He gradually pulled it the molded fabric away from her and took her affectionately into his arms. She instantly embraced him in return, allowing him to mold their forms together and enjoying the intimate warmth of skin upon skin. Joker felt her bury her face against his neck which unintentionally knocked the cap off her head. He did the same but also kissed her there as his fingertips traced the scars on her flesh. She had mentioned how Cerberus had removed all the old ones. They really spoke of who she was and what she'd been through so he could understand her disappointment. As he touched them he wondered what story each of them told.

There was one that indicated a particularly deep wound up along her rib.

"That was the Shadow Broker," she indicated, pulling away from him enough to regard the battle wound herself.

"I heard about that. Bigger than a Krogan, right?" His fingers traced the end of the scar up to where it led to the underside of her breast. "How did it do that...?"

"Well, after I punched him in the face he got kind of pissed of charged me."

"Of course... You punched him in the face," Joker chuckled. "Makes sense..." With a gentle press he took the weight of her breast into his hand and began slowly caressing it. When his thumb brushed her hardened nipple her lips parted with a sigh. It was a sight Joker decided he could get used to. His lips found her neck again, though the kisses moved down over her collarbone this time. Much to his delight his Commander was very receptive to his touches and the noises she started making when he leaned in and traced his tongue over her nipple set his body aflame.

Shepard arched against Joker's ministrations, pressing her breast against his mouth as she felt the heat between her legs grow more intense. He had barely done anything to her and already she felt pleasurably frantic. She was glad her cabin was on its own floor and away from curious ears because she wasn't sure she could keep quiet if he kept on like he was. Though she made a conscious effort to keep her weight off him, she kept finding her hips grinding up against his. One time she brushed herself over the bulge in his pants and heard him moan against her chest. It sounded very...naughty.

Heated, Joker kissed her almost bruisingly hard, grasping her hip with a hand and coaxing her carefully off him and onto her back. He rolled to lay beside her, reinitiating their kiss while his hand slid over her side and edged down to the waistline of her pants.

"Should I take those off?" she cooed against his lips.

"Pretty please," he replied, letting her go long enough so that she could shimmy her hips out of the cargo pants. He couldn't stop the the gleeful smirk from spreading on his face when the underwear went with them. Honestly, part of him wanted to squeal with utter joy, arms flying and legs kicking if his body would have allowed it. When she returned to his side after giving him the alluring show of crawling nude on the bed towards him, he grasped her thigh and pulled her leg around his waist. She made a startled noise that caused him to chuckle.

"What about yours? Or do you plan on just torturing me?"

"In due time. It's you that I'm thinking about. Besides, I don't want you to be distracted."

"You have the biggest ego I have ever seen," Shepard snorted.

"Aw, you sure now how to talk to a guy...," he smiled widely and let his fingers tickle at the crease of her thigh.

"Quite the nimble fingers, there, Jeff," she said with a nervous laugh that she hadn't expected to come to the surface.

"You have no idea..." The smile turned into a downright grin as his fingers edged down and delved into the moist folds of her sex. She hadn't even realized she had become so wet. As Joker slowly began to explore her most intimate parts, Shepard became keenly aware that there was a huge difference in how it felt to have someone else touch her there. She was only human, after all, and so she had learned how to satisfy herself in the best ways possible, but nothing came even remotely close to this. It also seemed that Joker's talent for navigating was not confined to just the Normandy.

Though his fingers pried along her opening and stroked the tender flesh of her folds, it didn't take long before he moved towards the small bundle of nerves. He knew exactly where it was and Shepard could tell when he started rubbing his moistened thumb against it in torturous swirls that she was doomed. A shock wave of pleasure jolted through her body and it caused her to grip his arm a little harder than she meant to. When he shifted she pulled her hand back and looked at him with concern.

"Leaving love marks, are we?" he smiled again, crookedly. She looked to see what he meant and was relieved that she hadn't done any major damage. Her nails had left some pretty intense scratches, though. When she opened her mouth to speak he stopped her. "Don't you dare apologize... If I'm going to have battle wounds I will be more than happy to have them come from you... Besides... I like it when you let loose a bit..." She gasped when his fingers started moving against her again, unable to stop herself from bucking into his hand. He moved close and brushed his cheek against hers, his beard scratching a little. "That's my Commander..."

Shepard had to give it to him. When Joker's voice pitch dropped into its lower register she felt like melting. She remembered having teased Garrus once by telling him that his voice could set women's pants on fire. He had become very confused and alarmed about this and asked if he should consult with Mordin, but she finally managed to explain to him that it was just a figure of speech and he reminded her how odd her species was. Now she could honestly say Joker had won that prize.

It was all it took, coupled with his expert hands, to send her reeling over the edge. She wasn't sure if he was just that good or if it was because she hadn't done anything sexual for a long time, but her orgasm seemed to go on forever. She whimpered and moaned as she rode the waves until it receded, leaving her body trembling with the aftershocks.

"Not too shabby, hm?" she heard him purr beside her. She shook her head rather than speak, unsure of whether her vocal cords would allow it. Joker was halfway in the middle of doing a victory dance in his head when he felt her hands at his pants. Before he knew it his belt was on the floor and she was undoing the clasp. The eager actions made him wonder about what he had just unleashed here.

"Work with me here, Jeff," she huffed and he pressed himself up on his arms to allow her the ability to slide the pants off his hips. Thankfully, she had the courtesy of not ripping them off and doing some damage to his already tender privates. "Batman."

"No, Joker," he grinned and then glanced down and realized what she meant. His boxers were emblazoned with the bat symbol smack in the middle of his crotch. He grasped the blanket beneath him and took on a serious look. "Don't you judge me. You aren't allowed to insult the Goddamn Batman ...'Goddamn Commander Shepard'."

"I'm not judging," Shepard chuckled as she pulled his pants off his calves once his boots were out of the way. "I used to read comics, too. It just looks like the Dark Knight pitched a tent in your boxers."

"Yeah, used to," Joker coughed, but then became intrigued. "Wait, you read comics? Which ones?"

"Well, Batman was one of them. It's a classic and I like classic literature. But I always thought the Joker was ten times more interesting than Batman. Oh, hi there." Joker had come to full sitting position again and was hugging her about her waist with his head against her ribs where she stood.

"I'm such a lucky man," he swooned. "My Commander is a nerd."

Shepard shook her head with an amused smile and then took notice of something as she gently rubbed at the back of his neck.

"You don't have any leg braces on."

"Yeah," he said, leaning back with his hands still brushing her thighs. "You aren't the only one with new hardware. When Cerberus recruited me they outfitted me with cybernetics in my legs to take some of the burden off my bones. It's not a hundred percent fixed, but at least I can move around on my own."

"I remember wondering about that when I turned around and saw you standing there. Of course, seeing you at all was such a surprise, I guess I forgot to ask about it." She bent down and tucked her fingers into the waistline of his boxers to gently slide them off his hips.

Joker admittedly felt better with the restriction removed from his hardened member, but he felt a little strange being completely naked in front of his Commander. It was something he knew he would get over quickly enough, especially when she climbed back onto the bed with him and kissed him affectionately. He reached up to cup the back of her neck again and lightly traced the tip of his tongue against her lips, coaxing hers out to play. As he sucked on the tender flesh of her tongue he felt her hand stroking down his stomach and his groin began to ache with anticipation. Her daring fingers touched him just barely at first, but became a bit bolder when he gave an appreciative growl against her mouth. Joker resisted the urge to close her hand around him - her exploring caresses were downright torturous - but he was finally rewarded when he felt her fingers slowly curl around his length. She gave it a light squeeze and then parted from his kisses.

"So... how do I...?"

"You're off to a good start...just..." He gave up on words and simply placed his hand over hers, coaxing it into a gradual pumping motion around him. He put some pressure on her upper two fingers to increase the tightness of her hold, and felt something between a delirious laugh and a moan escape his throat. Shepard was a fast learner and once she had the rhythm down she was playing him like a fiddle. Joker buried his face in her neck and panted heatedly against her shoulder. Forget the extranet, forget the late night porn binges, after this he was damn near certain he would never be able to go back. As his Commander...his Commander...gripped and rubbed him, he knew that he wasn't going to last very long. The precum had already slickened her hand against him and, though it was amazing, it wasn't how he wanted to end. "Oh...okay..wait..wait...stop." Though he found it hard to stop her, his erection throbbing with disappointment, he was glad that she did as asked instantly. Once or twice more and no amount of will power could have stopped the inevitable.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked and he couldn't help but give a breathless laugh.

"No... I just don't want this over that quick." With a little effort he pulled his legs up and beneath him on the bed. He knew Shepard was watching him like a hawk, ready to leap in and help if he showed any signs of wavering. It was sweet and agitating at the same time. He had lived with his condition all his life and by this point he knew how to handle it. He still had to move slow despite the improvements made, but the point was he could move unassisted. He was just thankful she granted him that, allowing him whatever time he needed to do what he wanted. All in all she had been perfectly receptive for the better part of their time together and he loved it. When he moved over to her and kissed her tenderly, coaxing her down on her back, there were no questions...just trust.

Shepard smiled a little against Joker's lips when a sense of complete warmth and comfort washed over her. Something about him felt like home, like the world was simpler than it really was. The way he kissed her and touched her, so careful and gentle, it was as though he thought she would break. The way he felt and even how he smelled, so utterly Joker, made her wish she had done this sooner. She had put her trust in him before and it had always paid off, so when she did it now she really couldn't be surprised that he hadn't betrayed it in the slightest. She was a lucky woman for a slough of reasons but right now, having him guide her through this, loving her, she couldn't have felt more so.

"Ready...?" he asked as she felt the warmth of him probing at her moist flesh below. She looked up at him and nodded. Joker ducked head to one side of hers as he inched forward and slowly began to slide inside her. His fingers gripped the bedding as he felt her heat envelop him, wet and inviting. Yep, no going back to the vids after this, he mused. As soon as he had hilted inside her for the first time he leaned back up to watch her. Her eyes were closed, lips slightly parted as her head tilted just a little to the side. Her hands were on his biceps, squeezing the muscle there as a soft whimpering noise escaped her lips.

Joker paused inside her, mentally trying to ready himself for this. He was already closer to the edge than he would have liked, but if he took it slow he figured he would be okay. Sliding out and back in he felt his entire body shudder, his hips instinctively bucking back in awkwardly. The motion made Shepard cry out and she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Sorry," Joker breathed, smiling sheepishly.

"It's okay. Just...startled me."

"Are you doing okay?" he asked, leaning on his elbows and letting his fingertips brush through her hair and over her cheek.

"Yeah...just kind of ...tight."

"Yes, I know," he said with a somewhat nervous chuckle.

"Keep going, Jeff...," she murmured, pressing her hips up into his. Joker hummed lowly in his throat at the feeling and began to move his hips in a more even rhythm. Shepard followed him with her own hips for a moment, and arched her back as he continued to fill her deeply. The pilot began to kiss whatever he could reach, her jaw, her neck, and occasionally her breasts whenever she bowed into him. He couldn't believe this was happening, much less when he felt one of her legs wrap around him, flushed thigh hot against his hip. Shifting his weight, he lifted a hand back to grasp and knead the flesh there, holding her hips level with his.

"Fuck," Joker said, his voice caught in his throat, tone thick with passion and a hint of desperation.

"Jeff," Shepard moaned, leaning up to kiss him. He returned it hungrily, every now and then dueling her tongue with his. "Yes...Jeff... I want you..."

"Holy...shit...," he swore, feeling the heat and tension rise to an almost unbearable point in his groin. "Shit, shit...shit..." It was then he felt Shepard's muscles clamp around him and there was no holding back any longer. He felt his head swim as he poured into her, so he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to her shoulder. Shepard's arms moved up around him and held him until his muscles began to relax again. His breath moistened her skin with heat as he tried to regain his breath.

"You okay...?" she asked quietly.

"Shit," came his reply and she chuckled. Shortly after, Joker made the attempt to move off her, allowing her to help him roll to his back this time. Shepard nabbed the blanket that had been shoved to one side of the bed and pulled it over herself, tossing the other end over him. While she was leaning over him, Joker caught her in his arms. "Mine."

Shepard laughed. "Oh, really?"

"Damn straight."

"Well, according to you, you might have some competition."

"Naw. I'm too awesome to have competition... Besides... the Normandy has really big guns."

"You're not serious."

"Try me," Joker grinned with a rather evil quirk of his brow.

"Little extreme, much?" she said, laying her head on his chest. His fingers traced circles on her bare back.

"Just another thing we have in common, Miss I-shoot-everyone-else."

"Ha ha," she intoned. "This was...wonderful, by the way."

"Not that I doubted...but...I'm glad you thought so," he said with a soft smile, gently tousling her already messed up hair.

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked, sounding a little anxious.

"So much that I would quit my job and just do this all day," he mused, and then seemed to seriously consider it. When his eyes darted back to her and he made to ask, she interrupted.



"Tell you what... after all this is said and done, if we're still alive and not enslaved, I will happily arrange a shore leave for us."

"Ooo, let's go somewhere tropical so I can see you in a bikini." Shepard gave him a crooked expression.

"You've seen me naked."

"So? Imagining is half the fun... I just have a better reference to imagine now." He gasped. "Will you run in slow motion through the waves on the beach?"


"Fine, we can work out the details later."

"Whatever you want, my perverted little pilot." Joker actually giggled then.

"What now?" Shepard asked, letting her fingers brush across his prickly beard.

"Just having a fanboy moment again." Shepard edged up and hovered over him.

"I'm not dressing up in costumes for you."

"But you said -!" She kissed him soft and lingering to quiet his protests. Joker's voice rumbled in his chest with a pleased noise.

"I think you'll live."

"Careful or we might be in for round two..."

"When training it's best to repeat the skill you're leaning until you've got it perfect," she smirked and Joker gave her a sideways grin. "Don't you agree?"

"Yes ma'am!"