Chapter Three: Magic Wand
I was a pussy, a complete and utter pussy. I may have thought that talking to Bella about defining the perimeters of our 'relationship' would be a good thing to do, but it was a very bad idea. For starters, I had to get the confidence to bring it up. Heck, if she didn't want to define 'us' then why did I have to be the pansy in the relationship wanting a label? Shouldn't I have been happy with what was on offer?
Yes! Yes, you should be!
But, I wasn't. I wanted to know if I could invite her round for sandwiches and cartoons, or maybe call her at night to talk about the new Harry Potter movie trailer. I needed to know if we were just going to be experiencing our firsts together, or if we were actually going to be friends as well.
I had heard of the term 'Friends with Benefits' but to me, that wasn't enough. I wanted her to be my girlfriend, despite the fact she made it pretty clear she wasn't looking for a relationship. But, maybe in the long run I could convince her, right?
No, you idiot. She wants you for your peen, accept that and move on.
As happy as my 'peen' was to hear that, I was not.
Four days after the testicle touching in my kitchen, I still had not found the balls to talk to her about it. I was going to get the opportunity that evening, but I didn't want to waste a good night having that awkward talk.
My mother, the evil, baked-good wielding loony toon that she is, dropped by the Chief's house on Wednesday to thank him for returning me home after studying. She gave the Swans' a key lime pie and then invited them to dinner on Friday. Thankfully, for me, the Chief was unable to go, but Bella heartily agreed.
Just the fact that she had met my mother while I was not there was worrying. My mother always killed my mojo. I wasn't worried that Bella would suddenly change her mind about me; instead, I was worried that Bella thought I would never be good boyfriend material.
She's not even thinking about that, let it go! You're just getting pathetic now.
Pathetic or not, I needed to act. I had the whole night ahead of me to do so, but I wanted to do it towards the end of the evening. If she didn't like my questioning then things would just be awkward. Why would I drag that painful experience out?
No need to! Don't ask her!
No, I needed to know.
In preparation of Bella's arrival, I showered, shaved my non-existent facial hair (smooth!), dressed my best, and combed my hair. I thought I looked pretty good, matching my tartan vest with my pants, but the smirk my mother gave me seemed to say otherwise.
What does she know about fashion? She's wearing an apron. How fifties is that!
Despite what my mother thought, I wasn't going to change. I liked it. So instead, I helped her set the table, finally finding a good use for my Doctor Who placemats, and then cut up some bread to pass the time. We were waiting for my father to return with Bella. Rather than come over straight after school, Bella wanted to go home and change. My father offered to pick her up, and by that time, the two of them were in the car together.
What was with my parents talking to the girl on her own? Why couldn't I be there to monitor what they were saying? Probably best you're not there. Your stutter and blushes would sink your ship, captain.
Good point, but that doesn't help me when dinner comes around. I hope they don't bring out the baby photos. I just look like that Rugrat, Chuckie, in the pictures. The girl of my dreams should not have to endure that. I should not have to endure that.
"Edward, I hear the car pulling up!" my mother called, smiling happily as she pushed me into the hallway. "Remember to take Bella's coat, and welcome her in. I'm sure she's a little nervous."
Bella, nervous? Never.
"And w-w-where are you g-going to be?" I asked, wondering why I was suddenly in charge of welcoming Bella to our home.
"I will be in the kitchen, mister, making sure dinner doesn't burn." She gave me a cheeky look and headed back to the stove.
It's like she's singlehandedly trying to set the feminist movement back one hundred years. Someone needs to have a talk with her.
With more pressing issues at hand, I positioned myself between the living room door and the hall. I didn't want to be standing on the other side, just waiting for her to come in like some eager puppy. No, because hiding in the hallway was so much cooler.
My father opened the door, and I could hear him let Bella in first. I gave them time to shut the front door and fully get in before going to join them. My father smirked at my outfit and winked before heading into the kitchen. That left the two of us alone.
I shuffled forward a bit and gave her an awkward smile, then looked back down at my shoes. What did I say to her? Thankfully, Bella was on the ball because she ignored the awkward silence forming between us and spoke right up.
"Wow, Edward, your house is…amazing." I blushed and shook my head nervously. My pad was pretty neat, but still. "It looks lovely."
"C-c-c-can I take your coat?" I asked, shoving out my hand expectantly.
Smooth, Cullen, real smooth.
"Oh, your father already has it, but thanks." Bella smiled and looked around, biting her lip nervously. God, it was awkward, again. What was I to do now? Did I offer to give her a tour of the house? Did I take her to my room? Why was there not a manual on this crap?
"Edward, are you just going to keep Bella standing there? Bring her in the kitchen," my mother called, laughing at me. "You'll have to excuse my son, Bella. He seems to have forgotten all his manners."
Esme swatted at me and wrapped her arms round Bella, leading her away. I followed them like the puppy I was trying not to be and practically whimpered upon entering the kitchen. Bella was seated at the counter, laughing and joking with my father, who just happened to be cozied up next to her.
Looks like your parents have a better chance of getting some action tonight than you. Work on it, dickweed!
"So as I was telling you in the car, his stutter eases up when he's here. You should notice the difference, unless he's nervous." My father spotted me and waved me over. "Isn't that right, Edward? Your stutter gets worse when you're nervous?"
Really dad, my stutter, you're telling her about my stutter? God, why don't you just cut of my dick now, seeing as it won't be getting any sexing thanks to you.
Dude, damage control, stat!
I nodded at my father and then quickly rushed to my mother's side. Quietly, I asked her if she needed any help. The two of us carried the starters through into the dining room and then she got the wine. I looked at the table quickly and noticed the four wine glasses. Why were we drinking? Who was going to take Bella home? Was the Chief coming to pick her up?
Run, Forrest, run! Ha ha, very funny. It wouldn't be that bad. You think? The Chief is one scary mofo. You do not want to be taking any chances here. I bet he already has a grave dug for your lanky ass. Note to self, finish the will.
"M-m-mom, f-four glasses?" I asked, pointing at the table.
"Of course, Edward. Why do you look so shocked? We have given you wine before."
"Y-yes, but who w-w-w-will take B-Bella home if you and d-dad drink?"
My mother laughed at me and shook her head, placing the entrees on my Doctor Who placemats. What she was laughing at, I had no clue. Nothing was even remotely funny.
"Didn't your father tell you? Bella will be staying over tonight. She has work in the morning, and seeing as Newton's Sports Outfitters is just up a five-minute drive away, Carlisle offered to take her. This way, Bella gets to sleep in a little."
"A-a-a-nd th-th-the ch-chief w-w-w-w-went f-f-f-for it?"
Heartfail! Oh my God, heartfail!
"Of course he did. Charlie thought it was a great idea."
This is a test! This is one huge motherfucking test! We can't do this, give up now! Danger ahead, do not proceed! Abort mission, abort!
Returning to the kitchen, I grabbed the rest of the food and followed my father and Bella into the dining room. The four of us sat down and quickly tucked in. The way conversation was flowing, I couldn't get a word in thanks to my motor-mouth parents. Bella seemed to like talking to them, though, so I didn't mind so much, and it also gave me time to plan ahead for that night.
Once dinner finished, then I would be on my own; no parents to help recover the situation if I messed up or chickened out. Gulp. So, I had to think of ways to keep the conversation going. I knew from when I was at her house that she had a Harry Potter collection (drool), so I could show her mine, and that would give me roughly forty-five minutes to an hour and a half. I could also branch out a see if she was a fan of Lord of the Rings (Gag!), but even if she was, I wouldn't hold that against her.
There was bound to be plenty of things we could talk about, I just had to get the confidence to ask questions. Unlike my parents, I wasn't an easy conversationalist. That was one gene I didn't inherit. Goddammit, just think of where you would be if you had? I'd have been a total player, like now, but with the girls to prove it. Yeah, buddy!
"Huh, Edward?" my father asked, smiling. They were all smiling at me, and I had no clue what the feck they'd been talking about. Pay attention, moron! Spacing out is only allowed during private time! You could have missed vital facts about your girl!
"S-s-s-sorry?" I stuttered, blushing a little. My father chuckled and rolled his eyes, shaking his head at me.
"I was telling Bella how you're going start working at the clinic soon, helping out your old man." Ah yes, my clinic work. Kill me know. Why I had to give up eight hours of my WOW time to shuffle papers and mop up sick was beyond me. Med school, buddy, med school. Keep your eyes on the prize.
"Y-y-yeah, soon," I said, nodding and chancing a look at Bella. She smiled at me and nodded.
"That's really sweet of you, to help out. You ever done work like that before, or is this a new beginning?" I opened my mouth to speak, but was promptly interrupted.
"Edward used to be part of the meals on wheels program for the elderly, which the hospital ran before funding became squeezed. He built up quite a rapport with the elderly ladies, didn't you son?" He winked at me, as though that made it all better.
First my stutter, and now you want to tell her about Mrs Gladstone and her wandering hands, really dad? Are you trying to ensure I die a virgin?
I could have chocked him with my suspenders, really, I could have. He was singlehandedly destroying my chance at scoring with Bella.
"Awww, really?" Bella asked, laughing. "Well, at least you know that if your plans don't work out for the future, you can always be some old lady's toy boy."
My eyes! My eyes! They're burning!
My parents found her joke hilarious, while I secretly plotted my father's downfall. Chuckling, I eyed him up over the breadbasket and knew that with one slight push, he'd be lying on his back. My father, the well-respected doctor, was like a child. He would lean the chair back, ever so slightly, and sit it on two legs, rather than four.
Revenge is priceless!
I gave my father a cocky grin and a little wave, one missed by the other two occupants at the table, and watched as everything fell into place. Pun intended. He gave me a bemused look and shook his head, no doubt wondering about my mental capability, and then he went sailing backwards, trying to latch onto the table at the last minute.
Haha, sucker! That'll teach you to mess with me!
He landed with an 'oof', and the chair clattered loudly against the wooden floor. My mother let out a gasp in shock, along with Bella. Evil genius? Yes I am! Trying to contain my laughter, I sipped some wine, hiding my face in the glass as my father rose to his feet.
"Are you okay? What happened?" my mother asked, looking at him in complete shock.
"It would seem, that my chair fell over," my father replied, frowning at it and then glancing to me.
"Oh really, Carlisle! I have told you to keep the chair on its fours countless times, this is what happens when you don't!" my mother admonished. She turned to Bella and shook her head. "Men, never listen." Bella smirked and nodded, claiming that her father used to do the same thing.
My father continued to frown as he righted his chair and sat down. He gave me his 'I know what you did' look and shook his head, but all I could do was giggle like a schoolgirl into my wine. Classy. Thankfully, my father had a sense of humour and started chuckling, but I could see from the look in his eyes there would be revenge. Bring it, old man!
"Enjoying the smell of the wine?" Bella asked, nudging my arm to gain my attention.
"Y-yes, it's r-r-really quite lovely," I replied, without missing a beat. . I had said that with my face still in the glass, and must have looked like an idiot. She snickered and shook her head, returning back to her food. Well done, another fine moment of sophistication there. Why don't you dazzle her next by planting your face into the salad bowl?
After the chair incident, my mother started quizzing Bella. I say quizzing, but it looked more like grilling, despite her easy and carefree smile. Can you put her on a leash or something? Bella didn't seem to mind though, and answered all her questions with ease. By the end of it, I just knew that my mother was smitten with her. My father, too, seemed to have taking a shining to her.
Only after we were full to the brim were we finally allowed to leave the table. Dinner had lasted hours! However, my mother had cooked a mean meal, and the dessert was just scrumptious. Bella agreed.
I'm sure she agreed that it was good, but she certainly didn't think it was scrumptious. No one talks like that. Say something's good, sweet even, but never scrumptious. You're not some regency period fool talking about tea and crumpets! Man up!
I happened to like tea and crumpets, especially with jam and-
Enough! Act like a man, not a ponce! Go barbeque something, watch football, or work out, before she finds out you really are going to be a hopeless shag!
While I had no one to confirm whether or not I was good in bed, my hand certainly thought I was something special. Surely that counted.
Kill me now.
My parents fobbed Bella and I off when we tried to clear the table, and we were told to head on upstairs. It wasn't that late; they weren't sending us to bed, but just allowing us to have some time together in private. Thank you, parents! It's the only good thing they've done for you tonight!
I led Bella up the stairs and then had an internal struggle over what room to take her to. Considering I hadn't cleaned the gaming room, I took her to my bedroom. It would be best if she didn't see the giant poster of Wonder Woman adorning the wall in there. Good call!
"Your parents are so sweet," Bella said, following my lead into my room. I indicated for her to take a seat on the couch next to the wall, and then sat opposite her on my bed.
"Y-y-yeah, th-th-they're a h-h-oot." She smirked at my sarcastic tone and bit her lip.
"I had a really great time tonight, so thank you."
"I d-d-d-on't kn-kn-kn-know w-w-w-w-why you're th-thanking me. I haven't d-d-done anyth-th-thing." Dear lord, control it, man!
"I'm thanking you because you've let me into your home, and for the amazing dinner we just had. You may not think you played a huge part in it as you didn't speak that much, but you did, and I assumed you didn't speak because of your stutter." I blushed and exhaled loudly, making attempts to protest, but she saw straight through me. "Don't be embarrassed about it. It's nothing to be ashamed about."
She was perfect.
"Your father said that it only gets worse when you're nervous. So…do I make you nervous?" She bit her lip again, and I gulped. It was suddenly really warm in the room. Maybe I needed to open a window, or take cold shower.
Her doe eyes were weakening my resolve, and I nodded. "B-b-b-but it's a g-g-good nervous," I added, giving her a feeble smile.
"You make me nervous, too, but it's a good nervous, as well." I was a little shocked by her admission. I never made anyone nervous, ever. Hell, even the nervous peeing dog at the old folk's home was perfect around me; there was nothing about me that made people nervous.
"So, what are we going to do now?" This time, Bella's shyness was gone, and it had been replaced with a slightly naughty and sultry look. Definitely imagining that, boyo!
"W-w-w-would you like t-t-to see my Harry P-p-p-potter collection, B-Bella?" I stuttered, glancing at my hands. It seemed as though I couldn't keep my nerves under wraps for just ten seconds.
"Definitely! I love Harry Potter. Who's your favourite character? Who do you ship?" Sexual Bella was gone and I was getting excited fan-girl Bella, who was completely adorable.
"Oh, Dr-dr-dramione! And S-s-s-s-sirius! H-h-he's aw-aw-awesome!" I could hardly contain my excitement. You make me sick!
"Ahh, I'm a diehard Drarry fan myself; and I just love Snape! His love for Lily, heart-breaking!" Bella had bounced over to the bed to join me and we were grinning like idiots.
"N-n-no, c-c-c-could never g-get into Dr-Drarry," I said, shaking my head. There were so many bad puns with that sentence, I just shook my head and ignored them.
"You've read some?" Her eyes were alight with delight, and I sheepishly nodded. "Wow, I never would have figured that. Most guys, well, straight guys, don't even attempt reading it. You sure you're straight?" She eyed me jokingly and I fumbled over my answer, nodding vehemently.
She thinks you're gay, way to go, loser!
"Don't worry, if you are, there is still plenty of time to back out of this virginity packed we have going." I think she was trying to be reassuring, but it just made me anxious with worry.
"N-n-n-not g-going to back out," I said, standing up. "Th-th-the collection's in th-th-the oth-th-ther room." Bella rose excitedly and followed me eagerly, keen to see what I had.
I had epicness, mountains of epicness. Calm yourself down!
"Oh my God! This is awesome!" she cried, rushing past me to get a closer look. My extensive Harry Potter collection lined an entire wall in the gaming room. I had everything from sweets and quills to full-blown robes and brooms.
Eyeing up Wonder Woman, I hoped Bella would just not notice her. How that was to happen, I didn't know, as she was almost life size. I just wasn't ready to introduce the two of them yet, it would cause problems. Your wanking material should never have to meet each other.
"Where did you get all this?" I turned back to Bella and grinned, pleased that she liked it.
"M-m-my parents t-t-took me to Uni-uni-universal," I replied, taking a seat so I could watch her examine everything.
"Was it good? I've heard it's awesome. I really want to go."
"It's f-fantastic! W-w-w-we should g-g-go sometime." It had slipped out my mouth before I could stop it, and internally, I cringed. You stupid fool, why don't you just ask her to marry you? Going to Universal Studios to see the Wizarding World is lie the Holy Grail for a Harry Potter fan. You can't just throw offers out there like that!
Bella stopped mid-inspection of Professor McGonagall's replica wand, and eyed me suspiciously. She didn't say anything, and continued on admiring the others on the shelf. Well done, you freaked her out! Damage control, dude!
"You have them all," Bella remarked, her eyes surveying my shelves.
"The wands, you have all the wands. How did you even manage to get them all? Surely you didn't buy them all while you were there?"
"N-no," I admitted, shrugging. "S-s-some I had to order online."
"Well, they're fantastic, the whole collection is! You put mine to shame, complete and utter shame." She smiled at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me up out my chair. "So, show me your favourite piece."
I searched the shelves for it and then pointed to the personalised Hogwarts Letter, complete with letters detailing what I would need to start Hogwarts, and my ticket for the Hogwarts Express. Bella's eyes lit up as she gently had a closer look.
"I can see why, it's just like the ones in the movie, but complete with your name and everything! Did it come by owl?" she joked, placing it back.
It had, actually, but I wasn't going to tell her that. My parents were swell sometimes!
Turning back to me, and still clutching my hand, Bella leant a little closer. "There's one thing I haven't seen yet," she whispered, glancing over my shoulder to look at the door.
It was closed, and I was sure I was about to get an erection with whatever was going to come out of her mouth next. She had that kind of look.
"I haven't seen your wand." She liked her lips, looking at me innocently, and I almost passed out.
"Yeah, your wand." She reached out and took hold of my buckle, toying with it between her fingers. I groaned aloud and looked at her helplessly, while she grinned and leant it. "I'll take that to mean I'm allowed to see it."
Holy fuck yes!
I stood there completely frozen as she peppered light kisses on my face, missing my lips entirely, and started undoing my belt. Her fingers would innocently graze me through my pants, and it was torturous.
Don't come early. Don't come early. Don't come early. Don't come early. Don't come early.
I kept chanting my mantra in my head as she eased open my pants, revealing my boxers below. The girl was a goddess, and a sexual temptress. She was innocent one moment, and naughty the next, and it killed me. Killed you with lust!
Bella shimmied my pants down a bit and then made me sit back down. The last thing I expected was for her to get on her knees. Fuck me, she couldn't possibly be doing what I thought she was going to do. Running her hand over the front of my boxers, I groaned and dropped my head back, trying to fight off another groan. She hadn't even touched skin yet, and I was dying.
"Relax," she whispered, kneeling over my lap so she could kiss my neck and jaw. "I won't rush you, we'll take it slow." To back up her words, she used her hand to stroke me over my boxers. "That's as far as I'll go tonight, so just relax and let yourself go."
With each motion her hand made, I was falling faster into monumental bliss. She was good. She was so good. I didn't have anyone to compare her with, but even if I did, she'd win. She was that good. I tried to fight it, tried to hold off and make it last, just to show I had the power to keep myself going, but she flicked her thumb over the head of me and I lost it.
I grunted and moaned, clenching my eyes shut. That was awesome. That was so fucking awesome. The fact I had just come in my boxers wasn't as awesome, but I'd deal with that later.
Bella rose to her feet and helped put me back into my pants, buckling up my belt as well. She had a confident smirk on her face, and I was in lust. She was epic.
Rising to my feet, I stood in front of her and blushed. She may have just wanked me off through my boxers, but I was still nervous. Bella chuckled at me and muttered something about being so cute.
"Thank you," I said slowly, fighting off my stutter, before pulling her to me to kiss her fiercely.
I was hoping for a hot a fiery kiss, but instead I smacked her teeth off mine in the haste, and we both ended up crying out in pain. Smooth, Cullen, real smooth. What a way to convince the girl you're a good kisser!
"Fuck! I'm so sorry!" I gushed, trying to check if she was alright. While there was blood in my mouth, hers was clear, and her teeth were intact. "Thank God you're okay. I'm so sorry."
Bella gave me one look and grinned brightly, pulling me into a hug. "You didn't stutter," she whispered, and I frowned, thinking back.
Had I not? No, I hadn't. Great, now that you've worked out how to speak like a normal person, can you keep doing it?
"And your welcome, by the way, but really, the pleasure was all mine," she replied, to my earlier thank you. I toyed with my suspenders and smirked, pleased that she had enjoyed herself, despite no attempt on my part to reciprocate.
"D-d-d-do y-you w-w-want m-me t-to…?" I flailed my arms towards her crotch, and blushed bright red. Was I allowed to touch the holy land?
"No, don't worry about it. I'm pretty tired anyway, I think I'll just head to bed. Is that okay?" I nodded and bit my lip, apparently I wasn't allowed to touch the holy land. I had ruined things, just a little, by even offering. Fool!
She seemed to sense my mood change and gently kissed my cheek, working her way towards my mouth. Her lips were soft against mine, and unlike the fiery kiss I was going to give her, this one was sweet and tender.
"I may have propositioned you for sex, but I do really like you, Edward. Don't feel disheartened because of how one sided things are right now, trust me when I say that will change." There was a twinkle in her eye that had me practically panting. Finally, you might actually get to touch her! "I've got work tomorrow, but maybe after, we could see each other, just to hang out?"
I nodded and licked my lips, completely captivated by the words coming out her mouth. It was like she was trying to make this about more than sex, like what I wanted. Yay!
"I'd l-love to." Her grin had me smiling in return, and after writing her cell number down so I could text her the details, she kissed me goodnight, and I showed her to the spare bedroom.
Collapsing back on my bed, I looked up at the ceiling and did my happy dance, fist pumping and flying kicks everywhere. She liked me! She really liked me! And even though I had never gotten around to making rules, she seemed to be opening up to the idea of being friends, and not just people who have sex.
The next transition would be to go from friends with benefits, to boyfriend and girlfriend. It would be hard, but hopefully not impossible. Hell, it that moron Frodo Baggins and his motley crew could get to Mount Doom and destroy the Ring, surely I could somehow convince Bella that I was good boyfriend material, stutter and all.