Hey guys, Mitsukai here again. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to post lately, our computer broke down and had to be reformatted, so the chapters that I've written are gone. But since today is Yukimura's birthday, I just can't NOT write a oneshot.
I consider this oneshot as a result of me stepping out of my comfort zone. Other than the fact that my girlfriend requested this for Valentine's Day, I've never written about guys... doing it. *blushes* As I've said this is something painfully uncomfortable with me, (not the BL, as you all know) but writing them go... all the way. Trust me, I've tried, and I've failed, as evidenced with this oneshot. But this is something a little more extreme, something that goes into the M rating, I think and I'm kind of proud that I've managed to write something like this without chickening out of the last moment.
I've winced a lot, however, but my girlfriend's thank you made it worth it. You better be grateful, woman.
Warnings and Disclaimers: Not mine. YAOI. SMUT. OOCness, Alpha Pair, some typos.
Yukimura Seiichi did not want this situation right now. He was already getting back on his feet again, and finally moving on, finally erasing the deep-seated pain that seemed to never leave his heart.
He had been living perfectly fine for the last five years... until he had the fucking gall to march back into his life and continue on as if nothing had happened between them.
Suddenly he felt drained all at once. The emotional mood swings were just too much for him, especially after having been through it for the last half of a decade. He just wanted a feel of normalcy again, a sense of finality that would make him move on from this stage of his life.
But he would never let him have it, that bastard.
"What do you want?" His voice, though a bit lower in octave now, still remained its flowing quality, a frigid coldness not present before. As much as he wanted to lash out and curse the person to hell and back, he was an adult now, and he forced himself to sound indifferent, to at least retain a level of civility.
"Why have you come back?" And as much as he wanted to hate him, he knew that he wouldn't. Couldn't.
They've been through too much together for him to do that.
The answer was as straightforward as ever.
"I've come to win you back again, Seiichi."
Hearing his first name tumble out from those lips affected him more than he realized. It made him happy, distraught and furious all at the same time, a bubbling of emotions that made the first chink on his armour.
Fleetingly he wondered if he was really masochistic, before putting up his guard again, swearing to himself that he would never be caught vulnerable again.
His voice was colder than ice.
"You already lost me when you left that day." And what was lost can never be found, was left hanging in the air, and he knew that the other understood.
He always did, and that knowledge left another dent in his heart, which he thought was already shattered beyond repair.
"I love you. I still want you. I won't have anyone else but you."
There was only one boy who could arouse this so many things inside of him all at once, and damn it, this brutal honesty had attracted him to this man more than anything else.
Damn him. Damn him for coming back. Damn him for saying that he still wanted him. Damn him for wanting to hear those words again.
Yukimura ignored the painful pounding of his heart, feeling it crave for those words again, though he perfectly knew that it was all a lie. Was he really that desperate?
"Then you won't have me." His voice wavered, but it didn't break. He was resolute. He'll never trust this man with anything again. Especially with his heart.
A larger hand slid over to to touch his fingers, and a shot of familiar emotions passed between them, swift and deadly, almost feeling burned with the simple gesture. He recognized all those feelings at once.
Desire. Lust. Affection. Love.
"Don't touch me." Quickly he retracted his hand, his skin still tingling. For the first time, he felt afraid.
Because he knew that there was a big chance that he would fall for him again.
He had never fallen out in the first place.
"Why?" He moved, slowly, sensually, slowly cornering him into a trap where Yukimura knew that he might not escape from. He watched warily, knowing that he mustn't let the other man come too close.
Because you would break my resolve. Then you would leave me again. And I don't know if I could live through that again.
Yukimura didn't say this out loud of course. He was stronger now; the naive, besotted boy of long ago was already gone. He didn't reply, only cautious of what this reunion would bring.
If Sanada Genichirou thought that he could just waltz in again in his life after leaving him alone for five years, he would have to think again.
"Leave. I have no more business with you." As much as his heart screamed to take Sanada back, to be held in his arms again, Yukimura knew that he shouldn't. He had been hurt too deeply, too strongly for him to love again as much as he loved his former best friend and lover.
And it was all Sanada's fault. Damn him. A spark of anger coursed through his veins, but he tampered it down as quickly as it came, putting on the air of detached coolness. "You left me once, so there's no reason for you to come back again."
"I've come back for good, Seiichi. I'll beg for you to take me back if I have to." He was taller now, Yukimura thought. More built. More mature. And still very much attractive, if the sudden flutter of his heart was of any indication. And yet he could also see the boy he had grown to love at the same time, the same pride, the same stubbornness and attitude that was uniquely his. Yukimura had to stop himself from smiling fondly at thought, reminding himself that he was angry at this man.
It wasn't working as well as it should.
"You don't have to. I won't have anything to do with you again." He made to stand up, already finished with this conversation, before he changed his mind, while the binds around his heart were still strong.
But before he could, a strong grip trapped his wrist, and Yukimura knew that he was already trapped.
"Seiichi, look at me." Sanada's voice shook him to the core. Yukimura bit his lip, almost feeling violated with the way that deep baritone caressed his name almost lovingly. Tears of jumbled emotions clouded his vision, feeling the iron grip he kept on his heart slowly shatter. He stubbornly kept his eyes down, knowing that if he saw Sanada's eyes head on, he would lose himself again.
It was a feeling he never liked to experience again.
"Don't do this to me." He found himself whispering, almost resignedly, brokenly. He remembered all those years of hurt. Of despair and fear, and yet, in the presence of this man in front of him, it was as if awakening from a bad dream, and that it never happened in the first place.
He hated how much he loved–still loved Sanada Genichirou.
Warm fingers touched his chin and Yukimura found himself holding Sanada's wrist, futilely trying to stop him as his head was tilted up, his own blue meeting smouldering brown eyes that made his knees go weak.
"I love you." Yukimura wondered how Sanada could say those words so easily, so freely, when those three words managed to slaughter him every single time it was said. He felt helpless, captivated by Sanada's stare, soul-searching and deep, painfully intense that sent a perverse kind of pleasure crawling down his spine.
"No...don't..." He tired, for the last time, to escape, to turn his back on his past love, but as Sanada held him tight, looking at him with those depthless ochre eyes, he realized that it was all in vain, that he still loved this boy no, man, and that he wanted Sanada as much as he did before.
Sanada's fingers left his chin, trailing down to lightly brush along his neck, his other hand skimming along his arm, making Yukimura gasp as it left goose bumps along its wake. Sanada's eyes were still intent on him, never leaving his face as his nape was cradled, and his waist was held almost possessively, his head tilted back at an angle that made Yukimura feel as if they were horizontal instead of vertical.
Just the intimacy of it made Yukimura lightheaded, as his heart stuttered and begged surrender, while his mind screamed and shrieked for reason. Just as he was feeling torn, Sanada chose that time to close the distance between them, deliberately slow, making Yukimura's breath catch in his throat, as equal dread and anticipation mixed and churned inside him.
Will Sanada break his heart again, toying with him as he did now? Or will Sanada really stay for good? Yukimura didn't know what to think. Almost desperately Yukimura searched Sanada's face, trying to find an answer, to assure him that he wasn't making another mistake, that it was okay to give Sanada his heart again after all these years.
Sanada's whisper against his lips told him everything he needed.
"It was a mistake to leave you. I'll never leave you again, Seiichi. Never."
The quiet but fierce declaration left Yukimura breathless, as his mouth as crushed under Sanada's in a passionate kiss that had every rational thought in his mind crumbling. Sanada still tasted the same, maybe even better, after all these years: strong, tangy and bittersweet, just how Yukimura wanted it. He suppressed the shiver that came when Sanada took advantage of his parted lips, almost vampiric in the way that Sanada sapped away any resistance he might have. Sanada tasted him everywhere, lips, teeth, tongue, and yet his arms stayed almost immobile around Yukimura, as if anchoring him from being swept away in the blissful tide of sensations that threatened to drown him.
Yukimura allowed himself to look dazed as they both parted for air; heart pounding and blood thrumming with a familiar melody that only seemed intensify as tiny pinpricks of desire spiked through his body. For that one short moment, everything slowed down as they only stared at each other with darkened eyes.
And then things seemed to move in fast forward.
In three quick strides Yukimura was pinned to the nearest wall, his wrists held up and shackled by large hands, as his lips were held captive once again. What started as a small flame emerged as a blazing inferno, as Sanada demanded, less controlled and more animalistic, and Yukimura held nothing back, for he wanted it just as much. He chose to fight back, eyes half-lidded with want, dancing a sensual tango with his partner, quick to flirt and shy away as Sanada conquered, captured and possessed him wholly and completely, not willing to submit until the very last second. The heat clung to his skin, soaking him, entering his body and raising in temperature until he was sure that his bones were turning into liquid, as he all but melted in Sanada's arms.
"Never." Sanada murmured, repeating it again and again as his lips roamed over Yukimura's face, cheeks, forehead, eyelids, as if never getting enough of it. His eyes turned gentle, loving and yet still held the undercurrent of passion, as let go of Yukimura's wrists, but still caging him in his arms, not willing to let him go.
"Never." He bent his head down, lips just touching the expanse of white flesh, making Yukimura visibly shudder and clutch Sanada's shoulders as his eyelids fluttered with a sigh, feeling as if he was being put under a spell, all his anger and hurt forgotten, as the maddening mixture of pain and pleasure took over his senses. Sanada had always been a slow but thorough lover, even now, as Sanada paid lavish attention to his neck, strong calloused hands running over his clothes, slowly tugging and unbuttoning, letting them slide under to feel the heated skin... Yukimura bit back a moan, hands tangling through the soft, silky strands of raven-black hair as Sanada travelled lower, his exploration and findings of various spoils rewarded by a choke, a deep guttural groan, or a whispered exclamation of his name that sent his blood ablaze with desire.
Yukimura's skin felt moist, cool against Sanada's heated breath as he left a trail of wet kisses on a sculpted abdomen. Yukimura squirmed, the tickling sensation adding another jolt in his pleasure-hazed brain, his nails digging against Sanada's clothed back. Since when had Sanada learned to touch him like that? It felt so good, so good that it had to be a sin. He panted, leaning against the wall, fighting the blush that erupted on his face as Sanada nipped the skin that jutted out his hipbone, hands dangerously close to the place he ached to be touched.
Through his daze he dimly heard a zipper being pulled down, the sensation of cloth being pulled and barely had time to react as his eyes flew open and he jerked, a wail escaping from his swollen lips as Sanada took him whole.
Sanada took his time, watching with pleased, almost sadistic eyes as Yukimura groaned his name, nails digging hard enough to draw blood, his pleads for him to move and finish not going unnoticed. The raging inferno was now kindled into a slow burn, a sweet, lingering intoxication that had Yukimura's mind muddled, as he felt nothing but helplessness, only able to cling to Sanada like a lifeline. The teasing was almost too much, the heat coming and going, the pleasure spiking up and down until it became a hot, lavish tide that rendered him incoherent and needy, his arousal almost reaching its peak, only for it to subside again and to return back with greater intensity.
"Oh god..." Yukimura didn't know when he had started to cry, but the tears were clearly there, staining his heated cheeks. "Genichirou... Please... Let me... ah!"
Sanada hummed in reply, and Yukimura banged his head on the wall behind him, lips parted open as pupils dilated into midnight black, the pleasurable pain almost sending him over the edge, the sight titillating Sanada more than anything else, the purplish red bruises on the white neck glimmering in the sweat and the light that illuminated both of their bodies.
Sanada let Yukimura slip away from his lips, looking up at him with a questioning glance that had a hint of mischievousness in it, almost feeling arrogant at the fact that that he was the only person who was able to turn Yukimura into a smouldering, erotic mess.
"Tell me something, Seiichi." The husky, lust-ridden voice whispered as Sanada stood up and nibbled on Yukimura's earlobe. "Was there anyone else?" He squeezed Yukimura possessively, internally smirking when he jumped and buckled, almost sliding to the floor if not for Sanada who was holding him close, showing him the unmistakable proof of Sanada's own arousal.
"Was there? Tell me!" Sanada growled, sending Yukimura into another spasm of mind-numbing pleasure. Yukimura shook his head quickly, his quick, shallow breaths touching Sanada's neck as he all but sobbed his reply. His own tongue darted out to taste Sanada's skin, as his hands curled behind a broad back, fisting them tightly as Sanada pumped, deliberately slow, making Yukimura choke, zaps of electricity almost numbing his already super sensitive skin.
"N-No... O-Only you..." Yukimura didn't remember another moment when he was reduced to this state. This weepy, wanton state that he didn't know existed. It hurt his pride, but damn it, he wanted this man, loved him too much to protest, and only Sanada Genichirou could inspire these kinds of feelings in him, and it was only to this man he would give himself to, he realized now.
"Take me... please..." Yukimura didn't recognize his own voice, so small and breathless, pleading and almost begging. "Gen... I want you..."
The intense look Sanada gave him was almost orgasmic.
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear that."
It had been five years. Five years of hurt, of confusion, of wondering what the hell went wrong between the two of them. And yet it seemed so long ago, almost like a bad dream, as Yukimura was swept away and carried to the nearest bedroom, where Sanada finally claimed him again as his own, thought that their reunion couldn't have been sweeter.
... I've tried guys. Seriously, I have. But I wasn't as comfortable with it yet, but writing about my OTP made it a little easier. Maybe one day I could write them acutally making a home run, but for now, I hope that this will suffice.
Reviews and criticisms very much welcomed, especially the latter. As I've said, first time writing something smut-worthy. The things I do to please you fangirls.