Title: Excerpts From the Diary of Bella Swan
Author: Mistress Nika
Rating: PG-15 (I don't think it merits the M rating, mostly due to the vague nature of the account of events, but don't take the rating too lightly either)
Summary: Diary entries of a teenage stalking victim. A short journey from schoolgirl to inhuman monster.
Pairings: Edward/Bella, in a stalker/victim kind of way
Warnings: OOC, creepiness, stalking, allusions to rape, blood and gore, craziness abounds
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Notes: I have never seen nor read Twilight in any of its forms. I don't have to eat crap to know I wouldn't like it. I don't have to read Twilight to know I would hate it. However, this isn't meant to hate on Twilight. While I'm not a fan of the series, I think I could have really gotten into it if it had been written as the horror story it was so desperately begging to be.
~There's a boy in my class, Edward Cullen. He's cute, but a little odd. I haven't spoken to him, but he keeps looking at me. Maybe he likes me...
~I've had a creepy feeling for days now. I haven't seen anyone, but I swear someone's watching me. The hair on the back of my neck stands up, I get goosebumps and there's a little twinge of fear that makes my heart clench, especially when I'm alone. Maybe it's a ghost.
I hope it is.
~Someone is stalking me. I've tried to tell my father, but he didn't believe me. I have no proof, just a feeling.
~I had a dream last night. A pair of eyes stared down at me, always watching. I feel hunted, like human prey.
~I've tried setting up cameras pointed out my window, near the bed and even carried one in my bag, but they've caught nothing. I don't know if I should be glad or not.
~I don't want to think I'm going crazy, but there are eyes always on me. I can feel them. Staring.
~Last night, a group of boys cornered me on the street. They were drunk and I was scared, but also a bit relieved. At least with them I could see the threat.
I turned to run.
I made it to the end of the street before I realized they weren't chasing me. I stopped to look back and they were gone. They didn't run away, couldn't have, not that fast. They were just gone, vanished, almost as if something snatched them up and made off with them, too fast even for them to scream. I'm so scared. Something tells me no one will see them again.
~That Edward boy is still watching me. He looks like he wants to talk to me sometimes, but I'm too on edge. Whatever's following me has me sufficiently creeped out to not trust anyone. He may just be shy, but I don't feel right around him. I just can't take the chance.
~Lately, I always make sure I'm in a group. I don't want to be alone.
~My friends say I should give Edward a chance. I tell them I don't want a boyfriend right now. What if whatever's following me turns on him? I couldn't live with myself.
~I feel like an object or property, like something to be owned.
The eyes on me seem so possessive, so predatory.
I don't want to be an object.
~It's started touching me. When I'm walking, whether I'm in a group or not, I swear I can feel icy fingertips on my back or my arm. At night, I often wake to the feeling of a cold carress on my cheek.
Oh god, I'm not safe. Not anywhere.
~I carry a knife now, tucked in my shirt. Sometimes, I just want to stab those watching, staring eyes out. Some days I wish I could confront it, gut it, and then it'd stop. Then I regret it, because I could never win, not against those eyes, whatever is behind those eyes. Old, inhuman, hungry eyes.
They want to devour me.
~I just want it to be over. Why won't it stop?
~Edward scares me. He caught me alone today and grabbed me by the arm. His hands are so cold, like blocks of ice. He seems to think there's something between us. I tried to shake him off, but he was too strong. I don't know what he would have done if one of the teachers hadn't come over to check on me. His eyes gleam strangely and are so intense. They frighten me.
~The teacher who saved me has gone missing. It's my fault, I know it.
~Edward wasn't at school today. I hear his parents have pulled him out temporarily. Rumor says he has the flu.
I can't help but feel glad.
Does this make me a bad person?
~I haven't felt the eyes in over a week and I know why.
I feel so light, so free, as if the sun has come back into the world.
Please, god, let it last.
~He was in my room! Right here, talking crazy! He thinks we're soul mates or some nonsense. He actually said he wants to eat me!
not like the movies,
oh god why
What did I do to deserve this? I'm just a girl
Leave me alone!
please leave me alone
~Why does he hurt me so? He says I'm his, forever and always and I belong to him, but I'm just a girl...just a little girl... I don't want to be possessed, but I am... It burns so hot inside, like a fever, pulsing and frantic. A torrid pain that races through my body and kindles a cold flame deep inside. I shouldn't be like this. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I laugh instead, cold and hollow and dead inside.
Winter has come.
~The human mouth is rife with bacteria. It is said that a bite from a human can kill. Periodically, I seize his flesh between my teeth and bare down in anger with all my strength until I can feel the blood well and spill over his perfect, pale skin. He just smiles in a thin parody of love.
Why won't he die?
~I want to see his entrails, spilling out on the floor from his split belly. I bet I could knit a scarf from his intestines. I told him I want to knit him a scarf, and if he loves me, he'll give me what I want. He smiled and gave me yarn.
I don't think he understands.
~He still watches me, all the time. Not like before, unseen and distant, a looming threat waiting to pounce. Now his gaze is like a constant blazing inferno, trying to consume me whole. I sometimes think he will crawl into me and never leave, watching me from the inside out forever.
I will never be free of him.
~I stabbed those eyes. Put them out and they cry a sea of blood, running free and cold and spiteful. He said I couldn't hurt him...
strong, and I am weak
...but he screamed and screamed and tears of bloody anguish fell like stars. He ran away, out of my life forever.
Let him come back. I'm ready for him.
Next time I'll get at the grey matter underneath.
I need a hook.
~He came back. I knew he would. Others came with him, tried to stop him, but he was so angry. They fought so fiercely, claw and fang, and I...
rammed a knitting needle up his nose
...through the bone and into the soft parts.
A strength overcame me like I've never known, a boiling need to hurt, to tear and rip and break and shred his flesh with my own hands...to feel his life slick and red under my nails, to make the monster bleed and scream and...
I love those screams, like a sweet music, so lovely and piercing and I bit my lip in ecstasy.
I held him down, with my knees on his chest and his voice raised in agony.
I pulled out his brain, bit by bit, until there was nothing left. An echo in the empty hull and I play drums on his skull.
I wanted to paint a picture with it, but I didn't have a canvas and it wasn't suitable for painting anyway, ugly and unfitting.
~They took me away, far away.
I want my daddy.
Here there is only dullness and soft voices, don't rile her, and no one will play with me.
I want to play.
~Sometimes I miss my Edward. So much fun we never had.
I still don't have a proper scarf.
~Shackles make the blood well. New daddy says they're necessary, but I think there are easier ways to draw blood.
They won't let me knit.
~I want a dolly.
Dear sister, she buys me pretty dresses and we play princess, but I want to have a tea party. I can't have a party without dollies.
There's a pretty blonde one next door.
I think she'd like some tea.