A/N: I haven't done one of these in awhile, but I've decided to make a hiatus fic. There are going to be twelve chapters, hopefully being updated twice a week. I've written a sort of fantasy/spiritual thing before, so I'm trying to put my own spin on it.
"I have killed myself for you," Chuck said. "And you know that you're the only one I would do that for.""Then hear me when I say this," Blair said darkly. "Go to hell. Because that is the only conceivable way you could ever deserve to be with me again."
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Charaters are GG. Inspiration comes from Dante's Inferno. If you haven't read it, it's not really necessary to the plot. Just be aware that there are nine circles of hell. That meing said, you can infer what this story is about. Thanks to comewhatmay.x who has been beta-ing my weird urges.
You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. Now you're like one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet.
He could never stop watching her. It was never something he could control. But as she prowled and snarled at her prey, he found himself stopping in his tracks. Every single horrible thing and dark thought was a maelstrom in his mind, and he found that he wasn't able to approach her. Every single moment in his life was leading up to this moment and he couldn't move.
"She knows you're here."
Chuck drained his glass, unable to look at his best friend by his side.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Chuck finally said.
Chuck turned and Nate sighed.
"She's always known you the best."
"Should I go ask her?" Chuck asked sullenly.
"She knows you're here," Nate said. "There's a reason she's still over there and you're just here."
Chuck placed his drink onto the bar with a clink. Nate's hand caught Chuck's arm quickly as he attempted to leave.
"Why are you holding me back?" Chuck asked darkly.
"If she wanted to talk to you, she would," Nate said.
"If she knows me so well," Chuck said, "she'll forgive me."
"Forgive you for what?" Nate questioned.
They both knew the answer.
"And what's changed?" Nate asked. "Why are you looking at her again?"
"I never should have stopped."
"Well maybe you were right before," Nate said. "Now you can't hurt her anymore."
The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had... I will stand by you through anything.
And why would you do that?
Because I love you.
Well that's too bad.
"Did you tell Nate to keep me away?"
"If I did," she said slowly, "it's pretty apparent that it wouldn't have worked anyway."
"What do you think you're doing?" Blair asked in disgust. "Really."
His she-wolf was baring her canines at him, and he wasn't able to back away. He had forgotten that cruel smile. He had forgotten the things Blair did unwittingly that made him love her.
"Chuck Bass is speechless?" Blair laughed. "I'm shocked."
"You're the only one who understands me."
"That's not an answer."
"The darkest thought I've had-"
It wasn't the first time she had slapped him—or the first time anyone had slapped him, for that matter. But there was a fire in her predatory eyes. This would usually bode well for him, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she only felt true hatred towards him.
"Do you even recognize what you've done to me?" Blair demanded.
"We're just supposed to be," Chuck replied desperately.
"And who gave you that piece of advice?" Blair asked scornfully. "Your girlfriend? Your whores? Your business managers?"
"You're the only one who understands," he whispered.
Her eyes didn't soften, not even for a second.
"Does that really make this better?"
"Everything else doesn't matter," Chuck protested. "Because it's us. It's us, Bla-"
She hadn't even listened. She stomped across the hotel lobby, not even listening to the proclamation of love that usually made her cave to him.
Now was that it, or were you going to tell me you love me again?
His fist was buried into a wall. He didn't remember where he was or what had happened, but Nate was uttering some sort of comfort that Chuck couldn't understand. He tried moving his fingers in the drywall. He felt his flesh crack apart. He clenched his teeth.
Even as he tried to rip his hand from the wall, he could hear her sharp laughter. He could hear her leopard's nails click against the tile, and he had to get out.
"Easy," Nate said quietly. Chuck glowered at Nate's hand relaxing his wrist to help pull it out.
"What happened?" Chuck asked drowsily.
"What do you think?" Nate asked. "What always happens."
"She can't keep doing this to me," Chuck whispered. "She can't keep messing with my head like this."
"You know that's not it," Nate said. "Hold still."
With one grimace, Nate pulled his hand out of the wall. Plaster fell from his knuckles as blood ran down his forearm.
"This shirt cost five hundred dollars," Chuck said, staring at his hand.
"You weren't paying attention to her," Nate said. "Why should she act any different?"
"If torturing me is what she needs to do," Chuck murmured, "then it's what I'll do for her."
"This isn't penance, Chuck," Nate said. "This is the end."
"I couldn't have messed up this bad," Chuck said, Nate fading further into the background. "It's not possible."
"Maybe she does still love you," Nate said. "But maybe that's not enough anymore."
"Since when did you become so introspective?" Chuck found himself snapping.
"Since my best friend fell in love with my first girlfriend," Nate said.
His leopard snarled at his aching hand. He just must have been masochistic.
Stop trying to play the wife.
"I love you."
"It's not enough."
Finally he felt true rage course through him at those words.
"It would have been enough before," he couldn't help but seethe.
"You have a real problem," Blair sneered. "You know that?"
"Enlighten me," Chuck retorted. "I have done more for you than I have for any other woman and it's not enough."
"You sling your hurtful words at me, and I forgave you," Blair said threateningly. "But this time it's just too much."
"Why?" Chuck asked. "Just tell me what to do to make it better."
"You fell out of love with me first," Blair said shakily, and his heart broke for the tears escaping her perfect eyes.
"I didn't," Chuck said. "I swear I didn't. You know me."
"I do," Blair acquiesced. "That's why I can say with complete confidence that I never want to see you again."
"Maybe now," Blair relented. "But one day I'll be relieved I made this decision."
"We're going to be together in the end," Chuck vowed.
"You're not even repentant," Blair snapped.
"I am," Chuck said. "I just want to be with you again."
"Because you finally need me now?" Blair asked. "We're only together when it's convenient for you and I'm done with it."
"You said you believed we would be together one day," Chuck said. "I didn't think there was a threat of that not happening."
"The moment you fall in love with someone else, is the moment you lose me," Blair said.
"I have killed myself for you," Chuck said. "And you know that you're the only one I would do that for."
"Then hear me when I say this," Blair said darkly. "Go to hell. Because that is the only conceivable way you could ever deserve to be with me again."
The worst thing I've ever done, the darkest thought I've ever had... You said you would stand by me through anything. This, Blair, is anything.
I never thought the worst think you'd do would be to me.
You went up there on your own.
"I am in hell."
His dark eyes were reflected in the mirror and all he could see was the monster he had become. That lioness had taken his heart out, and yet he was still standing, still loathing, still hating everything he had become when she didn't love him anymore.
He grabbed the bottle's neck, casting it down his throat to make his eyes water. It was only her that could make him feel so weak.
"I am in hell."
It was too much to look at himself in the mirror when he didn't even deserve to breathe without her. His fingers grabbed the edge of the mirror, attempting to rip it off of the wall. His muscles screamed and he hated his even more prominent weakness.
He hated himself. He hated his best friend for trying to pin him to the floor in his fit of rage. In a cry of anger, he hurled the bottle of whiskey at the mirror, shattering his reflection.
And then everything went black.