A/N: SM owns Twilight... I just wish I did.
It starts out a bit depressing, but it gets better, I swear!
The writing style is different. I'm experimenting.
-Musings of an Empty Inbox-
"You can't be single your entire life Bella, at some point you will have to get back out there."
Alice, my best friend. She tries to convince me to leave the house. To live again.
I just can't. Not right now. I'm just not ready.
I still hear his voice. It screams my name. But I can do nothing to save him. He is not gone, but never forgotten.
Jake. My husband. My life. My lover. My forever.
Or so I thought. Until he was struck by a drunk driver coming home to me. His dying breath haunts my nightmares and plagues my dreams.
Bella, sweetie, please go on without me, I'll always be with you. Be happy.
It's been three years. Not one day goes by that I don't think of what would have been. What could have been.
"Alice, I think I'm ready."
My best friend smiles at me and squeezes my forearm affectionately with her small hand. We discuss the possibilities. Baby steps, I need to go slowly. My hart feels like it will always ache.
I will not be subjected to the bar scene or double dates. I will not date anybody I don't feel connected to immediately. I refuse to set the bar any lower than what I want for myself.
We decide to try an online dating service. This way I can simply weed out the losers. Apparently.
I setup the g-mail account. Alice helps me setup a profile on a website for local singles.
I do not post a picture. I want someone to love me for who I am, not for how cute my ass looks in a pair of jeans.
I can do this. I mentally prepare myself for the assault. Ripping off the band-aid as it were.
I log into my profile. I do not have any messages. I was expecting this much. Men are visual creatures. They need to see what you look like before being attracted to you. I understand it. I refuse to give in.
I fill out the remainder of the questionnaire, this will help match potential 'partners'.
Preference: Tall, athletic, outdoorsy.
Personality: Funny, intelligent, witty.
Likes: Dancing, movies, reading.
I fill out the rest of the questions and come to one conclusion: Jake was it for me. There will never be another.
I press enter and save it. I do not cross any fingers. I know it will never happen. There will never be another.
Weeks go by. The inbox still mocks me. There is interest in my profile, but nobody I want to meet. Or talk to. Or even associate with. I doubt any of them even read my preferences.
I work. I laugh. I cry. I live. I survive. One more day.
Each day that goes by is just one more day.
The inbox holds one message. I recognize the name. He knows mine too.
I grew up next door to Edward Cullen. He was my best friend, we were inseparable.
He was my first kiss when we were twelve. His parents had divorced and he moved to Chicago to live with his mother a week later.
I was devastated. I cried, waving him goodbye. Jake was there to comfort me.
The three of us had always been close. Edward and I had always been closer.
Until he left.
We wrote each other letters for a little while, but eventually, life got the better of us and we grew apart. He had this great life across the country, while I had my friends and family here in Forks.
His father moved away and there was no reason for him to visit. Or so I thought.
I graduated high school and went to college. Life was good. I worked hard and had fun.
I dated but never seriously. I had several one night stands but never felt satisfied. Life was missing something; I just didn't know what that something was.
I found that something one night when I ended up with Jake and everything else fell into place.
Until the day it shattered again.
There are no pictures in his profile either.
I decide to e-mail him. We exchange pleasantries. We reconnect.
I hardly recognize him. He's changed so much. He's not the boy I once knew, he's now a man I must get to know.
He will be coming back home in a few weeks. He is a doctor now. Unmarried and still hung over his first crush. Me.
My inbox regales in the plenitude of e-mails from Edward. We chat and discuss our lives. My ex-best friend turned out to be a wonderful man.
But before he comes I only ask him one thing, I want to know if it is truly him. I need to see if the eyes, the windows to the beautiful soul that was Edward, are still present.
Such a superficial request considering I didn't post a picture myself. He didn't ask for one either.
The inbox folder on the screen in front of me is empty. I can feel it staring at me. It mocks me.
He was supposed to send it. His profile holds a blank, generic, black and white silhouette.
His voice echoes in my head. Deep. Smooth. Like velvet.
His words, written and uttered over the phone, reach me in a way nothing else ever has.
Could this be it?
Finally it blinks. There is one lonely message. I click on the attachment.
The eyes, they are the same. My first love, the one that almost never was, could be again.
Jake would be happy for me.
I will be happy.
Today, he comes here to see me.
I open the door to a beautiful man, in body and spirit.
"There's my baby girl." He coos as he takes in my appearance.
My old nickname was endearing when we were kids but rolling off of his tongue now gives me goose bumps.
"And you're still just as shameless Edward, calling me your baby girl after what, twenty years?" I tease. I look at him from under my lashes as I usher him into my house.
He is truly beautiful.
It has been quite a journey.
These past months, reconnecting, I've started to live again.
Jake picked up the pieces after I lost Edward so many years ago, but now it is Edward picking up the pieces that Jake has left in his passing.
We hug. I can breathe. His scent is comfort. Home.
He is home.
When he lets go of my body I feel lost; even if he is only a few feet away.
I smile at him. It is genuine. I want to tell him so many things. Things I could not say over the phone or simply state in an e-mail.
"Good things never change Bella, look at you." He grins taking in my appearance.
He knows about Jake. He knows about my grief. I have changed, he knows this.
He loves me anyways.
He closes the distance between us again. There is a magnetic force bringing us together. I can feel it and I can't deny it.
He takes me into his arms and pulls me into a hug. His face is in the crook of my neck when he whispers, "Bella, I waited to see you face to face to tell you I've never forgotten about you."
I smile. His words echo the feelings I have been carefully guarding. I breath in his scent and reply "Me either, I think about you too."
It is the truth. I cannot deny him. I cannot deny myself. Not anymore.
"We have some catching up to do." He states without letting me go.
I tighten my grip around his torso and say 'Yes we do."
I feel his face in my hair contort and a heavy sigh leave his lips. Relief?
We are finally happy.
The inbox is no longer in use. The g-mail account disabled.
The emptiness no longer mocks me. I am complete.
Edward comes home from work and shows me how much he loves me. I reciprocate.
He is not Jake. He is my Edward.
The man I love. We were meant to be.
A/N: A little sad, I know. I had to let it out. I was looking at my inbox at work when I thought of this little gem. The empty screen was in fact mocking me. Some days my work is very boring. Apparently.
Oh and my work environment is not sex inducing so sorry if you were expecting lemons ;o)