Name: The Cube
Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters.
This is for my sister who begged me to include their honeymoon. Stephenie Meyer still owns the Twilight Characters. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was now a married woman, Mrs. Edward, ah, Cullen. And I wasn't even pregnant, which I'm sure shocked the crap out of my parents. We partied until late into the night and I even made good on my promise to let Susan kiss Edward. I just should have stipulated that she had to keep her tongue in her mouth.
We headed to a hotel just down the street from the club since we weren't leaving for our honeymoon until the next day. Edward smiled at me and said, "May I carry my wife over the threshold?"
Wife, it was a funny sounding word. It sounded like it would be riddled with responsibility and….ah shit, I'm a wife and I have responsibilities. I should have thought this through a bit more. I assumed marrying Edward, ah, only gave me access to his dangler on a regular basis without fear of my father shooting him, but now I had to think about things like life insurance and 401K's.
"Don't die," I blurted out and he chuckled.
"You're not that hard to lift, I think I'll survive," he smiled and picked me up.
He carried me into the room and when he sat me on my feet I looked at the thick tulle blocking access to each other. I spun around and demanded he remove my dress.
"Oh my God, look at all the buttons," he gasped and I reached back and took hold of both sides of my dress and pulled hard. Little pearl buttons flew all over the floor. Edward, ah, looked stunned so I had to explain.
"I'm only getting married once, I don't need this dress anymore," I announced.
"But I wanted to undress you," he said with a hint of sadness.
"Oh," I said and pulled the one sleeve back up to my shoulder. I held my arms out to the side and closed my eyes, "Go ahead."
"Why are you standing like a scarecrow?" he asked and my eyes popped back open.
He just wasn't catching on to my whole sense of urgency. I was a pretty worldly girl, much to the ignorance of my father, and wearing a white dress for my wedding….pull the damn thing off big guy!
"Edward, gah, do you want me or not?" I couldn't believe I had to ask that question. Did Jessica pretend to be the blushing virgin, making him slowly undress her and promise it would get easier and less painful? I mean the Chippendale dancers and the entire teamsters union couldn't make Jess blush…and probably didn't.
"I'm trying to be romantic," Edward, ah, explained and I loved him so much. He was my Adonis, my Zeus, my personal dangler for life, and I wanted him out of that monkey suit and into his birthday suit.
"You know what would be so romantic?" I asked and tried to look seductive and not overanxious. I grabbed his shirt and pulled, sending buttons flying everywhere to meet up with mine. "If you take off your pants while I remove my dress."
I quickly pulled my one sleeve down again and stepped out of the big ball gown. I had on a corset with a garter holding up fishnet stockings. It was hookerish, but I really wanted to hook him. His eyes grew wide and he quickly disposed of his pants, as men are often inclined to do. He had on black bikini underwear and I broke into loud laughter. They looked hot, if he planned on hooking up with Eric.
"What's wrong?" he asked and looked down at his barely covered manhood.
"Did you get those from Eric?" I asked him as I continued to laugh.
"No, I bought them for tonight, I wanted to look sexy for you," he said and I could tell he was embarrassed.
"You always look sexy for me," I informed him, because he was all kinds of hot with a side of smokin.
He smiled and his underwear began growing so much smaller, so I covered my mouth and moved my eyes away from his…package. He noticed my laughter and tackled me onto the bed. He suddenly lost his need to be romantic and discovered his need to be aggressive. My fishnet stocking ripped off my legs and the corset was forever ruined. I didn't mind, I was married now and wouldn't need them anymore.
He pounded on the wall as the sun rose and said something about effing Mrs. Cullen, I wasn't sure if he meant me or he was pissed at his mom, but I think he meant me.
We fell asleep and remained out for most of the day.
Edward planned our honeymoon and I trusted him to make it special. He took me to a very obscure place for a honeymoon….Las Vegas. I should have pointed out my lack of paying attention would be an issue in a place where there was so much to pay attention to. I couldn't even make it from the check in desk to the elevators without getting preoccupied by all the lights and noise.
I sat on a stool and smiled at the man standing in the middle of a table. "What's this?" I asked him.
"Blackjack, what's your bet," he instructed.
"Oh, okay, I bet you can't guess my weight," I told him and knew I would win this one. I looked thin, but I was all muscle…or either had very heavy skin because the doctor would often say I weighed more than I looked.
Edward, ah, grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the table. "I'll teach you how to gamble later," he said, because my guy knew just about everything.
We made it to our room and I looked out of the window at the huge city below. It was all lit up and I couldn't decide what to look at first. Everything was moving so fast and my eyes finally caught site of a rollercoaster. "I want to ride on that," I told him.
"Really?" he asked, "You like those?"
I glanced over to see his jaw was set tightly and I punched him in the arm. "If you've ridden Jessica a rollercoaster will be nothing. She's all about taking your life into your own hands. And I'm sure she's taken herself into her own hands, too."
"New rule," Edward, gah, announced. "You can't mention Jessica again for the rest of our honeymoon."
"Okay, but one last question first. Where did you take her for a honeymoon?"
Edward, gah, turned pale and he shook his head and moved away from the window. I began imagining Paris or Rome, somewhere super exotic or romantic like most couples do, not somewhere pumping like Vegas.
"Where?" I pushed.
"Bella, don't," he said and there was nothing stopping me now.
"Did you bring her here?" I asked. I ran my fingers through my hair as a diversion since I was actually looking around for something to impale him with.
"God, no," he said angrily. Yeah, I knew he wouldn't do that. "We went to a Christian retreat," he finally mumbled.
"You took Satan to a church camp?" I asked incredulously.
He smiled and eventually looked up at me. "I brought an angel to the city of sin, so why not?"
"Where did you take Tanya?" I asked.
"Door County, Wisconsin," he said softly and I was sure it was because he was embarrassed for taking her to a door place. I was happy now; I got the best honeymoon in a place I'm sure no one ever comes. If a rollercoaster wasn't his style, I would gladly forgo it.
He took me to eat and I expected a dark restaurant with tiny tables where we would touch each other inappropriately, but we entered a room that was nothing but food. Edward, ah, picked up a tray and handed me a plate. "You can get whatever you want," he said.
"From where?" I asked since there were so many food stations.
"Anywhere, this is an all you can eat buffet."
This was so much better than touching inappropriately in the dark; this was like entering a squiggle dream where food symbolized everything important in my life. I loaded my plate with anything that wasn't square. I had to rest my piled up load against my body to keep it from spilling over and headed to a table where Edward, ah, waited.
"Bella," he cried out, "You can go back as many times as you want."
It would have been nice if he would have told me that up front. I was too afraid of losing out on the shrimp, spaghetti, chicken nuggets, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, mac and cheese and some stuff on the bottom I couldn't see.
I savored every bite until my stomach couldn't hold another thing. I forgot to leave room for dessert and when Edward, ah, returned to the table with a bowl of ice-cream I moaned.
He smiled and held up his spoon to offer me a bite. "I can't," I told him honestly. "I'm full, and your ice cream is covered in condoms."
"You mean condiments, love. It is a very important distinction."
"Yeah, that's what I meant."
He had to help me up and I kept rubbing my stomach as we headed out to walk along the street. It was packed with people and I wondered how so many of them found out about Las Vegas. I felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned to see a man holding out some cards for me to take.
"How much are they?" I asked him.
"They are free," he smiled and I took what he was offering.
I glanced down to see pictures of nude women. I looked through the tiny stack and the gasped loudly. "Oh my God, Edward, ah, look, It's Jess," I yelled and held up a card. He grabbed it harshly from my hand and ripped it into tiny pieces as he mumbled angrily.
"Don't yell at me, I didn't marry her," I said and stomped off.
He grabbed my arm and clarified. "I'm not yelling at you. I just feel like a complete idiot."
Yeah, I could see his humiliation at being Mr. Porn star. Jess was posing nude while he was planning outings for church retreats. Idiot wasn't a big enough word, imbecile fit better. "I'm sorry I broke the new rule, but I was shocked to see it was her," I told him, but it was a lie. It would be shocking to see her dressed, but spread eagle in a chair with her tongue hanging out was just like looking at her senior picture.
We held hands and walked leisurely through the throngs of people until I finally came to a complete stop. I stared up at the shop in front of me with my mouth hanging open.
"Do you want to go inside?" Edward, ah, asked in my ear.
"This place really exists?" I asked in a reverent hush.
"I'll let you buy whatever you want," he offered and I quickly rushed into the M&M store. I gapped at the place that was packed from wall to wall with everything M&M you could imagine.
"I want to be buried here," I said as I made my way to the wall of candy dispensers filled with every color you could imagine. Why did Edward, gah, have to buy a bar when stores like this existed?
I turned to him with tears in my eyes and saw him looking at a tiny nightie with sheer lace hanging from two green M&M's. I had to have it and began imagining all the great lines I could use with such a nightgown. "Edward, ah, want me to melt in your mouth and not in your hands?" Or maybe, "I'm plain and need some nuts." I even considered, "Give your hard candy shell to mama." But then I thought of his mama and it just weirded me out.
I grabbed some M&M covered boxers for him and the sexy nightie for me before heading to the counter to pay. Edward, ah, smiled and I felt my milk chocolate center begin to melt. "Let's go back to the room," I suggested, but my guy shook his head.
"We haven't seen anything yet, there are a lot more shops," he explained.
"I already bought what I wanted; let's go back to the room so I can moon my honey."
"Don't you want to see the wax exhibit?" he asked and pulled me down the sidewalk. I had no interest in wax. Who exhibits wax, and who would pay to see wax exhibited? I wanted to wear my nasty candy nightie and see my guy's m&m's become M&M's.
Instead he took me to a big building that was dark and quiet….like a library, if a library turned off the lights. I stared at the wax face of our president and got totally creeped out. We walked thought the various rooms to see people frozen and totally creepy. I held onto Edward's, gah, arm and tried not to look directly into the eyes of the various disturbing people.
"Look, it's Gwen Stefani," Edward, gah, said and stood next to her. "Take my picture."
"You hollaback all you want, I'm out of here," I said and backed away from her bleached hair and Lamb clothing. I just knew some deranged man with a sling blade was going to jump out at any moment and I would end up an attraction here instead of properly stuffed forever in the M&M store.
I glanced at the square people with big smiles as they led their children through the freaky museum and thanked God I was a squiggle. Squares were sick.
We headed back down the strip and saw a fake pirate ship, a fake Eiffel tower, a fake pyramid, and a fake space needle. Now I knew why Jess posed here, her fake ass made her queen of the city. I stared up at a ride on top of the fake space needle and turned to Edward, ah, "Please, can we ride on that?"
He took a deep breath and finally nodded. I screamed for joy and pulled him into the lobby and up the elevators. The ride was a small train of cars that tilted back and forth on a rail off the top of the building. As we stood in line I whispered in Edward's, ah, ear, "It looks kind of like a penis."
"Let's hope it doesn't shoot its wad off the building. I don't want to die as ejaculate onto the pavement," he said and kid turned to look up at us.
I pointed at his father and said, "He'll explain it to you." By the look the father gave me I wondered if someone needed to explain it to him, too.
We got to sit in the very front and Edward, gah, instantly closed his eyes. I have no idea how he screwed Jess when he was so squeamish. I locked in my harness and then lifted my hands into the air. Edward, gah, peeked over at me and gasped before grabbing my arms and pulling them back down. "Don't do that," he demanded.
"Come on, how often to you get to ride a giant penis?" I pointed out and he laughed loudly before looking at me with raised eyebrows. Oh yeah, he wasn't Eric and I just kind of dissed my own amply endowed man, but he knew what I meant.
The ride started and we rose toward the sky and then dipped down toward the street. The car rocked forward and then backward on the rail as it rose up and down. I found it exhilarating and hollered loudly down to the people on the street below us. Edward, gah, screamed, not like he did during sex, but like a little girl seeing a spider.
When we finally exited the ride Edward, gah, was shaking so badly he could hardly walk. He rode the ride just for me and tried to be as brave as possible. It was such a lemniscates thing to do and I kissed him deeply for it.
"I need a drink," he said and we headed downstairs to the bar. He drank his down quickly as I sipped mine and watched people putting coins into a machine. Sometimes more coins would come out and sometimes they would simply walk away. It didn't look fun at all.
"Do you want to play blackjack?" Edward, gah, asked and I nodded. He had promised to teach me to gamble, but a squiggle gambled on everything in life, so I wasn't sure what gambling he planned on teaching me. We walked over to a table and sat down. The man gave me two cards and asked me to place a bet.
"You need the cards to reach twenty-one without going over. Whoever gets the closest wins the hand," Edward, ah, explained.
I looked at my two tens and the man asked if I needed another card. "Yes," I said, because I needed an ace to make twenty-one.
He handed me a six. "No, I don't want that one," I told him.
"Honey, listen. Don't take another card unless the odds are you'll get one that will take you closer to twenty-one," Edward, ah, tried to explain.
"How am I supposed to know what card he'll hand me?" This game seemed just plain stupid to me.
"That is why it is called gambling," he said and the man handed me two new cards.
I now had a queen and a four. I looked at Edward's, ah, cards and he had a nine and an eight. I turned to the man next to me to see he had a jack and a two. "Hit me," the man said. He was far from twenty-one but he didn't need to be punished for it. I punched his arm and he gave me a dirty look.
"Bella, do you want another card?" Edward, ah, asked me nicely. I wasn't sure since I had less than him and more than the guy next to me. I didn't mind coming in second so I shook my head.
The dealer gave the other guy a king and he huffed loudly. "You won," I yelled to Edward, ah, but then the dealer turned over an ace and a nine.
"No, the dealer won," Edward, ah, explained. Wait, why can he play when he knows what cards he has? I was beginning to hate Vegas.
"You're a cheater," I told the man adamantly.
"Let's try another game," Edward, ah, suggested and I followed him to one of the machines where people were sitting. He showed me how to put in the token and pull the lever. I needed to get three in a row, but sometimes only two in a row would spit out a few tokens. I just couldn't understand the art of gambling.
Edward, ah, won a bucket of tokens, because he was way overdue for some good luck. I liked watching the people more than the machines so I got distracted and ended up with most of my tokens still in my cup. I planned on telling Eric about this place as soon as we returned. His kind appeared to like it here.
We finally left and went to a show. I thought a show would be like a movie or a play. But it was just naked woman with big things on their heads walking to music. Edward, ah, seemed to like it, or it was the fact I was groping him under the table, but he liked something.
A man with a microphone asked who was here for their honeymoon. I jumped up with both hands in the air and noticed about one hundred other hands go up. WTF? How did so many people find out about this place? This was supposed to be our little secret and now it was ruined.
"Let's go back to the room," I told Edward, ah.
I knew there was one thing nobody else was getting and it was my guy and his talented dangler. We walked arm in arm down the street and he kissed my head as I pinched his ass. This was all I needed, my guy and nothing more. It didn't matter where we went as long as we went together. This was all I would want for the rest of my life.
By the time we got back to our room I was all mushy and telling him how much I loved him. It wasn't the drinks talking. It was the fact he loved me just the way I was and never tried to make me into something I wasn't.
"I'm so happy to be Mrs. Cullen, not like your mom, or like, she who must not be named, but the current Mrs. Edward Cullen. The last, the final, the only Mrs. Cullen who is going to love you forever," I gushed in the elevator.
"You are too good to be true," he said and pulled me tightly against his body.
"No, you are too good to be true; you are so good you are a lie. I love you my big liar."
He laughed and I wasn't joking. I couldn't express to him in words how much he meant to me. I was certain there wouldn't be a moment of discord during our marriage. We would agree on everything and never doubt each other. At that moment Edward, gah, belched right in my face.
"Excuse me," he said and I backed out of his arms. "Come on, you never burp?" he accused.
"Not in your face when you are all hot for me," I pointed out because he basically killed the mood by acting like Emmass when he was the last person on earth I wanted to think about right now.
The door opened and I rushed out to escape the air that had been trapped inside of him since the buffet. He walked behind me chuckling….like….like….yes, I have to think it….like Emmett. He wasn't getting either of my M's now.
I went into the bathroom and took off my makeup and brushed my teeth before coming into the room to find Edward, gah, not dressed in his M&M boxers, but lying totally naked on the bed. He finished off the male look by holding the remote in his hand and flipping through the channels. He looked hot, damn hot, and he was getting me hot, damn hot.
"If you apologize I'll join you," I told him, since I was taking a stand and wanted to be taking a lay.
"Apologize for what?" he asked Emmettly, I mean stupidly.
"For belching in my face," I reminded him.
"I'm not going to apologize for something natural," he said and my hands pulled into fists.
Marriage was so much harder than I expected. It was one little word, sorry, and he couldn't say it. I decided to play dirty. I grabbed my M&M nightie and went back into the bathroom. I smiled at the sight of my two green girls and the big red guy on my butt.
I sashayed back into the room to shake my sugar but Edward, gah, stared at the television with his jaw all tense like he was pissed at me. I didn't burp, he did. I walked in front of the screen slowly and he only leaned to look around me. Oh, it was on like pong. I marched over to the balcony to flash the city with both M's but it worked out even better. A couple of guys were standing on the balcony next to ours and I walked out to let them see my M&M's.
"Hey sweetheart," one man said and I instantly tensed. This was a much better idea when I was mad and now it just made me seem cheap…like Jess.
"I'm on my honeymoon, so don't talk to me," I informed them. "My husband is naked but he's mad at me right now." I had no idea why I was babbling like a fool to perfect strangers and why I didn't duck back into the room. Marriage was making me seem crazy.
"I won't get mad at you, cookie," the other guys said as he leered at me.
"Their M&M's not cookies," I corrected him.
"Bella, get your ass in here now," Edward, gah, demanded.
I marched back into the room ready to tear into him, but the look on his face shocked me. He looked…scared. I quickly closed my mouth and he took a few deep breaths. "I don't want other men looking at my wife."
"They can look at they want, they're not getting anything," I mumbled.
"No, they can't even look. You're mine, you are my miracle that I don't deserve," he said softly.
I had two warring responses. I wanted to tell him he didn't own me, but he called me his miracle and I wanted to kiss him senseless for it. He so owned me. I rushed into his arms and he got to work trying to melt my candy in his hands and in his mouth.
The next morning we headed out to see some big important dam. I didn't care about the engineering; I just liked using the word dam in every sentence. Edward, ah, was interested in the engineering so we took a tour. For several hours a young man in a dam shirt talked about every dam detail he could think of. It was so dam boring. I wanted Edward, ah, to piss off the top, that would have been dam interesting, but he wouldn't do it. We then headed to the dam lake and rode some dam jet skis. It turned into a pretty dam fun day.
We saw a comedian that night and my cheeks were so sore from laughing…sometimes after Edward, ah, explained things to me. Sophisticated Vegas humor lost me at times, but not my brilliant man, he got every single joke. When the comedian asked where people were from I yelled out, "Forks." He said, "Not what you're doing here, but where you're from."
I looked at Edward, ah, for an explanation. "Forks sounds like Fucks, love."
"Forks is fucked," I mumbled and wondered if I should have tried my luck at comedy. Naw, I wasn't a naturally funny person.
"Are you on your honeymoon, sweetheart?" the man asked while looking right at me.
"Yes, I'm Mrs. Edward, ah, Cullen, the third," I announced proudly and stood to talk to the man.
"You're the third Mrs. Cullen?" he asked and the entire room broke into laughter. It wasn't funny, it was only true. "So are you glad you married the guy or is all the mystery gone already?"
"Oh, we had sex before we married, there was no mystery," I told him and Edward, ah, dropped his head into his hands.
"You weren't a virgin?" the comedian gasped. "I bet you're the only bride in Vegas that wasn't."
Seriously…brides in Vegas were usually virgins? My dad would be kicking himself for not raising me in Vegas. And now I know why Jess had to come here for pictures. I bet there is a shrine in her honor for sleeping with all the poor men in Vegas.
"What do you do?" the man asked me and put the microphone in my face.
"Him," I announced and pointed at Edward, ah.
"For money?" the guy asked and the crowd roared.
"No, for a houseboat and a bar," I told them, because my guy bought a squiggle bar just for me and a houseboat he hated, too.
"What does he do?"
"Well, me now, but he used to do Jess, the whore, Stanley," I announced to the packed room breaking his rule yet again.
"From Seattle?" the comedian asked as he covered his microphone with his hand.
Oh my God, this guy slept with her too. Poor Edward looked like he wanted to crawl under a table. I had to save him so I quickly added, "She lied and his first cheating wife had just died, so he wasn't thinking clearly. What's your excuse?"
The man let his head fall back in laughter, but I noticed he didn't answer my question. I sat back in my chair and leaned over to kiss my embarrassed guy, yeah, marrying J.S. was downright humiliating for him.
We were exhausted that night and actually fell asleep without consummating our love, so we consummated twice the next morning, then went to another all you can eat buffet for breakfast. I would be huge if I lived here. Ah, now all the Vegas virgins made sense.
It was time to head back to Port Angeles so Edward could open the club. He was doing most of the bartending himself and couldn't take off too much time. I didn't mind, I was tired of this place. We flew to Seattle and spent a few hours with his parents.
"Did you have fun?" Esme asked me as we made coffee.
"Yes, I had candy fun and Edward, ah, had dam fun," I explained.
She looked at me for a moment and then said, "I hope my son gave you a romantic honeymoon to remember." Then she picked up the tray of coffee cups and headed back into the other room.
I followed behind and said, "He did, the gay underwear didn't ruin it too much."
We entered the den to find Edward, gah, telling Carlisle all the damn details of our trip. Not about the honeymoon, but about the dam. It must be a guy thing.
"Bella," Carlisle said directly to me and I froze until I remembered I didn't work for him anymore. "We unloaded all your gifts on the houseboat."
"Thanks, you didn't look under the pillow on the bed did you?" I asked hesitantly.
Carlisle looked at Esme and then at Edward, ah, who was looking everywhere but at his father. I guess he didn't want him seeing the vibrator Eric bought me as a joke either. Carlisle shook his head and I let out a rush of air. "Oh good," I said. "Because Eric thought it would be funny if I put it…."
Edward, ah, quickly covered my mouth with his hand and I took it as his way of telling me to shut up. So I did. They most likely wouldn't get gay humor anyway, they were both too square.
When it was time to go Carlisle gave me a weird kind of half hug and Esme pulled me to her chest tightly. "I hope you feel like a daughter to me some day," she said and I had to swallow down the barf that was rising. If I was her daughter I would be Edward's sister, gross.
"No, that's okay," I offered so she wouldn't be buying us matching clothes. "I'll just be Bella to you."
We drove to Port Angeles and parked in front of our houseboat. Edward, ah, held out his arms and insisted on carrying me onto the boat. Like I said, I'm heavier than I look so when he stepped one foot onto the boat we both tumbled forward. He dropped me onto my hands and knees and I slid forward as he slid directly behind me, face first, right into my ass.
He grabbed his bleeding nose and fell to his side as I grabbed my throbbing tail bone and fell to my side. "Ahh, you broke my nose," he moaned.
"No I didn't, you cracked my ass," I responded.
"God, it hurts to pinch it," he continued.
"Don't you dare, it really hurts," I complained and a bit pissed he wanted to pinch my ass.
"Get me something for the blood," he said as he continued to cover his nose. I grabbed a rag that was lying on the deck and he pulled it to his nose. I suddenly remembered it was the rag I used to clean up the pee Sami left. Edward couldn't smell right now, so I stayed quiet.
When he finally recovered we both headed down to our living quarters. I was walking bow legged and Edward's, ah, nose was swelling quickly. By the time we made it to the club I could hardly walk and Edward, ah, had two black eyes.
Leah showed up with Jake, barf, and I walked to their table as I held my hand on my bent back. "What's wrong?" Jake, barf, asked me and then glanced at a bruised Edward, ah.
"Nothing, we got home from our honeymoon," I told him before walking hunched over and bow legged back to the bar.
Jake barf stared at me most of the night with a funny expression on his face, a look of….regret. It was really weird. I was stunned when Edward, ah, walked onto the stage and leaned into the microphone. There was no way he could sing with his swollen nose. He smiled gently at me and announced. "I can't sing but I wanted to tell my wife how much I love her. Everyone, join me in a toast to my angel," he said and held up a glass.
My eyes got all watery and it had nothing to do with the pain of sitting on the bar stool. I grabbed a shot and held it up. I wasn't toasting myself; I was toasting my amazing lemniscates.
"Bella, I knew the first time I kissed you that someday you would be my wife," he said.
I didn't know it then, I just knew I loved his dangler, but I would keep that to myself. Yeah, big guy, you were king of my bed and that was way more adventurous than king of the jungle.
"Mrs. Cullen, would you come up here," he said into the mic.
Damn that Esme, why did she have to show up on our first night back? We already gave them the honeymoon run down.
Oh, me, I'm Mrs. Cullen. Thank God, I didn't want square Esme here to see me walk tenderly up to the stage. Edward was a great lover, but come on, even he couldn't produce bow legged women. He gave me a toe curling kiss as he cried from the pain in his nose and I cried from the pain in my ass. Not him, just…well, you know.
From that moment on we were just like everyone else, a married couple trying our best to make a life together. We had an edge over the rest of the world because we weren't squares. And as soon as my ass heals I'll be right back to turning his world upside down, and he would be keeping me grounded to his heart. This was going to be fun.