This takes place during the current war, and while I try to follow the story line as much as I feel needed, not everything will be accurate, because it was forgotten, or I changed it for the purposes of this fanfic. This fic will contain mature content, including yaoi (boy on boy) scenes, sexual situations, and foul language. The pairing is Hidan x Shikamaru. If you aren't comfortable with any of that content or the pairing, don't read, and don't flame. All others, I hope you enjoy this two shot.

I do not own any of the characters, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto, creator of Naruto. I only own the idea of this story.

How to Train Your Jashinist: Chapter 1

The echoes of clashing steel and the screams of the wounded or dying followed Nara Shikamaru-and the medics surrounding him, to the small recovery tent. Shikamaru closed his eyes tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to drown out the sounds of war. Finally his gurney came to rest on the ground of the tent, jostling his injured side. At least he had something different to focus on, but not for long.

The tactics of the allied ninja nations were fortuitist at first. Now Kabuto and Madara were utilizing their counter strategies, and the allied army was slowly getting slaughtered. Kabuto was even going as far as reviving the freshly killed from the battle field. Though the allied nation's army was considerably large, they could not regenerate or heal as quickly as the resurrected legendary shinobi. If a new, concrete strategy could not be thought up, the five nations were doomed to face Madara's master plan.

Think, Shikamaru, think, he racked his brain while the medic nin worked on his critical injury, The enemies are already dead, can regenerate, and most are incredibly strong. They are bound to earth until their souls can be freed. That worked at first, but now sheer numbers are killing us. Somehow, Kabuto is able to gather personal effects from the diseased for his forbidden resurrection jutsu, even mid-battle. But how? And could this jutsu even been nullified by killing Kabuto?

Shikamaru let all of the abilities of the enemies he fought or witnessed while on the battlefield seep into his logic, painstakingly reviewing each snapshot in his photographic memory.

There are more Zetsu clones than revived nin, but they are drastically weaker. Could be that they are simply there as basic infantry, to slow us down, like shogi pawns. They could still have a more important purpose…

A sudden thought struck Shikamaru, his injury forgotten, he tried to sit up. The medic nin working on him promptly pushed him back down.

"Don't move Shikamaru-san," the man said.

"I-I must talk to the G-Godaime Hokage!" Shikamaru protested strongly, pushing against the hands trying to restrain him. The medic took a moment to think the young nin's words over before releasing him.

"I'll take you to the Intel station…"

"What is it Shikamaru?" Tsunade asked from the kage headquarters.

The slug princess could already feel a migraine coming on. The past few weeks had been stressful for all of the kage. Though they had found out the secret to the souls of their former ninja-bound to the earth until their souls could rest-but that revelation was shattered when the jutsu's hold was strengthened. If she heard more bad news, she would step onto the battle field herself.

"H-Hokage-sama, I think I-I've come to a realization about the Z-Zetsu hoard," Shikamaru thought, speaking in his mind through the sensor nin acting as his link to headquarters.

"Go on, son," Shikaku coaxed, reflecting the eagerness of everyone in the room.

Shikamaru took a deep breath before continuing his thought. "Somehow Kabuto is gathering what he needs to revive our fallen comrades, without coming to the battle field himself. He also seems to be anticipating our moves lately. I believe it has something to do with the Zetsus…I think they are gathering personal effects and secretly transporting them straight to Kabuto. There is also so many of them that it isn't inconceivable that they are relaying our positions. We are fighting an army that is big, strong and nearly indestructible, if we can't change how things are going…we'll lose everything…"

Tsunade let that information sink in. She then looked back at Shikaku for any of his input. The older Nara seemed to stare into a void, a look Tsunade saw often from the laid-back advisor. The gears in his head were working into overdrive.

"Konoha still contain the rudimentary files found when Orochimaru first started developing his forbidden techniques?"

"Yes, but what will we need those for?" the busty blonde asked.

Shikamaru started to catch on to his father's idea. "There could be clues on own to stop the jutsu in the files."

"That thought crossed my mind too, Shikamaru," his father agreed, "but my intention was to fight forbidden jutsu with forbidden jutsu."

Both Shikamaru and all of headquarters were silenced with shock. Shikaku looked at all the faces evenly, but did not drop his look of grim determination.

"If we don't get serious, we will be steamrolled."

"You've got to be out of your damn mind!" Shikamaru spat at his father, not liking where his plans were going one bit.

In order to discuss strategies with his father and the five kages, the still recovering Shikamaru was transported to headquarters. Currently, he was alone with Shikaku, playing a game of Shogi-one of their strategy methods. Each of them either said a plan out loud, or shot down the other's plan if it had a pitfall, before moving a piece in the game.

"He is perfect for what we need to do, and the forbidden jutsu I found will keep him in check," Shikaku said as he calmly moved his piece.

His son, however, was not calm at all. Shikamaru's black eyes were gleaming with rare anger, his shoulders shaking.

"In theory…we haven't even tested it! He's just as dangerous as our enemies. I won't let it happen!"

A resounding clack filled the room as he slammed his piece down on the board, then it was silent.

Shikamaru was started to think he persuaded his father against his idea, when Shikaku finally spoke up again. "Are you going to let the fact that he killed your teacher keep you from using him as a tool to protect the village?"

No one moved this time.

"I don't trust him…" the younger of the two bit out.

"No one does, but he'll be under our control. Then once we don't need him anymore, we'll immobilize him again."

Shikamaru didn't answer so quickly this time, but his body language clearly expressed how unhappy he was with the plan.

"Alright, then think about this," Shikaku went on, "Wouldn't you rather him be used on our side, than Kabuto somehow getting a hold of him? Sure our clan's forest is under superb surveillance, but that can't help us much when we're all focused with the battle field. Kabuto could have him dug up and gone before we even got word of it. So let's just go and dig him up and bring him back to head quarters. Even if the jutsu doesn't work, we can simply dismantle him and bury him in a safer location."

Shikaku moved his next piece, getting a checkmate over the stressed Shikamaru. The checkmate went mostly ignored as Shikamaru looked his father in the eyes.

"Fine. But I'm the one that's going to control him personally. And if he blinks at me wrong, his ass is getting reduced to dust this time," that said, Shikamaru stood and stomped out of the room and to the main discussion room.

The room was empty at this time of the night, so the young Nara's actions went uninterrupted. He walked over to the tabletop where Orochimaru's recovered forbidden jutsu files lay. The file that sat a little bit away from the others caught his eye as the jutsu Shikaku was referring too. Shikamaru picked up the lone file and carefully read through it. He read it over and over again, until it was memorized.

He couldn't afford to mess up even a little.

"So this is the place?" Kiba asked

I'd never forget it, Shikamaru thought as he stared down at a familiar patch of ground within the Nara clan's forest of deer. He nodded in confirmation.

"Then let's get this over with," Shikaku grunted as he stood back up straight after feeling the earth, he looked over at the young Inuzuka and his dog. "Kiba-kun, you and Akamaru break through the layers of earth. Once you start finding body parts, Shikamaru and I will take over." He then looked at Sakura, "Could you please mend him after the jutsu is finished?"

"Hai," Sakura nodded.

Kiba nodded as well. "C'mon Akamaru!"

The huge dog barked, and boy and animal spiraled down into the ground.

A aggravated sigh pushed through Shikamaru's mouth. He could not help but feel that he was doing something incredibly wrong. Like he was sinning-though he never put much thought into faith-he felt like he was betraying Asuma and his reasons for putting the religious bastard in the ground to begin with. A heavy weight clapped down on his shoulder.

It was his father.

"Got the jutsu memorized?

"Yeah" Shikamaru replied numbly.

Two hours later, Shikamaru was staring down at the still fresh, but dilapidated limbs, torso and head of the Jashinist Hidan. Even covered in dirt, dried blood, and not running his mouth, he still looked the same. Though his body was in chunks, Hidan's skin was unblemished and practically healed up. He was still toned, despite being considerably thinner. His usually cocky expression was replaced with a more subdued look of resignation.

Hidan was what anyone would call attractive…insufferably attractive.

Shikamaru just wished the man would die…or miraculously cease to exist.

He sighed for the millionth time since he was thrust into this situation and rolled out a scroll. It had a jutsu seal already inscribed on it, there wasn't much left to do now. The three men and the female medic placed the body parts over the scroll, then Shikamaru sat cross legged in front of the set up. Shikaku walked a careful circle around his son, inscribing seals on the ground to help contain the jutsu.

Taking out a kunai with one hand and preparing to cut the thumb of the other, Shikamaru, glared down at the jigsaw puzzle of humanity before him.

It's now or never, Shikamaru…too bad it couldn't be never…

The knife seared into his skin in a neat, slow stroke, opening the dam for Shikamaru's blood to flow through. He ignored the pain easily and made the appropriate hand seals before slamming his palm on the scroll, chakra pouring into both the scroll and Hidan's body.

"Forbidden Art: Body Enslavement"

The inscriptions on scroll and ground slowly began to glow bright, almost blinding Shikamaru. He could not let himself lose focus though, or the jutsu could go completely wrong.

A burning sensation on his hip nearly forced Shikamaru to pull away from the scroll, but he held fast. It was part of the jutsu. The seals the scroll were running up his arm and to his hip. The burning intensified. He looked at Hidan and noticed part of his flesh was burning too, on the side of Hidan's neck. It read "slave." Shikamaru figured that his own mark might say something like "master."

Finally all of the seals disappeared from the scroll and circle, and most of the burning Shikamaru felt had subsided. The jutsu was complete.

Shikamaru pulled away from the scroll with a lethargic gasp. At least half of his chakra went into that procedure. Sakura was suddenly at his side.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

He could only nod, fearing that if he tried to form words, he'd pass out.

Sakura laid a cool hand to his sweaty forehead. "Take a rest."

Shikamaru didn't have to be told twice. He allowed himself to be laid back while Sakura's hand glowed green over his chest. Despite the help, his head started to spin until he was enveloped in blackness.

Violet eyes flickered under fatigued eyelids. The skin around the eyes tightened before eyelids slowly fluttered open. White florescent lights stared back from a plane looking ceiling. A bandaged finger twitched, barely able to flex at all.

Am I dreaming?

The last thing Hidan remembered before falling into a hunger induced coma was dirt and rocks. The same crud that he was dismembered and buried in, by that shadow kid. Within the first day upon being buried, Hidan kept his promise to start chewing a path to the surface. He chewed and spat, then simply decided to swallow the dirt, letting it pass out through his severed neck. Then a long time passed, how long, Hidan did not know. It could have been an eternity, and his determination and strength wavered a bit. He was hungry, deathly hungry. He couldn't die like this. Still, he could not force himself on. He didn't know when he passed out.

Hidan, cocky, faithful follower to Jashin had given up on getting himself out of his hole, or hoping someone would come save him. Hell, he prayed that bastard Kakuzu would come save him. For all of his talk about wishing someone could kill him, Hidan did not want to die in this sad predicament. As a head, he was not able to do much about his own fate.

Now, in his next conscious moment, he found himself not in a hole and in pieces. No he was somewhere else, and whole again, he could feel it.

But how? Who?

"Looks like your finally awake…"

That voice…fuck, I'd know that voice anywhere!

"T-Teme…" his own cracked voice was barely recognizable as his.

An audible crack was heard when he twisted his neck to face the person he loathed more than anything else.

The kid looked exactly the same as he remembered as he sat in a chair next to where Hidan lay. Though his voice sounded mostly calm, he sat on the edge of his seat, as if ready to attack if needed. The Nara's eyes still held the same sad hatred he carried before he blasted the hole shut.

Armed with his own hate, Hidan felt his body lurch with newfound strength. Fighting through numbness, his hand shot out and grabbed Shikamaru's neck. Shikamaru hadn't calculated on Hidan being able to move so soon, or having that much strength behind his attack.

In a choking voice, Shikamaru ordered, "L-Let me go, H-Hidan…"

To both their surprise, the muscles in Hidan's hand relaxed, slowly it releasing Shikamaru from its death grip.

"The…fu-…What the fuck!" Hidan yelled.

It worked? Shikamaru pondered incredulously, staring at the suddenly harmless hand, then to the completely bandaged body of its owner.

He had to be sure…

"Smack yourself in the face"

The same hand that had been has his throat turned rigidly, as if possessed, then flew hard across Hidan's face.

"OW! Son of a bit-"

"It worked!" Shikamaru exclaimed, brightening for the first time since he was stuck with this job. Maybe this won't be so bad, his mind cheered.

Hidan stared at his own hand in disbelief. He just let go of the little shit and then slapped himself, doing exactly what the kid ordered. It had to be some sort of manipulation jutsu, so there had to be a way to break it. When he nullified the jutsu, he wasn't going to just kill Shikamaru, he vowed to torture him until his last breath.

"If you can…sit up," came Shikamaru's voice again, only it sounded like it came from between his ears.

Hidan felt his whole body shift upward until he was sitting up in his bed. Upon further investigation, he figured they were in some medical room.

"Heh, Body Enslavement is a success," Shikamaru said aloud again.

"I'll slaughter you and all love before this is over," Hidan seethed.

"Sorry, but you're going to be doing what I want from now on."

Shikamaru stood up from his seat, his hand reaching towards the Jashinist. Hidan stiffened as the bandages around his neck were loosened enough for brown eyes to check the stitches holding his head in place.

"Alright, you should be able to be up and around soon with your healing abilities. We'll then start a short training routine so I can get used to controlling you." Shikamaru lowered his hand and walked away from the bed to stand in the middle of the room.

"You won't be controlling me, fucking heathen scum!"

"Still going on about that religious crap?" Shikamaru asked, "Just like last time…I'm your damn god."