A/N: The final chapter is here... What can I say? I realize now that things happen a little too fast but... oh well. This is the first long story I've ever published, in English, so I'm kinda proud of myself atm. (:
Will Ed and Roy finally realize with their thick heads...? Read and see! :D
7. Love hurts
Ed glanced at his left hand which was shaking a bit.
"Why the fuck am I so nervous," Ed muttered aloud though he sure knew the answer. After three weeks, he was standing outside the building where Mustang lived. Ed had remembered to bring the umbrella too since it was raining a bit. Ed glanced at the sky, being certain that the rain would get heavy soon enough. Ed glanced at the window of Mustang's kitchen. There wasn't any light on… And as Ed glanced at the man's balcony, he saw that the living-room was also dark. It seems that he's not home… Maybe I should just leave the umbrella behind his door and go home.
As he heard the familiar voice, Ed froze to face Mustang himself, standing a few meters away from him, his hair a bit wet, carrying two bags.
"Um… hi. I – I just came to bring this when I finally remembered," Ed said, showing the umbrella. Mustang was silent, just looking at Ed for a while before he nodded.
"You coming in? It looks like the rain is getting heavier…"
Ed nodded in turn and followed Mustang inside. "Let's use the elevator…"
Ed said nothing and as they went inside the elevator, Ed had to wonder who the hell had decided the elevator to be so small and why?
Awkward silence fell as Mustang pressed the button and the elevator jerked a bit before it lifted them up. Ed counted the seconds to get out of there, he was sure he had never felt so uneasy, Mustang being quite close, Ed feeling his eyes on him. Was it only Ed or was the atmosphere really tense? He couldn't tell. And suddenly the elevator stopped, with a strong jerk, making Mustang fall out of balance so that when Ed finally dared to open his eyes, he realized that Mustang was just few inches away from him, his hands locking Ed's way out, his breath warm against Ed's skin.
Ed glanced up to face Mustang's eyes which were intense, making Ed lock their gazes. Ed swallowed, knowing that it wasn't only him. It was Mustang too… Tension between them was obvious now that Ed was feeling Mustang's body against his own. Ed's heart was beating almost painfully fast against his chest, the air was thick and his breathing was almost as fast as his heartbeats… Mustang seemed to be leaning even closer which made Ed open his lips slightly; he had the urge of closing his eyes as from a reflex.
And then Mustang moved away from Ed, leaving Ed staring at him confused.
"This damn elevator does this every now and then… We'll just have to wait; it will work again eventually…"
Ed sneered for a reply. Why was he suddenly feeling really disappointed? And… well, empty? Why suddenly Mustang seemed to be so unreachable?
Ed sighed. For a moment there… he had been – unconsciously – wishing that… something would have happened… How foolish of him. Again he had been hoping that Mustang would kiss him. Was he an idiot? He was really acting like some love struck little girl… But he couldn't help it. And it really had seemed like Mustang would do it, for real that time. Ed had been sure that he would… and then he had just pulled away.
But no matter how Ed looked at it, he knew Mustang had no reason to go and kiss Ed in the first place… Or… what if… Mustang was just fooling around with Ed? No… he wasn't like that. Even though Ed had thought he was a bastard in the past, now he knew that the man was far from it. Then… why?
"Ed… You alright?" Ed blinked his eyes and glanced at Mustang who was staring at him. "Yea… why?" Mustang raised his eyebrows.
"That doesn't really convince me since you've stared for quite some time in the distance, not hearing me at all…" Ed shook his head.
"Err… I just got lost into my thoughts…"
The heavy silence fell between them once again. Even before Ed had realized that he was in love with the man who was currently standing before him, stuck with him in an elevator, the silences between them had been somehow awkward. But that was awkwardness on a whole new level… Ed made a note to himself to never get on an elevator with someone he had feelings for…
After the silence just got thicker and thicker, Ed had to say something, anything…
"Er… I've never thanked you… you know, for all the time you took care of me and Al while we were looking for the Philosopher's stone…"
Mustang chuckled a bit, making Ed glance at him, wondering why he was laughing.
"Sorry that just was a bit unexpected… and back then I was sure that you would never thank me for anything at all." Ed shrugged. That was true…
"Well… I was a brat back then. I've changed. And now I've realized that you're really not a bastard… far from it… you really… care about people, don't you?"
Mustang was quiet for quite some time, until he nodded.
"Yeah. I guess so. It was always rather hard not to care about you. And worry about you. I still do… since I happen to know that for you staying out of trouble is impossible."
Ed snorted as Mustang smirked. The awkward feeling seemed to disappear and Ed was really happy that Mustang was opening up like that… It felt good to know what he was thinking of. But to hear Mustang actually saying that he really cared and worried about Ed… it really didn't make it easier for Ed to let go. Though he wasn't that certain if he could be able to do that anyways…
"By the way… I saw you the other day."
Ed glanced at Mustang. "Oh… where?"
"You were with some cute girl, in a café." Oh, so Mustang had sawn Ed with Amy…
"Actually… I was there too, having coffee. I happened to overhear you talking…"
Ed swallowed. Oh fuck. "Err… Did you?"
"Sorry about that, I didn't have any intention to do that… I have to say I was rather surprised. You seem to have really strong feelings towards someone."
FUCK. Of course Mustang had heard that part where Ed had been saying all that stuff about why he had ditched Amy… "Uh… that's…"
"That isn't like you, is it? To go out with someone, just so you could forget about someone else… or just to have so strong feelings towards anyone…"
Ed bit his lip, suddenly being sure that Mustang knew. Of course he would realize just by Ed's behavior, the man was really smart after all… And now he was just trying to make Ed confess something he already knew because he wanted to hear it from Ed…
A tiny little voice in Ed's head said that he wasn't thinking clearly at the moment but he couldn't bring himself to hear out that little voice. Not when he was going through some kind of brainstorm and panic over being revealed. Why was he like that? He wished he could be more like Mustang, so that no one could really understand him… But no, he was Edward Elric, way too easy to figure, especially for Roy Mustang.
"No, it damn sure isn't like me. You know why I did something like that, don't you? I went out with her because I thought that by doing that, I could possibly start to like her, to have feelings for her! That eventually I could date her and that my every single thought would be about her, not about you! Yeah, it isn't like me to have this strong feelings… It's not like me to fucking fall in love! But guess what? I did! I fell in love with you and it seems that I can't stop it so… I… can't really be around you anymore… 'cause I know that you love someone else…"
Ed put his hand against his face, he didn't want Mustang to see his face right now… he didn't want him to see the tears which started to roll down his cheeks. And he sure as hell didn't want to see Mustang's expression…
Ed bit his lip. He didn't want to hear. He didn't want Mustang to be way too caring and kind… Suddenly the elevator jerked again and started to move. It took only a few seconds as the elevator stopped and the door opened. Ed rushed out, almost falling down the stairs since everything was blurry thanks to his teary eyes and his messed up head, not quite hearing Mustang calling his name.
What the hell had he said? By Mustang's reaction, the two words he had said, he had obviously been really shocked from Ed's confession… Which had to mean that he hadn't known…? Well, he knew damn well now… Once again, Ed had messed up everything again. He rushed outside, barely realizing the rain was already pouring down from the sky, making Ed and his clothes completely soaked in a few seconds.
Between his anxiety and the unbearable urge to run away from everything, Ed had to wonder how the hell it was possible for him to mess up his entire life all over again. Was it something he just had to do every now and then? Just when everything was good enough, a single wrong move or word and Ed had ruined everything that was good… He just couldn't stop breaking things…
No, no, no… Why had Mustang ran after him? Did Ed really need to wonder why? Mustang had said it himself, he worried about Ed constantly… He just wanted to make sure that Ed wouldn't do anything stupid, that he wouldn't get in trouble… Even though he didn't feel the same. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Ed had never realized why people cried over love…
Why his mom had waited all those years for his dad, crying almost every night when she thought that Ed and Al had fallen asleep… Or why Al had been depressed for months if he got dumped by his girlfriend or if he broke up with them… Or why Winry had been so anxious because of him in the past… Or why Mustang had said that he didn't want to let go, even though the person he loved would never response to his feelings…
Before, Ed wouldn't even have realized how much it must hurt Andy to have feelings for Keith who would probably never broke up with his girlfriend, even if he would, he was straight – therefore – he could never have feelings for Andy…
But now Ed realized it better than ever. It wasn't the same to hear things about it, to see it. You had to experience it, to feel it by yourself… Running away from Mustang, Ed realized how perfectly true it was: love hurts. That being able to love someone had always its price. It was equivalent exchange. That happiness, those feelings, to see that person's faults and good parts and being still able to love every part of them… it meant that you had to suffer too. Even something as 'love' had its equivalent exchange. For the first time, Ed realized that.
Suddenly bright lights blinded Ed, with a loud voice, Ed heard Mustang crying his name, until… Everything went black.
As Ed opened his eyes, he realized that arms were holding him tightly, squeezing the breath out of his lungs. Mustang was holding him… breathing heavily, sounding like it was hard for him to do that. Ed turned his head to see a car nearby and a woman who was shaking from head to toes, crying and talking with Mustang, asking if he, Ed was alright.
"I'm fine," Ed managed to say which made Mustang turn him around, so that Ed was facing him.
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING," he yelled, breathing heavily.
"Do you realize ANYTHING? As you a kid, haven't you been taught to stop and see if there are cars coming? YOU COULD'VE DIED! Why do you always do this, almost get yourself killed, and make me worry so fucking much, almost causing me a heart attack! I can't lose you…"
Ed couldn't do nothing but blink his eyes, staring at Mustang, not knowing what the hell he should think about the man's outburst. Ed didn't have time to think either because the next thing Mustang did was pressing his lips against Ed's and kissing him almost violently. It didn't last long, Ed managed to realize that for some reason he was being kissed by Mustang when the man suddenly pulled away and turned his head to face the driver who was staring at them with eyes wide open.
"It's alright. No one was hurt. Do you have a cell phone?"
Ed saw the woman nodding, still looking quite shocked but Ed got the feeling that it wasn't because of the almost-accident anymore but because of Mustang's outburst and the sudden kiss which had made Ed's every thought freeze while his lips were burning.
"Do you have someone to call to? You shouldn't drive by yourself; you must be in a shock…"
The woman nodded again and said with a trembling voice: "Yes… I will do that. Thank you. And I'm so, so sorry… Please, look out for yourselves…"
With those words the woman went to her car and grabbed her phone.
Ed turned his gaze away from her as Mustang leaned his head against Ed's chest.
"Please, Ed… don't do anything like that ever again…" Ed swallowed, finally managing to collect his thoughts a bit from the shock of the fast chain of events.
"What… what was that," Ed asked, his voice trembling a bit. Mustang turned his gaze at him, knowing that Ed meant the kiss.
"I'm sorry… that was… I - really thought I would lose you… And after finding out you're in love with me… that's the last thing I want." Ed stared at the man in disbelief.
"But… that doesn't make any sense…"
Mustang smiled a bit, brining his hands to Ed's cheeks, wiping the tears away which were still rolling down Ed's cheeks.
"You are wrong about one thing. I'm not in love with someone else… I'm in love with you, Ed. Been for years. That's why… I've been so protective over you. That's why I've always wanted to know your every move… so that I could look out for you, making sure everything alright with you… Why I lost my nerve when Jean was touching you… I just can't be calm when it's about you, never have been able to do that… You're the only one."
Ed's gaze fall and he sniffled a bit. God… did that sound amazing… But there was one thing, making Ed doubt Mustang's words even though all Ed wanted to do was to believe them, to let his words wash all that pain away…
"But… what about him? The person you've been talking about? The one you're in love with?"
Mustang laughed a bit, leaning in, placing his forehead against Ed's own.
"Weren't you listening to me at all? I told you already, you fool. I never mentioned his name, did I? I tell you now: his name is Edward Elric, known as Fullmetal also. I was talking about you. You're the one I love. So don't run away from me anymore…"
And then Mustang kissed Ed, this time it was passionate and gentle at the same time and thinking about Mustang's words, that he was the one Mustang was in love, all the things he had said… about not wanting to give up, about being afraid to confess his feelings, about trying to give clear hints… Everything fell into its place, like a puzzle being solved. When Ed realized all that, he could do nothing but return the kiss, wrapping his arms around Mustang's neck. As they were completely out of breath, they pulled apart, Ed couldn't help but smiling, the happiness flowing over.
He had been happy many times but… this was something more. Like his chest would explode from all that, it was making him smile with his eyes, with his whole face, holding Mustang as close as possible, hoping it would be possible for one moment to last forever. And every single reason why Ed had been sad or depressed lately seemed to be washed away because Mustang was close, holding him up, because he loved Ed too.
"You know… I really do love you but… I happen to hate the rain so what about we go to my place?"
Ed grinned and nodded. "Sounds good to me."
They got up and waved to the woman who waved back from her car, seeming to be okay since she was smiling. Mustang grabbed Ed's hand and they started to run in the rain all the way to Mustang's apartment building. Mustang picked his grocery bags from the elevator and Ed got the umbrella. They went in and Mustang basically pushed Ed into the bathroom and Ed pulled him in too. For a moment the two of them just stood there, shivering from the cold, staring at each other... until Mustang made the first move, moving towards Ed, opening his braid, making Ed unbutton his shirt, both of them slowly undressing each other, never breaking the eye contact.
Ed opened the hammer and the water was boiling hot as Ed pulled Mustang even closer, making their bodies meet, and it took only few seconds as the bodies numb from the cold turned into heating and boiling and when Mustang leaned in to kiss Ed, pulling away to whisper in Ed's ear: "Now it's about the time you start calling me by my first name," Ed realized damn well why he was called Flame because his whole body was aching, craving for the man to touch him, feeling like every second he had been apart from Roy were making his body scream, wanting to feel the man so much closer, to get as close as it was possible.
Later, Ed woke up in the middle of the night, feeling a bit confused because he had no idea where he was. Ed glanced around in the room, to see a person sleeping next to him. And suddenly Ed remembered everything. He crawled closer to Roy, smiling. Because he was exactly where he was supposed to be. Ed breathed in Roy's scent and by Roy's sleepy smile; Ed knew that he felt the same as Ed did. And right there, in that moment… Ed didn't feel uneasy at all. He didn't feel as if there was something he was missing. Because now… he had everything he needed.
A/N: Such a cliché, the end, don't you think? But we all love them, right? : DD Did you like it? Loved it? Hated it? Let me know, I appreciate every single review I get. Yet again, thanks for everyone who has reviewed this fic. Your comments have really inspired me to get this finished and published. Have I said it all...? I guess so. I think for now I'll get back to my unfinished Roy/Ed-oneshots... :D