A/N: So, only I would take an insanely hilarious or hilariously insane episode like "Big Time Songwriters" and find some way to write an angsty one-shot about it. I had warned you this would pop up before "No Way Out." I hope this doesn't wind up being one of those really-good-in-my-head-but-kind-of-suckish-on-paper stories…
Disclaimer: How many disclaimers have I written throughout all my stories? Seriously, after all that, if you don't know that I don't own Big Time Rush, then you seriously need to pay attention once in awhile, and it doesn't even have to be all the time either…just once in awhile. I mean then you'd know what everyone else knows, what I know…
Sticks and Stones
I was kind of confused. Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like Logan was mad at me or something. Even after we recorded the new song for the deluxe edition of our album, Logan didn't congratulate me. He congratulated James, of course. He even congratulated Kendall. He just kind of did this nod thing with his head while looking at me. It was weird. Now that we were back at The Palm Woods, he seemed to be doing everything he could to avoid me.
I don't remember doing anything that could have upset him. It was actually starting to scare me. We'd already had dinner and everything, and he still seemed mad at me for some reason. We've been back at The Palm Woods for…I looked at the clock…six hours now. I kind of felt the need to apologize to him; the problem was I didn't know what I was apologizing for.
I decided that if he wasn't going to come to me, that I would go to him. After all, he may want to avoid me, but I didn't want to avoid him. Besides, I hated it when people were mad at me. I couldn't just do nothing while someone was mad at me. I found him in his bedroom with the door open. It's funny because even when Logan is mad at someone, he always leaves the door open. He's probably the only person I know who does that.
"Hey buddy, whatcha doin?" I asked, greeting him.
I gave him a hesitant, uncertain smile that quickly turned into a frown when he ignored me. Okay, that wasn't true; he didn't completely ignore me. He looked up at me, then broke eye contact with me, and continued to ignore me.
"Are you mad at me? You kind of seem mad at me. Did I do something to upset you?" I asked.
"You don't even know what you did. Well, that's just great," Logan muttered under his breath.
I hated this. I just wanted Logan to stop being mad at me. Was that so much to ask? I wanted the two of us to go back to being friends. That's the way it's supposed to be. Honestly, I missed him; I missed his friendship.
"Well, whatever I did, I'm sorry. I always seem to mess things up. I can't help it. I'm an idiot," I said.
I was surprised when Logan looked up at me, and I was even more surprised when after doing so, he didn't look away. It broke my heart to see the hurt that was still in his eyes. Whatever I said or did really hurt him. I felt like such a horrible person, such a horrible friend.
"You're not an idiot, Carlos," Logan said firmly.
"I must be because you're mad at me. I must have done something wrong," I replied.
I was so touched. Even though Logan was mad at me, he still somehow managed to be sweet to me. Sure, we jokingly call each other names; like stupid, or idiot, but we never really mean them.
"Back at the studio, do you remember what you said to me?" Logan asked.
I knew it. I did say something that upset Logan. I focused real hard on replaying every conversation I think I had with Logan at Rocque Records. It was frustrating though. I couldn't remember anything that I said that might have made Logan so upset with me.
"After you asked me which song was better; the 'Oh' song or the 'Yeah' song," Logan said.
I remembered that, but I don't remember what I said afterwards. I just remember being kind of bummed that Logan didn't side with me; he sided with James. James and Logan might think that I always side with Kendall, but Logan always sided with James. How was that any different?
"Let me refresh your memory; you said, 'Big surprise! Logan doesn't want to make a decision!'" Logan said.
"Wait. And that is what has you so upset?" I asked.
"Wouldn't it upset you?"
I knew then that was what the problem really was. Logan doesn't have as thick of skin as the rest of us. He doesn't just brush off what we say to him like the rest of us would if Logan said something like that to us. No, Logan was more sensitive. He took things we said to him to heart way more than he should.
"You don't really think that about me, do you?" Logan asked in a voice so soft that I hardly even heard him.
"Of course not!" I answered immediately.
"Then why did you say it in the first place?"
I fell silent. Why did I say it? Was it because I really thought that? Was it because I got so caught up in competing that I let things get out of hand? I should have known better. I really should have. Only Logan would take such a harmless, at least it was supposed to be harmless, remark to heart.
"Let's try a different tact. Give me three instances where I have made a decision," Logan said.
"That's easy. There was that time when…" I started to say before drawing a blank.
"You can't even give me one! Unbelievable! You really did mean it!"
I saw that Logan's eyes had started to water. That broke my heart. I had made Logan cry. I didn't mean to make him cry. I felt like I should hug him or something. I had a feeling though that he would turn away a hug from me. I wanted to do something to make him feel better; anything.
"Unlike you, I can give you three instances where I have made a decision. I decided to be friends with you, James, and Kendall. I decided to come out to L.A. with you guys and become a boy band. I decided to put my dream of becoming a doctor on hold so that James' dream of becoming a pop star could come true. And that's just off the top of my head," Logan said.
Now I really felt horrible. Hearing Logan's examples reminded me how selfless he really was; how he put other people before himself. I wished I could do that too.
"Right now, I'm deciding to be mad at you. Maybe I should decide not to be friends with you," Logan told me.
I felt like someone had just hit me in a place where guys shouldn't ever be hit. I couldn't believe Logan just said that to me. I mean I knew he was mad at me, but I never thought he was that mad at me. I didn't want me and Logan to stop being friends. We've been friends since pre-K.
"Logan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, my voice cracking.
"Carlos, crying isn't going to magically make things better," Logan commented.
I knew he was right. Logan was always right. Me crying wasn't going to make him forgive me. It's just I couldn't help myself. I felt really bad for what I said to Logan. I should have known he would take it personally. I just wanted the two of us to go back to being best buds.
"Then what can I do to make things better? I'll do anything! Anything!" I said, sniffling.
"I don't know. I probably shouldn't forgive you so soon. I mean you probably didn't even learn your lesson. Words hurt me, Carlos; far more than when I fell on the studio floor after you tripped me with a drumstick," Logan replied.
"There has to be something I can do!"
The sad thing was that Logan wasn't telling me anything that I didn't already know.
"Why are you guys my friends anyways? Is it because I'm so indecisive that I'll just go along with whatever you guys come up with? If that's the case, I'm sure you can find someone else to do whatever the three of you say," Logan remarked bitterly.
"Logan, stop!" I pleaded. "It's not like that! You know it's not like that!"
I really felt bad for Logan now; now more than ever. I was actually kind of shocked he felt this way. Had he always felt this way? I mean yeah, sometimes, every once in awhile, I'd get this feeling that Logan thought he was number four in our group of friends. How did things get so out of hand? Now this was about so much more than what I said to him earlier.
"Maybe, but I'm sensitive and insecure, and I guess I always kind of wondered how the four of us wound up being friends. I mean I totally get why you, Kendall, and James are friends. You three think alike. You three act alike. You three fit each other like a glove. Meanwhile, I'm just the oddball over here. You guys wanting to be friends with me defies all logic," Logan said.
I didn't completely understand that last sentence, but I had a feeling it was bad anyways. This was crazy. Now Logan thought that we shouldn't be friends with him or that he shouldn't be friends with us. Really?
"Logie, you're the voice of reason. You're the missing piece of the puzzle. You're the one who always reminds us of the risks and dangers of our schemes. Without you, we would have probably gotten way more detention. Without you, we probably would have been in juvie so many times by now. Besides, you can't be all that different from us. After all, you always end up going along with our ideas anyways. If you ask me, I think it's because you like our ideas and get as much of a rush out of them as we do," I said.
"You said it again. I always end up going along with your ideas. I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of thinking for myself, Carlos! I can come up with ideas too, you know? How quickly you seem to forget that it's not always Kendall that comes up with some of our…plans," Logan retorted.
"Exactly! You're right! See? That's why you're a lot more like us than you think, Logan!"
"Yet you still think it's no big surprise when I don't want to make a decision?"
"I follow Kendall's lead too, you know? There's nothing wrong with that. Plus, I'm often at a loss about what to do. I mean I say, 'What do we do?' so much that it might as well be my catch phrase."
That got a smile out of Logan. Maybe it was too soon to tell, but I think that the bad stuff was finally over. I had stumbled onto something, and I was going to milk it for all it was worth.
"Heck, 'What do we do?' might as well be my middle name. Yep, Carlos 'What do we do?' Garcia," I said, playfully nudging Logan with my elbow.
Logan started cracking up. He didn't know how much of a relief it was for me to see him smiling and laughing again. Because of me no less.
"You're so weird," Logan commented before playfully shoving me.
"Yeah, but you know you love it," I responded, playfully shoving Logan back.
The next thing either of us knew, we were in the middle of a playful, harmless, shoving contest. I'm sure everyone in Apartment 2J could hear the both of us laughing and carrying on.
"So I see the two of you are friends again," James said, casually leaning against the doorframe.
"Of course!" I replied.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," Logan said.
A/N: Um…this was supposed to be an angsty one-shot! Where the heck did that fluff come from? Yeah, so this was probably really stupid. I'm sorry for wasting your time.