Callie stared from the doorway. She knew she had been doing this very thing way too much, but she could not pull her eyes away. The woman who had her attention did not even know she was there.
Blue eyes connected with brown and Callie felt her heart beat faster. This had to stop. She told herself every time she felt the sudden change, but so far she had been unsuccessful. This was her partner's wife, correction this had been her partner's wife. Now that same partner was buried in the ground because of his own stupidity.
"Are you OK, Arizona?"
Callie hated to even hear those words come from her own mouth. Of course she was not OK, she had just lost her husband a month ago. The words just came out and now she hated herself for even having the breath to say them.
Arizona wanted to be strong but when she saw the concern written all over Callie's face, she could no longer hold back. This woman had turned into her lifeline and she was so thankful for her. She no longer thought of Callie as just Pete's partner, she was her friend and the only thing that was keeping her going. She could feel her eyes filling with tears and her lip began to tremble, but there was not a damn thing she could do to prevent it.
Callie watched Arizona struggle to hold herself together. She had come to admire the strength this woman maintained, even when her life was falling apart, she remained in control. Some people would have just crawled in bed and given up but not Arizona, she was one of the strongest people Callie had ever known.
"I'm right here honey."
She knew she needed to watch the pet name, but it just came so naturally when she thought about Arizona. And Arizona didn't seem to notice.
"I cannot do this anymore."
"What do you mean, Arizona?"
Her name being spoken seemed to make the floodgates open. She felt the sob rise from her throat and did nothing to stop it. She knew she had to get the emotions out or it was going to destroy her.
Callie tried to remain passive but she knew she had to go to her. She crossed the room in two big strides and knelt in front of Arizona. The sobs were breaking her heart and she fought the urge to pull her against her and lost. She had to forget her feelings and focus on Arizona. Placing her hands on Arizona's knees, she leaned towards her. She didn't want to push her but she knew she needed to help comfort her. She was shocked when Arizona slid down the couch and landed in her lap. The impact almost tipped them over, but Callie kept them upright.
Arizona tried to control her sobs but she knew she had been holding them in too long. Her grief was taking over her body.
"Let it out, Arizona. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
Callie had no idea how long those sobs lasted. She could no longer hold her tears at bay. This strong woman was breaking her heart. She knew Blair had to have a breaking point and something tonight had triggered that. She cried for Arizona and for Pete. Her heart was breaking for this whole situation. This woman was widowed because of a stupid mistake. A mistake that she was not going to find out about, if Callie could help it.
Arizona felt herself calming but the tears were still flowing. She knew Callie was crying as well and she felt they both needed to feel this closeness. She pulled back slightly and felt the questioning of Callie's body.
"Callie, I'm so sorry."
"What? Why are you apologizing to me?"
Callie tried to disguise the hurt and maybe even anger in her words but she did not do a good job. She watched as the tears started flowing down Arizona's cheeks again and felt like a total ass.
"I'm sorry, Arizona. I did not mean to upset you but I want you to understand that I am here for you. Please do not apologize to me for feeling like this. You lost your husband a month ago, this is still raw. If you need to scream, cry, break things or anything else I will be right here. I want to be here for you, so please do not take that away from me by apologizing for the way you feel."
Arizona leaned back into Callie's embrace and knew she had to tell her what caused this breakdown. Taking several deep breaths, she mashed the words together.
Callie felt Arizona press her face into her neck and wished that things were different. If this embrace could be for another reason. She had to get that thought out of her head. Wait, did Arizona just say she was pregnant? Pulling back, she tilted Arizona's chin up and looked into those beautiful blue eyes.
"Is that why you are so upset today? Did you do a test and you just found out?"
"No, I'm almost five months."
That stupid son of a bitch had gotten himself killed with a pregnant wife at home. Callie was so angry right now, she wanted to punch someone. More specifically, she wanted to punch her dead partner right in the face. Fighting back her anger, she calmed herself and asked, "So tell me why this is upsetting you right now."
"I have an appointment tomorrow. We were supposed to find out what the sex is. I realized, right before you got here, that I have no one to go with me and share this exciting time with. I know it sounds silly but I want someone to be there."
"Arizona, I will come with you. If you want me to be in the room with you and hold your hand, then I will."
"Callie, thank you for everything. You have been my lifeline the last month and I want you to know how much I appreciate it. I really have no idea what I would do without you. Thank you so much. And yes, I would like for you to come with me tomorrow."
"I would be honored, Arizona."
Callie only hoped she could remain honorable to her partner. She felt things for his wife that she had never felt before and he wasn't here to tell her to get over herself. What was a girl to do?