Wait a second...I know it's here somewhere...

Once upon a time— wait, no, that's not right...

It was a dark and stormy night— that's not right either. I got it! Let me start over...

"Grandma! What big eyes you have!"

Hold it! God! That's not even the beginning of a story! One last try.

The moon was shining like the Orb of Thesulah, (Got it! Found it! Finally!), bright and full over Sunnydale High. Quiet greeted the night which closed in around it, and seemed as peaceful and sleepy as the rest of the town... As far as the jaded Mystery Inc. was concerned. They had no idea what chaos was erupting inside of the school from which they had received the call. One Cordelia Chase was practically hysterical, fearful for her life by the sound of it.

"Wait!" Shaggy exclaimed, breaking the silence as the gang got out of the van— which is really hippie, if you don't mind my saying, I mean, COME ON! Bring your head into the nineties people! You've only got a year left! Anyway-

"I think I saw something, like, over by that window!" The gang approached cautiously, but not too cautiously, because Shaggy was probably overreacting. Again.

They heard a commotion as they neared the school. As they approached, they saw that someone was pulling another someone out of a classroom window. As the someone— the first someone— turned to face them, they realized that his face was slightly disfigured. He had dark clothing, and dark hair and looked very— well to tell you the truth his face was ugly, and Daphne voiced such, as she cowered behind Fred.

"Like, what happened to your bad-ass Kong-Fuoy chick facade. Wow, I just said facade. What have you done to me, Velma?" Shaggy said, babbling nervously as the dark figure turned his attention away from what they would later learn was his dinner.

"Jinkies! He has elongated incisors!" Velma said, chiming in in that strangely annoying way-according to Fred, anyway...

"English, please, Velm." Daphne called, surprisingly calm. (surprising to herself, as well as the gang)

"His teeth are long and pointy. If my calculations are correct, this combination of long teeth and disfigured face are signs of ..." she trailed off, deep in thought. Her eyes grazed over the trembling body that had failed to attempt escape. "But they aren't real! It is impossible!" she muttered, clearly baffled by what she thought this creature was.

"What? Like, spit it out already!" Shaggy said, loudly. "Come on! We can't read your mind, Velma." Fred said, unable to tear his eyes away from the... thing that stood before him. A dark substance trickled down the corner of its mouth.

"Vampire!" Velma explained calmly. "To get rid of said species you simply do..." She took a step forward and jabbed at the vampire with a stick no one saw her pick up. "This." she finished, as the vampire turned to dust before her.

A/N: hey, Alexis Castle here! you probably read my friend M.R. Dink's story, which thus directed you here, because, well, with a title like mine, this probably isn't getting much traffic. flames, suggestions, tips, even smiley faces are welcome. and to the couple of you that might have checked out my previous stories, they aren't dead they're just... hibernating. yeah, lets go with that.

anyways, reviews are like candy :Po-

oh, and pardon the excessive use of em dashes-and elipses...