Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Characters...a few in this story are mine.
I didn't come by the club much anymore, since I had three children at home who needed my help; really they just needed me there in case child protective services showed up at the door. Trooper did the actual mother stuff, I just played with them.
I was watching a show about cheating spouses and wondering why they didn't contact Edward, ah, to be on the panel when something made me gasp. Turns out people who are cheated on repeatedly end up being cheaters.
Why can't it work like that for other things? Everyone wants Emmett to get smart, so why isn't he a genius? Or Eric's parents, who want Eric to be straight, why aren't they gay?
Oh yeah, the cheating show, what did I miss.
They talked about my guy's self esteem, which I have to admit he can steam up any room with his self. Then they spoke about defeat, his hands and de-feet are ahmazzing with to Z's. He still had his perfect toes. But the part that got my attention was the talk about stressors, turns out me, Trooper, Budge, and Dreamer had the potential to stress Edward, ah.
Sure, Trooper could be a bit annoying with his perfection, adorable smile, calm temperament, and straight A's. And Budge's constant science projects growing in the fridge, like the cottage cheese sock experiment, could be stressful if you ate some of the cottage cheese before seeing the sock like Edward, ah, did. But Dreamer, come on, she exuded non stress. She floated around in the background like a cloud waiting to become a thunderstorm if someone stressed her daddy.
That left me, oh my God; he was going to cheat on me because of me. I grabbed the phone and called Rose.
"Can ug…I mean, pretty Emma babysit for a few hours?" I asked in a panic.
"Trooper's twelve and a half, can't he stay with them?" she asked.
"He's still a child, Rose. Ug…Pretty Emma is a teenager. Send her over," I demanded.
She was actually only one year and one month older than Trooper, but according to state law it was a critical one year and one month. Trooper hated the fact pretty Emma was a year older. He so wanted to be able to protect his territory and knew it was a lost cause when she would enter high school without him.
They had talked about letting her skip a grade, since she had all of her father's intellect, leaving him with just the ability to tie his shoes and tell time….on a digital clock. But Rose wanted her with kids her own age and supplemented at home. I wasn't sure what that meant and wondered why she didn't give Emmett some of that supplement.
"Are you going to be out late, Emma has school tomorrow," Rose said and I wondered if she thought I never sent my own children to school. I knew there was school tomorrow, I was fully aware today was either Wednesday or Thursday.
"I'm going to save my marriage, if it takes longer than an hour she can sleep on my couch," I said and really hoped I would only be gone for a matter of minutes.
"Are you guys having trouble?" Rose asked with concern and just a hint of 'I knew it!'
"I stress him out," I said and tried not to cry.
"All men get stressed," she said, "Give him some extra attention and he'll be fine."
I loved Rose; she always said the right things to calm me down.
"And if he's cheating, stay away from Jake and get all his money," she added.
I hated Rose; she always said the wrong things to rile me up.
I ran down the stairs to find the kids sitting in front of a movie Trooper put on and each holding a small bowl of popcorn he made for them.
Budge wasn't eating his; he was putting it in his mouth and then seeing how high in the air he could shoot it. It looked like so much more fun than tossing and catching, my son was brilliant. Dreamer was picking up the same piece every time and bringing it to her mouth only to get lost in the movie and let it drop again.
"Ug…Pretty Emma is coming over to babysit," I said and Trooper quickly ran his hand through his daddy like hair.
Budge gave his brother a huge grin and asked, "Can I spy on them when they're kissing?"
"Only if he can spy on you and Jasmine on the table," I told him and he gave me an odd expression.
"Jasmine is such a prissy pants," he said and I didn't have to heart to tell him he was going to be wild for Miss Prissy Pants in about two more years.
The doorbell rang and Trooper jumped up so fast he forgot about the bowl of popcorn on his lap. He froze, not sure which disaster needed his attention first, so Budge solved his problem. "Cool," he exclaimed and got on his knees to look at the mess on the carper. "Let's leave it here and see how long it takes for mold to grow. I hypothesize three weeks."
"Sami will eat it first," I told him. Well, she would if she had teeth. She was actually a pretty old bitch.
Trooper let ug…pretty Emma in and I ran upstairs to get dressed. I was going to show up looking smokin, without actually smoking. I grabbed some dark jeans, a tight shirt, a push up bra, which was kind of necessary because the damn big bang caused gravity, and then put on makeup I hadn't worn since Budge switched my foundation for worm paste. This time I checked it really closely.
I gave my hair the messy, sex bed look by putting in some mousse and rolling around on the bed. I was ready to save my marriage.
I walked downstairs and Dreamer giggled and said, "Mommy, you look…."
"What do you think guys?" I asked and pretty Emma covered her mouth, so I knew I had it right.
I grabbed my keys and headed out the door just as Dreamer said, "…really pretty."
I walked into the Driftwood to find Edward, ah, had made some changes over the years. The décor was no longer dark, but soft creams and sea blue. It really looked nice. The microphone was no longer attached to the stage, but small headsets were given to the singers. I stood in the back as Edward, ah, took the stage.
The screams were just as loud, but the girls were so much younger now. I wondered if their babysitters knew where they were. I leaned against a squiggly table and listened to my guy sing a song about banging on walls. Ah, it was a song for me, until I heard the song talk about banging on other walls to find the right wall to bang on. He is so dead.
I waited for him to finish and then I walked to the stage. He looked over and saw me and a huge smile came across his face. Yeah, that's right, smile while you have teeth, buddy. I walked toward him with lasers shooting from my eyes. Man, I would love to have laser eye surgery; it would solve all my problems.
He adjusted his head mic and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen." Like there would actually be ladies in there. He should have said, "Girl Scouts and Perverts."
"I would like you to meet the love of my life, my reason for living, the only woman to take my breath away, my wife, Bella."
I cancelled my eye appointment and flew into his arms. He was my lemniscates and I should have known the show was talking about squares. I would have figured it out sooner, if Emmett wasn't right next door.
I kissed him as the children cheered and I wanted to strip him down and love him up, but he was still babysitting so I had to wait for the club to close. I followed him around the entire night, just like Hoser used to, before he died and I threw him in the trash….really this time.
My attention was suddenly drawn to a certain waitress who seemed to be everywhere I was. I wondered if she thought of me as a mentor, a fellow squiggle who needed assurance her way of life was just fine, until I finally realized it wasn't me she was following around, damn that Emmett.
Edward, ah, walked to the back stockroom for some bottles and the pimple on his ass, named Jane, followed him. I ran to get in front of her and stuck out my arms to block her path. "What cha doing sweetheart?" I asked and planned to reschedule the eye appointment.
"I'm helping, Edward get bottles to stock the bar," she said and I heard, "I'm going to help Edward do me with his bottle on the bar like rodeo stock."
"He doesn't need help, he has really long fingers." Damn, shouldn't have told her that. "I mean he can carry several bottles at once."
"Jane," Edward, gah, yelled out and she ducked under my arm and entered the stockroom. I followed behind her and saw Edward, gah, hand her a few bottles to carry. She held them tightly to her chest, which didn't need a push up bra, and giggled when he handed her the last one.
When she left the room I stared at Edward, gah, like he had grown a new head, and it wasn't where an extra head would come in handy either. He walked over and shut the door so we were now in complete darkness. "Bella, I need you," he said with his cookie voice and I put my hand out for him to hand me a bottle, although it would be harder for me because Jane got to have some light…and the wire in my bra was a possible hazard.
He didn't hand me a bottle, he handed me something very different and I was so grateful he didn't mix them up with Jane. I felt his mouth come to my throat and he began sucking gently on my skin. I felt like old Bella in the darkness, I mean younger, like I used to be, I felt like the old Bella who was young.
Edward, ah, felt like his incredible self, because men only get better with age, shit, I'm going to fire Jane. He pulled me in the darkness to where a discarded booth seat was stored and sat on it, while I moved to my knees.
"Bella, you'll hurt your knees on the hard cement," he said and I laughed, because I wasn't planning on putting my knees on his hard cement, I was keeping them on the floor….oh.
I ran my hand up his chest and face and into his hair. I felt the mic on his head and pulled it off, accidentally turning it on, and dropping it by my knees. I pushed him back and he moaned in anticipation.
"I'm going to do you sooo good," I purred, no really, I added, "Meow," to the end of my sentence.
His hands reached over his head and felt the cinderblock wall in the darkness as I went to town…downtown actually. It had been a long time since I had gone shopping, so his wall pounding was extra vocal and extra saucy as he articulated his love of feline animals and their licking abilities.
We reiterated our love for each other and he thanked me over and over again for coming to the club so he could cum in the club. We left the room hand in hand with huge smiles on our faces, only to walk into a totally silent club. Everyone was staring at us and Edward, ah, looked down to see the head mic I was holding in my hand. "Oh God," he said and it echoed throughout the club.
We just had sex in public, not actually in front of gawking eyes, but in front of burning ears. My guy screamed and beat a concrete wall to the beat of the latest pop song, I wished it would have been something vintage from the Sex Pistols.
Edward, ah, dropped his head in shame and took the mic and said, "I'm sorry, but I love my wife completely."
The place roared with applause and I stuck my tongue out at Jane, and yeah, I hoped there were still traces of my guy on there. I had to work hard on my body, which had expelled three children, so I earned the right to be a bit petty.