Title: For Educational Purposes Only #3: Third Time's the Charm
Author: Keelywolfe
Pairing(s): Sam/Mikaela, hinted Sam/Bee/Mikaela, Evil Voyeur Ratchet
Warning: Interspecies

Notes: Something about having the flu makes me want to work on this series, I guess. That's the only excuse I have for this. Please accept my apologies in advance.

"All right, Sam, I have a few requirements to achieve the maximum amount of data," Ratchet said as he finished setting up his equipment. He would have preferred to run his scans in the medbay where everything he needed was easily within reach but Sam had been whining about petty things like his 'need for privacy' and his objections to 'public humiliation.'

Whatever. Sometimes a scientist had to bend to the needs of his subjects. Which was why he, his equipment, Bumblebee, and two semi-nude humans were currently crammed into the quarters that Sam and Mikaela shared. It was a lucky thing that Bumblebee often stayed with them, requiring larger human quarters than was the norm, or Sam's concerns about public humiliation would have been a moot point. Fitting his entire body into a room the size that the soldiers used would require an amount of flexibility that Ratchet hadn't possessed in millennia, not to mention there wasn't enough lubricant on base to grease him through those doors.

As it was, Ratchet couldn't exactly move without knocking over important things, like his scanning equipment or human bodies. Still, a scientist had to work with what he had and Ratchet was determined. These scans would be his, oh, yes. They would. All he had to do was sit here, hip to hip with Bumblebee, while the humans gave him at least eleven minutes of squelching noises. No matter how uncomfortable it was, he was getting those scans.

"You know, 'Bee, you don't haveto hang around. I'm sure there something else you could be doing right now," Ratchet muttered as he tried, again, to squirm in a way that would somehow change the laws of physics and give him a little more room. The time/space continuum stubbornly refused to bend to his will and all he got was a few more paint scrapes as his plating rubbed against Bee's.

His question didn't fare much better. The harsh blat of static he got in response might have seemed like nonsense to the humans but Ratchet was grudgingly impressed with the amount of obscenity that Bumblebee could fit in one burst. Obviously Ironhide had been making good use of his free time by spending it with the younger crowd.

Resigned to his fate, Ratchet settled back against the wall. Speaking of resigned to fate, Sam was sitting glumly on the end of the bed, one end the sheet wrapped firmly around his waist. The other end was covering Mikaela, who was lounging lazily back, one smooth leg bared and drawn up so she could rub her toes on Sam's bare arm. Not that the boy seemed to appreciate it; his eyes were firmly on the floor and Ratchet suspected that if he could actually get to the door, Sam might have bolted through it, sheet trailing behind him and never mind that Mikaela would left naked behind him.

Surreptitiously, Ratchet stretched out one leg to block the kid's retreat. There was no way he was letting Sam out of this now and if he didn't want to be paying Mikaela's blackmail then he'd better find a new girlfriend, stat. The way Ratchet and the girl were starting out, they would be extorting each other through her next lifetime. It was something to look forward to...

"Now, Sam," Ratchet began, studying his data pad. The readings he was getting now were already micropiks away from his comparison scans earlier in the day. Probably he'd need to compensate for Sam's nervousness. "I need for Mikaela to orgasm at least twice. Three times would be preferable but twice would do for a base reading."

"No pressure or anything," Sam mumbled, shuffling his bare feet against the floor.

Ratchet ignored that. From the pheromone levels he was already reading, if the kid didn't get two orgasms out of Mikaela, Ratchet was going to recommend he take a remedial training course. He was sure he'd seen some ads on the internet that Sam could benefit from. "I'd prefer to get two orgasm scans from you as well but I'm aware of the limitations of human males so I'll settle for one."

"Thanks a load," Sam grouched. "I'm totally sorry that I can't come on command for you."

"Now, now, there's no reason to be snide," Ratchet said smoothly, "You did get your demonstration." He ignored the eye roll that Mikaela graced him with. That girl had gotten a good handful of a Ratchet's private parts in a very personal demonstration of her own and that was certainly worth a quickie.

Everything was a go, he was ready, the kids were squirming, or at least Sam was. Ratchet was about to tell them to get on with it when Sam blurted out, "Is watching this going to make you all hot and horny?"

Ratchet flickered his optics, surprised, "I don't—"

But Sam hadn't finished, words spilling out of him like an oil leak, "Because I don't think I can do this if it's going to make you all horny, I mean, you didn't want us to masturbate over you because that's just freaky but I don't want you to do it either—"


"And it was a little weird watching you with Optimus even if we didn't see any robo-vag—"

"Sam, I don't—" Ratchet tried, a little bemused. Trying to interrupt was nearly as effective as trying to take down a Decepticon with one of those little plastic forks the humans used. Mikaela looked equally confounded and he gave her a little shrug, turning on his scanners to keep track of just how long the boy could go without a breath.

"Not that I really wanted to see any robo-vag, I mean, at least not your robo-vag, not that there would be anything wrong with you having a robo-vag, or you and Optimus doing it, it's wrong but it's notwrongwrong, you know and—"

With a neat demonstration in that cleverness that Ratchet had come to appreciate in her, Mikaela finally shut him up with her own mouth, her tongue a visible flicker of pink and Ratchet brightened, scanning eagerly as Sam's pheromones surged. Worryingly high, actually, the way he was trending, instead of getting scans of two humans in coitus, he was going to be getting a visual of soggy sheets and a sheepish apology.

"As I was saying," Ratchet interrupted, loud enough that Sam jumped and almost lost his grip on the sheet. Pity, that, he could have gotten a hilarious picture to exchange with Mikaela for the ones of him and Optimus that she had thus far refused to share. "I'm researching, not participating." He hesitated. "Don't take this the wrong way but it would be comparable to your levels of arousal from watching a nature show on squirrels mating, something like that."

"Squirrels?" Mikaela echoed, her eyebrows drawn together in an expression Ratchet had come to recognize as confusion. Honestly, if he'd thought Optimus would allow it, he could have paid a few professionals to come by and he would have his scans by now. But, no, the Lennox had vetoed that one before Ratchet could even form a rebuttal, and he'd gotten an interesting lesson in how many no's a human could get out in single minute.

"Lions, then, eagles, whatever your preferred form of bestial intercourse!" Ratchet said impatiently. At Sam's sudden surge of hormones Ratchet amended, hastily, "Or perhaps somewhat less than your level of arousal."

He did add another note to his research file; human males really did become aroused by anything.

"But you will get a little turned on," Sam said, quietly, fidgeting with the edge of the sheet.

Honesty warred with a need to make the kid get on with it. Optimus seemed to be rubbing off on him, and not in the good, sexy way because in the end, Ratchet reminded himself that he was, actually, on the side of good and settled for honesty. "I can't shut down my interfacing protocols and maintain scanning at the level that I want at the same time, I just don't have the processing power for that. It's possible that your pheromone levels may cause some slight arousal in me. However, I promise I won't be masturbating in the corner. This isn't some multi-species orgy going on here, it's for science."

Sam finally raised his eyes to Ratchet and for just a moment, he weakened, his processors wibbling at emotions visible in that clear, dark gaze. The nervousness, the pink staining his cheeks. Humans were so different from them; they had issues with privacy that no Cybertronian possessed, and if Sam was truly going to be traumatized by this, his code of ethics could not allow it.

But before he could reluctantly let Sam off the hook, the boy nodded once, his expression firming. "All right, then let's get on with it."

"Sweet talker," Mikaela drawled, a smile curving her full lips before she leaned in and kissed Sam again. A little hesitantly, his hands sliding over skin and Ratchet leaned in, his optics spiraling wide to take in every detail. His hydraulics whirred as he moved, loud in the small room and Sam broke the kiss to give Ratchet a glare.

Ratchet met the glare unapologetically. He hadn't protested when Sam had insisted on such irrelevant details as mood music and lit candles, even though it forced him to compensate for the dimmer light. He wasn't about to apologize for his very existence.

Fortunately, Mikaela was not about to let such things interfere with her pursuit of orgasms and she firmly grabbed Sam's head and directed it back to more important things, like her own mouth.

Moments passed, human hands sliding over bared skin and the pheromones they exuded went through a cascade of variations, each one dutifully noted and documented in Ratchet's processors.

"Fascinating," he murmured, noting that Mikaela's arousal spiked when Sam's hand drifted down to her breast, even though it was still covered by the sheet. Without even direct contact, very similar to their species—

Sam broke the kiss again with a loud groan, "Look, Spock, I can't do this if you're going to be talking."

Ratchet bristled. "I am not talking, I am simply observing!"

"Seriously, you have got to keep quiet," Sam said, burying his extremely red face into Mikaela's shoulder. Interesting how he didn't mind sacrificing her nakedness to Ratchet's inspection. Masculine pride, perhaps, directing him to smugly convey the attractiveness of his chosen mate?

Interesting, but not exactly what Ratchet wanted to be researching right at this moment. "I am being quiet! Any sounds I make are well beneath any level that should prove to be distracting!"

"Take my word for it, they aren't!" Sam shot back. His embarrassment seemed tempered by his irritation and he managed to glare at Ratchet over Mikaela's shoulder.

Ratchet vented a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, I'll try to be silent."

Mikaela, for her part, was shaking her head. "Can we please get on with this?"

It was entirely possible Sam had other protests to offer. Whatever they were, they were quickly forgotten as Mikaela let the sheet slide downward to pool at her hips, baring her body from the waist up. Ratchet happily noted the male human's suddenly wider eyes, the flare of his body heat registering brilliantly in the scans, before he directed his attention to Mikaela...and abruptly noticed the new additions to her body.

Rings of metal pierced the all-too tender flesh of her nipples, glinting against the golden tones of her skin.

Ratchet promptly forgot his promise to keep silent, gritting out, "You did not have those yesterday."

"No, I got them last night," Mikaela smiled sweetly, widening her eyes in a perfect mimicry of innocence. "They won't interfere with the scan, will they?"

"No," Ratchet said shortly. Oh, he had underestimated her. Just the sight of the metal against her skin, piercing the delicate flesh, stimulating her arousal...but not her pain receptors. A quick scan revealed that the tiny injuries were completely healed and this time it was Bumblebee who shifted awkwardly, his door wings scraping the wall as they tried to flutter with his discomfort.

"You stole my dermal regenerator?" Ratchet hissed at Bee accusingly.

Bee met his annoyance with innocence that was far more believable than Mikaela's had been. ::I had to! She'd already done it and I didn't want her to get an infection. I put it right back when I was finished, I promise.::

Ratchet huffed out an annoyed vent of air. Naive, Bumblebee and the boy, both. They didn't stand a chance against a force like her. How she'd known it would affect him, Ratchet could only speculate. The fact of the matter was that she had and Ratchet forced himself to sit mutely, watching as Mikaela flicked little glances at him from beneath her lashes, running her slim fingertips over her own body while Sam only sprawled beneath her, mute and frozen as he watched as intently as Ratchet.

Well, if she thought that was going to distract him from his scans then...she was exactly right. It was the way they gleamed in the flickering candlelight. The way she toyed with them, catching the rings between her fingertips and plucking at them. Sucking on one finger and running the wet digit over them, even as she arched her hips against Sam, preparing to mate with Sam just as Ratchet had requested.

And Ratchet, who was supposed to be observing humans mating was instead all but squirming as his arousal protocols surged, his optics glued on the soft bounce of her breasts as Mikaela moved over her boyfriend. On those tiny, golden rings of metal, delicate and lovely against her strange human skin and his processors were more focused on coming Optimus the moment they were done to meet him somewhere private, on keeping his interfacing protocols from surging loudly online and-

Bumblebee was still crammed next to him, watching his human friends couple right in front of his optics. Curious, certainly, but unaroused, his protocols still offline. It was something Ratchet could fix with a quick code rewrite in barely a klik of time. Bumblebee hadn't asked him to...yet. But the way he was watching spoke of more than casual interest. In that silent gaze was bittersweet yearning, shifting emotions that Bumblebee had little skill in disguising from Ratchet. Who was sitting here all but trembling with arousal when the one mech who shouldbe wanting them was not and abruptly that seemed utterly wrong, an obscenity even amongst perversion.

Over a private line, Ratchet demanded, ::Have you watched them before?::

::You're researching them, not me.::Bumblebee replied. Hardly a no.

Normally, interfacing protocols were turned on when a mech had a partner they wanted to interface with. Bumblebee couldn't be with his humans just yet, though Ratchet knew he wanted to, they all wanted to...he bit off a sigh and firmly set his own arousal aside. The things a medic had to deal with.

::Bee, come here.::

Warily, he did, leaning towards Ratchet. He flinched away as Ratchet snatched up his wrist and flicked open his panel, ignoring Bee's warbled protest as he plugged into him.

::Ratchet, I'm not really interested in you—:: A little panicked.


"Wait, you promised—" Sam's voice broke on a moan, Mikaela had him pinned to the bed now, her hips moving urgently and Ratchet took a moment to mourn the loss of his chance to scan a human mating as he searched through Bumblebee's protocols...there.

He felt the surge through Bee's circuits, the brilliant flare of previously unknown arousal and it was all focused on the little humans in front of them. Briefly, he glimpsed Bee's emotions, the flick, flick, flick as they surged through arousal/love/arousal/need before he shunted them away. This was medical, not so that hecould get off and he couldn't see explaining to Optimus that, yes, he'd been Bumblebee's first interface, in a cramped human room right in front of said humans, why do you ask?

::Ratchet, please…::Bee whimpered over a private line, desperately. Begging for something he had never before felt.

::Like this::Ratchet showed him, kept their link clinical and emotionless as he showed Bumblebee.

The little scout arched desperately next to him, his spike releasing for the first time and the humans were already crying out, his soft whimpers joining theirs as he reached his first climax without even touching it, overwhelmed by his desire for these humans.

Resolutely, Ratchet shuttered his optics and firmly did not watch as he felt the humans slowly stir, felt them move slowly over to Bumblebee to press their cooling bodies against his plating and the next time someone said Ratchet had no discretion, he was going to bang them over the head with the heaviest wrench he could find.

"Doc?" Sam asked, his voice softly bewildered and Ratchet sighed. So much for his research.

"All right," Ratchet grumbled, "I'll try to help you three."

Maybe he could study interspecies sexual relations, instead.