Life is one long orgasm

Chapter 1: an Abomination

Naruto woke up, his dick throbbing. Today was the final stage of the Chunin Exams. He faced off against Hyuga Neji today.

For some reason, his blankets were soaked.

Knock knock.

"Naruto! You're late!" Sakura yelled outside his door.

He yawned drowsily, stumbled to his door and opened to see Sakura and Ino.


"ARRGGGHHH!" Sakura began screaming her head off.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!" Ino cried out, shielding her eyes.

Naruto looked at Sakura. "Ah, Sakura-chan… why are you wet?"

Sakura couldn't answer. She was soaked, and she broke down and began to cry.

Naruto looked down and saw something he had never seen before. His dick was sticking out of his boxer shorts and was repeatedly squirting out jets of a rather thick unknown liquid.

"Woah! What is happening to me?" Naruto said.

Squirts of semen hit Sakura in the face as she wailed in torment. Ino was still horrified, she couldn't believe what she just witnessed… Naruto had opened the door, and first thing that happened was a huge squirt of goop shot straight into her best friend's face.

"Uh… umm… Naruto…" Ino started, but then she found herself at a loss of words.

"Oh! Hey Ino!" Naruto smiled, facing her. His dick shot a thick wad of semen at Ino's face.

"NOOO! DON'T POINT IT AT ME!" Ino shrieked. She covered her eyes to no avail.

"W-what the…" Naruto's eyes widened.

Ino screamed again in mental agony when another jet of semen hit her nose and mouth area. That was a terrible idea though because as soon as she did so, another blast of semen shot straight into her mouth and she inadvertently swallowed in horrified anguish.

"What is my dick doing? Why is this happening to me?" Naruto asked in confusion.

"Kill me now. Please Kami. Kill me now…" Ino began to weep.

Sakura sobbed as she swiped furiously at her face trying to get rid of the semen.

"Ah, sorry Sakura-chan… I didn't mean to, I don't know what's going on, I can't control it!" Naruto pleaded, again facing Sakura.

"NOOOO!" She screeched, trying to dodge. That was futile though because his semen was almost blindingly fast.

"Turn around! Turn around!" Ino screamed in desperation, choking.

Naruto obeyed, swiftly turning, but not before another wad of semen shot at Ino's face as a passing gift. She howled in anguish as she waved blindly, her eyes blinded by the fluid.

His dick continued to ejaculate all over the floor as Naruto rubbed his head in confusion and awe.

Behind him, the two kunoichi were now sobbing incessantly as semen dripped off of them.

Naruto peeked at his clock and calendar. He really WAS late! His fight with Neji would start right after Shikamaru and Temari finished…

Struggling to put on his jumpsuit, he succeeded but in the end had to cut a hole in it so he could stick his dick out. (Otherwise he would just soak his pants completely).

"Sorry Sakura-chan, Ino-chan! I have to run!" Naruto waved as he shot off, semen squirting around as he jumped to the rooftop.

Ino and Sakura looked at each other in horror. "I don't think he realizes what he is doing." Ino mumbled.

"We have unleashed… an abomination." Sakura whispered as Ino retched into a nearby bush.



"What the hell is this… KAMI-SAMA! FUCK! FUCK!"

"Wait a second, why is my sushi wet? What the… HOLY SHIT!"

"7,000 Ryo for this coat? Ridiculous! So overpriced! …. ARGGGH! OKAY, OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT, I'LL TAKE IT!"

These were just some of the screams that burst out from some of the villagers on ground level as Naruto leaped from rooftop to rooftop.

Naruto was completely clueless as to the amount of psychological damage he was dealing to the villagers of Konoha. Any person he hit was immediately traumatized for life.

Also the financial damage to any unlucky buildings that happened to be the target of one of his bursts of semen…

Many stores and restaurants changed from 'Open' to 'Closed until further notice' as their business owners tried to figure out how to recover from this unexpected catastrophe.


The crowd cheered in relief as Shikamaru and Temari finally concluded their two-hour long match. Shikamaru gave up so Temari advanced to the next round.

Meanwhile, sitting next to the Sandaime, the Kazekage (secretly Orochimaru) twiddled his fingers together in satisfaction. Everything was going smoothly according to plan…

At the waiting area, Genma, the exam proctor looked around. "The next match is… Uzumaki Naruto vs. Hyuga Neji! Please make your way to the stadium field."

Neji leaped onto the field, eliciting a roar of approval from the crowd. Most were Land of Fire citizens, and they were very proud of their hidden village, especially its elite clans such as the Hyuga and Uchiha.

Everyone looked around for his opponent, however. He was nowhere to be seen…


"Uzumaki Naruto? You're late!" One of the Chunin guards admonished as Naruto's figure approached.

"Ah, sorry!" Naruto said. "Woke up late, that's all." He neared the Chunin.

"Such lack of respect for our villagers! Do you know how many people are waiting out there to see you fight? And Hokage-sama is there too!"


"GAAHHHH!" The Chunin screamed.

Squirt. Squirt.

"AARRGGHG! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! PLEASE… NO MORE, NO MORE!" The Chunin fell down in a sobbing heap.

"Sorry!" Naruto said as he stepped over the Chunin's quivering body.


The crowd erupted into a mixture of cheers and boos as a lone orange figure finally emerged from one of the tunnels to challenge Neji.

"Finally you're here!" Genma berated. "Don't be late nex-…. Umm, kid, what the hell?"

Neji stared dumbly as the blonde boy came to a stop several paces in front of him.

Squirt. Squirt.


The entire stadium was stupefied. For those in the nosebleed seats, they had no idea what was going on, of course. But for the mezzanine and the lower levels, most of them had covered their mouths in shock.

"What is he doing?"


"Oh dear… sweetie remember what we discussed about the certain times I'm going to have to blindfold you? This is one of them…"

Genma cleared his throat. "Um… I guess you guys can begin."

Naruto smirked. "Dattebayo! Let's go Neji!"

Unbeknownst to the blond boy, the Hyuga was currently in an existential crisis. Was this fate? Was Kami-sama playing a joke on him? Was it his destiny to fight a ninja who was constantly ejaculating?

Neji sighed deeply. Might as well get this over with.

"Byukagan!" He activated his bloodline. He looked at the blond boy and saw something he had never seen before. All of the boy's chakra points were funneling towards one area… his dick.

This means… if he wanted to shut off Naruto's chakra… he would have to use Jyuken on the blonde's dick.

Neji shuddered. He was a guy after all. He didn't really want to hurt another guy's crotch, after all, all men usually feel a common sympathy for each other in regards to… that region.

Still… desperate times called for desperate measures.

"128 Palm Strike!" Neji roared, rushing towards Naruto.


"ARRRGGGHHH!" Neji yelled. "MY EYES! MY EYES!" A thick lump of cum had shot into his eyes. Byukagan, while powerful, was also extremely sensitive.

Getting smacked by a fistful of semen in the face was just too much for the Hyuga to bear. He collapsed on the ground, his eyes suffering from physical agony.

"Ah… sorry Neji…" Naruto said, pitying the once-proud figure sobbing in front of him.

The crowd was rapidly transitioning from nausea to downright hysteria. A Hyuga just got beaten… by a squirt of bodily fluid…

Genma furrowed his eyebrow. "Hyuga Neji, are you still able to fight?"

Squirt. Squirt.

"GAAAARGGHH!" Neji roared again as another wedge of semen shot into his ultra-sensitive eyes.

"Sorry sorry sorry!" Naruto apologized, trying to aim somewhere else.

"I yield…" Neji mumbled, completely defeated.

"Winner: Uzumaki Naruto!" Genma shouted.

At the waiting area, Gaara was watching with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. That boy… he must be extremely powerful if he could take down someone as strong as Hyuga Neji so rapidly…

A squad of ANBU hopped down. "Umm… Uzumaki Naruto. The Hokage wishes to have a word with you." One of the ANBU said, wearing a bear mask.

They looked nervously at the blond, trying to maintain a safe distance.

Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Old man? Sure!"

"We're going to escort you there…" One of the female ANBU with long purple hair approached, trying to grab a hold of Naruto.


"EEEEEEEKK!" She screamed, as Naruto inadvertently turned and shot off another wad at her. "Never mind! Just go there yourself! We'll be right behind you."


The Kazekage (Orochimaru) groaned as he watched the proceedings below. This was unbelievable. He was originally planning to wait until Gaara, the Ichibi's Jinchuuriki began fighting… but now, it seemed that the eternally ejaculating blonde would soon arrive at the Hokage box, along with a host of ANBU!

He sighed mentally as he gave off a few hand signals to a hooded Kabuto. Looks like they would have to commence the invasion earlier than originally planned…