HEY YOU! WITH THE FACE! Now, that I've got everyone who skips the authors note's attention there's a few things I wanna get out of the way. One is a warning to some of my frequent readers! Yes this story is rated T and everything in this story is T rated but still it is much more worthy of deserving the 'T' rating than a lot of my other stuff. You have been warned.
Second is a note about the continuity. This story breaks a whole lot of continuity that YJ has took the time to set up. My apologies Greg and Brandon. In this story the kids are younger cause to me it really wouldn't make any sense to educate 15 and 16 year olds about sex seeing as how Speedy is 18 in the series. So here, Robin is 9, Kid Flash and Miss Martian are 11, Aqualad is 12 and Speedy is 14. Wonder Girl is also just here along for the ride since I didn't want to use Artemis because her and Speedy in the same room…Eh, just breaking to many continuity barriers for me.
So with those two things out of the way, all I've got left to say is I hope you enjoy and please review. I'd love to hear comments, suggestions or constructive criticism. Now! On with the story!
Disclaimer: These things don't really protect me from lawsuits do they? If anything they probably increase my chances of losing a case if I ever get sued -_- So let me say this. I do not own the clone wars, I am in no way making money off of this story and to my knowledge DC is in no way losing money from this story. It is, in a sense, an unofficial promotional piece for Young Justice. Okay, pretentious disclaimer? Check!
Batman walked to the front of what looked like a high tech classroom and stood behind a large desk while the other members of the Justice League waited by the door and glanced at each other nervously. Seated in the classroom was Aquamans apprentice, Kaldur who was simply looking forward quietly. Batman's protégé, Robin was leaning on the edge of his seat with a smirk. Flash's sidekick, Kid Flash who was eating a granola bar while smiling over at the Martian Manhunters niece, Miss Martian who just waved back. Wonder Woman's younger sister Wonder Girl just sat in her seat looking bored. And finally, Green Arrows sidekick Speedy who was fidgeting in his seat looking completely terrified.
"Now," Batman began calmly and coldly. "I bet you're all wondering why you're here." Everyone, except Speedy nodded. "Let me just say first that what we are going to tell you here is quite important and that we want to you take this information to heart. Remember it, because there is going to be a time in your life…"
"Ready for this?" Green Arrow asked leaning over towards Aquaman who held a stack of note cards in his hand.
"I guess," Aquaman said sheepishly sucking in his cheeks.
"I still don't think this is such a good idea," Superman said shaking his head. Aquaman just shrugged his shoulders and started to walk towards the front of the room.
"Is he always like this?" Kid Flash said leaning towards Robin and whispering while Batman continued to talk. "He's not explaining anything he's just going on and on about how important this talk will be." The boy wonder just shrugged. Wally took it as a no and went back to wiggling his eyebrows at Miss Martian.
"I mean, I know we should explain this kind of stuff to them eventually but don't you think they might be a little young?" Superman continued as Aquaman stepped up front and looked at his first note card.
"Well if you had a sidekick what would you do if you caught them looking at porn on the internet?" Green Arrow asked crossing his arms.
"Were the girls hot?" Flash piped up. Superman glared at him. "What?" Flash shrugged. "The kids fourteen," he said turning to Green Arrow. "He's got his needs." Arrow just looked at him like he was about to throw up and Flash just raised an eyebrow. His comment hadn't been that inappropriate. Just then Batman put a finger to his lips and motioned to the front of the room where Aquaman was ready to speak.
"Hello kids! I'm sure you all know me so I'll just start the lecture right now." Aquaman said nervously with a smile. "So! Does anyone (beside Speedy) know where we come from?" Without missing a beat Robin shot to his feet.
"While conflicting versions of the origin of the universe exist, a careful study of the evidence presented by science, philoshiphy, logic and Ontology reveals that the most probable origin for life and ultimate reality in general is…"
"No! Not that origin!" Aquaman said cutting a hand through the air indicating for him to stop. "I mean do you know…" Aquaman took another glance at the crowd of kids looking at him intently. "…how babies are made?" he finished. The kids looked at each other until finally Wonder Girl raised her hand.
"Athena makes them out of clay before breathing life into them?" she asked. Meanwhile, Wonder Woman face palmed, Batman shook his head and Flash chuckled before turning towards Green Arrow again.
"Seriously though?" he asked. "Was it like one of those fetish websites? Is that why you're so nervous here? Do the boy have a thing for feet?" Green Arrow's face just tightened. Aquaman meanwhile, tried his best to ignore that conversation and continued.
"Have you ever seen a movie or read an article where they use the word," Aquaman paused before coughing and continuing in a very jargily voice "sex or sexy?"
"I read it when looking at an article on Twilight," Miss Martian said. All the guys in the room (And I do mean all the guys) groaned. There was silence in the room for about half a minute before Megan simply piped up "Team Edward," and smiled. Wonder Girl leaned over and whispered.
"Team Jacob," she said with a wink. Instantly Kid Flash jumped on top of his desk and pointed a finger at Wonder Girl.
"Team Edward is so much better and you know it! Jacob sucks cause he's a much lamer vampire than Edward…who is cooler." Kid Flash finished lamely winking at Miss Martian.
"…Kid, don't you think that you might be a little biased?" Aqualad asked.
"What? Bi?" Robin asked. "No way is KF gay. He is so not interested in Men!"
"Damn straight," Kid Flash said nodding.
"Come on, just tell me, you're obviously shaken up by this," Flash was saying to Green Arrow. "Ah! I bet is was a lesbians site wasn't it?" Green Arrow turned to Flash and the next words out of his mouth would scar just about everyone there for the next couple days. But first we're gonna go back to Robin and Aqualad's conversation.
"To be biased means to come down on a certain side of an issue for personal reasons." Aqualad explained calmly.
"Oh," Robin said blinking a couple of times. "So whose gay?"
"IT WAS NAKED GUYS OKAY?" Green Arrow shouted at flash. "HE WAS LOOKING AT MEN HAVING SEX WITH MEN! GUYS PUSHING THINGS UP OTHER GUYS, NYARGGHH! DUDES KISSING! YAOI! BL! GUY ON GUY! HAPPY NOW!" Everyone in the room just stared at Green Arrow, then at Speedy who buried his head further in his hands.
"Well apparently Speedy is," Kid Flash muttered. Aquaman promptly threw his note cards away and walked out of the room and found a corner of another room where he would spend the next hour and a half crying like a little girl from the disturbing images that had just been bestowed upon him.
Meanwhile, everyone remained silent and just looked at one another until the kids piped up.
"Someone shoot me!" Speedy yelled.
"Jacob is a werewolf," Wonder Girl said glaring at Kid Flash.
"Men can have kids?" Megan asked curiously. Flash turned towards Superman.
"Maybe you should explain this to them." He said wearily.
"Me?" The Man of Steel asked in shock.
"Yes, Big Blue Boyscout," Flash said pushing him forward "You know how it works! Explain it to them!" Superman slowly walked towards the front of the room. He quickly turned his head and mouthed the words 'help me' to Batman who just shrugged. Superman stood in front of the kids who just sat in there seats wide eyed. Superman opened his mouth, closed it, placed a hand on his chin, turned a deep shade of red and rubbed a hand on the back of his head. Suddenly, someone placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Please, let me handle this Superman," the Martian Manhunter said calmly. Superman nodded and gladly stepped back.
"You see kids," the Martian began holding up a finger. "Sex is an art. For example as Martians we are shape shifters but in our natural state we all have three…"
20 Minutes Later
Everyone in the room stared wide eyed with mouths open at the Martian. Except Megan who just smiled and nodded.
"It makes so much more sense now," she smiled innocently.
"I…didn'… know….that was possible," Flash wheezed. "Or that a body could have that many holes…or enough *cough* things to...*cough*"
"With density shifting and shape shifting I guess it's possible," Hal Jordan said trying to recover from the shock of realizing just howflexible Martians really were. Everyone was silent until…
"J'onn you perv!" Wonder Woman yelled at the Martian.
"Enough!" Batman said stepping forward. "First Aquaman chickens out, then we all have to find out what Speedies been up to, Superman chickens out, then J'onn goes hentai on us! I'll do this lecture myself!" Batman roared quickly as he picked up a blackboard marker.
"Sex is an act of reproduction which occurs when one of the female and male species come together! When the male sex organ, called the penis is properly stimulated it can be inserted into the female sex organ called the vagina. Furthermore you can ** (Ahem, we're experiencing technical difficulties, please bear with us….) and continue to rot in the slums of Gotham!" The Dark Knight explained in one breath setting the black board marker down as he finished illustrating the acts. Once again everyone stared blankly at the board and blinked. Very slowly, ever so slowly, Superman raised a hand to shield Captain Marvel's eyes (the dudes really only eight years old).
"Now that we've explained the biology of it all," Batman grumbled turning swiftly around. "The rest of you can explain how to do it safely , how it can be a wonderful expierience and all that crap." Everyone just looked at the explicit illustrations on the blackboard, then towards Batman, then back at the blackboard. Slowly, Flash turned towards Batman.
"How…did you learn to draw like that?" He asked.
"I spent six months at the Royal Academy of Arts," Batman explained simply. Flash was silent for a few more moments before he turned back to Batman.
"Sooo, think you could do one of me and Linda?"
And there you have it! Thanks for reading hope it wasn't to disturbing and remember to review! Unless it's to flame. Remember the old adage, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all." Until next time!