Yes. This is one of those stories where the author chooses random characters and makes them read the Harry Potter series. Read at your own risk.
Any and all feedback is welcome.
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, and I am not making money off this.
Two Introductions and the Start of Something
Sirius Black was angry.
Well perhaps angry was too strong a word, but he was certainly annoyed. It was very nearly Christmas in his seventh year at Hogwarts and he could not remember the last time he had felt less festive around the holidays. This year looked especially bleak when compared to Christmas the previous year, which he had spent at the Potters'. He almost smiled remembering the feeling he had experienced while sitting in front of the fire in the Potter's cozy living room, laughing and talking with James and his parents. It had certainly been a vast improvement over the stiff, formal dinners his mother was so fond of.
So what had changed in a year? Well sometime during the past 365 days, Lily Evans had decided that James Potter was not the arrogant toe-rag she had thought him to be, and finally agreed to go out with him. Sirius was happy for his best mate and had not complained when James began to spend more and more time with her, thereby spending less time with Sirius, Remus and Peter. (It is possible that James' three companions decided not to complain because it meant that he finally stopped griping over the fact that Lily would not look at him). No Sirius Black had not been bothered overmuch, until Lily decided to invite James to meet her family over the holidays, an invitation that certainly did not spread to include a best mate whom Lily did not like. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had invited Sirius to stay with them, but he did not want to intrude on the couple who had given him a place to stay after he finally left Grimmauld Place, so he had declined the offer. Then he learned that his other best friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, were also headed home. In fact, it turned out that Sirius was the only seventh year Gryffindor who was going to experience the last Christmas of his school years in the castle.
He admitted that the first few days had gone fairly well, as he had the entire dormitory to himself and the common room was much emptier than usual, however having all the good chairs by the fire filled with first years and listening to the giggling of the fifth and sixth year girls who were trying unsuccessfully to catch his eye had gotten old very fast. After three days he did not think he could bear another minute of chattering midgets, he had to get out of there.
This was why Sirius was walking aimlessly through the corridors on the fifth floor - or was it the seventh? Either way it did not matter, he had no particular destination in mind.
Suddenly he swore and punched the wall.
"That was certainly unnecessary!" Exclaimed a portrait, looking upon him with scorn.
Sirius muttered something incomprehensible which might have been an apology, before turning down the corridor to head the other way. He had hoped that hitting something would relieve some of his aggression, but instead it gave him something else to glower about. Now his hand was smarting. He scowled at a tapestry of a wizard who appeared to be teaching trolls to dance. A rather pointless pursuit, he thought, but then again at least the wizard in the tapestry had something to do.
Sighing, Sirius turned again and decided to head back to the Gryffindor common room. At this point he was willing to do homework to take his mind off his boredom. He wished for something - anything - to do.
He had just passed the tapestry for what must have been the third time when he stopped short. A door had appeared in what had been a solid wall across from the tapestry. Figuring that whatever was on the other side of the door was very likely to be more interesting than the History of Magic essay he had planned on writing, he opened it and stepped into the room. If it was any good he could tell the other Marauders about it when they returned at the end of the break. He stepped through the doorway with a grin on his face, but the expression quickly fell away as he saw the room he walked into.
The room itself was not particularly remarkable. It was maybe half the size of a regular classroom. The walls were bare, but the wall opposite the door had several windows. The only furniture in the room were a pair of armchairs set on opposite sides of a small table near the wall to Sirius's right. What surprised Sirius was the youth who was sitting in the chair nearest the windows.
The boy in the chair was holding a book. Sirius glimpsed the words 'Harry Potter' on the cover before the person holding the book lowered it and glared at the Gryffindor. Several questions chased each other around Sirius's mind, and just when he decided to ask what the other was doing, his mouth seemed to move of it's own accord.
The other youth's mouth twisted into a smirk.
"This, Black, is what we humans call a book."
Severus Snape was bored, there was no other way to put it. The only other seventh year Slytherins who had stayed at Hogwarts for the break were members of the Quiddich team who were training nearly all hours of the day, determined to beat Gryffindor in the next match, no matter what it took. It left the common room horribly empty, but under normal circumstances Severus would have been happy to sit in the quiet and work on his homework. Today was different. After spending nearly an hour trying to write a particularly nasty Arithmancy essay, he just gave up.
It was all Potter's fault, he thought as he walked through the mostly deserted halls. When he first heard Evans was actually dating the idiot he had not believed it. Evans was the only person outside Slytherin who did not worship the ground the great prick walked on, or at least he thought so. Then he stumbled across the two of them snogging behind greenhouse three. It had almost been enough to turn his stomach.
He and Lily had not really spoken since the incident at the lake two years ago when he had called her a mudblood. He had tried to apologise again and again, but it never did any good. Eventually he had given up, and now she was dating James Potter. A small part of his mind hinted that it was his fault, it he never said that word then maybe…
He gave his head a miniscule shake and continued walking. At first he was not sure of where he was headed, then he remembered a conversation he had overheard between two Ravenclaws about a room that appeared if you walked past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy three times.
Severus tried to push thoughts of Lily and James from his mind as he quickened his pace and headed for the seventh floor. Staying at Hogwarts for the holidays was not a bad thing, really, it certainly beat listening to his parents row non-stop for a few weeks.
By the time he reached the tapestry his thoughts had calmed significantly. As he passed by it the first time he allowed a small smirk at the idea of teaching trolls ballet before attempting to clear his mind. He wasn't sure if a specific thought pattern was needed to access the room, having only caught the first bit of the conversation, but he figured that the magic would work better if his mind wasn't hopelessly cluttered.
Severus passed the tapestry a second time, then a third and sure enough a door appeared. He opened it and walked in.
The room was a nice one, uncluttered and simple. He saw two chairs and a small table at one end. There was a book sitting on the table. He walked over to one of the chairs and sat down, glancing out the window as he did so. There was a spectacular view of the lake and grounds. This struck him as slightly odd, but rather than puzzling over it, he elected to examine the book. On the cover was a picture of a boy who looked a lot like James Potter, he had the same stupid hair and glasses, but he also had a strangely shaped scar, like a lightening bolt, in the middle of his forehead. The boy was standing in front of the Hogwarts Express. The title of the book was 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'.
Severus snorted. If someone had written a book about one of James Potter's relatives he was surprised the git hadn't shouted it from the rooftops. He flipped it open, turning to the page with the copyright, hoping to get some idea of the time frame of the novel. His eyes bulged unpleasantly when he saw the date of publication: 1997. This book was apparently from the future. A part of him assumed that this was an elaborate prank of some sort set up by Potter, but a second, larger part of him was curious. He flipped to the back cover and read:
Harry Potter thinks he is an ordinary boy - until he is rescued by an owl, taken to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, learns to play Quiddich and does battle in a deadly duel. The Reason…
Severus heard the door open and looked up, repressing the urge to shudder as Sirius Black entered the room. Black was one of Potter's loyal sycophants, or (as Potter claimed) his friends. Severus glared at the Gryffindor, who looked as though he was thinking quite hard on what to say next. Just as Severus was about to say something since Black had apparently lost the ability to talk, the newcomer found his voice at last.
Severus smirked at the look on the other's face, as Black seemed to realize the stupidity of his words.
"This, Black, is what we humans call a book."
The two teens stared at each other for a few long moments in which Sirius's hand twitched toward his wand and Severus raised an eyebrow. Then Sirius stepped inside and allowed the door to close behind him.
"What are you doing here Black?" questioned Snape, looking at the other.
"None of your business Snivellus," sneered Sirius. "What are you doing here?"
Severus rolled his eyes at the predictability of the question, but did not bother responding in the same manner as Sirius, though his eyes flashed dangerously as he spoke his next sentence.
"I overheard two Ravenclaws speaking of a secret room and thought that I would see if it was interesting."
"Looks rather dull to me Snivellus," Sirius smirked. "Now what is that book?"
"It's called 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'," said Snape. "Is that a relative of your mate Potter?"
Sirius shook his head.
"I didn't think so, not yet anyway."
"The date of publication on this book is 1997," Severus explained.
Seeing the way Sirius's eyes widened convinced Snape that the book was not a joke pulled by Potter. Potter and Black were inseparable, if Black didn't know about the book, then neither did Potter. Severus flipped the book over and read the back cover aloud:
Harry Potter thinks he is an ordinary boy - until he is rescued by an owl, taken to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, learns to play Quiddich and does battle in a deadly duel. The Reason: HARRY POTTER IS A WIZARD!
Severus flicked his eyes upwards and saw an odd look on Black's face. With a jolt he realized that Black looked interested in the book.
Sirius was wondering what all of this could mean: a book, from the future, about someone named Potter.
"So what do we do now?" he asked.
Snape sighed. "Well, as I see it, there are three options. The first is that you leave and go back to doing whatever it is you do when Potter's not around, but judging by the look on your face, that isn't going to happen. The second option is that I read this," here he gestured with the book, "then I give it to you and you read it. Or," and here Severus looked as though he were admitting something highly unpleasant "we could read it aloud."
"Well you're right about one thing, I won't be forgetting this any time soon. Hell, this 'Harry Potter' might be James's son for all I know!" Sirius shot a wry grin at Snape, who did not look happy at the idea of his enemy reproducing. "I don't know if I can wait for you to finish, plus who knows if I could read through all the grease stains." Severus looked like he was going to interrupt, so Sirius hurried on. "I suppose that leaves us with door three. Even though I don't like you, it seems like the best option."
"Rest assured Black, I did not offer because I like you. In fact, I think it would be best if the book, and any information in the book do not leave this room."
"Of course. Like I would want to be seen with you. Do you want to start now?"
Severus nodded curtly and opened the book to chapter one and started to read.
Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived.