You know what? This fanfiction is like the summary of Quantum mechanics: anything can happen at any time for no reason.
Plot hole Saga part 3; finale:
An interesting development! The insanity of FanFiction court!
So here I am, sitting in some dusty and moldy cell, waiting to be judged for some crime I don't know anything about. No, really. They didn't even tell me why I was being arrested. Then again, FanFiction law doesn't always make sense. For instance, did you know that it's illegal for authors to buy corn flakes? Wait, I'm getting off topic. Damn ADD.
"It's time," an officer opened the cell door.
Back at Stark Mountain...
"Well, what does the note say?" Black peaked over Whites' shoulder, disregarding the fact that their "God" was just arrested by swimsuit models.
"It says 'The key to bringing life back to the stupid lies in the place were time and space bends'. What the hell does that mean?" White read the paper in scrutiny.
Cheren shrugged. "Leave it to the Author to troll us when it comes to crucial plot points."
Bianca came to a sudden realization. "Wait, why am I still here? That bitch Mary-Sue just died. I have no more business to do with you retards. See ya. I'm off to destroy the world!"
Bianca attempted to leave, but something pulled her and the rest of our "heroes" back together; they all slammed into each others backs.
"Ow! What was that?" Black groaned.
"My guess is that the Author wanted us to keep together," Cheren said.
Well duh. Oh wait dammit! Broke parole. Betas aren't allowed here either. Fucky fudge.
"Anyway, I think that we should ask for help from one of the wisest, most helpful characters in the world," White suggested, as everyone got back up and faced her.
"Jesus?" Cheren asked.
"No. Think less religious."
"Fuck no! Think less like crappy pop star."
Everyone else shrugged.
"I meant Sassy Gay Kyurem."
White's three companions let out a collective "Oh".
"Why! He's so annoying! ," Black protested.
"At least he was actually useful last chapter!" White shot back.
Black relented. "Fine. I'll call him back."
He held out his Master Ball. "Kyurem, return!" He shouted as the red light emitted from the capture device into the sky. It traveled through the cosmos in order to reach it's intended target: A large, grey, homosexual dragon with a penchant for bettering peoples lives. Whoa, that was a weird description.
Eventually, the red light retracted back to the ball. "Go, Kyurem!" Black threw the Master Ball into the air.
"FABULOUS!" Kyurem declared as he was released from his Pokéball. (Master Ball)
"Do you have to say that every time I call you out?" Black asked his legendary in annoyance.
"A duh, sweetie. Of course I do," Kyurem began to giggle a bit.
White cleared her throat. "Excuse me, oh sassy one, but could I have your help in deciphering a stupid as hell riddle that the author left us?"
"Sure, honey. What is it?"
White showed Kyurem the note. He turned around and mumbled to himself.
Turning around again, Kyurem answered cheerfully, "I know the answer, honey! It's the Legendary God yoga class that's right over there!" He pointed in the opposite direction. The group turned to look, and surely enough, there was a yoga studio right behind them. Science has no explanation for this phenomenon.
"How did we miss that?" Black asked no one in particular.
"Well, that was retardedly convenient," Bianca let out a slight, humorless chuckle.
Back at FanFiction court...
"All rise for the honorable Alpha Author," The bailiff commanded. He looked like a Mummified beetle.
Oh fuck me with all kinds of S&M gear. THE Alpha Author was going to preside over my case? You see, The Alpha Author is the first fanfic writer to ever exist, the Adam/Eve of our species. S/He laid down the laws of the written word for us. After the great badfic wars of '03, I heard that s/he was horribly injured and adopted a new, stricter, attitude on those who break our laws. If s/he was going to be here, then I might as well rip my fingernails out, eat them with a side of nails, pour gasoline all over myself, and light myself on fire, because that would be nothing compared to whatever punishment s/he could sentence me.
Everyone in the courtroom stood up. Literally shitting my pants in fear, I looked around. The whole place looked like one giant acid trip. For starters, the walls kept changing colors, Red, blue, pink, green. There didn't seem to be a pattern to it all. The chairs were made of apple pies. Slices of pizza decorated the walls Other then that, the room itself looked normal for a courtroom. I looked at the audience. Everyone who ever read this FanFiction was here. The Creador and SupersammyXD, to name a few. To my surprise, everyone sat on the side of prosecution. Thanks a lot, guys. -_-
I looked to the Jury. Wait. What the fuck? Cyborg Werewolves? The Jury is a bunch of Cyborg Werewolves? ...And an eight year old girl? Hold on a second... I know her!
"Jacqui? What are you doing here?" I asked the child. I should explain who she is first. Jackie is the younger sister of one of my friends.
"I'm here to make you suffer in a pit for all eternity, sinner," Jacqui replied.
"Just my luck," I sighed. I noticed that the Werewolves around Jacqui were squirming, as if to get away from her.
I found my self wondering, 'Why hasn't the Judge appeared yet? They announced him five minutes ago.'
Suddenly, a light shined from above the Judge's stand, and a giant brain in an equally giant jar descended from above, and landed on the stand.
"Mother Brain is the Judge? Didn't see that coming," I remarked. In hindsight, mocking the original member of our species is a bad idea, especially since he could vaporize me with just a thought.
"NO, YOU FOOL!" The brain boomed. "I AM THE ALPHA AUTHOR! DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO THE BAILIFF?"
"Sorry, sir. Anyway, I have a question. Why is my lawyer a pineapple, while the prosecutor is Miles Edgeworth? That doesn't seem fair," I whined. "Also, Why am I here? What did I do?"
The Alpha Author turned to an officer on his left. "Why didn't you tell the defendant why you arrested him?"
The officer shrugged. "I dunno."
The A.A. (Alpha Author) sighed. "Fine... I'll tell you what you are charged with. Denizen of Madness, you are charged with the creation of a Mary-Sue, Inhumane torture of canon characters, Self insertion into the plot, and general bad writing. How do you plead?"
"Not guilty!" I shouted.
"You can't overrule a plea!"
"Bitch, please. This is my courtroom! I make the rules. If I want to overrule a plea, then I can!" A.A. retorted.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Well, I'm screwed."
"I would now like to call Anticsareme to the stand," A.A. declared.
With that a very strange and seemingly drunk girl stumbled in. She has messy short orange hair and a black squirrel on her shoulder. She's wearing overall shorts covered in buttons.
"Alphie? Alphie Arthur? Uhhh... No I don tink I know you," she said idiotically. I want to go join N right now, "OH! Denizen! I thought you were arrested. What you doin here?"
"Oh, just being sentenced because I created an unspeakable one."
"AH! You wrote about Voldemort? Or Justin Bieber?"
"Then you've started writing Twilight fanfictions that are not crack?"
"A Mary Sue."
"Oh, May the lord have mercy on your soul," she said demonically, "So what else did you do?"
"Huh. Well then this is going to suck."
"My Little Pony Brigade."
"They're here. I invited them for cookies."
With that a group of magically colored ponies walked into the courtroom.
"What the hell bitches?" asked asked an awesome blue one.
"Where duh cookies?" asked another, pink, one.
"Ponies leave!" moaned A.A, now regretting calling the idiot to the stand.
"Okay. But after cookies!" They yelled. Anticsareme looked over at A.A.
"I gots a question."
"I'm the one who'll be doing the questioning."
"But I have a ..."
It was then I noticed my pineapple lawyer was playing ping pong with a pony. Why me?
A.A. began to question my friend.
"Is it true that you act as a sort of beta for the defendant?"
"Uhh... hold on. I gosta check mah flip-flop..." Anticsareme removed one of her flip flops and placed it on her ear, "UH huhuhuh Yeup. I is."
"And is it true that the defendant tortured 'innocent' characters for fun?"
"Objection! Why isn't the prosecutor questioning the witness?" I pointed at Antics.
"You should know by now that we don't play by the traditional court system. Now shut up, so I can give you a guilt complex!"
I face palmed.
"Next witness!" A.A. ordered.
Back at Mount Stark. (Iron Man not included)
"Why is it taking so long to get to the yoga studio? It's literally thirty feet away!" Cheren complained.
"The author has a poor sense of time, maybe?" Black asked rhetorically. He carried N's corpse piggy back style. "And why am I carrying N again?"
"Well, I'm a lady, so you can't expect me to carry anything, Cheren's a stereotypical nerd, so he's useless at that stuff, and Bianca scares the shit out of me, so I wouldn't even try asking her," White said in a zoned out voice.
Black turned his head towards Cheren. "Is she still depressed about N?" He whispered.
"Well, her would-be boyfriend was brutally murdered by an abomination while he was wearing a tiny mini-skirt just a little bit ago, so yeah, I'm guessing she feels bad, Black," Cheren said sarcastically. "Actually, I'm impressed that she's holding up this well, given the circumstances."
Black chuckled. "Well, she always was a tough cookie, I mean, we both remember the lengths she goes for revenge," He shuddered at the memory.
Cheren nodded. "What were we thinking, locking her in a closet like that? That's just evil."
"It was your idea!"
"It was the Authors' insanity plague that made me do it! Well, now that we're out of Unova, I've been able to think more clearly. I now realize the error of my ways. I think I'll invest in the stock market when we're through." Cheren iterated a bad idea.
Now realizing that I made a plot hole out of the distance our heroes (and I use that term loosely) were walking and the length of Black and Cherens' conversation, I patched it up. Please enjoy the reactions they had. I dare you to guess who said what.
"Hey look, we're here!"
"Finally. Let's get this supernatural tie-thing over with so I can murder the jackass who wrote this piece of shit."
"Why did this take so long again?"
Our "heroes" enter the yoga studio, they were greeted by a strange sight. (Well, normal when you compare it to some of the other stuff that happens when I write.)
A Palkia was attempting to put its' leg behind its' head, and surprisingly, was succeeding. The lord of space (!) wasn't the only legendary Pokémon contorting into weird poses. Others, such as a Mewtwo were doing exactly as Palkia did; it seemed as he was the one teaching this class.
As our group looked on in awe, Black whispered to Cheren, "Um, Cheren? I thought that the Author only plagued Unova, not this place."
"I guess the whole world is crazy, and we just get the worst of it."
White took off her left shoe and tossed it at Palkias' head. Being a shoe, it did little to Palkia. It did, however, get his attention.
"WHO DARES THROW A SIZE EIGHT SHOE AT ME!" Palkia shouted in anger.
"I dare, you giant phallic symbol! Now, give me the magic bring-dead-things-back-to-life thingy!" White demanded as she stared down the giant dragon who, may I remind you, is considered a God. By now, White's friends (or whatever their relationship to her is) realized that she had gone completely insane. Palkia stormed toward White. He loomed over her, his eyes seething in rage.
"Eep," White peeped in fear. "On second thought, I realize that Black threw the shoe, not me!" She pulled Black in front of her.
"I hate you," Black muttered under his breath.
Palkia decided that using an attack on any of them would be a waste of PP. He opted to just crush them under his feet. He raised his leg over the main characters, bringing it down to end this shit fest you're reading.
Then, suddenly, Kyurem jumped out of a plot hole! This was because I'm an idiot who forgot to say what happened to him. (I assume Kyurem is a guy)
"Stop! In the name of plot convenience!" He shouted and held a hand(?) up.
"Oh, it's you..." Palkia stopped midway.
"You know him?" Black asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, We were roommates back when generation 3 was in the spotlight," Palkia moved his foot back to the ground. "That was a time I would rather not remember though."
"Well, Kyurem is..."
"Annoying as fuck?" Black sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry I threw a shoe at you, but I'm temporarily insane because my kinda sort of boyfriend was brutally murdered in front of my eyes by an unholy abomination," White held her arms up in apology.
"S'okay. Let me guess, you need to revive him."
"Fine. I'll revive him if you promise to never come back here again."
"I promise," White crossed her heart.
"Give him this, and never return, you psychotic bitch!" a bright light shined in Palkia's claw. Dying down, it revealed the great secret to restoring life to the stupid: SKITTLES! The package of magical candy floated down into White's hands.
"The fuck! I could go and buy this at the corner store!" White shouted.
"I could take it back," Palkia reached out.
White pulled the package away. "No, I'll keep it."
White poured the skittles into his mouth. White then forced him to chew the skittles, then used a plunger to force them down his throat. "TASTE THE RAINBOW MUTHA FUCKA!" A random voice shouted from the heavens.
Ns' body floated as a bright white light glowed around it. And in a flash, he was standing, living, the wound in his chest healed, holding his head in a daze, and was absolutely confused. (What else is new?)
"Ugh, my head... Am I dead?" N groaned in confusion.
"N!" White ran to him and hugged him, nearly crushing his organs in the process. "Oh, Arceus, you're okay? I promise, I won't hit or beat or insult you ever again!"
"White?" N whispered, and looked past her. "Black? Cheren? BIANCA? Oh, No! I must have died and gone to hell! And you're all my eternal punishment! Please, someone get me out of here! I'm too wonderful to suffer! Arceus! Budha! Giritina, you owe me!"
"What? No, N! A Mary-Sue killed you, but I brought you back to life using the power of skittles!" White pulled out of the hug.
"Oh. Forget what I just said, then. I owe you one, White."
Before White could respond, the whole studio shook violently. A few lights blew out, and the jamba juice bar fell apart.
"What just happend?" Cheren asked no one in particiular.
"Hmmm. My best guess is that the plot hole is causing the apocalypse to start, and that the mortal plane is about to collapse into a giant blueberry doughnut," Palkia explained rather nonchalantly.
"The worlds ending? But I killed the Mary-Sue! With a space laser canon! Shouldn't that mean the world's been saved?" White shouted.
"Yeah, but you let the Author get arrested by the Fanfic police. And Fanfiction court is harsh and illogical, so he's probably getting the death penalty."
"What does that have to do with it?" Black asked.
"You don't know? Well, I suppose that I have to tell you in order for you to understand. You know how we're all in a fanfiction? Well, that's because this world isn't the original. It's a copy made by the Author in order to make a twisted, and for some reason, funny story without disrupting cannon. All of us are screwed up duplicates of pre-existing Pokémon characters. The world literaly comes from him. If he dies, we die," Palkia explained.
"Ouch, my brain can't handle all of that mind blowing, existential crap you just threw our way!" Black held his head in pain.
"Clones or not, we can't just let the world be destroyed!" Cheren exclaimed.
"Yeah, I haven't gotten a chance to commit genocide yet!" Bianca shouted.
"I just came back to life! I can't die again so soon!" N teared up a bit. "I'm too wonderful to die! Again!"
"Please, isn't there something that can be done?" White pleaded.
"Hmmm," Palkia rubbed his chin. "I suppose that if you manage to get the Author out of all charges, then the universe wouldn't end. I'll take you there, if you're willing."
White looked to all of her companions, and sorta boyfriend, and said, "All of us may hate the Author, and we may want to smother him in his sleep, but I think that if the only way to save the universe is to save him, then we're willing to do so."
"Alright, then. Off you go!" A pinkish light surounded our "heroes" and in the next moment, they were gone.
Back at Fanfic Court...
"...And then he has the audacity to use characters from my story!" Wolf Mirage shouted from the witness stand.
"Objection!" I shouted. "I made Cinder! You said I could use her AND Apollo! You seemed so nice! Why are you being so mean?"
"Down in front!" A purple unicorn threw an apple at me using magic.
"Ow!" I said as the apple made contact with my head.
"Over ruled!" A.A. declared. "Sorry, but in Fanfiction Court, everyone is against the defendant, no matter how nice they are! Now, if that's everything, then I would like to declare the defendant guilt-"
"OBJECTION!" A familiar voice shouted from the back of the room.
Everyone in the room turned to see who it was, and we all let out a simultaneous gasp.
It was... me? What?
"Hello, everybody!" The other me grinned. "I have shocking evidence that if you execute me, an entire universe will end."
"And what proof do you have?" The A.A. asked incredulously.
"Oh, no one special, just these guys!" And in a flash of pinkish light, our "heroes" appeared.
"Two Authors? What's going on?" White shouted.
"I should explain. You see, I'm a time paradox duplicate from the future. I knew these guys would show up! So I knew that I had to come to this day, at this time and set myself free! This whole fanfic is an AU of my creation, made from my mind. These guys are clones of real characters. If I am to die, then you, my dear Alphie, would have the blood of billions of characters on your han-er, brain stem!" The other me winked at A.A. "Plus, there's the whole 'AU is free game' clause!"
"CRAP! Why didn't you tell me that this was an AU?" A.A. shouted at the Bailiff.
"You have failed me for the last time!" And with that, the bailiffs head instantly imploded. "I suppose I can't keep you here since this is an AU. But you listen to me! If you ever screw up, then your ass will be back here faster than you can sat cherrychonga! And I won't be as forgiving next time, no matter what your fancy-shmancy clone says!"
I stared at myself in awe. I can't believe that I was able to save myself so easily. I'm so clever.
"You did it, me!" I shouted as I ran up to myself. "How did you figure this all out? And how did you get here?"
"AH AH AH, you'll know when the time comes!" I said as I pulled me into a hug.
"NO!" A.A. screamed. "Stop touching yourself!"
But it was much too late. A plot hole began to grow in the middle of the courtroom, sucking in everything that was in there. First went the jury, the the lawyers, then the audiance.
"Denizen, you idiots!" Was the last words of the A.A. as it was sucked into the hole.
Aside from the two of me and our "heroes", there was only one thing left in the court room: the ponies.
"WEEEE!" The hyper pink one shouted as she went in. The others soon follow, saying their own respective ephitats.
"No!" Both of me mourned the loss of the ponies.
White smacked both of my heads with her fists. "You two can mourn the loss of a national treasur later! Right now, you need to teleportal us away from this thing!"
"Oh, right!" The two of me said in unision. "Wonder twin powers activate!" I and me said as we high fived. The "heroes" and the me-s vanished in a flash of white light, away from the destructive plot hole.
Later, in an unknown location...
...And White and the others awoke with a startle, floating in a seemingly endless white void.
"Where the hell are we?" White asked.
"I better get an answer quick, or I'm gonna take out Mr. stabby," Bianca threatened.
"If you must know, it's the White Space," The Future Clone of me said.
"And that is...?" White urged.
"It's the space in between stories. You know, like how outer space is betwwen planets. But in this case, it's with fanfics," The current me said. Anyone else getting a head ache about this whole time travel thing?
"I sure am," The future me said.
Wait, how can read my- Oh right, you're me! I forgot for a second.
"Yeah, now, for any of this to make sense, past me, you need to go to the court room at the exact time that I did and do everything I just to the letter, got it?"
"To resolve the time paradox!"
"There can't be more than one of us in the same time period at a time!"
"Because, our combined chaos powers are corrupting the universe! You saw what happend back at court!"
I sighed. "Fine, I'll go!" And with that, I disappeared in a puff of smoke, and time reset itself, making the future me the current me.
"Well," The now-current me said, "What should we do now? Oh, I know! Let's play Yu-Gi-OH for the next twenty quadrillion years!"
"NO!" Everyone else shouted in unision.
"This is Pokémon, you sick freak! It's illegal to play that here! Besides, shouldn't you be doing something else, like, I don't know, restoring Unova? All of our stuff is there!"
"Please. While you guys were unconscious, I took the liberty of doing just that! I'm not an idiot!"
"So you say," Cheren muttered under his breath.
"I'm going to ignore that comment. Now, off you go!" I clapped my flippers and watched as they warped back to their home region.
In front of N's Castle...
Every one but N and White had left, all scurying to their respective homes to get some well deserved Sandviches.
"Well, what should we do now?" Whites whispered.
N looked at her with a sad look in his eyes and sighed. "White, I've been thinking. I think we should take a break."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, what I mean is that this story has messed with my mind. Since I now know that I'm not even the real N, I feel worse than what my dad said to me back in the first game. So I have decided. I'm going to leave Unova for a while, and try to find myself away from chaotic authors, serial killers, Mary-Sues, and pocky. I want to know who I am outside of the real N, outside of this story. So, I'm going to leave on the back of my trusty british dragon," He said as he looked into the horizon of the cliff his home stood on.
"So that's it, huh? You're just gonna run off again?" White shouted in anger.
"Look, I won't be gone forever. This time, I'm planning on coming back. Kanto seems nice this time of year. "
White pinched the bridge of her nose. "You know what? Fine. Go. Leave. But I'm staying at the castle and they better treat me nice, cause I just recently bought a cas of sewing needles."
N grinned. "I wouldn't hav it any other way."
N reached into his pocket and threw out the Pokéball that contained Reshiram. Climbing onto his back, N said "If that's it, then Au revoir, White!" And he flew off into the sunset, ready to make peace with himself.
Until he was kidnapped by a Flip-Flop assasin. But that's another story.
Well, everyone, I would like to thank everyone who every read this! You guys gave me the confidence to continue writing. But, sadly, The Psychosis of N has ended. I just don't feel as if I can do anything more with this story.
But, If you guys want more N, then go look up my collab story The Tournament of Madness, Co-written by Anticsareme, my Bf.
If you want MOAR Pokémon stuff, then I'm writtng my own Pokémon journey story, Of Satelites and Junk. A journey parody of my own creation.
If you want to see some My Little Pony Friendship is magic, then look up my story Fanning the Flames. An Oc humor fic.
 Miles Edgeworth Is a prosecutor from the Phoenix Wright Series. He is very good at his job.
Au Rvoir means, "Until we meet again", in french, I think.
So, Au Revoir Every one!