A/N: This is the outtake I wrote for Fandom Gives Back. Thanks to all who donated!
This is the most requested outtake! If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked if Edward ever bottoms... well, I'd be a rich woman and I'd quit my job and write a LOT more fic. :)
"Shit, Jake. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. Don't stop," Edward cries, his back arching as he flexes against me. He's naked in our bed, legs spread wide so I can sit between them and play. I have one hand wrapped around his cock and the other between his legs, my fingers pressing inside and bringing him the kind of pleasure he rarely asks for.
"I'm not stopping," I tell him. "Not 'til you cum." I focus on making it happen, curling my fingers inside him and stroking him faster.
"Jake!" he gasps, his chest flushing bright red. "Jake, oh my God!" He's bucking against my fingers as his cock starts to twitch in my hand. I keep up a steady rhythm, working him until he's a spent, whimpering mess. When his body starts to calm, I let his cock fall against his abdomen and reach for the hand wipes in the nightstand.
I clean myself up and wipe the cum from Edward's belly while he lies there mumbling and humming, completely relaxed and smiling. He doesn't even open his eyes until I flop down beside him and lean in to kiss him softly.
"Damn, Black," he says, smiling. "That was amazing."
"You think so?" I tease, kissing him again. I pull him close, pressing my body into his, and he strokes my hip slowly.
"Again? Already?" he says, pulling away from the kiss when he feels my hard cock pressing against him. We started the evening with Edward on his knees, licking and sucking until I came in his mouth.
"What did you think would happen? I love watching you cum like that, it's so fucking hot," I tell him honestly.
"Hmm," he says, snaking a hand between us to wrap around my dick. "What are we going to do about this? I suppose I could jerk you off this time... or suck you again, that was fun..."
"Or I could just fuck you since you're all relaxed and loosened up," I tease, burying my face in the crook of his neck. I start to kiss and lick at his sensitive skin, but his whole body stiffens against mine.
"Baby, baby, I was just kidding," I assure him, wrapping an arm around his waist. I pepper small kisses down his throat and over his collarbone until he starts to relax.
"Were you really just kidding, or is that something you want?" he says, his voice quiet and contemplative.
I pull back a little so I can look at him, surprised to find him looking so vulnerable, wide eyes searching mine for answers. He looks curious, not disgusted. A year ago he would have laughed it off or given me an unequivocal "no." His confusion over coming out, being with me, and redefining his sexual identity took a long time to sort though. He's comfortable with himself now, happy with his life, but I had no idea he was at a point where he would consider switching things up sexually.
"I don't know," I tell him honestly, combing my fingers through his messy hair. "I mean, I love things the way they are. I love everything we do, you know? But that being said, I've topped before, a few times, and it can be... fun. I'd do it, if it's something you want."
"I don't know," he echoes. "I mean, I used to think that there was no way I'd ever want that. I guess I still can't really picture it. But the way you make me feel when you touch me there, Jake... God. It feels so good. It makes me wonder..."
I hold my breath, stroking his hair and peppering his shoulder and his neck with little kisses. Topping Edward has never been at the top of my list of fantasies, but I'm not about to count it out if he wants to try.
"Does it hurt?" he asks. "Seriously, be honest."
"Does it hurt when I use my fingers?" I ask, resting a hand on his shoulder. He thinks for a minute before shaking his head.
"Not really, I guess," he says.
"I'm not convinced, E," I tease, although my pride is a little wounded. If I've been hurting him even a little bit, I'm going to feel like crap.
"I mean, it hurts a little bit sometimes, when you start... but not in a bad way. It's like a bite or a spanking or something-it hurts a little, but it makes everything else so much... hotter."
"So what makes you think this would be different?" I ask, rocking against his hip so he can feel my cock pressing against him.
"Well your dick is definitely bigger than your finger," he says, using his hand to pull my body closer to his.
"It's not that much bigger than three fingers," I argue.
"Yeah, but you never put three fingers in my ass."
"Um... yeah, I do." I lift my head, look down at him, and grin at the wide-eyed look of surprise on his face.
"No way!" he argues.
"I had three fingers inside you fifteen minutes ago, Ed. You really didn't know?"
"Oh... Shit, really?" he asks. "I thought it was two. Really, three?"
"Three," I confirm, nodding slowly. I lean down to kiss his cheek and drag my lips over his stubbled cheek. He's quiet for a minute, contemplating, and I have to fight to resist the urge to grind against him.
"Let's do it," he says, his jaw set in determination. "I think we should try."
"Are you sure, Ed? I mean, we don't have to. Hell, I was just kidding when I brought it-"
"C'mon, I want to," he says. Something in his eyes gives me pause-he seems like he's more worried than excited-but then he pulls me down and gives me a long, passionate kiss.
I lose my objections in Edward's hot mouth, feeling myself melt into his kiss. He's even more demanding than usual. He kisses me hungrily, his tongue thrusting and searching while his left hand grips the back of my neck.
"Fuck!" I gasp, sucking in a deep breath when he finally lets me pull away. I drop my head down for more, but Edward is rolling away from me.
"Get a condom," he says, picking up the bottle of lube I had discarded earlier. He scrambles up onto his knees and squeezes some lube onto his finger tips, reaching backwards awkwardly to prepare himself. I watch as he pushes a single fingertip inside and then pulls it out, spreading the lube around. I can't help stroking myself a little as I roll the condom down the length of my dick.
It's been years since I've topped anyone; I like it enough, although I don't enjoy it nearly as much as I enjoy being on the receiving end. The only thing that makes me nervous is the idea of doing this with Edward-with someone I love so much. I can try to make it good for him, but what if he hates it?
"C'mon, Jake," he says, reaching out to grab my hand. He tugs me closer before letting go and falling forward onto his hands and knees. "I'm ready."
"Are you sure, Edward? Maybe some more lube-"
"Jake, just do it," he says, bending low to rest on his forearms.
I crawl behind him, kneeling between his legs, and rest a hand on his shoulder to steady myself. He's tense, every muscle in his back flexed and coiled tight.
"Alright, babe. Relax for me," I tell him, smoothing my hand over his back, from his shoulder to his waist. "This isn't going to work if you don't relax."
"I'm good," he says. "I'm relaxed." He isn't, but I suppose a little anxiety is normal. I think back to my first time, how scared I was until I realized that it would actually feel good. I stroke his back, his ass, and his thighs, trying to soothe him as I shuffle closer and line myself up.
"Okay, just breathe," I tell him, gripping my cock in one hand and dragging it up and down between his cheeks. He takes a deep breath and holds it, his entire body rigid and braced against me. "Honey, breathe out."
He breathes out slowly and his muscles relax a little. I push forward with my cock, trying to move inside him, but despite all the stretching and playing and lube, he's clenched tight.
"Ed, you have to relax," I tell him, pulling back so I can tease his hole with my finger while I stroke my cock with my free hand. "You know how to do this, it's just like when I touch you here. Do you want to be on your back?"
"No, just try again," he says. He inhales deeply again and exhales forcefully. I grip my cock tightly and try to push inside, but once again-nothing. I can't even begin to breach him.
"Babe, maybe we should just wait," I tell him, jerking myself quickly to try to keep my erection from flagging. As much as Edward turns me on, watching him brace himself like he's about to be beaten isn't doing anything for my hard-on. I know that no amount of coaxing, petting, or fingering is going to get me into his ass tonight, but Edward is determined.
"Just do it, Jake. Just get it in," he says, and I roll my eyes behind his back. I give it one more try, waiting until Edward exhales loudly and rests his forehead on the pillow.
"Come on, get it over with," he says, turning his head to look over his shoulder at me. His words sting, and I feel my dick losing its hardness in my hand. I shake my head at him and tug the condom off over my deflating cock.
"I can't. We can't do this, Ed. Not like this, not tonight," I tell him, falling to my side next to him. I reach up to pull him down close to me, but he scrambles off the bed instead of curling up in my arms. "Don't get mad, baby. We can try again some other time."
"It's fine," he says, reaching for his robe on the way to the bathroom.
"Edward-" I call, but he keeps walking, hurrying into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
I try to imagine what he's thinking, how he feels, but it's hard to get past my own feelings. I know Edward probably has issues with bottoming, but it doesn't make me feel very desirable to hear "get it over with."
Maybe Edward really doesn't want to get fucked... or maybe he doesn't want me to fuck him.
I hear the shower running and I grab Edward's pillow, holding it close to me as I imagine him throwing his bathrobe in the corner and getting into a scalding hot shower on his own. I hate this fucking feeling, like he's shutting me out again after all the hard work we've done to get to this point. I hate that I feel like I failed him. I hate that he's in there and I'm in here.
It feels too much like how we used to be, then. Before we figured out how to talk about what we need and what we're afraid of. I don't want to be like that again, not even for one night.
I throw the covers back and cross the room quickly. Slipping into the bathroom, I blink at the steam filling the tiny space.
"I'm in the shower," he says, his voice curt.
"Yeah, I can see that. I'm coming in," I warn him, pulling the curtain back so I can step inside.
"I just need a minute to myself, Jake," he says, crossing his arms over his chest. His skin is flushing red from the heat and his hair is covered in shampoo lather.
"You can have time to yourself after you talk to me about what happened in there," I tell him, reaching out to spin him around until he's facing the spray. I lift my hands up and massage his scalp, guiding his head under the water to rinse out the soap.
"It's not a big deal," he says, shrugging his shoulders.
"It is to me," I whisper. He doesn't react, doesn't move, and I realize he probably didn't hear me over the sound of the water running. He isn't making this easy on me, but I've learned a lot about relationships in my time with Edward. The most important lesson I've learned is that I can't bottle up my emotions, no matter how hard it is to share them. And I can't let Edward do it, either. "Edward, it is to me. It's a big deal," I tell him, raising my voice so he can hear.
He turns slowly, wiping the leftover shampoo from his temples, and shakes his head.
"I'm sorry," he mouths, the sound getting lost in the sound of the water.
"Babe, there's nothing to be sorry for. We tried, it didn't work this time, it's okay," I tell him, reaching out to wrap my arms around his waist. He lets me pull him close this time and rests his head on my shoulder.
"I just couldn't-"
"It's not easy for everyone, Edward. We can try again after you're more relaxed, I'll spend more time getting you ready, and-"
"No, Jake. It's not that... I mean, physically, I think I can take it. I just felt... shit, Jake..." he says, lifting his head to whisper into my ear. "I couldn't let you do it. I felt weak. I felt ashamed."
"Edward," I breathe, cupping his face in my hands. He tries to look away but I hold his gaze, forcing him to look into my eyes. A year ago, his words would have put me on the defensive, made me think he saw me as weak. Now, though, I know that he just needs some reassurance. "You know it doesn't make you weak. There's nothing wrong with me fucking you, just like there's nothing wrong with you fucking me."
"I know," he says, nodding into my hands.
"And if you never want it? If I never fuck you like that? That's okay, too. We do what's right for us, for both of us, remember?" I tell him. He nods again, tilting his head down so his lips brush my thumb. "You can't let yourself get hung up on this one thing."
"I know," he says. "I know. I'm sorry I overreacted." I drop my hands to his shoulders and he leans in closer, kissing my lips softly.
"You okay?" I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist.
"Yeah, I'm good."
"You still want some time to yourself?" I ask, gently.
"No way," he says, grinning as he steps back and pulls me under the spray with him. "I need you to stay and wash my back."
He doesn't bring it up again for months.
Our sex life is great, loving and fun and hot as hell, but we don't talk about Edward bottoming again. I resolved six months ago not to bring it up or even entertain the idea until he's ready-no, until he's begging.
"You home, Jacob?" Edward calls, moving through the apartment.
"In here!" I yell. I'm sprawled out on our bed in just my underwear, Edward's laptop open in front of me, a video paused on the screen.
"Hey," he says, pulling at his tie as he comes through the door. "Thank God it's fucking Friday."
"Oh, it's fucking Friday alright," I tease, turning the laptop towards him so he can see the screen.
"A new one? Fuck yes," he says, pulling his button-down shirt off over his head. We have a subscription to a porn website; it's expensive, but we'd rather pay for a few high quality videos a month than sift through all the terrible stuff on xtube. "Who is it?"
"Your favorite, Austin, the big guy with the blue eyes," I tell him. "And you'll never guess what he's doing."
"Did you watch it already?" he chastises, stripping down to just his boxers before climbing into bed with me.
"No, I just read the description." Edward leans down to kiss me, tearing my attention away from the computer. He's slow and soft, nipping at my bottom lip and kissing my cheeks and my nose.
"Hey," he says, dropping his forehead to mine.
"Hey," I whisper, grinning at his sweetness.
"So what is it that I'm never gonna guess?" he asks, leaning back against the pillows stacked up next to our headboard.
"Look at the title," I tell him, pressing play on the video. I make it full screen and then balance the laptop on Edward's knee, scrambling to sit next to him. He wraps an arm around me, tucking me close.
"No way," he says, as soon as the title ("Mark fucks Austin") shows up on the screen. "No fucking way!"
"Apparently there is enough money in the universe." Austin is one of our favorite regular performers, but he always tops. In the little pre-scene and post-scene interviews, the director always tries to convince him to try bottoming, but so far he's steadfastly refused.
We watch as the director interviews the performers, quizzing Austin on why he's finally broken down and agreed to bottom.
"I just never pictured myself doing it before," he says. "I was afraid of the pain, afraid I couldn't take it. But then I got to know Mark here around the house, and he's such a good guy. I know he won't let anything bad happen to me, so I figured... why not give it a shot?"
"Bullshit," Edward says. "They just kept offering him more and more money until he couldn't refuse."
"Who cares why? Just take your clothes off, boys," I murmur, skipping the video forward a little, past the "getting to know you" stuff.
Usually we make it about five minutes into a twenty minute video before one of us gets too horny to pay attention, but this one is riveting. The foreplay is standard, but the expressions on Austin's face as he is slowly and carefully penetrated for the first time are priceless. He flickers through fear and pain, and finally lands on something between pleasure and surprise.
"Oh! Oh Jesus! Oh shit, I'm coming!" he shouts, bucking hard against the guy topping him, whining and moaning as he shoots all over his chest.
We've watched his cum face a dozen times. It's never, ever looked this real, raw, or sexy.
"Holy shit," Edward mumbles, watching as Austin gasps for air, coming back down after what appears to be the most intense orgasm he's ever had (at least on camera).
"That was fucking hot," I whisper, slipping my hand under the waistband of my boxer briefs. My cock is already rock hard, and I shudder at the intensity as I wrap my fingers around it.
"No shit," Edward says, his eyes on my hand moving beneath my underwear. He moves the laptop to my other side and starts kissing his way down my neck, my shoulders, and over my chest. My eyes move from his lips traveling down over my torso to the movie still rolling on the computer screen; I can see Edward watching it too. He hooks his finger in the waistband of my underwear and pulls them down over my hand and my dick.
"Yeah," I whisper, letting go as Edward bats my hand away. He doesn't waste any time with teasing licks or kisses, just lowers his head and wraps his lips around my cock. "Yesssss. That feels so fucking good."
I don't know if Edward can even see the video anymore, but I get to watch as the top finishes by cumming on Austin's chest and abs. It's almost too much, Edward's mouth on me and the visual stimulation in front of me, but I manage to hold on.
"You're so hard," Edward murmurs, pulling off of my dick. He kisses the head, swirling his tongue around it, and licks up the shaft. "I love your cock."
"It loves you," I tease, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck. I try to pull him closer, encourage him to envelop me in his mouth again, but he pulls back a little.
"Jake, I want to try again," he says, kissing my hip and stroking my cock with one hand. "I'm ready."
I know exactly what he means when his eyes dart to the computer screen and then back to mine.
"Feeling inspired by someone?" I ask, combing my fingers through his hair.
"Sort of," he admits, sitting up on his knees next to me. "Part of me thinks, if that guy can take it, so can I. But really... I mean, if he can let someone he's friends with fuck him, why can't I let my boyfriend? I know you won't hurt me. I know you'll make it good. I want to try."
I ponder his words for just a few seconds, sighing happily as Edward continues stroking my cock. The last time we tried this was kind of a disaster, but Edward seems a lot more open to it now.
"Okay," I tell him, and Edward smiles shyly. "But we're just going to try, okay? It's okay to stop if you're not into it, or if it doesn't feel good, or whatever. This is supposed to be fun, you know?"
"Fun," he says, smirking at me. "Got it."
I pull him down on top of me and kiss him, tickling his ribs as I go, and we roll around in bed for a few minutes just making out like teenagers. I nearly crush Edward's laptop at one point, and he swears under his breath as he closes it and moves it to the nightstand. When he turns back to me, he's holding a bottle of lube.
"You want to do the honors?" he asks, waving it in front of me like a prize. I snatch it from his hand and kiss him again, wrestling with him a little until he's on his back and I'm on top.
"Poor Edward," I sigh, shuffling to my knees. I bend low and swipe the head of his cock with my tongue, teasing him just a little as I pour the lube onto my fingers. "You have to suffer through this part. I know how much you hate it," I tease.
He pulls his knees up and back, lifting one leg up and over my head so I'm situated between his knees. This is good for us, it's comfortable, it's familiar. My lips on his cock, my tongue teasing every inch of him, my fingers pressing and exploring and stretching. He groans and bucks up against me, like he always does, but he listens when I soothe him, remind him to be patient.
"That's good, Jake," he says, his body relaxed enough to take two fingers easily. "I'm ready."
"You'll be ready when I say you're ready," I tell him, lowering my head to suck him deep into my mouth.
"Shit, shit, shit," Edward hisses. "You gotta stop that. You're gonna make me cum."
"But it's so fun," I tease, probing with a third finger. He hisses when I slip all three inside, fucking him slowly and twisting, turning to try to relax the muscles around my fingers. I don't want him to cum yet, so I keep him on the edge with little licks and kisses to his cock and his balls while I prepare him.
The next time he tells me he's ready, his voice is low and desperate, and I know he's telling the truth. I don't know if it was the movie or if Edward just needed time to process this, but he's so much calmer this time around that I feel calm, too. Confident that I can make this feel good for him, that we can try this and not worry about the consequences.
I lean over him and grab a condom from the nightstand. Edward breathes heavily, his hand stroking his dick lightly as he watches me roll the condom down my cock and lube it up. "How do you want to be?" I ask, remembering a time when Edward asked me the same question, when our relationship was still so new and raw.
I rest my hand on his knee, and Edward links his pinkie finger with mine.
"Spoons, maybe?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders. "That seems gentle."
"Yeah, it is," I tell him, falling down on my side next to him. I kiss him softly, and trail my lips over his jaw and his neck as he turns in my arms. "Give me your leg, here," I whisper, pulling his top leg back over my body.
"Jake?" he says, his voice calm even as he feels my cock rubbing against him. "I love you. I'm glad we're doing this."
"I love you too," I whisper, kissing his shoulder. I reach down and grip my cock firmly, aligning it with his entrance, and I decide he needs to take it at his own pace. "Edward, you move, okay? I'm gonna hold still, and you just push back and take me in. Go as slow as you need to, baby."
"Okay," he says, reaching behind him with one arm, wrapping his fingers around my shoulder.
Slowly, carefully, he pushes against my cock. He controls the pace, he breathes through the stretch, and this time... this time it happens so easily, so naturally, that it's hard to imagine it any other way. He rocks back and forth slowly, taking a little more of my cock inside him each time.
"How does it feel?" I ask, nipping at his neck to distract myself from the intense pleasure of being inside him.
"Feels... okay. Full. Good," he says, gasping a little as he gets used to the sensations. When I'm fully seated inside him, I move my hand away from where we're joined and wrap it around Edward's body. I love it when he holds me this way, and I want him to feel the way I do-secure, loved, complete.
"I'm gonna move with you, okay?" I ask, squeezing him tightly.
"Yeah, do it," he says, his hand finding mine in front of our bodies. He grips my wrist and inhales sharply as I pull back.
When I push forward, thrusting into him for the first time, he moans.
"It does feel good, doesn't it?" I ask.
"Yeah," he whimpers. "Feels good. Fuck, Jake!"
I force myself to keep things slow and gentle. It's a struggle not to lose it, because I'm so hard and his ass is so tight, but I don't want to push him. I want him to enjoy every minute of this. My hand drifts down over his body, wraps around his half-hard dick, and starts stroking in time with my thrusts.
"God, I love this big dick," I whisper, knowing the dirty talk will get his hard-on back despite his nerves about the situation. "The only bad thing about fucking you, Ed, is that I don't get this inside me."
"Fuck," he breathes, his erection growing in my hand.
"Tell me what to do. What would you do if you were fucking me, Edward? How would you make me scream and cum so hard I pass out?"
"Oh, shit," he says. "Shit. I... I'd put you on your hands and knees."
"Yeah? So you could fuck me harder?"
"Yeah," he moans.
I thrust deep inside him and hold myself still, ignoring the urge building in my body to thrust hard and fast until I get off. Carefully I roll him to his stomach, kneeling behind him, working to keep us connected while he positions himself on his hands and knees.
"You okay? This feels okay?" I ask, squeezing his shoulder affectionately.
"Can I go harder?"
I move faster and faster against him as Edward balances on one arm, the other disappearing beneath him to tend to his cock.
"You feel amazing," I tell him, dragging my fingertips over the sweat-slicked skin of his back. "God, you feel so good. I don't know how long I can last, Edward," I warn him.
"Just a little... a little more," he says, turning to look at me over his shoulder. "This feels so much better than your fingers."
"God, Edward," I whine, feeling my orgasm barreling down on me like a freight train. I don't think I can stop it now, even if I pull out. "Please, cum for me. Please, please..."
"Oh fuck! Don't... don't stop!" he screeches, his body going stiff as his hips twitch and his ass tightens around me. "Don't stop, Jake! I'm cumming! Don't stop... fuck... fuck me!"
"Thank God," I groan, pistoning my hips against his and letting go. I cum hard, the force of it folding my body in two, and I drop my chest to Edward's back as my cock throbs inside him. "I fucking love you," I whisper, kissing his neck and his shoulders as we both collapse onto the bed.
Edward says nothing, still trying to catch his breath as I roll onto my back, pulling him with me. He's warm and pliable, his muscles relaxed against mine. The only sign of distress I see is a small hiss when I pull my softening cock out of him-I know that feeling, the sudden emptiness and lack of pressure disconcerting after being so full.
"You okay?" I ask, tying the condom off and tossing it in the bedside trash can.
"I think so," he says, wiping his hand off on the sheet below him. "That was fucking intense."
"That was intense fucking," I tease, and Edward grins.
"Did you like it?" he asks, kissing my chest.
"Yeah, I liked it. I'd still rather have you fuck me, any day of the week, but this was fun. What about you? How do you feel after all that worrying?"
He smirks and lays his head on my chest, curling into my side. "Honestly?"
"Of course honestly."
"It felt good... I mean, obviously it felt good, it made me cum," he says, tilting his head so he can look up into my eyes. "But I'd much rather fuck you, any day of the week."
"Well now we know," I tell him, brushing the hair away from his sweaty forehead. "I'm glad we tried, but I'm happy with the way things usually go."
"Me too," Edward says. "I just... I really wanted to be with you like that. I want to be able to love you in every way humanly possible. Thank you."
"You're thanking me? You're the one who's gonna be walking funny tomorrow," I tease, cupping his cheek. I kiss him softly and pull him a little closer, wanting nothing more than to curl up in his arms for the rest of the night.
"You flatter yourself, Black," he teases, tickling my side. "Give me twenty minutes and I'll show you how it's done."
"Promise?" I ask, biting my lip in anticipation. Edward laughs and pulls me on top of him, cradling me in the crook of his arm.
I hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think.
This will be the last IO outtake, unless I'm struck by some sort of wild inspiration.
Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, tweeted, blogged, DMd, PMd, or emailed about this story. It's my favorite thing I've ever written and I'm glad you all shared it with me.