Name: Shattered Glass
This is quite long, but it covers the moment of the accident until he leaves Bella at the Fourth of July party. And I will sign it in blood, this is the very last EPOV!
Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
I could feel the warm sensation of fluid dripping down my forehead and I wanted to reach up and wipe it away, but my body was numb. I couldn't focus on anything and could only hear a loud hissing in my head, as if air was escaping from my body.
I blinked to clear my vision and saw my mother. She was staring down at me as blood dripped from her neck onto me. She was dying; her eyes were beginning to shut and I wanted to keep her heart pumping, but I couldn't move my arms or legs. I stared as the light in her eyes faded to black.
I couldn't hear my father, or see him anywhere around me, but a loud explosion illuminated the interior of the vehicle. I saw Bella, lying dead against the seat. It wasn't my mother dying again, it was the woman I loved, and I couldn't help her. A loud agonizing scream ripped from my chest as I faded away.
"Do you know where you are?" a male nurse asked me.
I lifted my hand to push the light he was holding out of my eyes and swallowed, feeling a tube down the back of my throat. "Do you know your name?" he asked me as he stared down at me.
"Fuck you, where's my dad?"
"Who is your father?" he pressed.
"Dr. Cullen, am I under arrest?" I said as I tried to rub the feeling of sand from my eyes. I figured I had been driving while under the influence again. Carlisle was sure to send me back to rehab if I wrecked another vehicle.
The nurse left the room and I felt a brace around my neck. "Shit," I said to myself and went to run my hand through my hair, but nothing was there. I could feel the stubble of new growth and a very sore incision running down the back of my scalp.
I pulled the tape on my face holding the feeding tube, then gagged and choked as I pulled the tub from my nose. I threw it onto the ground next to the bed and let my arms fall in exhaustion.
I don't know how much time had passed when Esme and Carlisle came running into the room. Mom was crying and dad looked scared shitless. "Did I wreck a car?" I asked them.
"You were in an accident," mom said softly.
"No shit, how much trouble am I in?" I said angrily.
"Edward, do you recall the accident?" dad asked.
"Will my legal counsel want me to remember or not?" I said, ready for another round of court appearances.
"Bella is okay, Edward. She was released a few weeks ago," Esme informed me.
"Who the fuck is Bella?" I asked them.
Jasper walked into the room and his big ass smile faded as he looked at my mom and dad's faces. "Tell Mrs. Banner I won't be giving that extra credit report after all, seems I'm a little indisposed," I chuckled.
He bit his lip and looked back and forth between me and my parents. "What?" I finally asked.
"Edward, you are in a hospital in Seattle," Carlisle began, "You had a head injury and things may be a little confusing for a bit."
I looked at the needle running into my arm and smiled, "Narcotics intravenously, what more could I want. Jaz you want a hit?"
"I'll call Charlie," Esme said as tears streamed down her face.
Carlisle nodded so I asked, "Do I have a new lawyer?"
"No son, Charlie is a police officer in Forks."
"Where the hell is Forks?" I laughed.
"It was where you had the accident; we just want to let him know you are okay."
"I'm going to have to go to court in Forks?" I asked a bit confused.
"No, it wasn't your fault. You weren't driving," he told me.
"Who was?" I asked
"Edward what is the last thing you remember?" he asked as he pulled a chair up to my bed.
I tried to concentrate, but nothing specific came to mind. I must have been high for quite awhile to be missing so much time.
"How old are you?" he asked me.
"Almost eighteen," I said in a panic. "I'm still a minor, so tell that paid mouthpiece to save his lecture."
Jasper turned to leave the room and I yelled out to him. "You save it too, dude. Go ahead and walk away, I'm tired of you always being such a pussy."
Jasper stopped walking and turned to look at me. "I have never walked away from you, even when I should have, so while you're lying there why don't you think about that."
My head was beginning to hurt very badly and I had to shut my eyes to concentrate. "I need more meds," I said to my dad.
"I'll get your chart," he said as he turned to leave.
"I don't need you to read my damn chart, I need pain meds, so be useful for once…." I couldn't finish. The blinding pain made it difficult to even speak. I could hear movement in the room, but the pain was consuming me. Finally the medication kicked in and I drifted off to the only place that brought me peace…into darkness.
A round of doctors began visiting my room. All asking me the same things, and wanting to know what I remembered. I didn't think much of it until I realized no lawyers came to visit. I was suddenly anxious to get the hell out of here. The narcotics were good, but I needed the action and excitement of my usual life.
I was able to walk up and down the hallway when Carlisle and Esme finally gave me the hard news. "Edward, we are sending you to a specialty hospital in Chicago," dad said softly.
"I'm not going back to fucking rehab," I screamed.
"We are not sending you to rehab son, I want you to listen very closely. You had a brain injury and you have forgotten things. You are almost twenty- two and a senior at the University of Washington."
I laughed a sickening laugh and waited for them to tell me it was all a joke. I began to feel panicked and tried to swallow the bile rising up inside me. "Your leaving me," I accused them, believing my ride had finally come to an end.
"Son, there is nothing you could ever do to make us stop loving you. We are getting you the best help available," Esme said as she held my face in her hands.
"Don't do this, mom," I begged her. "Don't send me away, please. I won't go out anymore and I will stay away from the drugs."
"Edward, you already beat them, you just don't remember. I will go with you to Chicago, you won't be alone," she promised.
"You lying bitch," I screamed at her. "You're putting me back in rehab and fucking with my head. I'm not stupid. You just want to be rid of me."
Carlisle pulled her from my bed and led her out of the room. "Dad, I'm begging you, don't do this. You liar; you lied to my father on his death bed. You're just a fucking liar," I screamed.
A group of men came into my room to hold me down for sedation. I didn't have the energy to fight them and welcomed the numbing confusion the shot gave me.
Carlisle arranged for a private jet to take me and Esme to Chicago. I stared out the plane window at the large skyscrapers I remembered from my youth. I purposely forced myself to forget the days of going to Wrigley field with my dad or to the area museums for school field trips. Esme tried to get me to talk, but I ignored her as well.
The limo pulled into a small private hospital and I saw a large security desk right inside the door. I turned to glare at Esme and she assured me I was not being held here. I was free to come and go at will, but I was sure she was along to make sure I didn't go.
I walked into a small room which contained a desk, bed, dresser and a bathroom. I could feel the anger rising in me and wanted to throw the small lamp through the window. Luckily a young nurse walked in to 'welcome' me. I smiled and was thankful for Midwestern corn fed girls.
I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. She giggled and looked sideways at Esme. "I'm here to see if you need anything," she said to both of us.
"I am in desperate need," I said as I looked her up and down.
"We're fine," Esme said, "But thank you."
She turned to leave and looked back at me when she got to the door, so I winked at her. A few minutes later another young nurse came to the door and looked in. I smiled knowingly and Esme let out a loud sigh, "Edward, please do what the doctors say."
I chuckled and suddenly didn't feel so sad about leaving Seattle. The third person I saw was a white haired man with large jowls. He knocked on the door and walked in without waiting for a response. I lay back on the bed and removed my neck brace.
"Welcome, I'm Dr. Davis and I will be working with you on brain stimulation and memory progression." He held out his hand, but I ignored it.
"You won't be stimulating shit on me," I informed him.
Esme looked embarrassed but Dr. Davis continued on as if I hadn't spoken. "I have read over your history and I think we can help you."
"Well doc," I said as I folded my arms behind my head, "unless you can hook me up with some strong meds, premium coke, or a revolving door of willing and able chicks, I seriously doubt your claims."
"Edward, stop this right now," Esme said harshly.
"Mom, go home. I'm sure some hot nurse at the hospital is fucking dad right now."
She stood frozen her spot and blinked several times to keep the tears at bay. Dr Davis pulled out a pen and began making notes. I laughed and asked, "You wanting the nurse's phone number?"
"I'm surprised you remember being a minor, but still speak so disrespectfully to your mother," he said.
"Surprised? I thought you read my history. I'm beginning to think my dad is wasting his money."
"Do you remember the suicide attempt?" he asked me without even looking up.
I felt my heart speed up and I looked away. "Don't you look away from me you snot nosed punk," the doctor said angrily. My head spun around to glare and him and he smirked at me.
"You're not here to bullshit your way around this place. You are here to work and become functional in society. If you think your wonderful mother is going to schlep your sorry ass around as you play little boy, you are sadly mistaken."
I went to open my mouth, but he raised his hand to stop me and spoke to Esme. "Kiss your son goodbye Mrs. Cullen, and I hope to return a man back to you."
"You're leaving me?" I said, suddenly terrified.
"No, son, I am staying here and I will visit you daily."
"I'm sorry Mrs. Cullen, but visiting hours are on Tuesday and Saturday," Dr. Davis informed her.
I was about to grab onto her skirt and cry like a child, but the sexy nurse came in, so I just turned over in the bed and refused to watch my mom leave.
"Do you need something to help you sleep," the doctor asked.
I smiled at the nurse and replied, "Aside from gorgeous here?"
"You will find the staff here professional and unwilling for fall for your games," he said as he handed the nurse a prescription. "Unpack your things and get some rest. I will see you in the morning."
He left the room and I began unbuttoning my shirt as the nurse stared at me. "What's your name, honey?"
"Kate," she said, still watching my hands make their way through the buttons. When I finished with the last one I let my hands fall without removing the shirt.
"Your turn," I smiled.
She walked up to where I was laying and leaned over to speak directly into my eyes. "When you remember your age, we'll talk about it."
I laughed and grabbed her arm. "Honey, I can make you forget your age."
"You're not the first guy to promise me that, and you won't be the last one to disappoint me. Now, let go of my arm."
I waited for her to get almost out the door when I yelled out, "One month."
"What?" She said, sticking her head back into the room.
"I'll be fucking you in less than one month."
Everyday was the same; aptitude tests, memory games, and therapy. I scored very high on the tests and usually won every game, but therapy was another issue. I could easily analyze things, but I couldn't feel any emotion attached to anything. Dr. Davis had a new plan.
I walked into his office and he asked me to sit in a chair facing a wall. He turned out the lights and turned on a projector. The first face staring at me from the screen was Carlisle's. "Edward what do you feel when you see this face?"
"The man's a fucking saint. He's a great doctor and…."
"No, Edward, what do you feel?"
I stared at Carlisle and couldn't name anything, so the picture quickly turned to Esme. Again, I stared and could name great qualities, but I didn't feel anything. The next picture was of my mother. I dropped my eyes and sat perfectly still until the screen changed again, to my father. This time I stared at the fence behind him in the picture. The final picture came on the screen and it was a face I didn't recognize.
"Who is that?" I asked.
"I only want to know if you feel anything," Dr. Davis said.
I looked at the girl with chestnut hair and dark eyes. She was pretty and I was about to comment on her totally fuckable face, but something stopped me. I felt weird, almost protective of her. "Is it somebody famous?" I asked the doctor.
"No, do you feel attracted to her, sexually stimulated, a sense of familiarity?"
Something suddenly shot across my mind and I turned to look at Dr. Davis. "Hey, I need to talk to you about something, turn that off," I instructed him.
He exhaled loudly and turned off the projector. "What's on your mind, Edward?"
"I've been here for a couple of months and I haven't masturbated, and there are plenty of hot nurses if you catch my drift."
"Are you having spontaneous erections?" Dr. Davis asked, not seeming too concerned.
"No, you don't get it. Two months, I have never gone two months without sex and now I'm not even jerking off. Something is wrong with me," I told him as panic rose up inside me.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Edward. Your body has had a terrible trauma and you have been on strong medications…."
"I have been high, drunk, and with the ugliest skank in the room, and still been able to perform. This is different."
"Do you want my opinion?" Dr. Davis asked.
"Are you trying to be an ass, or does it come naturally? I asked you, didn't I?"
"Your brain is trying to protect you from a pain you are not emotionally ready to face. As much as women want to believe otherwise, the penis is very much controlled by the brain. Just relax Edward, it will be fine."
When I went back to my room that night I tried to think about past girls I had been with, but nothing put me in an aroused state. I was getting frustrated and upset when my mind wandered onto the face Dr. Davis had shown me. Something about the eyes made my body immediately react. I was grateful to know I wasn't physically unable to perform, but I was still worried about the fact some imaginary person was the only thing able to get it up.
The girl with the chestnut hair became my fantasy for a week straight. I was more relaxed and better able to focus on getting my ass out of this place. I finally realized it was emotion Dr. Davis was waiting to see, so I played the game.
I professed my love for Carlisle and Esme and told him of my fear of being away so long they would forget about me. I think that was fake….but something in the back of my mind told me that emotion was real.
I finally got the green light to go home. I insisted on traveling alone and felt like a kid in a candy shop when I entered the airport bar. I was legal, and could order anything I wanted. I put on my sunglasses and pretended to be sober as I boarded the plane. Luckily I was able to sleep it off before I landed in Seattle.
I was only home for half an hour when Jasper and Emmett stopped by. "You guys have to get me out of here. Let's party, and I mean a lot of alcohol and easy women."
They both looked at each other and Jasper finally said, "We're in relationships, Edward. We'll get a drink with you, but that's it."
"Please tell me you're not still with Alice…you can't be hitting that forever," I laughed.
"Yes, I am. We've grown up and I suggest you give it a try."
"Do you have any idea how long I have gone dry? My dick is starting to call my hand sweetheart."
Emmett laughed loudly and headed out the door, "Let's go by the sports bar, the Mariners are playing."
We watched the game for a bit, but I wanted action and fun; sitting with a bunch of men in front of several televisions screens was not my idea of fun. I headed to the dance floor and looked for anyone with dark eyes.
"Edward, I can't believe it's you," some chick screamed. I turned to see Tanya and thanked my lucky stars. She was a sure thing and I wouldn't have to spend time getting her loosened up with drinks.
"You are just the person I was looking for," I smiled and pulled her to my lips. My body went dead inside. Her lips felt wrong, and my hand even rejected the feel of her hair. I pulled back and took another drink from my glass.
"Let's get a booth in the back," she suggested and I nodded. I stopped by the bar on our way to the back and got a bottle of vodka. I was drinking it straight from the bottle and kept my eyes closed as she ran her hands all over me. I couldn't touch her back. My hands had something specific they wanted and she was not it.
I wasn't exactly sure what happened with Tanya. I woke up in my room, in the middle of the afternoon, the next day. I headed downstairs and right into the disapproving glares of my parents. "I'm an adult," I reminded them, and it felt great to say the words.
"I'm putting you on notice, Edward. If drinking becomes an issue I will put you back in rehab," Carlisle said adamantly.
"I was celebrating," I said hatefully.
"Being carried into the house with your clothing all disheveled is not celebrating. It is drinking until you pass out," he pointed out.
"Fine," I sneered. "I'll tone it down."
I got a call from Jaz later in the day and he told me they were going away for the weekend. A roommate of Alice's lived on the coast and they were going to see her. I was glad they didn't invite me to come. I was heading back to the bar tonight and didn't want to make small talk with some pimple faced coed.
I spent the next two weeks getting drunk out of my mind just to spend intimate time with women. I had no idea what they did to me, but I know I wasn't able to touch them back. My mind retreated to the dark eyes, and it worked, as long as my hands stayed off of the other women.
I woke up one day to find Carlisle sitting on my bed. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I also knew he most likely sent Esme away for the day so she wouldn't have to watch.
"Let's get this over with, Dad," I demanded.
"I'm not letting this happen again," he said. "I'm setting down some ground rules."
"Such as," I said as I rubbed my eyes and tried to remain calm.
"You are going to work at one of my stores, and you will only go out on weekends. If you drink until you pass out again, it is straight to rehab."
"I'll work, but the weekend thing is a deal breaker," I bargained.
"If you can stay sober for a month, I will reconsider it," he countered.
I laid there with my eyes closed waiting for him to leave, but he sat there and waited for me to look at him.
"Edward, is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked me.
I laughed at him and rolled onto my side, "Don't you usually pay people to talk to me."
"There was a time you and I were confidants. You shared all your hopes and dreams with me," he said softly.
"Yeah, that's what I heard, I can't imagine it, but crazier things have happened."
"I love you, son," he said and put his hand on my shoulder.
I remained perfectly still and didn't respond. He finally stood to leave. When he got to the door he said, "We have a fourth of July party at my sisters next week. I expect you to be there and to behave appropriately."
I turned over to look at him, "What other way would I behave?" I smiled sarcastically at him. He shook his head and shut my door.
I worked at his medical supply store for the week and stayed in every night. By the time the party arrived I was frantic for some fun. I showed up with my parents, certain I would not be going home with them. Rosalie opened the door and rolled her eyes at me. "I don't want you going out with Emmett anymore," she said angrily.
"Get more adventurous in the bedroom and he won't beg me to take him," I said as I brushed her aside.
She gave me a hurt look and turned to leave the room so I called out to her, "Beauty fades, Rosalie, but talent lasts forever. I would be willing to teach you a couple of things."
She kept walking and raised her hand to flip me off so I added, "Anytime, you know we are not actually blood related."
I headed out to the deck and grabbed a beer. I looked over the crowd mingling on the beach and suddenly noticed a woman sitting alone on a wooden bench attached to the deck. She looked to be in her thirty's but she was hot. I walked over to look down at her, staring into some very impressive cleavage.
"Hello," I smiled.
She smiled up and me and licked her lips, "Who are you?" she asked.
I leaned over to speak into her ear, "I'm the guy that's going to make you scream with pleasure."
She stood and took my hand, pulling me into the house. I dropped my fingers from hers when the numb, empty feeling, spread through me. I followed her to the library and she pushed me against the door and began unbuttoning my shirt. Her lips were all over my chest and I couldn't stand the feeling.
I pushed her back and tried to smile, but my mouth was trembling. "I need to drink more," I said.
"What?" She demanded in a very angry tone.
"Go fuck your husband and leave me alone," I said and left the room. I returned to the deck and grabbed another two beers. My shirt was unbuttoned but I didn't care. I walked down the stairs to head to the beach.
My eyes wandered to my parents standing with some girl with chestnut hair. The girl turned and our eyes met. She had dark eyes and I smiled at the sight. I looked at her body and smiled wider. This was going to be a fun party after all.
As soon as I got within speaking distance my dad told me to watch the drinking. I wanted to scream at him, but I had to stay calm for the girl. I handed her a beer, pretending like I was bringing it to her all along, but she handed it to Carlisle.
I was angry but I tried to cover by moving in close and letting my body touch hers. I asked her if she was a minor, knowing full well she wasn't.
She said my name and then something about candy. I had no idea what she meant, but a weird feeling ran through me. "Do I know you?" I asked. I let my finger run through her hair then onto her flesh and I felt electricity, not the usual cold I expected to feel.
"We were lab partners last fall," she informed me.
It all made sense now. If we spent time together we were absolutely screwing. She must be the one my body remembered so well. I asked her if she was any good. It was something that just fell from my mouth because I already knew the answer. This girl was worth fucking.
"Does it matter?" she asked angrily.
I wanted to tell her 'hell yeah' it matters. It wasn't like I wanted to take her to dinner, so yeah, it mattered. I leaned in to speak into her ear and the scent coming off of her made my body instantly react. "I just want to know if you're worth a repeat performance."
I didn't move away and when she reached up to touch my neck I almost threw her to the ground right there. "Maybe you're not," she said with hot breath into my ear.
Disappointment shot through me like a drug. Every fiber in my body wanted this girl in my bed. My brain was protecting me from remembering her, from the pain a woman like her usually caused guys. She was a tease, and I wasn't about to waste my time on her.
I stepped even closer and pushed my body against hers, giving me the most amazing sensation. It angered me that I wanted her so badly, so I said, "Tell you what, come find me when it gets dark and I may let you suck me off."
I stepped away and watched as the anger rose in her face and she struggled to calm down. "Don't forget the Dots, sugar," she said hatefully.
My stomach dropped like I was on a rollercoaster. I couldn't understand the feeling she was producing in me. It was like hearing a few notes to a song, but you can't place the words or the melody. I was so close to remembering….something.
I turned to leave and the feeling left instantaneously, so I looked back to see if it would return. Right at that moment Tanya yelled for me. I felt relieved to know I wouldn't be jerking off tonight. I caught her in my arms and pulled her against the erection the brunette had caused, as she kissed me sloppily.
The dark eyed girl called out to me and said something about disappointing her. I sat Tanya down to deal with the psycho when I saw the jealous look on her face. She was beyond jealous, she was pissed too. Maybe I had discounted her too quickly.
"Oh, and one more thing, make sure you have a soft pillow," she said with a smile.
My smile faded as I heard a very faint echo in my head. I tried to concentrate on the words and the voice, but I couldn't bring it forward. Tanya began pulling on my hand and I let her lead me away.
My heart was beating frantically as I watched the strange girl make a plate of food. I didn't know who she was, but one thing was for sure, I never wanted to see her again.
I finally took Tanya out to a car, after grabbing a bottle from the Hale's liquor cabinet. I sat against the back seat with my eyes closed nursing the bottle.
"Edward, can you do something this time? Why is it me doing all the work?" Tanya whined.
"Leave if you don't like it," I told her.
"I just want to do something different, you used to be a lot of fun," she complained and moved to lean against the door.
"Fine," I said and turned to lean against the opposite door. "You do what I tell you to do. Take off your shirt."
She grinned and quickly pulled her shirt off.
I took a long drink and then told her to remove her bra. She gave me a funny look, but went ahead and took it off. "Now play with your nipples," I said without any emotion.
"Are you serious? You want me to play with myself? That is worse than getting you off without any reciprocation."
I laughed and pointed my finger at her over the bottle still in my grasp, "That is a pretty big word, did it hurt?"
She grabbed the bottle and put the lid back on before sitting it on the floor. She crawled over to me and climbed onto my lap. "Come on, Edward. You used to be so good at this, what happened?"
I pulled my hands into fists and had to take a deep breath to control my anger. I looked into her blue eyes, hating them for their color, and said, "Get off me, now."
"Don't come near me again, Edward, I am through with you," she yelled as she put her clothes back on.
I climbed out of the car and headed into the woods towards the beach. I stood and watched the crowd as I smoked a cigarette. I didn't see the girl coming my way until she was right in front of me. It shocked me when she pulled the cigarette from my mouth. I wasn't really enjoying it, but it gave my hands something to do.
"What are you a Mormon, you don't drink and you don't smoke? I'm amazed you spread your legs for me." I wished more than anything I could remember sex with her.
"Am I speaking to Edward Cullen or Edward Masen?" She demanded to know.
I stepped back in shock. Maybe I knew her when I was younger and high all the time? "You freak me out, bitch, but I like the tight shirt." I was surprised I admitted she was rattling me and instantly regretted it. So I added the part about her shirt and could hear my own voice shaking.
"It's nothing you haven't seen before, so grow up."
The echo sounded again in my head and I grabbed her by the shirt to pull her to my face. She looked terrified and I was glad; she looked the way I felt. She turned her head and I saw a scar on her neck. I saw blood dripping from the wound, but when I blinked hard it was gone.
I grabbed her chin and looked at the scar harder, "How did you get that," I demanded.
She pulled her hands up to my wrists and touched the scars there purposefully and said, "Someone loves you in spite of all the shit."
I couldn't breathe and had to get away from her. She scared me and I couldn't stand to be in her presence any longer. I walked away fast, but she ran after me. "Come home with me," she pleaded and I felt like I was going to vomit. I didn't understand what was happening to me and I needed to get somewhere and calm down.
I wasn't even aware of what I said to her, but her words cut like a knife into my soul. "Some tough guy you are, now I know why you sat and waited for the cops to come shoot you. You're a fraud."
Something was building up inside of me and I worried when I grabbed her I would end up really hurting her. She cried out in pain and I let go of my hold to see a scar underneath my hand on her arm. I was shaking from rage or some emotion I couldn't quite identify. I just needed to get away.
"You stay the hell away from me, you whore," I said, trying desperately to get her to understand how close I was to snapping. I walked away again, but she wasn't finished.
"It won't work Edward" she screamed after me. "You can't do this when my love is still in your heart. You can't touch another woman when your heart wants me."
"Oh, God!" my mind screamed at me. She was in a relationship with me; she knows the secrets I won't even admit to myself. She knows what my brain is protecting me from. I had let someone close to me and that realization had me panicked to the point of almost tears.
I grabbed a bottle off the ground and threw it at her, wanting to stop her from speaking to me, from remembering me, and from hoping I would remember her. It smashed against the house over her head and the shards rained down onto her.
The echo began playing over and over again as the sound of glass shattering filled my head. Terror filled my soul as my heart beat wildly and everything became distorted and fuzzy. I turned and ran, without any clue why I was running. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I didn't even know my own name.
I saw a car that seemed familiar and climbed into the back seat to calm my racing chest. I saw a bottle on the floor and grabbed it with desperation. I guzzled the burning liquid as fast as I could and welcomed the tears it formed in my eyes. I was back, this was familiar, this was me, and I smiled as the darkness came for me.