That one week of suspension went by pretty fast. Honestly, I wished for it to continue longer, though I knew I had to go back to school eventually. It was a lot easier to just focus on myself, and have fun when you don't have hundreds of students staring at you like your some sort of freak. Actually, the only thing I really did was play my piano and hang with Alice and Emmett whenever they weren't hanging out with everyone else. I missed Rose and Jazz a lot, but whenever the plans included them, they also included... Bella, and I was just not quite ready for her right now. Once in awhile, they would invite me to a little outing with everyone, but each time I politely declined. I knew they suspected that I'd say as much, but hoped I would change my mind each time, it just never happened.
I heard a light knock at my door and looked up to find Esme. She smiled when she saw my appearance. The fact that I didn't look disgusting is probably what pleased her. I wore a dark purple dress shirt, mostly because Alice kind of forced me to wear it, saying it made my green eyes stand out more. I couldn't really tell the difference but whatever. The dress shirt was unbuttoned to show my white undershirt. Emmett joked that I should do a couple sit ups before stepping out the house, apparently it made me look more buff. My dark jeans hung low on my hips, but I didn't sag them much further than that. It always annoyed me to no end, when I would see some guy with his pants so low, he can't even walk straight. I paired my jeans with my black doc martens.
"You look very handsome, Edward." She walked over to where I was sitting on my bed and tying my shoe, and ran her fingers through my unruly hair.
I chuckled and removed her hands from my head. "I tried, Mom. There's no use in trying to tame the untamable."
"It never hurts to try." She said and continued to try to make sense of my hair. After a few seconds, she claimed she was done. So I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth, and I must admit, it did look a little less crazy than the last time I saw it.
"You can say thank you whenever your ready, Sweetie!" She yelled from my room.
"I was getting to it. Thanks!" I yelled back.
I finished brushing my teeth and went back into my room to put my books into my book bag, noticing my mother's watchful eyes on me the entire time. It was beginning to make me feel self conscious.
"Dear mother, care to tell me why your staring at me?"
"What? I can't observe my son every now and again?" She questioned.
"You always have Emmett. Go and make him feel like the science experiment."
She shrugged. "Maybe later. I want to talk to you right now."
I looked at her cautiously. "Okay, what's up?"
"How are you feeling today?"
So that's where she was going with this. I understood her worrisome attitude, but I didn't think it was necessary. Because Forks is miniscule, news spreads quickly. I'm sure everyone has heard why I got suspended by now. The staring will probably be amplified once I return to school today. But she shouldn't be so anxious, I'm a man. I can handle them.
"I'm fine. What about you?" I said and laughed when I saw her narrow her eyes at me. She knew I knew what she meant.
"Seriously! I am fine. I can handle a bunch of crazy people with no lives, staring at me. Granted, it can be annoying at times. But what I did, wasn't that bad." She gave me a look that said she didn't believe me. "Okay, it was bad. But I've apologized, and it's in the past. Can we just move on? I don't really like being reminded of things that don't really have a purpose because they've already happened; they're over and done with. That's why I'm failing History." I joked.
She cracked a smile. "I just wanted to make sure." She hesitated but decided to continue anyway. "Crashing a classroom just isn't you."
"Love can make a man do some crazy things." I stated seriously.
"How is Bella doing anyway? I know Alice and Emmett hang out with her, but they never bring her around the house anymore."
"Beats me. I haven't seen her at all this week." I tried to keep my voice light and nonchalant, but my mother's sympathetic gaze told me I did not succeed.
"Oh Edward. I'm so sorry. Everything will work out in the end, you know that? It will. Just trust in that. You're what she wants, it will work out, somehow." She reiterated.
"And how would you know that?" I asked curiously, but quickly regretted it when I saw the look on her face. "What's wrong? What did I say?"
She waved her hand around like it was no big deal. "It's nothing, Edward." I scrutinized her face, and decided that she was lying, but she continued. "Do you remember the story of how I met Carlisle?" She said softly.
"Yes... weren't you his patient or something like that?" I wondered what this had anything to do with the conversation.
She laughed humorlessly. "I was his patient, yes. But do you know how I became his patient in the first place?"
"No." Although, I was genuinely curious as to how she ended up in the hospital.
Her face flinched, as if it was painful to recall the memory. Now, I was extremely interested in what happened, and wondered why I never thought to ask her before. She collected herself more, and I was just about to tell her that she didn't need to tell me if she didn't want to, or if she didn't feel comfortable telling me, even if I wanted to know, but she started talking.
"I had a beautiful baby boy, and a couple days later... he died." She whispered.
I gaped at her, but seeing as she was staring at her hands, she didn't notice my surprised facial expression. I was at a loss for words. I knew that she had been married before Carlisle, but I just assumed that they never tried for a child, which made this news kind of shocking.
"I... I'm sorry." I said softly. "I didn't know that. I just thought... you know, you and that guy didn't want any kids at the time." I walked over to her, and sat down. My armed reached out to wrap around her shoulders and comfort her.
She nodded. "I did. Charles didn't. I guess he got what he wanted in the end though. The baby died a couple of days after he was born, due to a lung infection." She looked up at me and gave me a weak smile, trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room, though it didn't really work, seeing as it was still tense.
"I was completely crushed and devastated. I didn't know it was possible to feel that much pain in one lifetime, but it was. That one little baby boy, whom I had only known for a short time, was my entire world. Without him, I didn't want to exist either; I didn't see the point anymore. And that's what I tried to do. I tried to commit suicide." She spoke the last sentence so quietly that I barely heard her at all.
By this time, my eyes completely bugged out of my head and I knew my mouth was opening and closing so much that I probably looked like a freaking fish.
Why hadn't I known any of this before? I thought, but quickly answered my own question. It was her story to tell, and obviously I wasn't ready to hear it before now.
"I'm sorry." I repeated, not really knowing what to say. I've always been pretty bad at comforting hurting people. I would always just stand there and look at them and asked if they were okay, which was the dumbest question ever, seeing as they were probably crying or sniffling or something. I ran my hand up and down her arm, in what I hoped was a comforting gesture, praying it made her feel at least a little better.
Her eyes were aloof and vacant, like she mentally went back in time to relive the memory. "I jumped off of a cliff, and came so close to succeeding." She sighed sadly. "But alas, it didn't work. I was just on the brink of death. I felt like people in heaven were taunting me, like they were punishing me for whatever reason by keeping me alive. But just barely because my heart beat was very, very faint. They took me to the hospital, though I'm sure some argued that it would have been better to just take me to the morgue."
A chill ran up my spine when she mentioned a morgue, causing me to shiver. "They took me to Carlisle, and somehow he was able to bring me back." She smiled and her eyes came back to life, as if she was resurfacing. "I wanted to hate Carlisle so much. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to hate him. I really, really did. But I just... couldn't. He saved my life, my soul, and my heart. He made me look at life as something worth living again. And for that, I'll be forever grateful. I love him so much, and sometimes I wonder if I deserve him."
Wow... just when you think you know a person... I thought.
"Of course you do." I whispered.
Esme was at a low point in her life, a point in which she thought she'd be forever unhappy. She even tried to just take herself out of the equation by attempting suicide. But everything worked out in the end because she had Carlisle. Carlisle really did save her. In more ways than one. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Now, she had a soul mate, and children who would always love her unconditionally. If things could end so well for her, than maybe they could end well for me too.
"Do you understand why I'm telling you all of this, Edward?" Esme asked me.
"I do. And thank you. You didn't have to tell me all of that." I hugged her, and stood up.
"Anytime. I'm always here for you Edward, I hope you know that. I'll leave now so you could get to school." And with that, she left my room, leaving me with my thoughts.
A/N: Here's a little Edward and Esme moment. Thanks to Twilight Saga Wiki, which is where I got most of Esme's background from. Sorry it was so short, but hopefully the next chapter will be much longer.