I swear to sweet Jesus if she doesn't shut up I may have to kill her, the only problem with that is how would I explain that to everyone.
"I'm going to tell you one more time, I won't be telling you anything until Rachel gives me the okay for it. So shut your trap until she finds us and I can talk her." I hate when she gets that look, it always means she's going to say something that will piss me off.
"Well San I'm sure that it'll be good with Rach I don't know why we have to wait for her. Unless you're finally going to admit that she has you whipped." This bitch I swear.
"Puh-lease Jay that is so six months ago of course Rachel has me whipped. Not gonna lie though I totes love it. I think you're just jealous that nobody is whipping you." She's such a douche waffle sometime I swear.
"Hey now there is no need to get nasty about it I was just saying." Like those faux puppy dog eyes work on me.
"Just saying my ass you're being a dick because you're not in the know." Sometimes I'm still shocked when I realize how alike we are. "Dude you need to chill out, I thought Rachel cured you of that problem. You know the whole being an ass and not talking about your feelings. It's okay to talk about things instead of keeping it in. You know showings your emotions isn't a bad thing. It doesn't show weakness it shows strength. So just chill and when you're ready to talk I'm ready to listen."
Yeah that was me you don't have to look so shocked, Rachel has changed me for the better even if it doesn't seem like it all the time. Don't get me wrong I will still hit a bitch but now imma little more mellow. Sometimes.
"When did you get so wise? What happened to the angry bitchy Santana I used to know?" People can change damn.
"Why does everyone always seem so surprised when I saw something that makes me sound grown? I fell offended this happens all of the time I should start slapping bitches the next time it happens." I feel like my parents are the most surprised every time something like that comes out of my mouth. "I mean it's not like I'm in a gang and robbing gas stations every time they turn around. I am an honors student damn it people need to stop trippin I mean really do you think Rachel would be dating me if I was a complete Neanderthal? I mean really really how can they even ju-"
"Okay you need to calm down ghetto gangster Barbie before you burst a blood vessel or something. So is that chill pull taken because I think I hear your lady coming so now you can start telling me he rest of the plan. Since you didn't tell me in the first place." Always with the snarky ass comments I swear.
"Whatever it was on a need to know basis and you didn't need to know. I guess since you're being a child about it we have to tell you so you don't blow it." Can you believe her I mean eventually she would have found out.
"Hey all you had to do was tell me in the first place then we wouldn't be having this conversation would we? Yeah that's what I thought." Again I'm wondering if it would be to much to ask Rachel to visit me in jail. I mean I'm sure the conjugal visits gotta be worth it right?
"I don't see why you're still throwing a fit about it you knew you were going to hear all about it and add your own dumb ass ideas to it. I don't know why everyone always says you're the responsible more mature one out of all the cousins. I mean have they met your childish ass?" I mean for real everybody always loves her I don't get it. Most of the time everyone immediately falls under the "spell" no matter how much of an ass she can be. I can be the same way, but there's something special about her.
"Well maybe the problem is they've met you first so they have no reason not to think the best about me after dealing with Satan." Alright that's it I'm going to kick her ass up and down this hallway.
With that last thought Santana lunged at Jay. San kicked Jay in the shins and tried to grab her in a head lock. Jay elbowed her in the ribs then kicked her feet out from under her, there was an audible thump as Santana landed on her back. Just as Jay was getting ready to do an elbow drop someone called out her name and she knew they were in for it. Santana also heard the voice but decided to get one last hit in even if she was going to get more shit for it. So she kicked out her feet and hit Jay in the back of her knees so she came crashing down.
"Santana Christina Lopez and Juanita Elena Lopez what in the hell are you two doing? I swear I can't leave you guys alone for five minutes without this always happening."
"So Rach does this mean you and Santana are going to tell everyone you guys are friends?" Sometimes I forget that Britt isn't as goofy as she leads people to believe.
"I think that's the plan Britt. So while we're talking about friends, what's up with Quinn? She's been acting weird and San says it's because she likes me but I don't believe her. I mean she's been nothing but a bitch to me since she transferred here. If it wasn't for San I'm sure the Neanderthals we call jocks would be even worse then they already are." I swear Quinn thinks she can get whatever she wants but not this time.
"I think she really does like you, she's been making all kinds of plans to ask you out. They're not good plans but she's trying. But we all know that San is pretty much in love with you and has been since first grade when you let her use your crayons and gave her a gold star sticker after she got in trouble for calling Puck stupid and pushing him down after he made me cry." Just thinking of little Santana makes me want to squee. "And I know you love her too you guys just need to get it together so everyone else will stop chasing after the both of you." I usually hate saying this about anybody but she's right. That doesn't mean I can't have some fun.
"Wait what do you mean I'm in love with her how do you figure that?" The look of disbelief is priceless.
"Really Rach you've loved her since you were sick in fourth grade and your copy of Funny Girl was worn out so San ride her bike over from her house in the rain with your extra copy you left at her house so you could watch it. She stayed and watched said movie and cuddled with you even though you told her a lot of times to leave so she wouldn't get sick." She's right that was when I first realized she could be my leading lady.
"Okay well what about those four years when I moved away did she still love me then? I mean really Britt she loved me then? If memory serves me correct she didn't even remember who I was." Forgot to mention in sixth grade my family moved to California until my freshmen year when we moved back.
"I know I'm right Rach don't try to deny it. She loved you then and she loves you now. I think she didn't remember you because we all thought you would be taller. Don't get angry you know I'm right." Ugh I'm not that short why so they always say that?
"Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. I do know that we should hurry up because you know how those two can be when not supervised." Well what do you know I'm right what a shock. "Santana Christina Lopez and Juanita Elena Lopez what in the hell are you two doing? I swear I can't leave you guys alone for five minutes without this always happening."
I swear to all that is holy one day I will end up beating the crap out of these two because they're always acting like they have no sense. When I know that they're both honor roll students and have more street smarts then all of our sophomore class put together.
"Are you going to tell me what's happening or am I going to have to beat it out of the both of you? Britt sweety please don't encourage them we're trying to make them not act like fools instead of hosting the next death match in the hallway." Brittany thought I wasn't paying attention and was getting ready to jump on the both of them. "I'm still waiting."
Yes my hands are on my hips, my lips are pursed, and the glare is on them. Standing next to me after she realized she would be chewed out is Britt doing her best impersonation of San's glare. She just looks so adorable and I just want to hug her but we have to see who breaks and tells on the other. It's always a great time to place bets on who cracks first.
"Erm well you see it's not as bad as it looks I swear we just had a slight disagreement and I tripped and Jay has that jacked up knee you know that right and then the thing wi-" now the other one is going to jump in.
"Yeah Rach it feels like floor was just waxed or something I mean this must be a safety precaution I mean it's a lawsuit waiting to happen I mean really. Not even a sign put to warn students or anything." Mmmhmm really.
" I would believe you guys if it wasn't for that piece of weave over there that looks like it came from you San. I know they're not loose yet since you just got them so tell me did the too waxy floor pull them off your head?" I don't understand why they're not standing up.
"I think it could maybe be from when I was trying to get up and I tugged on it." Really?
"San she was going to elbow drop your ass. And you pulled a cheap shot while she was distracted. Now are you voluntarily going to tell me why I had to break up a fight?" I will kick a bitch while she's down.
"It was a minor disagreement. I mean it's not like it was a fight to the death or anything of that nature so chill a little bit will you." Here I thought San would be the first to spill.
"Well then are we done here can we act like adults? Or do you guys need a timeout?" Say timeout come on say timeout.
"No it's cool we're done we were just waiting for you and now you're here so we're good." I guess I won't be too worried about it.
"Hey Britt nice to see you again. I wish it was in better circumstances but alas here we are." Here we go again with the Britt club.
"Hey Jay I missed you but I didn't know you know Professor Dumbledore. Does that mean you have a wand? Can I play with it? Please pretty please." Well that was random
"B I think the wand she has wants to play with you more then you want to play with it. I'm sure if you ask nicely she'll put a beard on for you." I have to admit that was a pretty good one.
"Rachel tell San to shut up she's being an ass again and I don't like it. It's not cool at all." Ugh and one day they will be in positions of power I can see it.
"Really Jay? San be quiet and let's go you can buy me some ice cream." Then we can talk about "the plan"
"Woohoo ice cream lets go guys. Ice cream waits for nobody I want sprinkles on my ice cream. Could I get two scoops? Hmmm bubble gum and mint sounds awesome thanks for paying San." Maybe this was a bad idea.
"Wait what do you mean paying how is this happening?"
"You heard the ladies Chris let's go get some ice cream they're wasting away." It seems like Jay is still looking for a fight.
"Shut up Jon lets go before you fall again." My two favorite ladies getting along.