A/N: Ooooooooooh what have I done? 0_0 I know I should be working on WCIJBS right now, but this thing kept popping up in my stupid head. = =" Too much depressing stuff has been happening lately, so this kind of originated from too much emo/sadistic thinking, I suppose. -_0" And actually, I think Shizuo is really awesome, so no offense meant to him in this fanfiction. X)
Warning: Malexmale, yaoi, etc. Major OOC. Really, really, OOC. XD Also, slight mentions of sex, horrible sappiness, and failed angst. Ah, and Izaya is... the... the "attacker" in this relationship, my deep apologies to all Shizaya fans. ^.^"||
Disclaimer: I really do not own Durarara, or any of its characters. It belongs to Narito Ryohgo.
"J-just what the fuck is he? That guy isn't human!"
I'm not. I don't know what I am.
"Get the fuck away from here!"
I will. Don't worry.
"Please, don't come near us! Stay away! We don't want to get killed!"
I'm sorry. I won't.
"I'm scared! I don't want to be by him! I'm so scared!"
I'm scared, too.
"Who the hell cares if he can hear us? He should know what he is! Destroying everything around him-"
"Shitty bastard with fucking blood all over his fucking face! Why the hell doesn't he just die?"
I don't know.
"DO YOU EVEN GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD AROUND YOU? DO YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DESTROYING, WHO YOU'RE HURTING?"
I do give a fuck.
"Should just do the world a favor and kill yourself!"
"You deserve to die!"
"You freakin' caveman fucker!"
"Screwed up sicko!"
"You're beautiful!" As he dug his palms into tangled sheets, those two words were whispered harshly in his ear, accompanied by low pants and a possessive growl. Shizuo's eyes snapped open in shock. "Beautiful..." A knee nudged his side.
Despite the current situation, Shizuo couldn't help but feel the need to shake his head, to yell no, to show how horribly wrong those words were.
But the same mouth who had uttered them was now nipping and sucking at his suddenly sensitive earlobe, while skilled and strong hands attacked his exposed body mercilessly. All Shizuo could do was let out a half-strangled cry before pressing his sweaty face desperately against Izaya's bare shoulder.
No. That's a lie.
He wasn't able to protest at the time, but the weight of those two words stayed with Shizuo the whole time after that, when the two of them were now resting on the bed, either too tired or too lazy to move.
Shizuo felt exhausted. He badly wanted to fall asleep, but the fresh memory of those words kept hitting him like a brick in the head. Not wanting to look at Izaya, the blond turned away from Izaya, pulling the sheets tightly over his body as he did.
He forced himself not to flinch when pale arms wrapped around him from behind, a hand stroking his hair in an almost loving and gentle way. Shizuo squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that Izaya would get up and leave like he used to, hoping that those words could be buried and forgotten that way.
Instead, Izaya kissed the back of his head before trying to kiss Shizuo's cheek as well. "Shizu-chan..."
It was too much. Shizuo buried his face deeper in the bedsheets. It was a few minutes before he worked the courage to speak up, his voice half-muffled. "...Izaya?"
"Mmm?" The half-hearted reply was so relaxed, so nonchalant, he honestly considered not to continue. But he just had to, he had to tell Izaya just how mistaken those words were.
"...what... what you... called me before... don't..." His hands clutched the sheets tighter. "...don't call me that. Ever."
"What?" Shizuo heard more shifting behind him, and for a second, he was hopeful that Izaya had forgotten those words in their passion, that he didn't know what Shizuo was talking about. But he hadn't forgotten. The damn flea has never forgotten a single thing.
Shizuo felt a cool hand gently turning his face, and found himself staring into red eyes.
"You mean that time I called you beautiful?" Izaya questioned, his face puzzled before gaining a mischievous grin. "Were you hoping for a more masculine compliment, Shizu-chan?" He was mocking Shizuo, purposefully attempting to make him angry and indignant with rage, as he did during many times like this, and Shizuo knew it.
But the sincere, out of character emotions that filled Izaya's eyes, even as he made that teasing remark, proved that he had meant it when he called Shizuo beautiful. Being his lover, Shizuo's heart should be fluttering with happiness.
Shizuo felt sick to his stomach in disgust. Disgust for himself. Because Shizuo knows that he is not beautiful, was never been beautiful, and will never be beautiful, in any sort of way. It is such an ugly lie.
The smirk above him froze, then shrank and turned into a frown. "Shizu-chan?" The hand holding his face slid up, thumbing at the wetness trickling down his cheek.
"Wha..." Shocked, Shizuo slowly lifted his own hand to touch the unexplainable tears pouring from his eyes. "...ah..." Izaya stared back at him with equally bemused eyes. "Shizu-chan? What's wrong? ...Was I too rough this time?" He added jokingly, trying to cover up the concern in his voice.
"...ah..." The blond raised his hands in front of his face, realizing that they were shaking slightly. "...ah..." "Monster!" "...ah..." "Demon!" Blood was spattered across his hands. His blood, their blood. His shaking sped up. "...A-ah..."
Shizuo opened his eyes (when did he close them?), only to see Izaya leaning his face forward, about to kiss him. His self-loathing bubbled, then exploded. He couldn't hold it in anymore.
He hastily sat up, his head and body disagreeing with the movement, and covered his face with his hands, breathing deeply. Brow furrowed, Izaya followed, getting on his knees so he could face Shizuo. "Shizu-ch-"
"Izaya..." It's all he could do not to have his voice break. "...Izaya... don't ever refer to me as... that. I'm not... I'm not..."
"Willing to take a compliment?" Izaya offered, his hands reaching out and rubbing Shizuo's shoulders. "I didn't know you were so touchy on this subject, Shizu-chan..."
Izaya was trying to be annoying again, Shizuo knew, and it wasn't working. Through his fingers, he gazed at Izaya pleadingly. "You didn't mean... you didn't mean it! Tell me you weren't serious!" Shizuo practically begged in his desperation. "You... you just meant-"
"What else could I have meant?" There was now a smile on Izaya's face, and it was not the playful, twisted sneer that often possessed his mouth, but a kind, almost sheepish smile. "Shizu-chan-"
"How... how can you call me beautiful?" Shizuo almost choked while whispering. "...how can you see me as beautiful? How am I beautiful, in anyway? Izaya... I'm not... I'm nothing beautiful!" His voice grew louder, on the verge of being hysteric. "I'm... I'm horrible! Ugly! A monster! A demon! I can do nothing but keep destroying everything around me, whether I want to or not! I can't control my body! One moment, I'm fine, and the next, I find myself trying to kill some bastard as hard as I can just because of the way he laughed, or looked, or some random shit he said! I'm not right! "
He was rambling, and Shizuo knew he sounded like the total wreck he is, but he can't help it. He didn't care if it was Izaya who had said it, Izaya, who saw and said everything in a twisted and deranged fashion. Shizuo was not beautiful, no matter how distorted or ridiculous the reason behind it was, and he could not allow himself to be called that. "I'm not beautiful! I'm not beautiful! So, that's why, please, Izaya!" His voice finally cracked at the end of his outburst.
To his despair, Izaya's expression did not wilt with resignation or reluctant agreement to the inevitable truth. His face darkened, with a cold anger and determination that had Shizuo's heart pounding, his eyes wide in fear.
"Lies." Izaya murmured, his eyes seeming to pierce through Shizuo's heart. "That's all a lie, Shizu-chan." Suddenly, Shizuo's wrists were grasped roughly and pinned to the headboard, and before Shizuo could comprehend anything else, Izaya's tongue was forcefully invading his mouth.
Shizuo attempted to struggle, but for all of his strength, he couldn't succeed. He gave in and kissed the informant back as he was straddled, unable to hold back his violent tremors that wracked his body.
When it finally ended, Izaya rested his forehead against Shizuo's and glared at the tearful brown eyes. "I will call you beautiful as many times as I like." He hissed, causing the body below him to cringe in panic. "I'll tell those words to you again and again. I'll say them every time we make love, every time I kiss you, every time I touch you, every time I see you. I'll tell you you're beautiful every day, every hour, every minute if I can!"
"N-no..." Shizuo whimpered helplessly, truly trapped.
"I'll say it." Izaya continued, pinning Shizuo with those harsh, unrelenting eyes of crimson. "And I'll do it because, Shizu-chan, you are so beautiful. So, so, so, so beautiful. Not 'hot' or 'sexy' or 'cute'. You're beautiful when we're like this, you're beautiful when you're filled with that incoherent rage of yours, you're beautiful when you're idly daydreaming, you're beautiful when you do anything, goddamn... Not just the way you look, the way you talk, the way you think, the way you act, everything..." The words struck Shizuo like a thousand moving trucks, destroying the seemingly impenetrable walls that have built up all over the years, causing him to jerk and gasp in pain.
What made it worst was that he couldn't run away from that red gaze. "It's the truth, Shizu-chan, and don't you dare try to think otherwise."
"It's not!" He yelped instinctively. Izaya's eyes narrowed and the hold on his wrists impossibly tightened. "Ah!" He closed his eyes and tried to jerk his head away, tried to escape, but a hand came down and tilted his face. "It is the truth, because the way I see it, Shizu-chan is the only one that's beautiful."
This was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. And it was all wrong, so very, very wrong. Shizuo felt Izaya's hot breath against his mouth and groaned. "I-Izaya, I can't, I just can't-" Can't hear it. Can't accept it. Can't believe it. He felt like he was about to go on another pointless rant, but Izaya cut him off with another kiss.
"Hmph. So unpredictable." Izaya tsked as he pulled away, Shizuo opening his eyes as he did. "That's what I hated about you. It infuriates and enchants me to no end." The boiling rage that had filled those red eyes was gone as fast as it had come. "Perhaps I can't control your level of self-esteem, Shizu-chan, so I'll compromise." He held up two pale fingers. "Just when we're like this. When it's just the two of us. Can you at least believe in those words here? Can you let me say them to you out loud?"
"...here?" Shizuo whispered softly, sounding like a frightened child. Izaya smiled at him before letting go of his wrists. "Believe me when I say that you're beautiful, Shizu-chan. Okay?"
The silence that followed after this was heavy, and for a few seconds, Shizuo pondered on how this... this relationship between them could have lasted for so long, and how it could last in the future. In the streets of Ikebukuro, they were dire enemies, hurling street signs, knives, and insults alike, while in this room...
Izaya slid off of him, taking his place beside Shizuo once more, wrapping his arms around the naked torso. Immediately, Shizuo's arms shot out and clutched him painfully as the blond trembled in his arms, tears flowing down silently. But it was okay. It was more than okay.
Against Izaya's collarbone, Shizuo smiled crookedly. In a flash, the jeers, the cries, the fear, the abuse, the hurt, it all seemed to be better now.
Because there was one person, regardless of how crazy said person was, who believed to the bottom of his soul (if he still had one,) that Heiwajima Shizuo was beautiful.
If you enjoyed this horrible ending and would like to leave it at that, then, by all means, please, leave if you wish not to get scarred by fail crack following this. XD It seems that I can't resist ending a story on this note, so... yeah...
"Heiwajima Shizuo, the famed fortissmo of Ikebukuro!" Hanejima Yuhei exclaimed, throwing a brilliant grin at the camera. "After your action packed, vending machine flying appearance during our ultimate love quest last time, we return to question you!" A microphone is shoved at his face. "Do you have anyone you're going out with?"
It was a very good thing that it was Kasuka hosting the show again. Otherwise, more repeats of the flying vending machine would occur. "...n-not really..." Shizuo muttered, casting his face aside as he instantly regretted his words. Just a firm "no" would have been enough...
"Oh?" Kasuka raises his eyebrows, the picture of energy. "Then, Heiwajima-san, do you have a person you like? If you wouldn't mind answering, of course, ahaha!"
Shizuo gave his younger brother a meaningful scowl. "Not really, Hanejima-kun." A vibrating sound interrupted their interview, and Shizuo hastily dug around in his pocket, bowing with a hasty murmured apology. He knew it was rude, especially on live national television, but it just could be that one text that... Shizuo flipped his phone open.
From: Unknown Number
Ne, ne, Shizu-chan~! I was worrying that you might be getting bored with me constantly texting you on how beautiful you are! Soooooooo...
I CAME UP WITH A NEW IDEA! It's so much more interesting, I'm sure you'll love it! ww
P.S. Love that your fly's down. Did you do that just for me? ;D Sexy~~~
"..." In utter horror, Shizuo slowly tore his gaze from the phone and to his pants. "G-gah-" For some horrible, terrible, DISASTROUS reason, Heiwajima Shizuo had forgotten to zip up his damn pants.
Oblivious to the question stares of Kasuka and the film crew, the blond shoved his phone back into his pocket, his eye twitching, not only because of that particular embarrassing realization, but because of one fact. The camera had only been showing him from his face down to his shirt. Which could only mean ONE thing... "Grrrrrr..." Gritting his teeth, Shizuo whipped his head around.
"HEIWAJIMA SHIZUO!" The top information broker in Japan shouted, holding a megaphone to his mouth in order to be heard from the height of the building he was standing on. "SINCE THE DAY I FIRST LAID EYES ON YOU, I WAS CONVINCED, NO, I KNEW THAT A MORE LOVELIER CREATURE COULDN'T HAVE EVER EXISTED! EVERY TIME I SEE YOU, MY HEART FEELS LIKE IT WILL BURST FROM DROWNING IN YOUR BEAUTY! IN MY MIND, YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD! PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!"
There was an icy silence in which the cameraman focused on Izaya while Shizuo simply stood there, his eyes hidden under his hair. The camera no longer on him, Kasuka's expression became almost impassive once more. "Nii-san?" The actor asked quietly, a hint of concern clear in his features.
Shizuo finally looked into Izaya's eyes, his expression filled with anger, and...
...abruptly turned away, hands in pockets. "NO idea of who the hell that fucker is. Must be some crazy nut on drugs. Anyway, sorry for wasting your time. Goodbye-"
"I LOVE SHIZU-CHAN SO MUCH, THAT I STALKED HIM ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL, FOUND OUT WHERE HE LIVED, AND WATCHED HIM IN HIS SLEEP!" Izaya yelled happily, still holding the megaphone. "SHIZU-CHAN WAS SOOOOOOO CUTE, I COULD HAVE DIED, KYAAA~!"
His back turned, Shizuo froze. "..."
Slowly, the blond's fists began to shake.
"AND THEN, ONE NIGHT, WHEN SHIZU-CHAN WAS SLEEPING..."
"..." Soon, Shizuo's whole frame started to shake as well.
"...HE STARTED TOSSING AROUND AND MUTTERING STUFF..." Izaya continued cheerfully.
"..." Shizuo started to shake more violently.
"SHIZU-CHAN WAS JUST LOOKING SO VULNERABLE, SO HELPLESS, SO UTTERLY CUTE..." The informant paused to dramatically clasp his chest, and blush on his cheeks at the memory. "IT MADE MY HEART SWOON~~!"
"..." One could clearly see the way Shizuo's eyes were twitching behind his sunglasses, just waiting to snap-
"THEN, BEFORE I COULD CONTROL MYSELF, A MADDENING SENSATION SWEPT THROUGH ME, AND BEFORE I KNEW IT, I WAS F-"
"DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IZAAAAYAAAAAA!" With a blood curdling scream, Shizuo finally cracked and hurled the closest tall/heavy object straight at Izaya. Which just happened to be Simon. "Sushi! Eat sushi, it's good!"
Mouths dropped open as the huge man went sailing into the building that was Izaya's current location.
When the pile of smoke caused from the explosion dissipated, a hand carrying a sign immediately popped out of the debris. A few seconds later, the rest of Simon followed, looking quite fine. The building, however, was not fine. But, that was okay. "Eat sushi, sushi!" The tout cheered calmly at the camera, waving his sign.
"..." The dumbstruck silence of the crowd was immediately shattered by another ear-splitting roar. "IZAAAAAAYAAAAAAA!" Shizuo charged at the said man (who, of course, was completely unharmed and was perched on another building). "Ahaha, oh, Shizu-chan~!" Izaya giggled manically and swung his megaphone around. "I was going to say 'before I knew it, I was formulating a way in order to seduce y-"
"I WILL KILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" A sign post whizzed past Izaya's hands, taking the megaphone with it.
"Hey! Shizu-chan, how could you destroy the tool I used to convey my feelings of love for you-"
Enraged to the point of incoherent speech, Shizuo simply screamed in frustration. "AAAAAAAGGRRRRRHHHH!"
Izaya blinked down at his lover before grinning widely and closing his eyes. "Yes, Shizu-chan, I love you to-"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" This time, it was the filming camera that flew by and crashed into a wall, barely missing Izaya's shoulder.
"Eeeeeeeh? Oh come on, honey, the camera's gone, no need to feel shy now-"
A few havoc wreaking moments later, in which Shizuo chases Izaya, only to run away in disgust when Izaya got too close to him, thus getting nowhere...
It was in an alley where, at last, Shizuo cornered Izaya, or where Izaya cornered Shizuo, with both sides in pursuit of each other, neither could tell anymore.
"Y-youuuu!" The former bartender hissed, shoving Izaya's chest roughly. "You... fucking bastard! Why the hell... why the fuck... would you mention..." Shizuo gritted his teeth, shame evident in his cheeks. "...th-that time-" Izaya leaned in and gave him a rough kiss. "mmmf!" Caught off guard, the blond found himself pinned to the wall by the informant, his hands held above his head. "I-Izaya?"
The black-haired man smiled teasingly before stealing another kiss from Shizuo's mouth. "Mmm...nee Shizu-chan..."
"WHAT?" The former bartender hissed, clearly not happy.
"...move in with me!" The informant declared, his red eyes alight in excitement.
Shizuo's mouth dropped for the second time. "WH... WHAAAAAAT?"
"Move in with me!" Izaya repeated, nuzzling his cheek against Shizuo's. "We end up together at my house so often, you might as well!"
"WHAAAT?" Shizuo stared at his obvious enemy/secret lover in a cross between consternation and hysteria. "THAT WAS THE REASON WHY YOU DECLARED YOUR 'LOVE' FOR ME ON NATIONAL TV? TO ASK ME TO MOVE IN WITH YOU?"
Izaya winked. "Maaaaybeeee..."
Shizuo's eye twitched again. "Well, sorry to break it to you, flea, but it didn't work! Fuck that! No way in this goddamn universe am I moving in with you!"
"Why not?" Seemingly undiscouraged, Izaya continued to press Shizuo. "Nobody would know, Shizu-chan~!"
"Nobody would know? Bullshit! What if my brother visits me? What then?"
"Well, Shizu-chan, if he hasn't gotten a clue about it now, then I have seriously underestimated his intellect skills..."
"...Damn you, Izaya. I don't know what I should be more pissed at you for."
"Oh? Is that a yes, Shizu-chan?"
"YES! That IS an affirmative! Wonderful, Shizu-chan! Tomorrow, I can help you move all your stuff-"
"Hold on a goddamn fucking minute, flea, just when the hell did I say yes?"
"Aaaaaah, I'm so excited~! Shizu-chan can now cook for me and clean up for me when I get home! And we'll always be sleeping in the same bed-"
"WHAT THE HELL, IZAYA, FUCK YOU! I DID NOT SAY YES, GODDAMN IT!"
"And now I can do all sorts of fun things with Shizu-chan..."
"FUCK IT, IZAYA, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO A GODDAMN WORD I'M SAYING? IZAYA! IZAYA? IZAYAAAAAAAAA!"
And while this was going on, Erika had long fainted from a huge ecstatic nosebleed, and was currently being rushed to Shinra's. If you wanted to know.
Yes, that was horrible, I realize that, especially... well... 0 - 0 ...all of it, I guess. XD If you think this is more like a "M" rated fanfic, then I'll change the rating. ...oh, and if you're reading this, Boss K, I am so sorry, I will message you tomorrow if I can. = ="
If you actually liked this piece of crap, then please review! ^0^ If you didn't, I'm so sorry for wasting your time. ^^||