A Day in the Life
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To be honest, I miss the old life. I miss the action, the excitement and the danger. I miss being a pirate. I feel like my skills as a commander are slipping due to ill use. At the same time, however, I don't miss having to dodge bounty hunters and the Border Service Fleet. I do like the idea of being able to dock at any port without guns blazing and pistols waving.
Since the defeat of the Harvester fleet a few months ago, my life has become rather routine, but it is certainly not dull. Any number of staffing and personnel problems, logistics and the Boss' questionable health make my days rather lively despite the routine nature of our cruises.
We took on another assortment of men from Taraak yesterday. I don't blame their attitudes towards the women on board; raised as they were on such a male planet. Hell, I had the same attitudes when I first signed aboard with the Boss. I suppose, though, I assumed too much of my disguise. I was able to fool the crew, but apparently not the Boss. How naive of me to think I really could. I had no choice but to disclose my (male) identity to save the Nirvana, her crew and ultimately our respective homeworlds.
To this day, Dita still asks about everything I went through to become Buzam. Such a sweet girl. I understand that she only asks out of child-like curiosity, however her-I won't say pestering-but usually quite public insistence on ferreting out the details of my past are beginning to have a negative effect on the morale of the crew... not to mention my patience. I will need to sit her down very soon and set her straight once and for all.
I only hope poor Hibiki can take the added pressure of Dita's full attentions.
The member of the crew towards whom I feel the most pity-if I may use that word-is Bart. I understand his feelings, I really do. I wish I could reciprocate them. I don't dislike him, in fact I am rather fond of the man; he has a good heart, is sincere almost to a fault and has thoroughly proven himself an able navigator. I simply cannot allow myself the luxury of companionship with a subordinate under my command. I must not allow personal feelings to affect my judgment where the lives of the entire crew are at stake...let alone face charges of favoritism. If he still thinks he loves me when this cruise is over, I may give us both some shore leave and see where it goes. Once were back on deck, however…
I am worried about the Boss. These attacks of angina have me in a bind. She refuses to inform the crew for the sake of their happiness and morale, but if the unthinkable were to happen in the midst of a crisis, I fear the whole ship would fall apart. I have been gently nudging her to accept retirement, but she is reluctant. I suspect she has nowhere else to go and has resigned herself to dying aboard the Nirvana. It will be a sad day indeed when that happens.
Meia has really come out of her shell of late. She seems so much happier and upbeat. I think Misty has had a wonderful effect on her outlook. I see them together a lot recently. Jura informs me that Meia wants to train Misty on a Dread. Good for her, I wish them luck.
Speaking of Jura…she and Barnette are planning their confirmation to coincide with our return to Mejere. Those two…Between Jura's wanting a baby and her myriad schemes to get one from the men and Barnette's iffy temper and itchy trigger finger, I really hope they can make a go of it. I would hate to ground either of them as they are two of my best pilots. Time will tell, as the old saying goes.
Sometimes I wonder where I stand in the grand scheme of things...I cannot return to Taraak (not now, anyway) and I will not be accepted on Mejere...but I digress.
Time to report back for duty. I am glad the Boss let me stay on the Nirvana. I would miss her and the entire crew terribly. I am thinking I should probably get my voice altered permanently so I won't have to wear this choker constantly. Oh well.
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